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Lemony Snicket's Quotes & Sayings

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Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

If one's safety is threatened, one often finds courage one didn't know one had, and the eldest Baudelaire found she could be brave enough to open the door. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

Well," he said, "this isn't too bad. My left leg is broken, but at least I'm right-legged. That's pretty fortunate."
"Gee," one of the other employees murmured. "I thought he'd say something more along the lines of 'Aaaaah! My leg! My leg!'"
"If someone could just help me get to my foot," Phil said, "I'm sure that I can get back to work."
"Don't be ridiculous," Violet said. "You need to go to a hospital."
"Yes, Phil," another worker said. "We have those coupons from last month, fifty percent off a cast at the Ahab Memorial Hospital. Two of us will chip in and get your leg all fixed up. I'll call for an ambulance right away. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

It's cold outside, Mr. Snicket.'
'So I'll shiver,' I said. 'I've shivered before.'
She looked down at the table and traced her father's name with her black fingernail. 'So have I,' she said. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

That's the spirit, kid," said the voice of the grown man. "Come on, Snow Scouts, let's all say the Snow Scout Alphabet Pledge together."
Instantly the cave echoed with the sound of many voices speaking in perfect unison, a phrase here which means "reciting a list of very odd words at the very same time." "Snow Scouts," recited the Snow Scouts, "are accommodating, basic, calm, darling, emblematic, frisky, grinning, human, innocent, jumping, kept, limited, meek, nap-loving, official, pretty, quarantines, recent, scheduled, tidy, understandable, victorious, wholesome, xylophone, young, and zippered - every morning, every afternoon, every night, and all day long! — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

The Baudelaires looked up and saw their guardian standing in the doorway of Violet's — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Paul Di Filippo

'James and the Giant Peach' magnificently starts out Dahl's career as a blithe and droll Bad Uncle corrupter and affirmer of youth. Its influence can be subsequently traced down the decades in everything from Maurice Sendak to Lemony Snicket to J. K. Rowling. — Paul Di Filippo

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

The central theme of Anna Karenina," he said, "is that a rural life of moral simplicity, despite its monotony, is the preferable personal narrative to a daring life of impulsive passion, which only leads to tragedy."
"That is a very long theme," the scout said.
"It's a very long book," Klaus replied.
[ ... ]
"Or maybe a daring life of impulsive passion leads to something else," the scout said, and in some cases this mysterious person was right. A daring life of impulsive passion is an expression which refers to people who follow what is in their hearts, and like people who prefer to follow their head, or follow a mysterious man in a dark blue raincoat, people who lead a daring life of impulsive passion end up doing all sorts of things. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

I'm sure you have heard it said that appearance does not matter so much, and that it is what's on the inside that counts. This is, of course, utter nonsense, because if it were true then people who were good on this inside would would never have to comb their hair or take a bath, and the whole world would smell even worse than it already does. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

If Uncle Monty had known known what bad luck was soon to come, he wouldn't have wasted a moment thinking about Gustav. I wish - and I'm sure you wish as well - we could go back in time and warn him, but we can't, and that's that. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

There's information about everything from poetry to
pills, from picture frames to pyramids, and from pudding to psychology
and that's just in the P aisle,
which we're walking down right now.
Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

For some stories, it's easy. The moral of 'The Three Bears,' for instance, is Never break into someone else's house.' The moral of 'Snow White' is 'Never eat apples.' The moral of World War I is 'Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

No, no,' Phil Said. 'It's fine. I've never liked my left leg so much, anyways. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

As anyone who's ever been to a doctor knows, doctors are not necessarily your friends, any more than mail deliverers are you friends, or butchers are you friends, or refrigerator repair-people are you friends. A doctor is a man or woman whose job it is to make you feel better, that's all, and if you've ever had a shot you know that the statement 'Doctors can't hurt you' is simply absurd. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

Very lovely indeed
- Quigley responding to Violet's comment about the view, while actually looking at her. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

I'm afraid that's the wicked way of the world. Everything's covered in smoke and mirrors. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

When Bruce had used the word "brilliant" about Uncle Monty, he meant "having a reputation for cleverness or intelligence." But when the children used the word - and when they thought of it now, staring at the Reptile Room glowing in the moonlight - it meant more than that. It meant that even in the bleak circumstances of their current situation, even throughout the series of unfortunate events that would happen to them for the rest of their lives, Uncle Monty and his kindness would shine in their memories. Uncle Monty was brilliant, and their time with him was brilliant. Bruce and his men from the Herpetological Society could dismantle Uncle Monty's collection, but nobody could ever dismantle the way the Baudelaires would think of him. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

As I'm sure you know, the expression 'It's all uphill from here' has nothing to do with walking up stairs - it merely means that things will get better in the future. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

If you're not scared, she told me, it's not bravery. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

Well, Nero," Genghis said, "I just wanted to give you this rose-a small gift of congratulations for the wonderful concert you gave us last night!"
"Oh, thank you," Nero said, taking the rose out of Genghis's hand and giving it a good smell. "I was wonderful, wasn't I?"
"You were perfection!" Genghis said. "The first time you played your sonata, I was deeply moved. The second time, I had tears in my eyes. The third time, I was sobbing. The fourth time, I had an uncontrollable emotional attack. The fifth time-" The Baudelaires did not hear about the fifth time because Nero's door swung shut behind them. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

You're noble enough, Baudelaires. That's all we can ask for in this world. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

You might be afraid of the dark, but the dark is not afraid of you. That's why the dark is always close by. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

Is the elevator out of order?" Violet asked. "I'm very good with mechanical devices, and I'd be happy to take a look at it."
"That's a very kind and unusual offer," the doorman said. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

Just about everything in this world is easier said than done, with the exception of "systematically assisting Sisyphus's stealthy, cyst-susceptible sister," which is easier done than said. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

Morning is one of the best times for thinking. When one has just woken up, but hasn't yet gotten out of bed, it is a perfect time to look up at the ceiling, consider one's life, and wonder what the future will hold. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

This feeling is not unlike the sinking in one's stomach when one is in an elevator that suddenly goes down, or when you are snug in your bed and your closet door suddenly creaks open to reveal the person who has been hiding there. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

This story is about the Baudelaires. And they are the sort of people who know that there's always something. Something to invent, something to read, something to bite, and something to do, to make a sanctuary, no matter how small. And for this reason, I am happy to say, the Baudelaires were very fortunate indeed. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

As I'm sure you know, to be in one's own room, in one's own bed, can often make a bleak situation a little better. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

Klaus grinned. 'I'm sorry,' he said, 'but it was a very interesting book, and I'm so pleased that it's coming in handy. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

Is it fair for the bears to come down to where humans live, looking for food? Is it fair for the Duke's soldiers to shoot at them? Is it fair for the bears to crush them with giant snowballs?
Often, if you point out something that isn't fair, someone will reply, "Life isn't fair." What is to be done with such people? — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

But even if they could go home it would be difficult for me to tell you what the moral of the story is. In some stories, it's easy. The moral of "The Three Bears," for instance, is "Never break into someone else's house." The moral of "Snow White" is "Never eat apples." The moral of World War One is "Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand." [ ... ] and as the Baudelaire orphans sat and watched the dock fill with people as the business of the day began, they figured out something that was very important to them. It dawned on them that unlike Aunt Josephine, who had lived up in that house, sad and alone, the three children had one another for comfort and support over the course of their miserable lives. And while this did not make them feel entirely safe, or entirely happy, it made them feel appreciative. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

She took Sunny's coat off, and then her own, and dropped them both on the floor. Normally, of course, one should hang up one's coat on a hook or in a closet, but itchy hives are very irritating and tend to make one abandon such matters. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

Bambini!" Uncle Monty cried out from the front door. "Come along, bambini!"
The Baudelaire orphans raced back through the hedges to where their new guardian was waiting for them. "Violet, Uncle Monty," Violet said. "My name is Violet, my brother's is Klaus, and Sunny is our baby sister. None of us is named Bambini."
"'Bambini' is the Italian word for 'children,'" Uncle Monty explained. "I had a sudden urge to speak a little Italian. I'm so excited to have you three here with me, you're lucky I'm not speaking gibberish. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

Tadu,' Sunny murmured solemnly, which probably meant something along the lines of 'it's a loathsome situation in which we find ourselves. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

In my opinion, children should be seen and not heard. I'm an adult, so it follows that I should be heard and not seen. That's why I work exclusively over the intercom. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

Violet stayed still as a statue. She hadn't been listening to the last speech of Count Olaf's, knowing it would be full of the usual self-congratulatory nonsense and despicable insults. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

I lost Ike,' Aunt Josephine said, 'and I lost Lake Lachrymose. I mean, I didn't really lose it, of course. It's still down in the valley. But I grew up on its shores. I used to swim in it every day. I know which beaches were sandy and which were rocky. I knew all the islands in the middle of its waters and all the caves alongside it's shore. Lake Lachrymose felt like a friend to me. But when it took poor Ike away from me I was too afraid to go near it anymore. I stopped swimming in it. I never went to the beach again. I even put away all my books about it. The only way I can bear to look at it is from the Wide Window in the Library. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

There's a lot that doesn't make sense — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

But that's another error in the note," Klaus said. "It doesn't say unbearable, with a U. It says inbearable, with an I."
"You are being unbearable, with a U," Violet cried.
"And you are being stupid, with an S," Klaus snapped. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

Even the best plans can change if there's an accident. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

I am certain that over the course of your own life, you have noticed that people's rooms reflect their personalities. In my room, for instance, I have gathered a collection of objects that are important to me, including a dusty accordion on which I can play a few sad songs, a large bundle of notes on the activities of the Baudelaire orphans, and a blurry photograph, taken a very long time ago, of a woman whose name is Beatrice. These are items that are very precious and dear to me. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

Just because you don't understand something doesn't mean that it's nonsense. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

For the rest of the morning they worked quietly ad steadily, realizing that their contentment here at Uncle Monty's house did not erase their parents' death, not at all, but at least it made them feel better after feeling so sad, for so long. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

Whenever you see the words 'hee hee hee' in a book, or 'ha ha ha,' or 'har har har,' or 'heh heh heh,' or even 'ho ho ho,' those words mean somebody was laughing. In the case, however, the words 'hee hee hee' cannot really describe what Vice Principal Nero's laugh sounded like. The laugh was squeaky, and it was wheezy, and it had a rough crackly edge to it, as if Nero were eating tin cans and he laughed at the children. But most of all the laugh sounded cruel. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

panic. "Vireo!" Sunny cried, which meant "Let's run - or, in my case, crawl - as fast as we can!" "We'll never run fast — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

Every problem has a solution. Sometimes it just takes a long time to find the solution
even if it's right in front of your nose. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

It is a miracle if you can find true friends, and it is a miracle if you have enough food to eat, and it is a miracle if you get to spend your days and evenings doing whatever it is you like to do, and the holiday season - like all the other seasons - is a good time not only to tell stories of miracles, but to think about the miracles in your own life, and to be grateful for them, and that's the end of this particular story. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

Popinsh!" Sunny shrieked.
"Sunny means," Violet said, "that Dr. Orwell hypnotized Klaus and caused that terrible accident, didn't she?"
"Conceivably," Shirley said.
"And he's being hypnotized again, right now, isn't he?" Violet asked.
"It's within the bounds of the imagination," Shirley said. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

The world is full of disappointment," I said.
"Yes," she said, "I heard him say that. And every creature is simply trying to get what it wants, and to make their way through a difficult world. Do you believe that?"
"No," I said. "There's more than that."
"Like what?"
"Like good books," I said, "and good people. And good librarians, who are almost both at once. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

I have gone into town to buy a few last things we need for the expedition: Peruvian wasp repellent, toothbrushes, canned peaches, and a fireproof canoe. It will take a while to find the peaches, so don't expect me back until dinnertime.
Stephano, Gustav's replacement, will arrive today by taxi. Please make him feel welcome. As you know, it is only two days until the expedition, so please work very hard today.
Your giddy uncle,
Monty — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

Get scared later, and if you're scared now remember what Kit always said. If you're not scared, she told me, it's not bravery. And you want to be brave, don't you, Snicket? — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

You write poetry?" Klaus asked.
He had read a lot about poets but had never met one.
"Just a little bit," Isadora said modestly. "I write poems down in this notebook. It's an interest of mine."
"Sappho!" Sunny shrieked, which meant something like, "I'd be very pleased to hear a poem of yours! — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

What are your names?"
"You know our names," Violet said curtly, a word which here means "tired of Count Olaf's nonsense." "That wig and that lipstick don't fool us any more than your pale-brown dress and sensible beige shoes. You're Count Olaf. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

Who are you?" Violet asked. It is confusing to fall asleep in the daytime and wake up at night.
"what are you doing with Uncle Monty's reptiles?" Klaus asked. It is also confusing to realize you have been sleeping on stairs, rather than in a bed or sleeping bag.
"Dixnik?" Sunny asked. It is always confusing why anyone would choose to wear a plaid shirt. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

The infant was standing on a spot in someone else's story, during a moment of her own. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

Off with you" is a phrase used by people who lack the courtesy to say something more polite, such as "If there's nothing else you require, I must be going," or "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave, please," or even "Excuse me, but I believe you have mistaken my home for your own, and my valuable belongings for yours, and I must ask you to return the items in question to me, and leave my home, after untying me from this chair, as I am unable to do it myself, if it's not too much trouble. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

I'd never forget Sunny! Never in a million years! Not that I will live that long! Particularly because I don't exercise very much! But I don't like exercising, so it's worth it! — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

That's true," the male officer said. "Stew Mitchum is as cute as a button."
I tried to think of buttons I'd seen that liked to torture small animals, but I couldn't. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

Please excuse the torn edges of this note. I am writing to you from inside the shack the Baudelaire orphans were forced to live in while at Prufrock Preparatory School, and I am afraid that some of the crabs tried to snatch my stationery away from me. On Sunday night, please purchase a ticket for seat 10-J at the Erratic Opera Company's performance of the opera Faute de Mieux. During Act Five, use a sharp knife to rip open the cushion of your seat. There you should find — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

but Phil looked up and gave them a weak smile. "Well," he said, "this isn't too bad. My left leg is broken, but at least I'm right-legged. That's pretty fortunate." "Gee," one of the other employees murmured. "I thought he'd say something more along the lines of 'Aaaaah! My leg! My leg! — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

There's no way to tell what will make someone break down in tears. There are some who will cry at the merest melancholy word, and there are some who need the longest, cruelest speech to even dampen one eyelash. There are those who will cry at any sad song but no sad book, and there are those who are immune to the most saddening newspaper articles but will weep for days over a terrible meal. People cry at silence or at violence, in a graveyard or a schoolyard. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

Other people think destiny is a time in one's life, such as the moment one becomes an adult, or the instant it becomes necessary to construct a hiding place out of sofa cushions. And still other people think that destiny is an invisible force, like gravity, or a fear of paper cuts, that guide everyone throughout their lives, whether they are embarking on a mysterious errand, doing a treacherous deed, or deciding that a book they have begun reading is too dreadful to finish, — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

Fire is like greed, my comrade. It spreads across the world, thinking only of itself, seizing everything it sees, and ruining everyone's fun. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

Respecting one's elders is difficult enough, but when they are soaked with water and have proved themselves to be dishonest, it is nearly impossible. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

If this were a book written to entertain small children, you would know what would happen next. With the villain's identity and evil plans exposed, the police would arrive on the scene and place him in a jail for the rest of his life, and the plucky youngsters would go out for pizza and live happily ever after. But this book is about the Baudelaire orphans, and you and I know that these three unfortunate children living happily ever after is about as likely as Uncle Monty returning to life. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

chewing gum, particularly peppermint chewing gum, which they were allergic to, but they ran to the pots. Violet picked one up and Sunny picked up the other, while Klaus hurriedly made the beds. "Give them to me," Foreman Flacutono snapped, and grabbed the pots out of the girls' hands. "Now, workers, we've wasted enough time already. To the mills! Logs are waiting for us!" "I hate log days," one of the employees grumbled, but everyone followed Foreman Flacutono out of the dormitory and across the dirt-floored courtyard to the lumbermill, which was a dull gray building with many smokestacks sticking out of the top like a porcupine's quills. The three children looked at one another worriedly. Except for one summer day, back when their parents were still alive, when the Baudelaires had opened a lemonade stand in front of their house, the orphans had never had jobs, and they were nervous. The Baudelaires followed Foreman Flacutono into the — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

Sometimes, and having someone agree with you, can make you feel better about a terrible situation. "I hate everything about our lives right now, Klaus," she said, "but we have to keep our chin up." This was an expression the children's father had used, and it meant "try to stay cheerful." -P. 32 — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

Ike always loved the sunshine, and I like to imagine that wherever he is now, it's as sunny as can be. Of course, nobody knows what happens to you after you die, but it's nice to think of my husband someplace very, very hot, don't you think? — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

I have seen many amazing things in my long and troubled life history. I have seen a series of corridors built entirely out of human skulls. I have seen a volcano erupt and send a wall of lava crawling towards a small village. I have seen a women I loved picked up by an enormous eagle and flown to its high mountain next. But I still cannot imagine what it was like to watch Aunt Josephine's house topple into Lake Lachrymose. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

There's nothing wrong with occasionally staring out the window and thinking nonsense, as long as the nonsense is yours. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

Among Violet's many useful skills was a vast knowledge of different types of knots. The particular knot she was using was called the Devil's Tongue. A group of female Finnish pirates invented it back in the fifteenth century, and named it the Devil's Tongue because it twisted this way and that, in the most complicated and eerie way. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

There's an easy method for finding someone when you hear them scream. First get a clean sheet of paper and a sharp pencil. Then sketch out nine rows of fourteen squares each. Then throw the piece of paper away and find whoever is screaming so you can help them. It is no time to fiddle with paper. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

It's bad for you if you never do anything bad for you. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

We are respecting our parents' wishes ... They didn't want to shelter us from the world's treacheries. They wanted us to survive them. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

Waiting is one of life's hardships. It is hard enough to wait for chocolate cream pie while burnt roast beef is still on your plate. It is plenty difficult to wait for Halloween when the tedious month of September is still ahead of you. But to wait for one's adopted uncle to come home while a greedy and violent man is upstairs was one of the worst waits the Baudelaires had ever experienced. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

We both wanted to know each other's secrets, and we both wanted the other person to go first. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

If you have ever slept in a covered casserole dish on the highest peak of a mountain range, then you know that it is an uncomfortable place to lay one's head, even if you find a dish towel inside it that can serve as a blanket. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

Busman's holiday is an expression which refers to when people do the same thing on vacation that they do in their everyday lives, such as plumbers who visit the Museum of Sinks, or villains who disguise themselves even on their days off. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

The dumplings had the flavor of paradise, and the broth spread through my veins like a secret that's fun to keep. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

I am sure you have heard that appearance doesn't matter and that it's what's on the inside that counts. Well that of course is utter nonsense, because if no one cared about what's on the outside no one would take a bath or comb their hair and the world would be a lot smellier than it already is! — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

Waiting is one of life's hardships. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

Don't repeat yourself. It's not only repetitive, it's redundant, and people have heard it before. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

A fair deal, as everyone knows, is when both people give something of more or less equal value. If you were bored with laying with your chemistry set, and you gave it to your brother in exchange for his dollhouse, that would be a fair deal. If someone offered to smuggle me out of the country in her sailboat, in exchange for free tickets to an ice show, that would be a fair deal. But working for years in a lumbermill in exchange for the owner's trying to keep Count Olaf away is an enormously unfair deal, and the three youngsters knew it. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

You know, there's a big world out there filled with desperate orphans who would gladly swim across an ocean of thumbtacks just to be eclipsed by the long shadow that is cast by my accomplishments. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

If the Baudelaire orphans had been stalks of celery, they would not have been small children in great distress, and if they had been lucky, Carmelita Spats would have not approached their table at this particular moment and delivered another unfortunate message.
"Hello, you cakesniffers," she said, "although judging from the baby brat you're more like saladsniffers. I have another message for you from Coach Genghis. I get to be his Special Messenger because I'm the cutest, prettiest, nicest little girl in the whole school."
"If you were really the nicest person in the whole school," Isadora said, "you wouldn't make fun of a sleeping infant. But never mind, what is the message?"
"It's actually the same as last time," Carmelita said, "but I'll repeat it in case you're too stupid to remember. The three Baudelaire orphans are to report to the front lawn tonight, immediately after dinner."
"What?" Klaus asked.
"Are you deaf as well as cakesniffy?"
Carmelita asked. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

He was wrong in thinking that by saying 'Nnphnn!' Sunny had been complaining about getting undressed in front of her siblings. Sunny's oversized suit had muffled the word she was really saying, and it was a word that still haunts me in my dreams as I toss and turn each night, images of Beatrice and her legacy filling my weary, grieving brain no matter where in the world I travel and no matter what important evidence I discover. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

If you ask one question, it will lead you to another, and another. It's like peeling an onion. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

There was something I was always very good at, however, and that was teaching myself not to be frightened while frightening things are going on. It is difficult to do this, but I had learned. It is simply a matter of putting one's fear aside, like the vegetable on the plate you don't want to touch until all of your rice and chicken are gone, and getting frightened later, when one is out of danger. Sometimes I imagine I will be frightened for the rest of my life because of all of the fear I put aside during my time in Stain'd-by-the-Sea. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

I led her into the newsroom, removed the sheet, and pointed to the statue of the Bombinating Beast. She gestured to me that I should be the one to take it. I gestured back that she was the chaperone and the leader of this caper. She gestured to me that I shouldn't argue with her. I gestured to her that I was the one who had gotten us into the house in the first place. She gestured to me that my predecessor knew that the apprentice should never argue with the chaperone or complain and that I might model my own behavior after his. I gestured to her asking what the 'S' stood for in her name, and she replied with a very rude gesture, and I grabbed the statue and tucked it into my vest. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Daniel Handler

With the publishing of The Basic Eight, it was often assumed that I was really immature and callow, and with the publishing of Watch Your Mouth, it was assumed that I was oversexualized, and with Lemony Snicket, it's often assumed that I'm erudite and depressed. But all the voices more or less came naturally to me. — Daniel Handler

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

There's nothing wrong with athletics, but they shouldn't get in the way of your schoolwork. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

In this large and fierce world of ours, there are many, many unpleasant places to be. You can be in a river swarming with angry electric eels, or in a supermarket filled with vicious long-distance runners. You can be in a hotel that has no room service, or you can be lost in a forest that is slowly filling up with water. You can be in a hornet's nest or in an abandoned airport or in the office of a pediatric surgeon, but one of the most unpleasant things that can happen is to find yourself in a quandary. Which is where the Baudelaire orphans found themselves that night. Finding yourself in a quandary means that everything seems confusing and dangerous and you don't know what in the world to do about it, and it is one of the worst unpleasantries you can encounter. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

People aren't either wicked or noble. They're like chef's salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

The map is not the territory," Snicket's chaperon advises him. "That's an expression which means the world does not match the picture in our heads. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

It only seems scarey' Klaus said, as if reading his sister's thoughts, 'because of the mist. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

Sooner or later, everyone's story has an unfortunate event or two ... The solution, of course, is to stay as far away from the world as possible and lead a safe, simple life. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

Look!" Mr. Poe said, who was still too far to help but close enough to see. "Genghis has an eye tattoo, like Count Olaf! In fact, I think he IS Count Olaf!"
"Of course he is!" Violet cried, holding up the unraveled turban.
"Merd!" Sunny shrieked, holding up a tiny piece of shoelace. She meant something like "That's what we've been trying to tell you. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

I am alone this evening, and I am alone because of a cruel twist of fate, a phrase which here means that nothing has happened the way I thought it would. Once I was a content man, with a comfortable home, a successful career, a person I loved very much, and an extremely reliable typewriter, but all of those things have been taken away from me, and now the only trace I have of those happy days is the tattoo on my left ankle. As I sit in this very tiny room, printing these words with a very large pencil, I feel as if my whole life has been nothing but a dismal play, presented just for someone else's amusement, and that the playwright who invented my cruel twist of fate is somewhere far above me, laughing and laughing at his creation. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

My silence knot is tied up in my hair; as if to keep my love out of my eyes. I cannot speak to one for whom i care. A hatpin serves as part of my disguise.
In the play, my role is baticeer; a word which here means "person who trains bats." The audience may feel a prick of fear, as if sharp pins are hidden in thier hats.
My co-star lives on what we call a brae. His solitude might not be just an act. A piece of mail fails to arrive one day. This poignant melodrama's based on fact.
The curtain falls just as the knot unties; the silence is broken by the one who dies. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them, and that they will never have a decent night's sleep again and will spend their lives wandering blearily around a loveless landscape, hoping desperately that their circumstances will improve, but suspecting, in their heart of hearts, that they will remain unloved forever. The best thing to do in these circumstances is to wake somebody else up, so that they can feel this way, too. — Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket's Quotes By Lemony Snicket

As I'm sure you know, there are two types of "What?" in the world. The first type simply means "Excuse me, I didn't hear you. Could you please repeat yourself?" The second type is a little trickier. It means something more along the lines of "Excuse me, I did hear you, but I can't believe that's really what you meant. — Lemony Snicket