Funny Scumbag Quotes & Sayings

The next afternoon I left work to find that my car had been broken into and ransacked - but that not one thing had been stolen. I was so insulted that I left a note on the window that read:
Dear Scumbag Thieves,
If you go to the trouble of tossing my car, you could at least steal a lousy pair of sunglasses.
The next day I discovered a gift card lying on the driver's seat with this message:
Here's $500. It's the best we can do until the holidays.
P.S. Get some decent tires, why don't you. We couldn't sell these desperate maypops if we did steal them. — Molly Meadows

What you need is a chick from Camden,' Van Patten says, after recovering from McDermott's statement.
Oh great,' I say. 'Some chick who thinks it's okay to fuck her brother.'
Yeah, but they think AIDS is a new band from England,' Price points out.
Where's dinner?' Van Patten asks, absently studying the question scrawled on his napkin. 'Where the fuck are we going?'
It's really funny that girls think guys are concerned with that, with diseases and stuff,' Van Patten says, shaking his head.
I'm not gonna wear a fucking condom,' McDermott announces.
I have read this article I've Xeroxed,' Van Patten says, 'and it says our chances of catching that are like zero zero zero zero point half a decimal percentage or something, and this no matter what kind of scumbag, slutbucket, horndog chick we end up boffing.'
Guys just cannot get it.'
Well, not white guys. — Bret Easton Ellis