Fielding Quotes & Sayings

Don't you d-dare say you're ugly or stupid or worthless. Don't you dare! Y-you're a giant because an ordinary man's body is t-too small for what you are. — Kim Fielding

There is one thing which we should have exceedingly clear in our minds. Neither the President of the Church, nor the First Presidency, nor the united voice of the First Presidency and the Twelve will ever condone the use of ReddiWhip on pie. — Joseph Fielding Smith

There is no zeal blinder than that which is inspired
with a love of justice against offenders. — Henry Fielding

I don't hate Coldplay to be cool I genuinely hate Coldplay. — Noel Fielding

a proof that good books, no more than good men, do always survive the bad. — Henry Fielding

Everyone knew artists were all a little crazy — Kim Fielding

I'd like to punch out a really old lady. There'd be no repercussions. — Noel Fielding

And hell, if Shane kept on looking at Jimmy's goddamn dots, he was going to discover that all those pretty colors were an illusion. That Jimmy was made up of nothing but lies and emptiness. "I — Kim Fielding

In the midst of all this turmoil and destruction, the Latter-day Saints should dwell in peace and safety. This they may do if they will be honest with themselves, with their fellowmen, and with their God. — Joseph Fielding Smith

Where the law ends tyranny begins. — Henry Fielding

There was a big age difference between me and my brothers - about 10 years - so I was an only child for a long time. I used to hang out a lot on my own. I played a lot of weird games with a lot of imaginary people. I guess it's kind of roleplaying ... — Noel Fielding

Hairbreadth missings of happiness look like the insults of Fortune. — Henry Fielding

There are a set of religious, or rather moral writers, who teach that virtue is the certain road to happiness, and vice to misery, in this world. A very wholesome and comfortable doctrine, and to which we have but one objection, namely, that it is not true. — Henry Fielding

It was technological and black and thin and therefore Evil, but ... it was also a book. — Helen Fielding

The supposition that it was possible for any woman to be so mean-spirited as not at least to wish to tear out her rival's eyes was too hard for the digestion of the Cry. — Sarah Fielding

Good-humor will even go so far as often to supply the lack of wit. — Henry Fielding

He said "They were heartily welcome to his poor cottage", and turning to Mr. Didapper, cried out, 'Non mea renidet in domo lacunar.' The beau answered, "He did not understand Welsh"; at which the parson stared and made no reply. — Henry Fielding

My books have all generated controversy. — Helen Fielding

I don't think I'd have done comedy if I was born eighty years ago I'd have been a lord. Shooting people that were on my land With a wig, yeah. And some crisps. — Noel Fielding

There is yet another kind of matrimonial dialect (which naturally succeeds this of talking at each other), which may very properlybe styled The Language Contradictory ... In the former, however plain the object of satire may be exhibited to the whole company, yet there always remains some little covering ... But in this last method, the defiance becomes more open and the impetuosity with which these contradictions are uttered (although the subjects of them are often of the most indifferent nature) evidently prove that they arise from passion. — Sarah Fielding

A newspaper consists of just the same number of words, whether there be any news in it or not. — Henry Fielding

It was probable that everyone on Pepper Street knew that Miss Fielding and Mr. Donald were, oddly, friends, but it is certain that no one was particularly interested in it. Both Miss Fielding and Mr. Donald were so exactly the sort of people who want to hide, that the neighborhood was only thankful to have them hiding together, instead of intruding their modesty on busier people. — Shirley Jackson

Clearly in textbook terms, the gentleman should text the lady first after intercourse, but perhaps the whole socio-etiquettical system breaks down when an insect plague is involved. — Helen Fielding

Just back from canal ride on bike. Went really well until someone threw an egg at me from a bridge. Or maybe it was a bird which went into sudden labour. Will clean off egg, not do Boris Bikes any more and go to Obesity Clinic on bus. At least will be alive and clean when sitting on arse instead of dead and covered in egg. — Helen Fielding

Comfort me by a solemn Assurance, that when the little Parlour in which I sit at this Instant, shall be reduced to a worse furnished Box, I shall be read, with Honour, by those who never knew nor saw me, and whom I shall neither know nor see. — Henry Fielding

This sort of, arrogant individualism which imagines each new generation can somehow create the world afresh. — Helen Fielding

What's vice today may be virtue, tomorrow. — Henry Fielding

I believe no gentleman would like to have his family affairs neglected because his wife was filling her head with crotchets and pothooks, and who, because she understood a few scraps of Latin, valued that more than minding her needle or providing her husband's dinner. — Sarah Fielding

What is it about mothers and the phone which, immediately you say you have to go, makes them think of nineteen completely irrelevant things they have to tell you that minute? — Helen Fielding

To say the Truth, I have often concluded, that the honest Part of Mankind would be much too hard for the knavish, if they could bring themselves to incur the Guilt, or thought it worth their while to take the Trouble. — Henry Fielding

Jude: Just as you are? Not thinner? Not cleverer? Not with slightly bigger breasts or slightly smaller nose?
Bridget: No.
Shazzer: Well, fuck me.
Tom: This is someone you hate right?
Bridget: Yes, yes, I hate him. — Helen Fielding

When I was a little kid I always wanted to be ginger. My best friend was ginger and he was pretty cool. — Noel Fielding

That is such crap. How dare you be so fraudulently flirtatious, cowardly and dysfunctional? I am not interested in emotional fuckwittage. Goodbye. — Helen Fielding

No means yes in grasshopper language. — Noel Fielding

Dylan stopped at an intersection and gave Chris a long look. 'Not you. You are original. Unique.'
'That good or bad?'
'Oh definitely good. Very, very good. I'd never go back to an off-the-rack lover again.'
'Naw, you prob'ly ordered your lays from the Williams-Sonoma catalog.'
'Well, I'm done shopping now.' — Kim Fielding

Nothing more aggravates ill success than the near approach of good. — Henry Fielding

Nobody wants to be racist and I think that most people aren't. — Helen Fielding

Thoroughly to unfold the labyrinths of the human mind is an arduous task ... In order to dive into those recesses and lay them open to the reader in a striking and intelligible manner, 'tis necessary to assume a certain freedom in writing, not strictly perhaps within the limits prescribed by rules. — Sarah Fielding

Every physician almost hath his favourite disease. — Henry Fielding

Last time you bring me pie, I cut into it, with my tiny pie cutter, and millions of birds flew out hitting me in the eyes and the temples ... it was a trick pie! — Noel Fielding

I began to think I quite liked her really. It's always so nice to meet someone more badly behaved than oneself. — Helen Fielding

Money will say more in one moment than the most eloquent lover can in years. — Henry Fielding

'It's not you, it's me.'
'Oh God. That's exactly what my last three boyfriends said when they dumped me. Is it in the Y-Chromosome User's Manual or something?'
He grinned. 'On page five. But, you know, don't tell anyone I told you.' — Kim Fielding

The other advantage England have got when Phil Tufnell is bowling is that he isn't fielding — Ian Chappell

Worth begets in base minds, envy; in great souls, emulation. — Henry Fielding

The only source of the true Ridiculous (as it appears to me) is affectation — Henry Fielding

The motives to actions and the inward turns of mind seem in our opinion more necessary to be known than the actions themselves; and much rather would we choose that our reader should clearly understand what our principal actors think than what they do. — Sarah Fielding

Oh, God, I'm so lonely. An entire weekend streching ahead with no one to love or have fun with. Anyway, I don't care. I've got a lovely steamed ginger pudding from M&S to put in the microwave. — Helen Fielding

Not only was Cain called upon to suffer, but because of his wickedness he became the father of an inferior race. A curse was placed upon him and that curse has been continued through his lineage and must do so while time endures. Millions of souls have come into this world cursed with a black skin and have been denied the privilege of Priesthood and the fulness of the blessings of the Gospel. These are the descendants of Cain. Moreover, they have been made to feel their inferiority and have been separated from the rest of mankind from the beginning — Joseph Fielding Smith

I couldn't have invented crisps ... I don't really want to be known as the man who invented crisps ... I invented apples ... I invented pandas, and caps. I invented soil. — Noel Fielding

I don't really like jokes in a way. I mean gags are fine but I like weird moments where what you have isn't really a joke, just tiny moments. — Noel Fielding

Call me old-fashioned, but I did read in Glamour that one's shorts should always be longer than one's vagina. — Helen Fielding

The war was not won by any single individual, be it Abraham Lincoln or Ulysses S. Grant. The Union, as a whole, triumphed. The national army, fielding over two million men in toto, led by legions of staff, company, field, and general officers; a correspondingly potent navy; and a far more powerful economy than its adversary were all needed to ultimately subdue the Confederacy. — Joseph A. Rose

It's no good. When someone leaves you, apart from missing them, apart from the fact that the whole little world you've created together collapses, and that everything you see or do reminds you of them, the worst is the thought that they tried you out and, in the end, the whole sum of parts adds up to you got stamped REJECT by the one you love. — Helen Fielding

If we can't have comedy books written about aspects of womanhood without going into a panic attack about it, then we haven't got very far at being equal. — Helen Fielding

I was amongst the virtues like the great Turk in his seraglio of women, and I chose to dwell with that virtue which looked the fairest in my eyes and gave me at that season most pleasure. In short, I made wives of them: I first admired them, then made them my own property, and if they would not submit to my will, I again turned them off and divorced them. — Sarah Fielding

E were always taught, instead of waiting to be swept off our feet, to 'expect little, forgive much'. — Helen Fielding

As women glide from their twenties to thirties, Shazzer argues, the balance of power subtly shifts. Even the most outrageous minxes lose their nerve, wrestling with the first twinges of existential angst: fears of dying alone and being found three weeks later half-eaten by an Alsatian. — Helen Fielding

It's rather fun writing a female spy, because she has so much more kit. Bond never carried a hair dryer or a makeup bag. And he certainly didn't wear an uplift bra. — Helen Fielding

It is a good maxim to trust a person entirely or not at all. — Henry Fielding

Scarcely one person in a thousand is capable of tasting the happiness of others. — Henry Fielding

We were running one morning through the fall leaves. I looked at him and had what I supposed was a defining moment. I saw how handsome he is, how strong
mentally and physically. When I was with him, I ... I really liked myself. Being with him was fun. Easy. I'd never felt so intensely about anyone before, and it made me sad. I wanted him to be around for a long time, to be my friend forever, and I knew it didn't work that way. But it didn't occur to me that what I was feeling was romantic love. Not until Mick kissed me." Fielding smiled slowly, a blush warming his cheeks. I felt an answering smile hijack my own. "Which he would never, ever have done if not for the mistletoe. — Eli Easton

The interview went well. I found him warm but not eager, friendly but slightly impersonal, and he answered all questions concerning music with an engaging straightforwardness. Nonmusical questions he either evaded with the skill of an expert, or ignored, apparently from lack of interest in the subjects broached. Already he had the gift of fielding impertinent questions by offering quotable evasions instead. For instance, I remember asking him if he was a religious person. He replied that he didn't want to talk about religion.
"Why not?" I pursued.
"Because my music is so very odd already that I see no reason to make myself sound any odder. — Philip Glass

No two things could be more the Reverse of each other than were the Brother and Sister, in most instances; particularly in this, That as the Brother never foresaw any Thing at a Distance, but was most sagacious in immediately seeing every Thing the Moment it happened; so the Sister eternally foresaw at a Distance, but was not so quick-sighted to Objects before her Eyes. Of both these the Reader may have observed Examples: And, indeed, both their several Talents were excessive: For as the Sister often foresaw what never came to pass, so the Brother often saw much more than was actually the Truth. — Henry Fielding

Oh God, what's wrong with me? Why does nothing ever work out? — Helen Fielding

I think I should be in a film called 'Space Shrews'. Where I go to space. With a load of shrews. And nothing really happens. We just get out and have a lolly and then come back. But it'll be a musical the ship will be built out of my own hair. — Noel Fielding

But look, you did not have to be well versed in politics to know that some stupid things were going on. It is the counsel's job to stop them, and instead the coverup was created. — Fred F. Fielding

Now, in reality, the world have paid too great a compliment to critics, and have imagined them to be men of much greater profundity then they really are. — Henry Fielding

There aren't too many people out there who can start one of my books and not finish it. I don't think too many writers can say that. — Joy Fielding

I always wanted to travel around and see lots of America, I'd never been to Boston, I'd never been to San Francisco even, so I'm quite excited to just go the places. — Noel Fielding

But the thing about having kids is: you can't go to pieces; you just have to keep going. — Helen Fielding

Roxster, my photo is of an egg. — Helen Fielding

Junction nineteen! Una, she came off at Junction nineteen! You've added an hour to your journey before you even started. Come on, let's get you a drink. How's your love life, anyway?"
Oh GOD. Why can't married people understand that this is no longer a polite question to ask? We wouldn't rush up to THEM and roar, "How's your marriage going? Still having sex?" Everyone knows that dating in your thirties is not the happy-go-lucky free-for-it-all it was when you were twenty-two and that the honest answer is more likely to be, "Actually, last night my married lover appeared wearing suspenders and a darling little Angora crop-top, told me he was gay/a sex addict/a narcotic addict/a commitment phobic and beat me up with a dildo," than, "Super, thanks. — Helen Fielding

Reminded of favorite poem by Wendy Cope which goes:
At Christmas little children sing and merry bells jingle.
The cold winter air makes our hands and faces tingle.
And happy families go to church and cheerily they mingle,
And the whole business is unbelievably dreadful if you're single. — Helen Fielding

Sink into morbid, cynical reflection on how much romantic heartbreak is to do with ego and miffed pride rather than actual loss — Helen Fielding

[F]or who ever heard of a Gold-finder that had the Impudence or Folly to assert, from the ill Success of his Search, that there was no such thing as Gold in the World? Whereas the Truth-finder, having raked out that Jakes his own mind, and being there capable of tracing no Ray of Divinity, nor any thing virtuous, or good, or lovely, very fairly, honestly, and logically concludes, that no such things exist in the whole creation. — Henry Fielding

There is nothing so useful to man in general, nor so beneficial to particular societies and individuals, as trade. This is that alma mater, at whose plentiful breast all mankind are nourished. — Henry Fielding

Maybe there are just some men like that in the world, I thought. Men who have to be in charge, who have to punish those who awaken feelings in them which they cannot control. Men who will lure you with tenderness till you believe that you are safe then slap you down. Men whom it is impossible for anyone to love without losing their dignity. Men who have to damage those who love them most. But, then, I had fallen on love with one, so what did that make me? — Helen Fielding

I don't think baseball could survive without all the statistical appurtenances involved in calculating pitching, hitting and fielding percentages. Some people could do without the games as long as they got the box scores. — John M. Culkin

I think if all men knew and understood who they are, and were aware of the divine source from whence they came, they would have feelings of kindness and kinship for each other that would change their whole way of living and bring peace on earth. — Joseph Fielding Smith

I'm very happy being me, although sometimes I'd love to be a bird so that I could fly. — Joy Fielding

Some virtuous women are too liberal in their insults to a frail sister; but virtue can support itself without borrowing any assistance from the vices of other women. — Henry Fielding

Wit, like hunger, will be with great difficulty restrained from falling on vice and ignorance, where there is great plenty and variety of food. — Henry Fielding

Writing to me is a voyage, an odyssey, a discovery, because I'm never certain of precisely what I will find. — Gabriel Fielding

Wicked companions invite us to hell. — Henry Fielding

Resolution number one: Obviously will lose twenty pounds. Number two: Always put last night's panties in the laundry basket. Equally important, will find sensible boyfriend to go out with and not continue to form romantic attachments to any of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, commitment phobic's, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits or perverts. And especially will not fantasize about a particular person who embodies all these things — Helen Fielding

A French lieutenant, who had been long enough out of France to forget his own language, but not long enough in England to learn ours, so that he really spoke no language at all. — Henry Fielding

Actually last night my married lover appeared wearing suspenders and a darling little angora crop top told me he was gay a sex addict a narcotic addict a commitment phobic and beat me up with a dildo. — Helen Fielding

Giving comfort under affliction requires that penetration into the human mind, joined to that experience which knows how to soothe, how to reason, and how to ridicule; taking the utmost care never to apply those arts improperly. — Henry Fielding

I will not fall for any of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, commitment phobics, people with girlfriends or wives, misogynists, megalomanics, chauvists, emotional fuckwits or freeloaders, perverts. — Helen Fielding

When someone leaves you, apart from missing them, apart from the fact that the whole little world you've created together collapses, and that everything you see or do reminds you of them, the worst is the thought that they tried you out and, in the end, the whole sum of parts adds up to you got stamped REJECT by the one you love. How can you not be left with the personal confidence of a passed over British Rail sandwich? — Helen Fielding

The sad truth is that truth is almost irrelevant in a court of law. — Joy Fielding

Why are bodies so difficult to manage? Why? 'Oh, oh, look at me, I'm a body, I'm going to splurge fat unless you, like, STARVE yourself and go to undignified TORTURE CENTRES and don't eat anything nice or get drunk.' Hate diet. — Helen Fielding

Sportsmanship is that quality of honor that desires always to be courteous, fair, and respectful, and it is interpreted in the conduct of players, spectators, coaches, and school authorities. — Fielding H. Yost

I'm a mischievous drunk. — Noel Fielding

On the video monitor, they saw Ted Fielding slap the polished sphere and shout, "Open! Open Sesame! Open up, you son of a bitch!"
The sphere did not respond. — Michael Crichton

My soul is always lifted up, and my spirit cheered and comforted, when I hear good music. I rejoice in it very much indeed. — Joseph Fielding Smith

Sandra ... ." He blinked then opened his mouth. Closed it. Opened it again. "This says, I married Sandra Fielding, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt."
"Yep. — Penny Reid

Profanity is filthiness. A person is known as much by his language as he is by the company he keeps ... Filthiness in any form is degrading and soul-destroying and should be avoided. — Joseph Fielding Smith

I realize it has become too easy to find a diet to fit in with whatever you happen to feel like eating and that diets are not there to be picked and mixed but picked and stuck to, which is exactly what I shall begin to do once I've eaten this chocolate croissant. — Helen Fielding