Sam Kinison Jesus Quotes & Sayings

There's always 30 or 40 Christians standing around, saying, "It's a shame that he has to die." And Jesus is saying, "Well, maybe I wouldn't have to if somebody would get a ladder and pair of pliers!! — Sam Kinison

I started saying things in church that didn't meet with a lot of approval - like 'Jesus isn't coming back.' They started throwing Bibles. — Sam Kinison

I guess my main influences are Jesus, rock 'n' roll and ex-wives. In that order. — Sam Kinison

Jesus is still up in Heaven, thumbing through his Bible, going 'Where did I say build a water slide?' — Sam Kinison

Jesus had a tough life. I read about that guy. Jesus is the only guy that ever came back from the dead that didn't scare the F- out of everybody! — Sam Kinison