Quotes & Sayings About Getting Laid

I don't think it's fair - you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring. Oh, it may sound crass, but just check the color when you come home. 'Hi honey. Infernal red? Oh boy, I ain't getting laid, and I gotta cut the lawn, I know it.' — Adam Ferrara

This is a world where everybody's gotta do something. Ya know, somebody laid down this rule that everybody's gotta do something, they gotta be something. You know, a dentist, a glider pilot, a narc, a janitor, a preacher, all that ... Sometimes I just get tired of thinking of all the things that I don't wanna do. All the things that I don't wanna be. Places I don't wanna go, like India, like getting my teeth cleaned. Save the whale, all that, I don't understand that ... — Charles Bukowski

Courtroom for Ted Bundy's trial is packed with women, trying to meet him and give him love letters and wedding-f-king-proposals ... and the first thought that enters my mind is, "And I'm not
getting laid." What am I doing wrong? — Bill Hicks

Somebody who was born in this country who visited China would later face difficulty getting back in to the USA. We have to keep in mind that the struggles of the Chinese against these exclusion laws really laid down the foundations of civil rights law. — Iris Chang

There are two of you now. Neither is sufficient unto itself, but you learn, over time, to join your two halves together, and hobble around. There are limits to what you can do, though you're able to get from place to place. Each half, naturally enough, requires the cooperation of the other, and you find yourself getting snappish with yourself; you find yourself cursing yourself for your clumsiness, your overeagerness, your lack of consideration for your other half. You feel it doubly. Still, you go on. Still, you step in tandem, make your slow and careful way up and down the stairs, admonishing, warning, each of you urging the other to slow down, or speed up, or wait a second. What else can you do? Each would be helpless without the other. Each would be stranded, laid flat, abandoned, bereft. — Michael Cunningham

If believing absurd falsehoods increase the odds of getting laid or avoiding predators, your brain will believe those falsehoods with all its metaphorical little heart. — Peter Watts

Gabriel? She placed a kiss to his shoulder and laid her head against it.
We should move, she whispered.
Um hmm. Getting there.
She laughed. The water's getting cold.
Water?
Water from the shower, she said with a giggle.
We're taking a shower? — GiGi Duvall

She hadn't planned on getting laid tonight but then she hadn't planned on missing her home and her friends and being thnis down and, frankly, this bored on her special day. She was so relieved to see a guy her own age it was worth a thank-you-for-walking-into-this-bar-fuck alone. — Amy Andrews

If I don't get laid, I'll sure die trying. — Rod Stewart

If I was a sex symbol, I would be getting laid a lot more than I am now. — Moby

Eventually, I spent so much time in the friend zone
that I grew to think of it as some kind
of magical home away from home, some lush forest
filled with unicorns and elves and puppies
none of whom were getting laid. — Dylan Garity

Since he didn't seem to understand the situation, I felt it my duty to enlighten him. "Wrong. You started this stupid rumor and half the school probably believes it's true. Now you have to stick around and pretend to be my boyfriend to convince everyone I don't have sex with random guys. Not to mention the fact that if you'd kept your mouth shut about getting laid, you wouldn't be in this situation."
He raised a brow. "So you're my punishment? — Chris Cannon

He always found it a miracle that anyone wanted his company. Women especially - men will cuddle a rock. When he first started getting laid he couldn't quite believe that the women in his bed weren't there by mistake. Sometimes he'd leave the room and then peer back in, and then peer in again, incredulous that a woman was actually lying there naked, waiting for him. As if. In time he found his thing: fly in like a fool to start, then turn on the silver tongue. Talk and cock, talk and cock, yessir. One time a girl confessed that Vicky, his friend the nurse, had given her a warning before she introduced them. Take one look and if you don't like what you see don't even say hi or you'll end up wanting to fuck. Best thing anyone ever said about him. It didn't matter that they never came back, or rarely. He didn't mind being disposable. — Yuri Herrera

I'm grateful for doing those drugs, because they kept me from getting laid and I would have gotten AIDS. — Steven Tyler

When you visit a foreign city you are in it, but not of it, separated by a glass wall. Once, while a student, I was getting dressed in my ground-floor room when a family of Italians crossed the grass to watch, as if I were laid on for their amusement and instruction. — Simon Hoggart

I hated Valentine's Day even before I was aware of my Duff status. Honestly, I didn't even understand why it was a holiday. Really, it was just an excuse for girls to whine about being lonely and for guys to worm their way into getting laid. I found it materialistic, indulgent, and, with all of the chocolate, completely unhealthy. — Kody Keplinger

Wanda's sole interests are getting high and getting laid. I can't picture her wasting valuable stoner hours on murder. — Josh Lanyon

He met his day in the shower, washing his hair with shampoo that was guaranteed to have never been put in a bunny's eyes and from which ten percent of the profits went to save the whales. He lathered his face with shaving cream free of chlorofluorocarbons, thereby saving the ozone layer. He breakfasted on fertile eggs laid by sexually satisfied chickens that were allowed to range while listening to Brahms, and muffins made with pesticide-free grain, so no eagle-egg shells were weakened by his thoughtless consumption. He scrambled the eggs in margarine free of tropical oils, thus preserving the rain forest, and he added milk from a cartn made of recycled paper and shipped from a small family farm. By the time he finished his second cup of coffee, which would presumably help to educate the children of a poor peasant farmer named Juan Valdez, Sam was on the verge of congratulating himself for single-handedly preserving the planet just by getting up in the morning. — Christopher Moore

That's not making love; it's getting laid. There's a world of difference between the two. Settling for less is cheating yourself."
He looked at her steadily. "It's worth the wait. — Kat Attalla

I learned something from a string of failed relationships. You don't see a pattern quickly. You see it over time. I learned to stop jumping in at the first sign of attraction. As soon as you're attracted to someone, you go for it - whether or not it's a good idea. Basically, just going out and getting laid. — James McAvoy

[Oedipa Maas] awoke at last to find herself getting laid. — Thomas Pynchon

Dad was a man who, due to his underprivileged background perhaps, never hesitated when it came to the verbs to get or to take. He was always getting something off the ground, his act together, his hands dirty, the show on the road, someone's goat, the message, out more, on with things, lost, laid, away with murder. He was also always taking charge, the bull by the horns, back the night, something in stride, someone to the cleaners, a rain check, an axe to something, Manhattan. — Marisha Pessl

Sara had given me the look. The don't fall asleep before I come to bed look. The I'm still not over the sight of our baby sleeping on your naked chest look. The you're getting very, extremely laid look. I fucking loved my life. — Christina Lauren

The reason you often get in comedy is because you're not getting laid. — Demetri Martin

I really do think it's perfect. And adorable." He released me to crawl up my body again. The laughter faded from his eyes as he focused on my face. "I think you're perfect. And adorable. And beautiful." His gaze heated, never wavering from mine. "Smart. Sexy. Strong."
My lips parted.
"You're different now, but you're always getting better." Walker carefully laid himself on top of me. "I want you. Every life. That'll never change. — Rowan McBride

You're kind of gross. Might want to think about shaving, too, unless you're going for the homeless look with no chance of getting laid. — Jennifer L. Armentrout

When everything is laid out neatly and in sequence, you will feel much more like getting on with the job. — Brian Tracy

This thing that's always been inside and hidden deep is getting bigger and stronger and threatening to show itself, and I want to stop it but I also don't, and I don't know if I'm ready, but I think maybe I want what's inside turned outside, maybe I want everything out in the open, all my secrets laid out for everyone to see. I wonder what that would look like. I wonder what kind of mess it would make. I wonder if you can ever really be ready for the part of you that you've been hiding your whole life to finally come out. — Amy Reed

The gotta, as in: "I think I'll stay up another fifteen-twenty minutes, honey, I gotta see how this chapter comes out." Even though the guy who says it spent the day at work thinking about getting laid and knows the odds are good his wife is going to be asleep when he finally gets up to the bedroom. The gotta, as in: "I know I should be starting supper now - he'll be mad if it's TV dinners again - but I gotta see how this ends." I gotta know will she live. I gotta know will he catch the shitheel who killed his father. I gotta know if she finds out her best friend's screwing her husband. The gotta. Nasty as a hand-job in a sleazy bar, fine as a fuck from the world's most talented call-girl. Oh boy it was bad and oh boy it was good and oh boy in the end it didn't matter how rude it was or how crude it was because in the end it was just like the Jacksons said on that record - don't stop til you get enough. — Stephen King

John says I musn't lose my strength, and has me take cod liver oil and lots of tonics and things, to say nothing of ale and wine and rare meat.
Dear John! He loves me very dearly, and hates to have me sick. I tried to have a real earnest reasonable talk with him the other day, and tell him how I wish he would let me go and make a visit to Cousin Henry and Julia.
But he said I wasn't able to go, nor able to stand it after I got there; and I did not make out a very good case for myself, for I was crying before I had finished.
It is getting to be a great effort for me to think straight. Just this nervous weakness I suppose.
And dear John gathered me up in his arms, and just carried me upstairs and laid me on the bed, and sat by me and read to me till it tired my head.
He said I was his darling and his comfort and all he had, and that I must take care of myself for his sake, and keep well. — Charlotte Perkins Gilman

She. Spoke. To. Him. First. It was like winning the lottery, getting laid, and climbing the highest cliff all rolled into one. But he needed to play it cool, becase he was trending into lame-o land at a quick pace. — Jennifer L. Armentrout

She'd never met someone so young who was so damn cocky. Most twenty-year-old guys she knew were either gauche or monosyllabic in her presence, but not Spike. There was a directness, a confidence in his inky-blue eyes that a lot of men never mastered.
Cleary Spike was getting laid far too easily. — Amy Andrews

To getting laid and fighting fires. — Amy Andrews

I gave you sympathy. *I* want sympathy!"
"Are you kidding me? You have the sexiest man on the planet wanting you. You're getting laid regularly. No sympathy for you! — Jill Shalvis

Teens aren't just interested in getting laid. I won't believe that's all they're interested in. I have four younger sisters and they're sick of being shown how they're supposed to react in bed. — Linda Fiorentino

I got body lice in Germany! I'd tell you they were crabs, but I wasn't getting laid. — Billie Joe Armstrong

I'm laid back, I take my time, get the job done. Lebron is high flying, dunking, passing the ball well. He's getting the job done, too. But we're different. — Carmelo Anthony

I would argue that masturbation is the human animal's most important adaptation. The very cornerstone of our technological civilization. Our hands evolved to grip tools, all right - including our own. You see, thinkers, inventors, and scientists are usually geeks, and geeks have a harder time getting laid than anyone. Without the built-in sexual release valve provided by masturbation, it's doubtful that early humans would have ever mastered the secrets of fire or discovered the wheel. And you can bet that Galileo, Newton, and Einstein never would have made their discoveries if they hadn't first been able to clear their heads by slapping the salami (or "knocking a few protons off the old hydrogen atom"). The same goes for Marie Curie. Before she discovered radium, you can be certain she first discovered the little man in the canoe. — Ernest Cline

Can you believe our Ash is getting laid? Our baby is growing up. I'm so proud! — Sherrilyn Kenyon

John had written that normal fantasy ("normal" in the T.S. Kuhn sense) was written for the moderately educated class from suffering ennui. It was for folks stuck doing dull, repetitive work, growing old while not getting laid half often or variously enough, watching other, less deserving people (the privileged and the crooks) scoop up your share of fun. So then the fantasy generates the exciting world where you're given a heroic purpose and an opportunity to use those very powers you have suspected that you had but never have been able to locate and use, except in destructive ways when shit-faced. — Don Webb

Fame had kept me from getting laid that night. Fame would make it so other people would bother me, follow me around with cameras, be all up in my shit, keep me from doing what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. Fame could even potentially kill me. It killed a lot of people: John Lennon, Princess Diana, Selena. — A.D. Aliwat

The best thing about being famous is that it makes it easier to get laid. — Allen Ginsberg

A Man and his Wife had the good fortune to possess a Goose which laid a Golden Egg every day. Lucky though they were, they soon began to think they were not getting rich fast enough, and, imagining the bird must be made of gold inside, they decided to kill it in order to secure the whole store of precious metal at once. But when they cut it open they found it was just like any other goose. Thus, they neither got rich all at once, as they had hoped, nor enjoyed any longer the daily addition to their wealth. — Aesop

Now I see why you have no trouble getting laid," she said softly.
Tru swallowed. "You didn't before?"
"No. You're kind of an asshole."
"No more than anyone else," he said with a shrug. "Less than some."
She frowned up at him. "But you should be better."
"Why the hell would you think that?"
"Because you're Tru. — Ellen Davis Conner

You're getting laid way too much this trip." Chico Rivera — Bella Jeanisse

Deacon pressed his lips together. "That bad, huh?"

"I didn't say it was bad."

He arched a brow. "I know you, Aiden. Your disappointment - in yourself, not Alex - is written all over you. It's practically dripping from your grubby face."

My brows rose. "I'm grubby?"

"You're kind of gross. Might want to think about shaving, too, unless you're going for the homeless look with no chance of getting laid."

I laughed and stood. "I'll keep that in mind. — Jennifer L. Armentrout

Walter Lucas, you're going to marry me. And you're getting epically laid as soon as we get home. — Heidi Cullinan

When things go awry, if they are mostly an inconvenience to you or a threat to your ego, instead of getting furious, can you laugh?
Sometimes the even the best-laid plans, the most carefully planned events can turn out quite differently than planned. — James Martin

Aaron Sorkin was completely unable to understand the actual psychology of Mark or of Facebook. He can't conceive of a world where social status or getting laid or, for that matter, doing drugs, is not the most important thing. — Marc Andreessen

we cannot calculate our important contests, adventures, and great loves to the end. The only thing we can really count on is getting surprised. No matter how much preparation we do, in the real tests of our lives, we'll be in unfamiliar terrain. Conditions might not be calm or reasonable. It may feel as though the whole world is stacked against us. This is when we have to perform better than we ever conceived of performing. I believe the key is to have prepared in a manner that allows for inspiration, to have laid the foundation for us to create under the wildest pressures we ever imagined. — Josh Waitzkin

Last night me and Kate we laid in bed talking about getting out, Packing up our bags, maybe heading south. I'm thirty-five, we got a boy of our own now. Last night I sat him up behind the wheel and said, Son, take a good look around, This is your hometown. — Bruce Springsteen

Success is different at different stages of development - from not wetting your pants in infancy, to being well liked in childhood and adolescence, to getting laid in young adulthood, to making money and having prestige in later adulthood, to getting laid in middle age, to being well liked in old age, to not wetting your pants in senility. What's — John Bradshaw

Love it or hate it, thrive in it or still getting the hang of it, the recording studio is the place where your main product is going to be captured, recorded, mixed and created. You need a clear platform from preproduction to the schedule, tracking to the overdubs, vocals to the final mix. The best-laid studio planning will save you the most money and greatly reduce stress. — Loren Weisman

Men think if they're getting laid, everything is fine. Women think if they feel good, everything is fine. Neither turns out to be a very good indicator. — Mark Lawrence

With regards to getting laid and getting AIDS: Being interesting can be an interesting guy's downfall. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

One of us needs to get laid."
"Just one of us?"
"What are the odds of both of us getting laid? — Tucker Max

Psycho? The woman's senile. We had to stop at about thirty gas stations on the way over here. Finally I got tired of getting out of the car and showing her which was the Men's and which was the Women's, so I let her pick them herself. I worked out a system. The law of averages. I laid money on her and she came out about fifty-fifty. — John Kennedy Toole

Voodou isn't like that. It isn't concerned with notions of salvation and transcendence. What it's about is getting things done. You follow me? In out system, there are many gods, spirits. Part of one big family, with all the virtues, all the vices. There's a ritual tradition of communal manifestation, understand? Voodou says, there's a God, sure, Gran Met, but He's big, too big and too far away to worry Himself if your ass is poor, or you can't get laid. Come on, man, you know how this works, it's street religion, came out of dirt poor places a million years ago. Voodou's like the street. Some duster chops out your sister, you don't go camp on the Yakuza's doorstep, do you? No way. You go to somebody, though, who can get the thing done. Right? — William Gibson

If in large part we were concerned only with making it through another day without getting laid off, there was a smaller part just hoping to leave for the night without contributing to someone's lifetime of hurt. — Joshua Ferris

She sank with an enormous sigh that carried all rigidity like a mythical fluid from her, down next to him; so weak she couldn't help him undress her; it took him 20 minutes, rolling, arranging her this way and that, as if she thought, he were some scaled-up, short-haired, poker-faced little girl with a Barbie doll. She may have fallen asleep once or twice. She awoke at last to find herself getting laid; she'd come in on a sexual crescendo in progress, like a cut to a scene where the camera's already moving. Outside a fugue of guitars had begun, and she counted each electronic voice as it came in, till she reached six or so and recalled only three of the Paranoids played guitars; so others must be plugging in. — Thomas Pynchon

The male author unthinkingly creates a world in which every single member of society is male except - hey presto! - when the protagonist feels like getting laid. Especially common in science fiction; apparently many writers assume that in the future women will die out. — Howard Mittelmark

The male frog in mating season," said Crake, "makes as much noise as it can. The females are attracted to the male frog with the biggest, deepest voice because it suggests a more powerful frog, one with superior genes. Small male frogs - it's been documented - discover if they position themselves in empty drainpipes, the pipe acts as a voice amplifier and the small frog appears much larger than it really is."
So?"
So that's what art is for the artist, an empty drainpipe. An amplifier. A stab at getting laid. — Margaret Atwood

Any idiot can get laid when they're famous. That's easy. It's getting laid when you're not famous that takes some talent. — Kevin Bacon

Sophie, you saw Alice's transformation."
I nodded. "And the murder of my great-grandfather. Weird it showed me that when I've had so many other awful things happen directly to me," I said, beginning to tick them off on my fingers. "Elodie getting killed, having to kill Alice, escaping a burning building with the help of a ghost ... " And then, because both my parents looked so deflated, I added, "Oh, and this really heinous pageboy haircut in sixth grade."
A few wan smiles appeared, but I think it was just to humor me.
"Yes, but that was the act that was directly responsible for all of those other horrible events," Dad said. "Well, except for the haircut. I suspect that can be laid at your mother's door."
"James!" Mom protested, but I swear I heard affection behind it. I think Dad did, too, because his lips quirked upward briefly. — Rachel Hawkins

I'm getting comfortable with West Coast style, which is more laid-back than British style. — Cat Deeley

Any one of my many shrinks could tell you that I was looking for my father. Wasn't everyone? The explanation didn't quite content me. Not that it seemed wrong: it just seemed too simple. Perhaps the search was really a kind of ritual in which the process was more important than the end. Perhaps it was a kind of quest. Perhaps there was no man at all, but just a mirage conjured by our longing and emptiness. When you go to sleep hungry you dream of eating. When you go to sleep with a full bladder you dream of getting up to pee. When you go to sleep horny you dream of getting laid. Maybe the impossible man was nothing more than a specter made of our own yearning. Maybe he was like the fearless intruder, the phantom rapist women expect to find under their bed or in their closets. Or maybe he was really death, the last lover. — Erica Jong

In fact, every woman I met seemed disposable and replaceable. I was experiencing seducer's paradox: The better a seducer I became, the less I loved women. Success was no longer defined by getting laid or finding a girlfriend, but by how well I performed. — Neil Strauss

Here's one secret no one will tell you about getting laid after a date. DON'T TALK. Most girls blame either their looks or excessive timidity for their virginity. This is only true to an extent. These girls are also horribly annoying."
- Aurelia Nichols & Jillie Bean, 101 Tips to Lose Your Virginity after 25 — Camilla Monk

As an adult, getting paid thousands of dollars a week to say, "Aye, Sir. Course laid in" is a seriously sweet gig, but when I was a teenager, it sucked. — Wil Wheaton

The feelings that we equate with love-feeling sick, feeling insecure, not eating-that's just lust getting in the way. It's your ego saying, 'I want to get laid' and 'I hope she likes me more than I like her.' Love is something that should be there in 20 years' time. — Simon Cowell

I think it's much more interesting when people say, "I love being famous. I love the attention and getting laid and having people I respect admire me," than when they pretend it hasn't had an effect on them. — Leonardo DiCaprio

His hormones never calmed down once they set in when he was a teenager.""Yeah, we've considered getting him neutered," Nathan adds,a goading tone to his voice.I see Nathan and Sol share a look,then Sol says,"Sorry, when did you last get laid, Nate? Oh yeah, about a year ago." He smiles smugly. "Me, you ask? Oh well, I got some yesterday. — Samantha Towle

I don't know what's better: getting laid or getting paid.
I just know when I'm getting one, the other's getting away. — Kanye West

Subject: Desert Dick
So, I'm emailing you right now because I just thought about how much pain you're in currently ... We haven't talked about you getting laid in quite a while, and that concerns me. Greatly. Like, I've CRIED about your lack of pu**y ... I'm very sorry that so many women have sent you fraudulent pictures and given you a severe case of blue balls. I'm attaching the links to a top of the line lotion that I think you should invest in for the weeks to come.
Your dick is in my prayers,
- Alyssa. — Whitney Gracia Williams

No longer will our penises remain flaccid and unused! From now on, we fight will for every man out there who isn't getting laid when he should be! This is our day! This is our time! And, by God, we're not gonna let history condemn us to celibacy! We will make a stand! We will succeed! We will get laid! — Kevin Myers

Over the years, I've made good money in real estate, and for some reason, this hurts Stephen's feelings. He's not a churchman, but he's extremely big on piety and sacrifice and letting you know what fine values he's got. As far as I can tell, these values consist of little more than eating ramen noodles by the case, getting laid once every fifteen years or so, and arching his back at the sight of people like me
that is, people who have amounted to something and don't smell heavily of thrift stores. — Wells Tower

If you're a guy, you have absolutely no idea what's going on at any time in the relationship, ever. Here's what you know: you know when you're getting laid, and you know when it's all over. Those are the only two things you're aware of. — Adam Carolla

We don't like mystery. You like mystery, 'cause it's not a mystery to you; you know when you're gonna get laid. — Bill Maher

Gabe?"
Our eyes met in the rearview mirror. "Thank you. For getting us out of there."
Gabe laid a hand over his heart in a gesture that would have meant "You're welcome" or even "I love you. — Corrine Jackson

I guess time flies when you're playing hockey every day and getting laid every night. — Sarina Bowen

Now that I'm sober, I deserve to get laid. — Steven Tyler

Usually the kids are portrayed as very one-dimensional. Like these mindless animals that just have three things on their minds: getting laid, getting drunk, and driving real fast over Mulholland Drive. — Molly Ringwald

Remember literature, Charlie? It involved getting drunk and getting laid. — Don DeLillo

At that point I ought to have gone away, but a strange sensation rose up in me, a sort of defiance of fate, a desire to challenge it, to put out my tongue at it. I laid down the largest stake allowe-four thousand gulden-and lost it. Then, getting hot, I pulled out all I had left, staked it on the same number, and lost again, after which I walked away from the table as though I were stunned. I could not even grasp what had happened to me. — Fyodor Dostoevsky

What's SQ?" asked Evan.
"Sexual Quotient."
"What's that?"
"Basically, it's your odds of getting laid. Everyone has an SQ. just like everyone has an IQ."
"I've never heard that term before."
"That's because I made it up."
"That figures. Finally applying your actuarial skills to what really matters, eh? — Zack Love

I knew that by getting behind the wheel of the car and having had something to drink, the responsibility laid on my shoulders. — Tracey Gold

I only got into comedy to get laid — Jack Whitehall

I pulled the MG in beside him at the curb and he got in.
"This thing ain't big enough for either one of us," he said. "When you getting something that fits?"
"It goes with my preppy look," I said. "You get one of these, they let you drive around the north shore, watch polo, anything you want."
I let the clutch in and turned right on Dartmouth.
"How you get laid in one of these?" Hawk said.
"You just don't understand preppy," I said. "I know it's not your fault. You're only a couple generations out of the jungle. I realize that. But if you're preppy you don't get laid in a car."
"Where do you get laid if you preppy?"
I sniffed. "One doesn't," I said.
"Preppies gonna be outnumbered in a while," Hawk said. — Robert B. Parker

I sacrifice so much of my life, can I at least get laid? — Mike Tyson

But you just got laid. Very well, I might add. Isn't that enough to tide you over for a while?"
"Maybe for a woman. But if a man doesn't use the goods, they shrivel up - "
She rolled her eyes.
" - and now that I've realized what I've been missing, and you've done such a great job getting me back up on the horse, for which I'm immensely grateful, then I think I'm ready to spread my wings." He motioned to the wing spreading area. His groin. "This really shouldn't go to waste, now, should it? — Kate Meader

He kept messing with her, trying to get her to sleep with him, but Eve had yet to do anything but tease him. In a world full of whores and junkies, not getting laid was a huge turn-on. — Debra Anastasia

-and nobody's getting laid!" I practically shouted.
"You think I don't know that?" He shifted his body beneath me, making me painfully aware of something. Two somethings, in fact, one of which was how far up my short skirt was. The other wasn't my problem. I wriggled, to shimmy my hem down, but his expression perished the thought. When Barrons looks at me like that, it rattles me. Lust, in those ancient, obsidian eyes, offers no trace of humanity. Doesn't even bother trying. — Karen Marie Moning

Babe, best wool men ever pulled was lettin' women think we think with our dicks. We pay a fuckuva lot of attention. We know your shit maybe more than you do because we live it right along with you and some of you try to make us eat it. It's just that some of us choose not to get sucked in the drama and instead focus on getting laid regularly."
I felt my eyes get big right before I wrapped my arms around him and started giggling, but I managed to push through my giggles, "Honey, not sure you should share the brotherhood's secrets."
"You talk, no woman will listen. They prefer to think a man's brain is in his dick. Gives 'em something to bitch about. — Kristen Ashley

I've always found that word ["hipster"] is used with such disdain, like it's always used by chubby bloggers who aren't getting laid anymore and are bored, and they're just so mad at these young kids for going out and getting wasted and having fun and being fashionable, — Gavin McInnes

At eighty-one, health club-lusting is as close as I'll ever come to getting laid again. — Patricia McConnell

Kate laid her hand against his cheek. "Why do you keep doing this? Why do you keep getting hurt?"
"Bad habit," Milligan mumbled. — Trenton Lee Stewart

A bum stood at the Lucky Market right in front of Artesia & Blossom. He was begging for money. He looked pretty pathetic, dressed in rancid, oily clothes. He smelled like cigarettes and urine. "Can you spare a dime?" he would ask. People would shake their heads or walk around him. He was getting nowhere. Two hours went by, no money, not a cent. "Please, a dime!" cried the bum. A middle-aged man walked by him, heard his plea and laid upon him a mint new dime. "Thank you, sir! Thank you!" shouted the bum. Dime in hand, the bum limped over to a phone booth and called in the airstrike. — Henry Rollins

He considered telling her about his years as a big-time smuggler, but he doubted it would improve his odds of getting laid. Once upon a time, sure, absolutely - but hers was a generation that grew up on homegrown or Humboldt and thought Panama Red was a merlot. Gaspers suspected the young bartender would have been more impressed to meet a guy who worked for Apple, or maybe a professional skateboarder. — Carl Hiaasen

Listen to your heart beating, follow the thoughts you can't control, control your desire to get up at once and to do something "useful". Sit for a few minutes each day, doing nothing, getting as much as you can out of that time.

'When you're washing up, pray. Be thankful that there are plates to be washed; that means there was food, that you fed someone, that you've lavished care on one or more people, that you cooked and laid the table. Imagine the millions of people at this moment who have absolutely nothing to wash up and no one for whom to lay the table. — Paulo Coelho

It is not my strength that grows, so much as God's strength in me, which is given more abundantly as the days roll. It is so given on one condition. If my faith has laid hold of the infinite, the exhaustless, the immortal energy of God, unless there is something fearfully wrong about me, I shall be getting purer, nobler, wiser, more observant of His will; gentler, like Christ; every way fitter for His service, and for larger service, as the days increase. — Alexander MacLaren