Phyllis Wedding Quotes & Sayings

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch." — Phyllis Diller

Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me. — Phyllis Diller

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. — Phyllis Diller

Get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one. — Phyllis Diller

Never refer to your wedding night as the original amateur hour. — Phyllis Diller

For her fifth wedding, the bride wore black and carried a scotch and soda. — Phyllis Battelle

When you hire a person to plan your wedding, this does not include securing the groom. Plan to get married on Friday the 13th. In years to come this will make it much easier to explain why things turned out badly. To look beautiful at your wedding, take time to plan it. It took me a long time to find two ugly bridesmaids and a frumpy little flower girl. — Phyllis Diller