Shane Kuhn Quotes & Sayings

When you're on your own as a youngster, you're fresh meat and there's a line of cannibals just waiting to fire up the grill. — Shane Kuhn

Everything is so fleeting and impermanent. It's enough to drive you bat shit crazy. — Shane Kuhn

We are not antiheroes with a silver lining. And we are sure as hell not relatable or sympathetic. — Shane Kuhn

Sometimes doing what's necessary seems crazy but it's the highest form of sanity. — Shane Kuhn

He was a self-righteous know-it-all who had the breath of a dung beetle, a gray ponytail he barely pulled together from the bozo ring of hair clinging to his balding, freckled dome, and loved to drink, of all things, tea. Usually it was some sickly sweet-smelling herbal crap that was made in the hippie wasteland of Boulder, Colorado. The box was festooned with the image of a happy, dancing bear in a field of multicolored flowers and the tea had some idiotic name like Tai Chai. After work one evening, I snatched the box of tea bags from the break room and changed the recipe. I wasn't really worried that any other employees would use one of the tea bags because NO ONE DRINKS FUCKING TEA AT WORK, especially not the totally useless, noncaffeinated fairy tears reserved for old maids to sip while they watch Murder, She Wrote in bed with their legion of cats. — Shane Kuhn

When people ask about relationships, they always say, "How did you guys meet?" Not, "OMG, tell me about your third year! And when a relationship is in trouble, the desperate couple is always trying to recapture the magic of when they first met. The real tragedy is that, without time travel or amnesia, it's impossible to ever get back there. Which is why to most people, marriage is about as magical as watching David Copperfield make Claudia Schiffer disappear. — Shane Kuhn

A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. — Shane Kuhn

They're more interested in their fucking iPhones than doing their jobs. I can see the glow of their phone screens on their faces as they check e-mail, update their Facebook slaveware, dream of living, breathing, and fucking through the anonymity of text and memes. — Shane Kuhn

Not only did I rise above my drooling-hunchback-in-the-dungeon status, but I also made our meeting seem like a chance encounter, one of the most powerful aphrodisiacs known to man. Thanks to chick flicks, the concept of true love being orchestrated by the rough, construction worker hands of fate is an easy sell. — Shane Kuhn

People love to talk about themselves, especially white people. — Shane Kuhn

Clarity equals victory. Look at successful people. Do you really think they have seven effective habits? Fuck no. Who's got time for that? They have one effective habit: DOING. When you are a 'doer' you lap the rest of the rats in the race. — Shane Kuhn

Fight or flight is bullshit. Flight is the default. Fight only happens when flight is not an option. Because fight requires a sharp committed mind that can think ten steps ahead. — Shane Kuhn

I'm Marcus Hunter. Who are you? — Shane Kuhn

So when I'm up here it feeds, for lack of a better word, nostalgia about my youth. Some people get that way when they see a baseball field or smell trout on the grill. I get that feeling from vertigo and the Freudian fantasy of falling to my certain death on the pavement. — Shane Kuhn

Sometimes pain can bring about clarity and remind us we're still breathing. — Shane Kuhn

Interns are invisible. You can tell an executive your name a hundred times and that executive will never remember it because they have no respect for someone at the bottom of the barrel, working for free. — Shane Kuhn

Sometimes you can get a shark to eat itself if you fill the water with enough blood. — Shane Kuhn

Butt fucking the American dream so you can buy cheap T-shirts at Old Navy. Isn't life beautiful? — Shane Kuhn

Above all, you must be humble. When you are humble, you are like a sponge, taking in the world and letting it fill you with the knowledge of what is real. Pride and arrogance are a dry sponge. You learn nothing. You think you know everything when it's not even possible to know everything. And then you're the dumbass with the surprised look on your face when someone puts a bullet in you. — Shane Kuhn

I am wet shoes.
I am cold, damp breath.
I am sweating hands.
I am gravity crushing the grass beneath my boots.
I am Kevlar and metal and lead.
I am laser sighting.
I am death.
And I am coming. — Shane Kuhn

That's what I love about you. You're a freak. Like me. — Shane Kuhn

The job is the job, and I have no choice but to get it done. Bitching about it will only distract me, and let's be honest, has bitching about anything ever helped anybody? — Shane Kuhn

The more he learned, the more he realized that there is too much to learn in anyone's lifetime. — Shane Kuhn

Monsters like us can learn to be human beings from watching movies — Shane Kuhn

I'm beginning to get the feeling that confession is what we need in order to forgive ourselves. — Shane Kuhn

You always remember the things that rub you the right way or the wrong way. The positive and negative are both powerful memory reinforcement tools. Negative is more powerful than positive, which is based on your survival instincts. But you can't remember something that doesn't touch you in a positive or negative way. And this is our ultimate goal. We must learn from the wallflowers, life's most perfect unintentional losers. — Shane Kuhn

I felt the blood drain out of my face. The whole thing was a setup-the FBI mole, the mystery client ... I knew the what but the why was what I was trying to Scooby-Doo as we hurtled to an uncertain fate in the back of Zhen's limo. It must have been a play for HR, revenge for our hostile takeover. — Shane Kuhn

Instead of getting my gold retirement watch and landing on my feet with a white picket fence and a satellite dish, I ended up base-jumping from the kettle into the fire. All because of one last job. But what's done is done. If your interested, you can read about the whole hot mess in The Intern's Handbook. You won't find it at Barnes & Noble, but I hear the feds have a few copies lying around, and I wouldn't be surprised if you could download it for free on Russian iTunes. I'm told it's an excellent beach/airplane/bathroom/killing-time-after-a-motel-tryst read. — Shane Kuhn

So, like the knights of old, I suited up in my trusty intern armor - brownish-green suit, sensible cap-toed oxfords, white button-down, and omnipresent LensCrafters glasses. If I wasn't able to shoot her, I could probably bore her to death. — Shane Kuhn

Our minds are not interested in truth. They are our private twenty-four hour news cycle putting a constant spin on reality. It's like The Matrix. Everyone is getting plugged into the Bullshit Express. — Shane Kuhn

We are in our own dark Eden where the snake is not selling the Tree of Knowledge. He is selling love, and if you take a bite of that apple, you will go the way of Abel when this is clearly the land of Cain. — Shane Kuhn