John Zakour Quotes & Sayings

Carol, I thought you didn't liked playing with the minds of normal people."
"Yes, but the press don't count as normal."
"She's got you there," HARV added. — John Zakour

As a matter of fact, Ona spent more credits on the window shades alone than you will make in your entire lifetime and that's if you live to be 185."
"And that's meant to make me feel better?" I said.
"No, that is meant to inform you. I am your computer not your nanny. — John Zakour

I smiled, reached into my pockets and pulled out a pair of ultrapowerful earplugs, the kind that are standard issue for skyway construction workers, artillery soldiers, and roadies for the thirty-five most popular teen boy bands. — John Zakour

How bad is it?"
"The story is only just now being reported, but let's put it this way," HARV said. "The bag is now clearly catless, and there's a very foul odor coming from the fan. — John Zakour

Walking into Nova Hollywood, I remembered why I didn't come here more often. I like a good slice of cheese as much as the next guy, but this place would be too cheesy for a giant mutant rat who had been starving for a week. — John Zakour

HARV appeared in front of me, arms crossed, head tilted. "You really should read your e-mails from Randy more carefully," he lectured.
"I skim them," I protested.
"Well, if you skimmed them more carefully you would know that prolonged exposure to stealth mode may lead to side effects."
"I can handle ... "
"Impotence." HARV smiled.
"Oh," I said.
"Randy hasn't really tested it on humans. It's extra tough to get volunteers for those types of experiments," HARV said. "Though he has computer simulated it and the results tend to support this conclusion."
"Let's try to limit our use of stealth mode from now on," I said. — John Zakour

The thingy? You want me, the most intelligent cognitive processor in the known worlds, to say thingy?"
"Yes," I reaffirmed. "That is correct."
Do you stay up nights thinking of ways to humiliate me?" HARV asked. — John Zakour

I often say if men were meant to fly we would have been born with either feathers and wings or at the very least parachutes that pop out of our butts. — John Zakour

My number one fear is heights. Well, not so much the heights but the falling from heights. Actually the falling isn't that bad (I have a strong heart), it's the sudden stops that are painful. Believe me - I experienced it once. — John Zakour

Great Gates almighty," HARV said inside my brain. "I go off-line for a few nanos and the whole world goes to DOS. — John Zakour

Forget it," I said. "Opie could be bloodthirsty, rabid, radioactive, and selling life insurance and he'd still be preferable to listening to the two of you. — John Zakour

My second thought was to fire a gunshot, but the last time I did that his security robots jumped me. It only takes one cavity search by a robot to convince you that's an experience you don't want to have twice. This called for a more subtle approach. — John Zakour

Yeah, but will it hurt?"' I asked.
"This is science, Zach," Randy said, reassuringly, as he tilted my head back and lowered the lens to my eye. "Of course it will hurt. — John Zakour

W turned on his heel and began walking toward the door at the far wall. And by walking I mean, of course, not moving at all, at least not to the naked eye, because his strides could only be measured in micrometers. His creaky legs made barely the tiniest of forward steps, so he'd taken four strides before I noticed any lateral movement at all.
"I'll be right back."
"Geologically speaking, of course," HARV said. — John Zakour

I remembered the last time I put this thing into my eye it was more painful than watching old political speeches while listening to the "Macarena" and having a root canal performed by an angry, clumsy chimp. — John Zakour

No thanks," I answered, "I never take rides from strangers, thugs who've tried to kill me or people with poor personal hygiene. Congratulations, by the way, for being the first person to qualify in all three categories. — John Zakour

It was an office of a guy who won't take spam from anybody. — John Zakour

Like my old mentor would always say, Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice and I'll be dead.' Okay, she wasn't a good poet, but that lady could handle her whiskey. — John Zakour

I can tell you that she's not breathing," he said. "She has no heartbeat and all organ function and brain activity have stopped. Also her body temperature is now at seventy-three degrees."
"So you're saying that she's dead," I said.
"Well, I can't prove it, but, yes, I am leaning that way. — John Zakour

Stupid Ape: I had to quantify this with the word "stupid" so as not to offend the ape community. Large of limb, impotent of intellect, he was the kind of guy who lettered in leg-breaking at thug school but flunked the written exam because he didn't know which end of the e-pencil to use. — John Zakour

She now represents the Western United States, thus proving politics is even more accepting of the strange, unusual, and mostly useless than the music industry. — John Zakour

I focused the power from my armor into my leg and kicked the door in. The metal and plastic fibers splintered and the hinges ripped free from the wall.
"By the way, boss," HARV said. "I believe that the door was unlocked. — John Zakour

After all, it wouldn't be the first time that I'd let a beautiful woman rip the molecules of my body apart, shoot them through a light beam, and throw them back together somewhere else for credits. But that's another story... — John Zakour

Twoa said, obviously still in my brain. "It was my pheromones," she said defensively. I looked up at her; she was sniffing herself. She looked down at me. "Okay, maybe it wasn't ALL the pheromones," she admitted. "Nobody makes a good deodorant for superheroes. — John Zakour

I didn't respond to that. I'm not scared of heights. I'm just scared of falling from heights. — John Zakour

Thing is, I am not a big fan of hovers. I firmly believe that if man was meant to fly we'd have feathers, rubber bones, or better insurance coverage. — John Zakour

Miss Hunter leaned toward Stormy. Well, as you also may know, ever since the year when Dylan Jackson was nominated for and won prom queen without his knowledge, it's been school policy to inform all nominees that they have been selected as a candidate for prom queen. — John Zakour

I told you it was easy," HARV said.
"True, but you say that about everything."
"That's because everything is easy for me."
"Everything but humility."
"No, that's easy, too. I just choose not to practice it. — John Zakour

Don't worry, boss," HARV said. "I get the feeling that this is only the tip of the iceberg of complications."
"HARV, you're a machine. You don't get feelings."
"Would it make you feel better if I said I've done a numerical analysis on the probabilities and the results are skewed toward you having more problems with this case? — John Zakour

So, what you're basically telling me is death is boring but no worse than hanging out with family. — John Zakour

'Foo Kyu' is just a very unfortunate cultural coincidence."
"Just think about his poor son, 'Foo Kyu Two.' — John Zakour

You bastard, stop that whistling and fight me like a man! — John Zakour

HARV, can you help at all here?" I asked, spinning downward.
"I am writing your obituary. Well, not so much writing it as updating it," HARV told me.
If I lived, I was going to kill HARV. — John Zakour