My Dear Mom Quotes & Sayings

Pandas: China's Secret Weapon of Mass Seduction
'Ling-Ling and Hsing-Hsing
your cub is such an adorable thing!'

People think you're a gift of the Chinese -
but you're just on a 10 year lease.
For a mere $2,000,000/year pick any panda pair --
watch zoo ticket sales zoom, triple profit share.

'Look mommy, see the cute Panda bear!'
Remind me mom, how many were butchered
on Tiananmen Square?

'I forget dear, but that cub is sooo cute! — Beryl Dov

As they began to mount the stairs, he looked up at his mother. "Just how many of those wine coolers did she drink?"
"She had three," Suzy replied.
Three! Bobby Tom couldn't believe it. After only three drinks, she'd stripped off her clothes and demanded that he have sex with her.
"Mom?" He shoved on his hat.
"Yes dear."
"Whatever you do, don't let her anywhere near a six-pack. — Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Genesis," God said slowly. "The sick fuck recorded it." Genesis bent and picked up the box and shoved it at God's chest. "Mom and I saw it all. She found this box buried in the attic. We must have just put it up there without opening it when we moved here. It shows it all!" Genesis's tears were falling freely as he yelled. "The fights, the beatings, the threats." Genesis dropped to his knees as if he was in agony. He cried so hard his body jerked with the sobs. "Oh my god, oh my god," he groaned. Cash shoved the box of old VHS tapes to Day and dropped down to embrace his brother, and Genesis clung to him for dear life. "The — A.E. Via

Mom let out a wistful sigh. "Finally out of the spotlight and into
the background," she said. "I've missed it there."
"People will still watch, my dear," Dad said. "Just try to keep
your chin up tonight, and I'll be right beside you if you need me."
"So, same as always?"
He smiled. "Same as always."
"Look, I don't plan to kick you out or anything, but if you insist
on being mushy all the time, I'll have you in a cottage faster than
you can say P-D-A. — Kiera Cass

Dear Alec & Magnus, It's Izzy. Got your card. Glad you're having fun. Nothing's happening here-Clary's mom is marrying some werewolf. I think you guys should get married too. I'm thinking about planing it. I love planing parties. -Isabelle — Cassandra Clare

If you sent me to cover a pie-baking contest on Mother's Day, I'm going to ask dear old Mom why she used artificial sweetener or stole the apples! — Sam Donaldson

is Whitney? Is that your dealer?" "Whitney Houston," Mom said. "You know, dear. She was that singer who sang that song you like that Helena performed." "'Hit Me Baby, One More Time?" "That's Britney, dear." "'Dirty?" "That was Christina." "Umbrella?" "And that was Rihanna. Larry, you're embarrassing yourself. You have a gay son, for God's sake. How can you not know your divas?" Mom sounded affronted. "Paul? Paul! If you can hear me, don't listen to your father! He obviously doesn't know his ass from his elbow!" "Language," Dad scolded. "And I know my divas. I know them very well. What about that Woman Goo-Goo that Helena performs like? — T.J. Klune

Dear five-year-old, What the fuck is wrong with you? Normal children don't have dead imaginary friends. Normal children don't pick open every single one of their chicken pox scabs and then stand naked and bleeding in the darkened doorway to their bedroom until someone walks past and asks what they are doing. Furthermore, normal children don't respond by saying, "I wanted to know what all my blood would look like." Normal children also don't watch their parents sleep from the corner of the room. Mom was really scarred by The Exorcist when she was younger, and she doesn't know how to cope with your increasingly creepy behavior. Please stop. Please, please stop. — Allie Brosh

Dear Mommy
I'm doing really good,
I get all A's in school
And I don't cry at bedtime anymore,
Though my new mom said I could.
I remember how much you hate tears,
You slapped them out of me
To make me strong,
I think it worked.
I learned to use a microscope
And my hair grew two inches.
It's pretty, just like yours.
I'm not allowed to clean the house,
Only my own room,
Isn't that a funny rule?
You say kids are so much trouble
Getting born, they better pay it back.
I'm not supposed to take care
Of the other kids, only me, I sort of like it.
I still get the hole in my stomach
When I do something wrong,
I have a saying on my mirror
"Kids make mistakes, It's OK,"
I read it every day,
Sometimes I even believe it.
I wonder if you ever think of me
Or if you're glad the troublemaker's gone,
I never want to see you again.
I love you, Mommy. — Karyl McBride

IVY: Mom believes women don't grow more attractive with age. KAREN: Oh, I disagree, I - VIOLET: I didn't say they "don't grow more attractive," I said they get ugly. And it's not really a matter of opinion, Karen dear. You've only just started to prove it yourself. — Tracy Letts

The kindest and most meaningful thing anyone ever said to me is: Your mother would be proud of you ... The strange and painful truth is that I'm a better person because I lost my mom young. When you say you excperienced my writing as sacred, what you are touching is the divine place within me that is my mother. Sugar is the temple I build in my obliterated place. I'd give it all back in a snap, but the fact is, my grief taught me things ... It required me to suffer. It compelled me to reach. — Cheryl Strayed

Just before six, Bee pulled three wineglasses out of the cabinet and uncorked the bottle of white that Greg had selected for us.
"Light the candles, dear, will you please?"
I reached for the matches and thought about the dinners at Bee's house during my childhood. Bee never served a meal without candles. "A proper supper requires candlelight," she'd told my sister and me years ago. I though it was elegant and exciting, and when I asked my mom if we could start the same tradition at home, she said no. "Candles are for birthday parties," she said, "and those only come once a year. — Sarah Jio

Umm, why is it that we don't have any of this in a book? So we could study?" There was a hint of irritation in her voice. Silvia shook her head. "Dear girls, history isn't something you study. It's something you should just know." Marlee turned to me and whispered, "But clearly we don't." She smiled at her own joke, and then focused again on Silvia. I thought about that, how we all knew different things or had to guess at the truth. Why weren't we given history books? I remembered a few years ago when I went into Mom and Dad's room, since Mom said I could choose what I wanted to read for English. As I went through my options, I spotted a thick, ratty book in the back corner and pulled it out. It was a U.S. history book. Dad came in a few minutes later, saw what I was reading, and said it was okay, so long as I never told anyone about it. When — Kiera Cass

Dear Mom and Dad,
I know you're only trying to do what's best for me, but I don't think anyone knows for sure what's best. I love you and don't want to be a problem, so I've decided to go away. I know you'll say I'm not a problem, but I know I am. If you want to know why I'm doing this, you should ask Dr. Luce, who is a big liar! I am not a girl. I'm a boy. That's what I found out today. So I'm going where no one knows me. Everyone in Grosse Pointe will talk when they find out.
Sorry I took your money, Dad, but I promise to pay you back someday, with interest.
Please don't worry about me. I will be ALL RIGHT!
Despite it's contents, I signed this declaration to my parents: "Callie."
It was the last time I was ever their daughter. — Jeffrey Eugenides

Mom's note on the dining room table to me and Faith read:
Daughters of mine,
In case you haven't noticed, no one has seen the top of our dining room table in months. I seem to recall it is oak, but as the days dwindle by, I'm less and less sure. Perhaps this is because your school books, files, papers, magazines, letters, underwear, etc., are shielding it from normal use. My goal for you, dear offspring, to be accomplished in twenty-four hours (no excuses), is the clearing/exhuming of this space so that we may gather around it once again and spend quality time. Even though I am working the night shift, I will still be watching. Do it or die.
Your loving mother — Joan Bauer

We heard recently the touching story of a young flier who was killed in action. Before he died, he had time to scrawl only a few words as a brief final message to his parents back home. The note read: "Dear Mom and Pop; I had time to say my prayers. Jack." — James Keller

Mom put a note in my lunch again, I see ... Dear son, I hope you will study hard in summer school ... Do not look upon it as a punishment, but rather as a privilege ... We are very proud of you, and want you to have a good education. This note will self-destruct in five seconds. — Charles M. Schulz

Dear Mom and Dad, Leave $50,000 in a bag under the bridge on Decatur Street. If there is no bridge on Decatur Street, please build one. — Woody Allen

Dear Homeschool Mom, You've got this! God called you to it, and He will see you through it. Inhale Grace. Exhale Doubt. — Tamara L. Chilver

Waiters are the help, dear. It's like falling in love with a blender! — Daniel Nayeri

Sydney, dear," my mother added, "I expected more sense from you, if not Adrian. Surely you
know that a baby needs all sorts of things."
Sydney was momentarily stunned, and I couldn't blame her. I was pretty sure my mother had never
called her "dear" before, and I think Sydney was at a loss as to whether to feel flattered by the
endearment or chastised for her lack of "sense."
"Yes, Mrs. Ivashkov," said Sydney at last. "That's why we wanted you out here while we got
things settled. We know you'll get him all he needs."
"You're Mrs. Ivashkov now," corrected my mom. "Call me Daniella. — Richelle Mead

Dear Hilde,
I assume you're still celebrating your 15th birthday. Or is it the morning after? Anyways, it makes no difference to your present. In a sense, that will last a life time. But I'd like to wish you happy birthday one more time. Perhaps you understand now why I send the cards to Sophie. I am sure she will pass them on to you.
P.S. Mom said you lost your wallet. I hereby promise to reimburse you the 150 crowns. You will probably be able to get another school I.D. before they close for the summer vacation.
Love from Dad. — Jostein Gaarder

AUGUST 25 A Special Angel By Maria Gillard Thank you for my childhood, for my laughing heart and soul for all your magic, and for being bold Thank you for being my mom's best friend and loving me no matter what state I was in Thanks for chives and roses, popcorn and TV Thanks for always letting me be me Thanks for rides to swim meets and yummy chocolate cake Thanks for being strong and true when my heart was aching Thank you for the blankets and pillow for my head Thank you for the back hill and the Westside River bed Thank you for the smell of melting butter on the stove Thank you for the nickels you gave me for the store You were a special angel sent to all of us with your disguise of freckles, kisses, hugs and guts We know you're out there somewhere and you'll stay inside our dreams We know wherever you are there's a brilliant golden beam Watch over us, dear angel, as you go on your way and we will laugh and sing and dance again someday Amen — Cathleen O'Connor

Dear Mom,
I won't be home this weekend because I'm wanted for treason and I have to clear my name. Also, I took the last Sprite from the fridge.
Love, Steve — Mac Barnett

I've been a storyteller since I was six years old when my mother had her first series of electroshock therapy treatments. I made up stories to keep my sisters quiet while mom slept." Dear Deb
"I didn't know how it felt to have cancer, but I knew about fear." Dear Deb
"Two people have tried to kill me. The first person was my mother." Dear Deb
"I used to believe there were big miracles and little miracles. But, I'm not so sure God measures miracles." Dear Deb
"I was raised to believe forgiveness was a gift I was supposed to give the person who hurt me, but that felt like giving a bully an ice cream cone after he pushed me down on the playground." Dear Deb
"Miracles are one of God's ways of getting our attention. I know he got mine. It's a miracle I'm here." Dear Deb — Margaret Terry

This heart, my own dear mother, bends,
With love's true instinct, back to thee! — Thomas Moore

Dear Blubbo, How is it going? It is fine here. My sisters are fine. Mom is usual. Everything is regular in life except I am still seeing the burning skull heads. Yesterday Mom took me to Sears for school clothes. I told my sisters I could see the people's head bones. They said DO NOT tell Mom. A guy moved a trailer onto the empty lot by our house. His skull is spectacular, many colors glowing. — Lynda Barry

One day, while at the drugstore picking up some aspirin for my Mom, dear old Mrs. Burns, our pharmacist, shoved a pack of condoms into my hand with a conspiratorial wink.
"They glow in the dark," she whispered.
This, from a sixty-five year-old granny, I kid you not. Stuff of nightmares. — Ramona Wray

Next an Intimacy Consultant named Anita arrived. When Anita walked in she looked very studious. However, when she started to set up I would have never guessed that she did this for a living. First came all types of lingerie; see through, lacy, racy, edible, and even costumes.
"Okay," Phoebe cleared her throat. "The idea here is to purchase things for our dear Lilli to wear or use on her honeymoon." Phoebe giggled and I scowled at her.
"Don't waste your money," I spat quickly, earning a laugh from Maggie and Viola.
"Oh, honey, if Aidan is anything like his uncle then you will definitely want to get yourself some."
"Mom," Maggie yelled and covered her ears.
We all burst into laughter.
"I'm just saying," Viola shrugged. "Your father is quite - "
"Seriously? Seriously, mom? No ... Ew, ew, ew!" Maggie screamed as she left the room. "God, please let my car get here soon! — Sadie Grubor

Here was what I wanted to happen when I walked through the door after my first real date and my first ever kiss. I wanted my mom to say, "Dear God, Meg, you're glowing. Sit and tell me about this boy. He let you borrow his jacket? That's so adorable." Instead, I came off the high of that day by writing a letter to my dead brother and doing yoga between my twin beds, trying to forget my absent mother. — Laura Anderson Kurk

Oh, dear God!" Janice bellowed and looked as though her neck was made of rubber as her head wobbled back and forth. Lou set the book back on the credenza as Janice stormed out. "Ashton, I'm sorry you had to witness that. As you well know, Mom has never been a pleasant woman. Since coming to live here, she's been a nightmare on two legs. I've had her head examined, and there's no tumor or disease to explain her behavior. The neurologist and our family doctor have simply diagnosed her as a chronic jackass. — Robin Alexander

What is it with you and girls, Adrian, dear? Why do they either mean nothing to you or everything? It's always an extreme."
"Because I don't do things in halves, mom. Especially when it comes to love. — Richelle Mead

Boundbydad: and, so you meanwhile, no bid saturday night plans? more quality time with mom?
grayscale: you, my dear, are my saturday night plans.
boundbydad: i'm honored. — David Levithan

Janie calls Cabel.
"Hi, uh, Mom," she says.
Cabel snorts. "Hello, dear. Did you make it through the blizzard?"
"Yeah. Barely." Janie grins into the phone. — Lisa McMann

It is a sad commentary of our times when our young must seek advice and counsel from 'Dear Abby' instead of going to Mom and Dad. — Pauline Phillips

Dear Mom,
I'm as tight as a girdle. How do I accept love?
--B

Dear Potato Face,
Just say 'thank you,' then shut up.
--M — Betsy Robinson

When you're riding with your mom, and you're a kid, you'd listen to 'Dear Mama' and the radio friendly records. I used to sneak and listen to Too $hort. — Nayvadius Cash

Mom opened her mouth to say something, then closed it, hesitating. After a few more silent seconds, she said, "Just so you're prepared, dear - " I cringed. Whatever was coming didn't sound good. " - I want you to know that you're going to be scheduled for a series of tests with a new doctor in New York at the beginning of December." I groaned. "He's someone Uncle Eric heard about on a television program." "We're going to a doctor because Uncle Eric saw him on TV?" I exclaimed. "Honey, supposedly he's working miracles with diabetes. After Uncle Eric saw him, I found two articles about him in medical journals, and then Profiles magazine did a long interview with him. It was very impressive. He's getting a lot of attention right now." "Did Dr. Werner say we should go see him?" "No." "Dr. Frank?" "No." "Have you even discussed this with them?" "No. — Ann M. Martin