Leo Rosten Quotes & Sayings

Truth is stranger than fiction; fiction has to make sense. — Leo Rosten

The fellow who laughs last may laugh best, but he gets the reputation of being very slow-witted. — Leo Rosten

A conservative is one who admires radicals centuries after they're dead. — Leo Rosten

I came to believe it not true that "the
coward dies a thousand deaths, the brave man
only one." I think it is the other way around:
It is the brave who die a thousand deaths.
For it is imagination, and not just conscience,
which doth make cowards of us all. Those
who do not know fear are not truly brave.
— Leo Rosten

If you're going to do something wrong, at least enjoy it. — Leo Rosten

Money can't buy happiness, but neither can poverty. — Leo Rosten

Words sing. They hurt. They teach. They sanctify. They were man's first, immeasurable feat of magic. They liberated us from ignorance and our barbarous past. — Leo Rosten

Extremists think 'communication' means agreeing with them. — Leo Rosten

The first printed mention of bagels ... is to be found in the Community Regulations of Kracow, Poland, for the year 1610 which stated that bagels would be given as a gift to any woman in childbirth. — Leo Rosten

Courage is the capacity to confront what can be imagined. — Leo Rosten

Where there is too much, something is missing. — Leo Rosten

When in trouble, mumble. — Leo Rosten

Some things are so unexpected that no one is prepared for them. — Leo Rosten

The only reason for being a professional writer is that you can't help it. — Leo Rosten

Acting is a form of deception, and actors can mesmerize themselves almost as easily as an audience. — Leo Rosten

The purpose of life is to matter, to be productive, to have it make a difference that you lived at all-using the talents that God has given you for the betterment of others. — Leo Rosten

Humor is, I think, the subtlest and chanciest of literary forms. It is surely not accidental that there are a thousand novelists, essayists, poets or journalists for each humorist. It is a long, long time between James Thurbers. — Leo Rosten

If at first you don't succeed, before you try again, stop to figure out what you did wrong. — Leo Rosten

A Jew, crossing the street, bumped into an anti-Semite. "Swine!" bellowed the paskudnyak. "Goldberg," said the Jew, bowing. — Leo Rosten

Waiter: "Tea or coffee, gentlemen?" First customer: "I'll have tea." Second customer: "Me too - and be sure the glass is clean!" (WAITER EXITS, RETURNS) Waiter: "Two teas. Which one asked for the clean glass? — Leo Rosten

A shnorrer knocked on the door of the rich man's house at six-thirty in the morning. The rich man cried, "How dare you wake me up so early?" "Listen," said the shnorrer, "I don't tell you how to run your business, so don't tell me how to run mine. — Leo Rosten

Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer. — Leo Rosten

Words must surely be counted among the most powerful drugs man ever invented. — Leo Rosten

Proverbs often contradict one another, as any reader soon discovers. The sagacity that advises us to look before we leap promptly warns us that if we hesitate we are lost; that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but out of sight, out of mind. — Leo Rosten

Why did God give me two ears and one mouth? So that I will hear more and talk less. — Leo Rosten

What's green, hangs on a wall and whistles? — Leo Rosten

The love of money is the source of an enormous amount of good; the fact that the good is a by-product of the selfish pursuit of riches has nothing to do with its indisputable value. — Leo Rosten

The writer wants to be understood much more than he wants to be respected or praised or even loved. And that perhaps, is what makes him different from others. — Leo Rosten

You can learn much about life from a checker game: surrender one to take two; don't make two moves at one time; move up, not down; and when you reach the top, you may move as you like. — Leo Rosten

People say: idle curiosity. The one thing that curiosity cannot be is idle. — Leo Rosten

Many [of the Americans] polled showed a marked disapproval of the Wallonians, Danerians, and Pirenians. The fact that these minorities were invented by the pollster did not diminish the hostility. — Leo Rosten

An angel is a spiritual creature created by God without a body for the service of Christendom and the church. — Leo Rosten

It is not that which is beautiful that pleases us, but that which pleases is is called beautiful. — Leo Rosten

Hope is ambiguous, but fear is precious. — Leo Rosten

There was no answer, no solution, no sop, no deliverance. What, then, did I do? I read faster. — Leo Rosten

Everyone, in some small sacred sanctuary of the self, is nuts. — Leo Rosten

Satire is focused bitterness. — Leo Rosten

The twelfth-century poet Abraham ibn Ezra, whom you encountered in high school as Browning's Rabbi ben Ezra (may his tribe increase), limpidly described the shlimazl's lot when he wrote: If I sold lamps, The sun, In spite, Would shine at night. — Leo Rosten

Machines certainly can solve problems, store information, correlate, and play games - but not with pleasure. — Leo Rosten

I never cease being dumbfounded by the unbelievable things people believe. — Leo Rosten

Humor is the affectionate communication of insight. — Leo Rosten

I learned that it is the weak who are cruel, and that gentleness is to be expected only from the strong. — Leo Rosten

Where was it ever promised us that life on this earth can ever be easy, free from conflict and uncertainty, devoid of anguish and wonder and pain? ... The purpose of life is to matter, to be productive, to have it make some difference that you lived at all. — Leo Rosten

Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. — Leo Rosten

A writer writes not because he is educated but because he is driven by the need to communicate. Behind the need to communicate is the need to share. Behind the need to share is the need to be understood. The writer wants to be understood much more than he wants to be respected or praised or even loved. — Leo Rosten

In the dark colony of night, when I consider man's magnificent capacity for malice, madness, folly, envy, rage, and destructiveness, and I wonder whether we shall not end up as breakfast for newts and polyps, I seem to hear the muffled cries of all the words in all the books with covers closed. — Leo Rosten

O, to be sure, we laugh less and play less and wear uncomfortable disguises like adults, but beneath the costume is the child we always are, whose needs are simple, whose daily life is still best described by fairy tales. — Leo Rosten

For some not to be martyrs is martyrdom indeed. — Leo Rosten

You understand people better if you look at them-no matter how old or impressive or important they may be-as if they were children. For most men never mature; they simply grow taller. — Leo Rosten

First-rate people hire first-rate people; second-rate people hire third-rate people. — Leo Rosten

Happiness comes only when we push our brains and hearts to the farthest reaches of which we are capable. — Leo Rosten

I sometimes think there is a dimension beyond the four of experience and Einstein: insight, that fifth dimension which promises to liberate us from bondage to the long, imperfect past — Leo Rosten

Thinking is harder work than hard work. — Leo Rosten

Her cooking suggested she had attended the Cordon Noir. — Leo Rosten

Every writer is a narcissist. This does not mean that he is vain; it only means that he is hopelessly self-absorbed. — Leo Rosten

Happiness, in the ancient, noble sense, means self-fulfillment - and is given to those who use to the fullest whatever talents God ... bestowed upon them. — Leo Rosten

The hardest part of growing up is learning how to wait — Leo Rosten