Best Woody Allen Quotes & Sayings

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best. — Woody Allen

I sued American Apparel because they calculatingly took my name, my likeness and image and used them publicly to promote their business. — Woody Allen

The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last year. — Woody Allen

Life is horrible, but it is not relentlessly black from wire to wire. You can sit down and hear a Mozart symphony, or you can watch the Marx Brothers, and this will give you a pleasant escape for a while. And that is about the best that you can do. — Woody Allen

I do believe that reality is dreadful and that you are forced to choose it in the end or go crazy, but that it kills you. — Woody Allen

It is clear the future holds opportunities - it also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to seize the opportunities, avoid the pitfalls, and get back home by 6:00. - Woody Allen — Anonymous

I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak. — Woody Allen

The artist can't give you an answer that's satisfying to the dreadful reality of your existence. So the best you can do is maybe entertain people and refresh them for an hour-and-a-half. — Woody Allen

In fact, when they wake up in the morning, they're Jack Nicholson or Robert De Niro or Josh Brolin. And it's built-in, but they think it's all this other stuff. But it's not. They'd be great if they didn't think about their part or if they did think about it. — Woody Allen

Woody Allen has done some excellent serious movies, too, like Crimes And Misdemeanors. Very overlooked movie, I think, and really his best. And currently I like Big Fish! — David Zucker

Unlike Woody Allen, I would be happy to be part of any (poetry) club that would have me. — Denise Duhamel

It's a wonderful thing to be able to create your own world whenever you want to. — Woody Allen

And in all of Babylonia there was wailing and gnashing of teeth, 'til the prophets bade the multitudes get a grip on themselves and shape up. — Woody Allen

The best an idea gets is when its in your head. — Woody Allen

The key point about a demonstration is that it must be seen. Hence the term "demonstration." If a person demonstrates privately in his own home, this is not technically a demonstration but merely "acting silly" or "behaving like an ass. — Woody Allen

I've never dated a fictional character before. The closest I ever came was an Italian. — Woody Allen

I don't believe in an afterlife, but I'm taking an extra pair of underwear just in case. — Woody Allen

Sometimes, when things go well on a set, or when you are working with somebody like Pedro Almodovar, Woody Allen, Rob Marshall or somebody so talented and so inspiring, it's really beautiful, what happens there. — Penelope Cruz

It's just an accident that we happen to be on earth, enjoying our silly little moments, distracting ourselves as often as possible so we don't have to really face up to the fact that, you know, we're just temporary people with a very short time in a universe that will eventually be completely gone. And everything that you value, whether it's Shakespeare, Beethoven, da Vinci, or whatever, will be gone. The earth will be gone. The sun will be gone. There'll be nothing. The best you can do to get through life is distraction. Love works as a distraction. And work works as a distraction. You can distract yourself a billion different ways. But the key is to distract yourself. — Woody Allen

You know what my philosophy of life is? That it's important to have some laughs, but you got to suffer a little too, because otherwise you miss the whole point to life. — Woody Allen

Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian. — Woody Allen

You know, it's one thing about intellectuals, they prove that you can be absolutely brilliant and have no idea what's going on. — Woody Allen

I've worked with Woody Allen twice and he was like, "Whatever you want to change, it's up to you. If you want to change the words, make them your own." — George Clooney

In New York, you've got Donald Trump, Woody Allen, a crack addict and a regular Joe, and they're all on the same subway car. — Ethan Hawke

I do the movies just for myself like an institutionalized person who basket-weaves. Busy fingers are happy fingers. I don't care about the films. I don't care if they're flushed down the toilet after I die. — Woody Allen

Even if God exists, he's done such a terrible job, it's a wonder people don't get together and file a class action suit against him. — Woody Allen

God, you Jews are truly exotic.
Exotic? She should only know the Greenblatts. Or Mr. and Mrs. Milton Sharpstein, my father's friends. Or for that matter, my cousin Tovah. Exotic? I mean, they're nice, but hardly exotic with their endless bickering over the best way to combat indigestion or how far back to sit from the television set. — Woody Allen

When a doctor makes a mistake, it's best to bury the subject. — Woody Allen

I foresee death by culture shock. — Woody Allen

The heart wants what it wants. There's no logic to these things. You meet someone and you fall in love and that's that. — Woody Allen

Reality may not be the best of all possible worlds, but it's still the only place where you can get a decent steak. — Woody Allen

I'm really impotent against the overwhelming bleakness of the universe and the only thing I can do is my little gift [filmmaking] and do it the best I can, which is cold comfort. — Woody Allen

The best things in life are censored. — Woody Allen

When we lose twenty pounds ... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty. — Woody Allen

Let's say there was no terrorism whatsoever and we were all very nice to one another and we were all kind, we still would be faced with an extremely cruel and hostile universe and existence and so I'm a great pessimist and I feel that it's impossible really to be happy, and that the best you can hope for is to be distracted. — Woody Allen

What if the worst is true? What if there's no God, and you only go around once, and that's it? Don't you want to be a part of the experience? You know, what the hell? It's not all a drag, and I'm thinking to myself: Geez! I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I'm never gonna get and just enjoy it while it lasts. And, you know, after
who knows? Maybe there is something, nobody really knows. I know that maybe is a very slim reed to hang your whole life on, but that's the best we have. — Woody Allen

Some of the best memories of my childhood that I have are the times that I played hooky from school so I could spend my days in the public library reading all the wonderful books at my disposal. — Woody Allen

I never thought I was doing anyone a favour by bringing children into the world. With people as cruel to each other as they are, it's a terrible proposition. The best of lives are sad and tragic. The best of them. My general conclusion is that it's not a nice thing to do. The world doesn't need it. The kid doesn't need it. — Woody Allen

For 'Vicky Cristina Barcelona,' for example, Woody Allen is one of the greatest American directors, and we really had a very good working relationship. We understand each other really well. He gave me one of the best opportunities somebody has ever given me in my career. — Penelope Cruz

Sometimes some of the best moments are contributed by the actors being creative, with their own improvisations. — Woody Allen

In short, the best thing to do is behave in a manner befitting one's age. If you are sixteen or under, try not to go bald. — Woody Allen

Years ago I was on television having a discussion with Billy Graham about atheism. He was saying, even if you're right and I'm wrong, and there's nothing after, I will have had a better life than you, because I do believe there was something. And I couldn't argue with that, even though I wanted to. — Woody Allen

He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian. — Woody Allen

There's a tacit agreement between myself and the audience that I will entertain them when they buy their ticket, and I've been the one that has screwed that up. Once in while I indulge myself and try something else, and I keep my fingers crossed that it will come out good and there'll be enough people who will enjoy it, but that doesn't often happen. — Woody Allen

Film is more of novelty, because I've done so much theater over many years. I'm in love with making movies. Also, I find it easier to remember three minutes of dialogue than three hours. — Woody Allen

I have no regard for that kind of ceremony. I just don't think they know what they're doing. When you see who wins those things-or who doesn't win them-you can see how meaningless this Oscar thing is. — Woody Allen

Enthusiasm is a good engine, but it needs intelligence for a driver. — Woody Allen

The chief problem about death ... is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought. — Woody Allen

I've inherited the worst of each parent. I have my father's hypochondria and lack of concentration. I have his amorality. I have everything bad that he had. Then I have my mother's surly, pill-like, complaining, whining attitude. — Woody Allen

Well, obviously I was excited by the idea that Woody Allen was going to direct it. But at the same time, the script itself and the character was really interesting. — Radha Mitchell

I was voted best-looking kid in high school but, as you can see, things changed. I used to say I was a 260 pound Woody Allen. You can make that 295 pound now. — James Gandolfini

I was in analysis. I was suicidal. As a matter of fact, I would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss. — Woody Allen

You mellow too much you ripen and rot. — Woody Allen

I think I've gotten technically better over the years but you'd have to be a fool not to. I've made so many movies that by sheer quantity you get better at the technique. — Woody Allen

If the [actors] are working, and I have a dinner engagement, I don't do 20 takes. I do five takes and go home. I want to go to dinner. — Woody Allen

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered? — Woody Allen

I had a mad impulse to throw you down on the lunar surface and commit interstellar perversion with you. — Woody Allen

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun. — Woody Allen

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank. — Woody Allen

As I got more confident, I was able to let actors improvise, and do long takes. It's 10%, 5% you learn and experience. The rest you just have or you don't have. — Woody Allen

I just admire people like Woody Allen, who every year writes an original screenplay. It's astonishing. I always wished that I could do that. — Francis Ford Coppola

Those who can't do, teach! — Woody Allen

The process of filmmaking is very musical, you get into the rhythm and the rhythmics of how someone is, especially with Woody Allen who is very much into body language and body movement. — Charlotte Rampling

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday. — Woody Allen

I spend a lot of time idly. I go to sporting events, play my clarinet. I practise. But if you work every day, a certain amount on a steady basis, the work accumulates. — Woody Allen

It's funny. Maria Elena and I, we are meant for each other and not meant for each other, it's a contradiction. — Woody Allen

I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her. — Woody Allen

Change is almost always negative. Things degenerate. — Woody Allen

What people who don't write don't understand is that they think you make up the line consciously - but you don't. It proceeds from your unconscious. So it's the same surprise to you when it emerges as it is to the audience when the comic says it. I don't think of the joke and then say it. I say it and then realize what I've said. And I laugh at it, because I'm hearing it for the first time myself. — Woody Allen

I can't even make a leap of faith to believe in my own existence. — Woody Allen

I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer. — Woody Allen

Your audience teaches you how to be funny. — Woody Allen

There is always the possibility that people will change. Real change is more rare. You are who you are at a certain age in life you are pretty much a variation of that your whole life. It?s conceivable that you will change but it's not likely. — Woody Allen

Everything in life turns out to be a distraction from the real thing you want to do. There are a million distractions and when I was a kid I was very disciplined. I knew that the other kids weren't. I was the one able to do the thing, not because I had more talent, maybe less, but because they simply weren't applying themselves. — Woody Allen

It's about Russia. — Woody Allen

Curiosity, that's what kills us. Not muggers or all that bullshit about the ozone layer. It's our own hearts and minds. — Woody Allen