Funny Rifle Quotes & Sayings

What do you call a rifle with three barrels?
A trifle. — Joseph Rosenbloom

Her hands were large and knuckley and calloused, made to hold a rifle, not a needle. — Hilary Mantel

Ash opened the door, stopping the males before they could go in, "Learn some manners."
Letty gave them a salute before walking in, rifle in hand.
"That's rather chauvinistic," one of the males huffed.
Ash let out an amused laugh. "I didn't let her in first because she's female, you jackass. I let her in first because she likes to shoot things, and I'm very considerate that way. — Charlie Cochet

I couldn't get laid with a sitcom and a rifle. — Jim Norton

These robots are literally inhuman, and yet I react no differently to their stumblings and topplings than I would to the pratfalls of a fellow human. I don't imagine I would laugh at the spectacle of a toaster falling out of an SUV, or a semiautomatic rifle pitching over sideways from an upright position, but there is something about these machines, their human form, with which it is possible to identify sufficiently to make their falling deeply, horribly funny. — Mark O'Connell

Why do you have to be out of town to write a postcard? I want a to write a postcard to my neighbor: "I still live near you!" The guy sees me go into my apartment, flips the card over, it's just a picture of me holding a rifle. — Jim Gaffigan

In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students. There were no survivors. — Tina Fey

Caine tried to roll to his feet, but something was jabbing him in the crouch. He shook off the stars and saw Edilio standing over him. Edilio had the business end of his automatic rifle in a very sensitive place.
"If you move, Caine, I will shoot your balls off," Edilio said. "Toto?"
"He will," Toto said, "Although he's not sure it will be just your balls. — Michael Grant

Your body is nothing but an envelope, Karou. Your soul is another matter, and is not, as far as I know, in any immediate danger."
"An envelope?" She didn't like to think of her body as an envelope
something others might be able to open up and rifle through, remove things from like so many clipped coupons.
"I assumed you felt the same way," he'd said. "The way you scribble on it."
Brimstone didn't approve of her tattoos, which was funny, since he was responsible for her first, the eyes on her palms. — Laini Taylor

She stopped pushing but declared; Prentice, I know how this works. Sure, she seems fine now. But in fifteen years when she's standing on top of a clocktower with an automatic rifle mowing down innocent bystanders, dont't call ME asking what went wrong. — Kristen Ashley