Ian Shoales Quotes & Sayings

L.A.: where there's never weather, and walking is a crime. L.A.: where the streetlights and palm trees go on forever, where darkness never comes, like a deal that never goes down, a meeting that's never taken. The City of Angels: where every cockroach has a screenplay and even the winos wear roller skates. It's that kind of town. — Ian Shoales

Americans will buy anything, as long as it doesn't cross the thin line between cute and demonic. — Ian Shoales

Men want to put their signature at the bottom; women don't want to finish that letter. — Ian Shoales

Never ask a woman why she's angry at you. She will either get angrier at you for not knowing, or she'll tell you. Both ways, you lose. — Ian Shoales

Football players, like prostitutes, are in the business of ruining their bodies for the pleasure of strangers. — Ian Shoales

They don't produce anything. All they do is guide you through the labyrinth of the legal system that they created - and they keep changing it just in case you start to catch on. — Ian Shoales

Sigmund Freud was a half baked Viennese quack. Our literature, culture, and the films of Woody Allen would be better today if Freud had never written a word. — Ian Shoales

Everybody's excited about the new service economy, even though there is no actual service as near as I can tell. — Ian Shoales

Advice to rock gods: drugwise, stick to Ibuprofen, decaf lattes, and pale Pilsners ... If your stomach is not a flat slab, please leave your shirt on while performing ... If your girlfriend asks you to choose between her and your music, sell your instruments immediately - especially if you're a drummer ... Finally, go easy on the supermodels, don't forget to tune, and remember: a tiny bit of dry ice and lasers goes a long way. Ditto with tattoos. — Ian Shoales

It's a ridiculous profession and it's getting worse. It's becoming almost like palm reading or phrenology. It's been relegated to pop best sellers and talk shows. The only people that take it seriously are upper middle class people who are lonely and can afford to pay someone to listen to them. — Ian Shoales

Favorite color: I hate colors. — Ian Shoales

I know what love is: Tracy and Hepburn, Bogart and Bacall, Romeo and Juliet, Jackie and John and Marilyn ... — Ian Shoales

I don't like people who speak French in public places. This includes the French. — Ian Shoales