Lish McBride Quotes & Sayings

Slow down and explain to us plebeians. If you have to, use sock puppets. — Lish McBride

If you're going to think and be depressed, you might as well do it with pie, right? — Lish McBride

Don't you think it's a bad sign that your best argument for your beau is that nothing has been proved in court? — Lish McBride

Twinkle the Destroyer wasn't alone, it seemed. There were more gnomes than I thought. Pip the Bringer of Pain, Chauncey the Devourer of Souls, Cuddly the Inexplicable, Gnoman Polanski, Pith the Bitey, Gnome ChompSky, Gnomie Malone, Chuck the Norriser- the list went on.
'It's like a mishmash of violent imagery, TV, an political references'
'I told you they like TV. I'm not sure the understand everything they see, though, so they don't fully grasp what they're stealing their names from. Like, I think Gnome ChompSky just thought it sounded tough and Chuck the Norriser came from watching too many episodes of Walker, Texas Ranger. They believe Chuck Norris is a demigod'
'Who doesn't? — Lish McBride

He got in my face and started jabbing a finger into my chest. "Then we don't want your help, if this is what it looks like. First you bring a human among us, and now this? I don't like your kind, and I'm not the only one. They can't be trusted. You can't be trusted." He drew the last word out, practically hissing it. That's our Eric. What a charmer. Ladies, try not to swoon. — Lish McBride

She looked away, trying not to cry. She hated crying, and in public she hated it more. — Lish McBride

We found James standing in front of the crypt, leaning against the side nonchalantly, like it was no big deal - like he hung out in cemeteries every day. Of course, working for Douglas, he probably had. — Lish McBride

Pity. What a useless emotion when you don't act on it. Pity is supposed to trigger compassion. — Lish McBride

He was not used to being at a loss. Usually, he was the gentleman with the plan. Every little detail cataloged and put in its place. But now he had no place, and the details were everywhere. — Lish McBride

Iced coffee, on a hot day, can perform miracles. — Lish McBride

You're Death,' I said. 'In saddle shoes. — Lish McBride

Thanks for not talking with your fists," I said. I have a little sister, and I'm not sure I'd be as understanding with any of her boyfriends.
"I've seen you fight," he said, turning. "It would've been a terribly short conversation. — Lish McBride

I, for one, approve of Lock's new mom car. Obviously I wouldn't be caught dead owning one myself, but I like that we can transport a body and have enough cup holders for all of us. — Lish McBride

Arriving on Bainbridge Island is the opposite of arriving in Seattle. When you got in your car and waited to unload off the ferry in Seattle, you saw the Space Needle, cars, and a mound of urban construction. Once you exit the ferry terminal on Bainbridge, however, it's mostly trees. Pine as far as the eye can see. Well, pines, firework and coffee stands, and eventually a casino. You drive through the Port Madison Indian Reservation when you leave the island. I couldn't help but smile as I went past the casino. I didn't really get gambling, since I'd never had money to throw away, but as I passed through all the beautiful countryside that I'm sure once belonged to the tribe, I sort of hoped they would rob the white man blind. Perhaps not politically correct, but the feeling was there all the same. — Lish McBride

If she ran, at least her body still had motion, even if her brain was mired under responsibility. — Lish McBride

You are quite possibly the least smooth guy I know," she mumbled. "You can't even put your arm around me without tripping up. — Lish McBride

So, you're telling me the zoo commissioned you to make a zombie panda in order to avoid a potential international incident. — Lish McBride

So you're the guy who did the no-no cha-cha with my baby sister. — Lish McBride

I'm pretty sure you could actually grate cheese of his abs.
... I had a sudden image of him using his abs to grate my face. — Lish McBride

She whistled when she noticed my back. I assume because of my injuries. I mean, my ass just isn't that spectacular. — Lish McBride

You couldn't really tell people you weren't out performing your civic duties because you were too busy raising the dead. — Lish McBride

Are we going where I think we are?" he asked.
"Hell, yeah," I told him, turning the key in the ignition. I steered the car toward the highway that would take us to my mother's house. "And I hope she's got a few good answers."
"I hope," Ramon said, "that she's made cookies."
I glared at him.
"Don't look at me like that. If we were going to interrogate my poor mother for whatever, you'd be secretly hoping she'd made you tamales. I'm just honest enough to admit it. — Lish McBride

If you picked up the Life of Frank movie case at Scarecrow Video, the best review on the back would just say, 'Meh. — Lish McBride

I had no idea what I was paying James, but based on his picnic-assembling skills alone, he needed a raise. — Lish McBride

Fear, left unchecked, can spread like a virus. — Lish McBride

My name is Samhain Corvus LaCroix. I am a necromancer.
Now, if only I could say that with a straight face. — Lish McBride

Wind does not discriminate - it touches everyone, everything. He liked that about wind. — Lish McBride

I know you're frustrated, Sam, but the reality is you're in a world now where the majority of the people you run into will be able to snap you like a twig."
"My world was like that before. — Lish McBride

You could keep someone physically alive with machines, but that didn't qualify as fully alive. If they were missing that spark, that intangible thing that made people who they were, then they weren't really with this world anymore. They had moved on, despite the desperate pumping and whirring of modern medicine's machinery. — Lish McBride

Life is a series of calculated risks, James. I happen to think that this one is worth it. — Lish McBride

I slid back into our booth. My pie was still there. For some reason, that seemed like it shouldn't be. Hadn't I been gone a long time? I felt like a death should resonate, like the whole diner should have felt it. The pie should have crumbled into dust by now. People should be somber. But the Goth kids still laughed over their coffee, the drunks were still drunk, and my pie refused to mourn. — Lish McBride

I had an affinity for pandas. Something about clumsy vegetarians struck a chord with me. — Lish McBride

Despite her obvious stress, my mom still managed to pour the hot chocolate into mugs, cover them with whipped cream and a pinch of cayenne, and add a cinnamon stick to them. She was like the Jedi master of hot chocolate. — Lish McBride

Even if Douglas was trying to sacrifice me and harvest my creepy powers at the time, I feel like killing people for doing awful things is probably setting a bad precedent for dealing with negative behavior. — Lish McBride

Don't let your imagination run off with theirs. There is no proof that he did anything to our father. When farmers fear for their livestock, they take down every wolf indiscriminately - don't let the pack do that. Maybe someone like Sam did this, but not Sam. — Lish McBride

Sometimes life offers you up that kind of dichotomy, that soul-shearing rift of two very different things happening at once. — Lish McBride

But nowhere in the file had anyone said, "Oh, and by the way, he runs like a gazelle with an espresso addiction." At least not in the parts I'd skimmed. — Lish McBride

Hey, you called me Sam. My actual name. Not Master or dumbass - "
"I have never in my life called anyone dumbass."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. Now, focus. — Lish McBride

There'd been some nights when my fat ass had saved my ass (ba-dum-tsh). — Lish McBride

Sam, you need experts on this, and I love you, but - "
"I'm so new I have that new-car smell about me? — Lish McBride

And someone, somewhere, was having an even worse time of it than me. I tried to keep that in mind. No matter how crappy your life, someone will probably beat you in the my-life-is-crap category. Not that I don't let myself whine a little now and then, but sometimes it's good to keep your misery in perspective — Lish McBride

I stared at the pictogram of a burger nestled between similar representations of shakes, sodas, and fries, on the front of my register. I wondered why humankind seemed so dead set on destroying all of its accomplishments. We draw on cave walls, spend thousands of years developing complex language systems, the printing press, computers, and what do we do with it? Create a cash register with the picture of a burger on it, just in case the cashier didn't finish the second grade. One step forward, two steps back
like an evolutionary cha-cha. Working here just proved that the only thing separating me from a monkey was pants. — Lish McBride

Ramon looked closely at the little guy as he ate. "Maybe he's Jewish. I mean, if Sammy Davis Jr. could convert to Judaism, why not a chupacabra? We should name him Harry Mendelbaum."
I held up my arms in protest. "You're all racist. Now shut up. We'll call him Taco von Precious of Svenenstein. There, everybody happy?"
"Isn't von the same thing as of?" Frank asked. "Wouldn't that be kind of redundant?"
"You're redundant," I said. — Lish McBride

Can you just tell them we don't need Jesus, Girl Scout cookies, or whatever the Mormons worship, and let me lie here in peace? — Lish McBride

Please stop, I said politely - he was that big. One should always mind one's manners around big things. — Lish McBride

You know what the great thing about babies is? They are like little bundles of hope. Like the future in a basket. — Lish McBride

Next time a talking head ended up in my easy chair, I would have all sorts of points of reference, but at that moment, I was completely at sea. — Lish McBride

Aves hasn't mentioned a boyfriend," Lock chimed in, "and we're just dying to hear all about you." Liar. My friends were filthy lying sadists. — Lish McBride

Douglas's fridge was a stainless-steel masterpiece. I'm not that into appliances or anything, but this one was nice and probably cost more than my last apartment. I had the strange desire to hug it every time I came into the kitchen. — Lish McBride

There were upsides to the whole mess. While Douglas was holding me hostage, I'd met a girl - I mean, screw dating websites and house parties; apparently all the really eligible ladies are being held in cages these days. I would have liked to see Brid fill out a dating questionnaire, though. What would she put? "Hi, my name is Bridin Blackthorn. I'm next in line to rule the local werewolf pack. I like long walks on the beach and destroying my enemies. I have four older brothers, so watch your step. We'll be forming a queue to the left for potential suitors."
And, trust me, there would be a queue. — Lish McBride

Most people felt lost after high school. Sometimes I felt like I'd never really been found in the first place. — Lish McBride

People often talk about the pain and degradation of being bullied. No one really talks about the cost. Not that money is more important than those other things, but having to pay the expenses of your own humiliation just rubbed rock salt into the wound. — Lish McBride

Minion looked into the fragile belly of the duck for the third time. 'It's still not here, Master.' He shook his head in a slow, confused fashion. 'Strange things are afoot at the Circle K. — Lish McBride

Essentially, the whole time I'd been here, the security staff hadn't been paid. I would have been harassing the management too, though I probably would have started with a discussion and not so much jumping straight to peeing on someone's bed. You have to work up to that sort of thing. Still, I had essentially staged a hostile takeover, which did kind of explain why they'd been going on the offensive. — Lish McBride

I know you feel raw, and I know the pack is begging for swift retribution. But you must remember that you are taoiseach, not them. You're the leader, and they are to follow what you decide, not the other way around. Don't let your emotions sway you. The pack doesn't need you armed with a torch and pitchfork screaming for vengeance. — Lish McBride

On top of all that, you're naked. And while I'm going to hate myself for this later, could you put on some clothes? At least just for a little while, so I can think. Then you can go right back to being naked. All the time. With my full blessing. — Lish McBride

Mrs. Winalski owned a candy-apple-red 1965 Mustang GT convertible, and she drove it like she could die at any minute and needed to get five things done before that happened. — Lish McBride

Homework, classes, running around, and then - bam - nothing but a life of work stretching out before you. No one prepares you for that feeling or even mentions it. You just suddenly have a gap and have to decide how to fill it. — Lish McBride

I tried to take some pride where I could. If I was going to be a dropout loser, then I was going to be the best dropout loser. — Lish McBride

There were no windows in my bedroom, so I had to sit up and read my clock to figure out how angry I should be at my visitor. Eight A.M. I hated whoever woke me up. Had they come an hour earlier, I would have also hated their families and any household pets. — Lish McBride

No wonder I'd always felt lost. I actually was. The knowledge felt terrible, but in a strange way, it also felt good. Now I knew why I'd never connected to anything. Why I felt like I was outside the world around me, moving at a different speed from everyone else. That amputated piece of me explained everything, even why I'd failed at college. But that kind of blanket excuse can be dangerous. Crutches usually are. — Lish McBride

What," he said slowly, "do you think you're doing here?"
"I work here." My lips felt cracked and dry all of a sudden. He tightened his grip on me and pulled me closer. Not really a place I wanted to be. I swallowed hard.
"Not here, fool. Seattle."
"I live here. — Lish McBride

Hi, my name is Ashley, and I'll be your Harbinger today. I will be acting as an interim instructor for all your necromancy needs." She flashed her best stewardess smile and gave a little Vanna wave.
"Ashley, as delighted as I am to meet you, don't you think it might be hard to teach me? I'm in a cage that you can't get into. Oh, and - " I grabbed the bars with both hands, "I'm a little distracted right now by the fact that I'm being held by a psychotic killer."
Ashley cocked a single eyebrow, a look of mild amusement on her face. "Geez," she said, looking at Brid. "Is he always this big of a drama queen? — Lish McBride

When it came to music, I was omnivorous. — Lish McBride

You have to ask it something it knew when it was alive. People don't become omniscient just because they have keeled over. — Lish McBride

That's what happens when you force someone to choose. Maybe they pick option A, maybe they pick option B, but most will go for a third option that isn't asking them to pick favorites in the first place. — Lish McBride

You want waffles?" I tried to keep the skepticism from my voice. "No firstborn or a pot of gold?"
"I'm not a leprechaun, Sam. And what would I do with a baby?" Her eyebrow shot back up, and she crossed her arms. "I want waffles. Take it or leave it."
I glanced at Brid, who was staring at Ashley shrewdly.
"Let's talk numbers," she said. "Are we talking, like, twenty waffles all at once? Or a waffle a week for six months? What?"
"Every day for two years," Ashley said.
"That's outrageous," Brid sputtered. — Lish McBride

I didn't want to think about the fact that she could smell me, or that she just joked about eating me. At least I hoped she meant it as a joke. — Lish McBride

I wanted to howl until I was nothing but sound. — Lish McBride