Denis Leary Quotes & Sayings

Let me tell you something: I love the Yankees. And let me tell you why: because without the Yankees, there is nobody to hate. — Denis Leary

Life Sucks,get a helmet — Denis Leary

I went to see the 'Spider-Man' movies because my wife is a fan, and so are my kids. — Denis Leary

When you write about real life, there's always a chance that somebody involved is going to see it and get upset. — Denis Leary

I'm really good at laundry, and I have no problem cleaning the kitchen. — Denis Leary

I actually like talking. — Denis Leary

The best thing about series TV is that everyone you work with is hand-picked, as compared to working on a film. — Denis Leary

I'm no prophet and I'm no genius, but I can only tell you what I seem to know. As a fan of television and the movies, I think it's all for the better. — Denis Leary

I don't want a president like me! I suck, okay. I want an elitist, smart guy. — Denis Leary

I've only done two other TV shows [instead of Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll], one was Rescue Me and the other was a show called The Job, which was at ABC and only on for two seasons. — Denis Leary

Jon Stewart is exactly the same guy he's always been, only with money. He knows that the moment he really believes he's important, the funny goes away and he becomes Bill O'Reilly, except shorter and Jewish. — Denis Leary

Some people expect me to be funny all the time, and I'm not necessarily funny all the time. — Denis Leary

I fell asleep during 'Year One' twice. And my son, who never falls asleep during a Jack Black movie, also nodded off. That's how bad it was. I was incredibly disappointed. — Denis Leary

Coffee doesn't need a menu, it needs a cup. That's all it needs! Maybe a saucer underneath the cup - that's it. — Denis Leary

I believe in prescription drugs. I believe in feeling better. — Denis Leary

I don't believe in the power of words. — Denis Leary

If you want a long-term relationship that doesn't require a lot of work, I say, get a dog. They love you no matter what. But when it comes to humans, there's no secret; you really have to appreciate the person every single day. — Denis Leary

Did you ever notice they never take any fat hostages? You never see a guy coming out of Lebanon going: I was held hostage for seven months and I lost 175 pounds, I feel good and I look good and I learned self-discipline. That's the important thing. — Denis Leary

Firefighters don't go on strike. — Denis Leary

I guess you get pigeon-holed in Hollywood, but I'm ok with that because I've been able to do a lot. I started in the theater, then I went to stand-up comedy, and then when I went into the movies to do comedy and drama and big movies and small movies. — Denis Leary

I'm not saying being a comedian is brain surgery, but it is definitely - it's like being a carpenter. You learn how to make tables and chairs. You have to have the right tools, and you have to know how to put the thing together, right? — Denis Leary

I love French stuff. Mmmm, french fries. — Denis Leary

I went to school with Steven Wright, who was the shyest guy I knew, and one day someone suddenly told me that he was in a club doing standup comedy. I went down to his club and he was great. Another friend of mine, who was pretty much a thief by trade, was hosting the show. So I thought, 'If these guys can do it, then so can I.' — Denis Leary

I wanted to be a hockey player. Where I grew up, the basketball courts were rarely used. I was terrible in school and actually said, 'I'm going to be a hockey player.' — Denis Leary

I'm no day at the beach. And if it is a beach, it's Hampton Beach. Ever been there? It's not nice. — Denis Leary

You really want to have a back-up plan, so when you don't feel like acting, or you're getting older and settling down, you can produce your own stuff. So that's when I set about forming my own company and getting creative control. — Denis Leary

My biggest regret in life is that I didn't hit John Denver in the mouth while I has the chance. — Denis Leary

There's not going to be a 'Rescue Me' movie. Not a chance. — Denis Leary

The filter's the best part. That's where they put the heroin. — Denis Leary

I take music pretty seriously. You see that scar on my wrist? You see that? You know where that's from? I heard the Bee Gees were getting back together again. I couldn't take it, OK! — Denis Leary

Good actors, especially when they know their character, will come in and either tell you in advance that they have an idea, or in the middle of the rehearsal or the scene they'll let it loose and you go, 'Ah that's great.' — Denis Leary

I don't want to see a 'Sopranos' movie. This is just me. I like to think the end is where it was on TV as opposed to becoming a movie. — Denis Leary

Every actor thinks he can do comedy, and it's not true. — Denis Leary

On a movie, you have a great time, and you're really enjoying the work, and then everybody is done and goes their separate ways, and you maybe never get to work with those people again. — Denis Leary

I learned a long time ago, if you want to keep your friends in show business, don't get famous. Because as soon as you get famous, a lot of the people you used to know, who didn't, become incredibly bitter and jealous. It's part of the territory. — Denis Leary

Racism isn't born, folks. It's taught. I have a 2-year-old son. Know what he hates? Naps. End of list. — Denis Leary

I'm pretty much a chocolate guy. I'm up for any type of chocolate. Any chocolate. — Denis Leary

Anybody who's done standup will tell you that there's nothing like it. The show starts at 8:00, the curtain goes up and there's nobody else except you and the audience, and you just perform for them for two hours. Nobody yells, 'Cut!' There are no retakes. That is still the most exciting medium for me, and I love it. — Denis Leary

How many whales do we really need? I figure five. One for each ocean. — Denis Leary

I like to give the actors freedom to take what we have on the page and improve on it. And they do that quite a bit. — Denis Leary

It says on the back of the Nyquil box, 'May cause drowsiness.' It should say, 'Don't make any plans, OK? Kiss your family and friends good-bye.' — Denis Leary

If a character dies, you get to do a big, juicy death scene. But the flip side is you're out of the sequel, which is where the real money is. — Denis Leary

I write what I think is funny and I write from a sense of popping a balloon or a sense of injustice, whether it's about yourself, or whether it's about something else. It's my worldview; it doesn't mean that everybody has to agree with it. — Denis Leary

There are some guys I know for a fact, like Louis C.K., who always talk about how not-great of an actor he is, and he's terrific on his show. But I know Louis would play a fantastic dramatic role in something, too. He just needs somebody to grab him and say, 'Come in here and do this.' — Denis Leary

Happy Easter everyone! Jesus dies, comes back from the dead - and we get chocolate eggs. It's like turn-down service from God. — Denis Leary

Campbell [Scott] also directed me in a film with Hope Davis called Final. That was the first thing we did together, but I've known him for years. — Denis Leary

I basically - I don't like tattoos, unless you're a firefighter who has a tattoo that has to do with that or a military guy. That's - those are people who should have tattoos. — Denis Leary

For us as writers, it's really important to have songs we believe in - even before sometimes we shoot a scene. If we have a song that's so perfectly designed for a scene on 'Rescue Me,' we'll play it on loud speakers during the shooting. It helps the cameraman and it helps the director, and it helps the actors know what the feel is. — Denis Leary

Here's the problem with Easter. The Catholic Church needs to pick a date because it keeps moving. And I think the reason they always have Easter moving to different dates is to catch us. — Denis Leary

Usually when you watch a film, you're just sort of biting your nails about things you could have done differently. — Denis Leary

I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with. — Denis Leary

Everyone should have an evil secret plan ... — Denis Leary

Bill Murray doesn't do anything. He barely shows up at the movies he says he's going to do. — Denis Leary

What firefighters and people in our military and cops do is separate from what the rest of us do; basically these people say, 'I'm going to protect all these strangers.' — Denis Leary

First of all, I have to have trucks because I live most of my time on a horse farm, so I've gotta have trucks. It's in the northeast; I've got to have pickup trucks to move snow, number one. Number two, just if I'm driving, I don't have to have an SUV, but I want a big car. — Denis Leary

The best comedy audiences in the country and this is tried and true, I'm not just saying it, in my opinion are Boston, Atlanta, and Chicago. — Denis Leary

Most people think life sucks, and then you die. Not me. I beg to differ. I think life sucks, then you get cancer, then your dog dies, your wife leaves you, the cancer goes into remission, you get a new dog, you get remarried, you owe ten million dollars in medical bills but you work hard for thirty five years and you pay it back and then one day you have a massive stroke, your whole right side is paralyzed, you have to limp along the streets and speak out of the left side of your mouth and drool but you go into rehabilitation and regain the power to walk and the power to talk and then one day you step off a curb at Sixty-seventh Street, and BANG you get hit by a city bus and then you die. Maybe — Denis Leary

You just can't win. Men have very recent land mines in their heads. Women have recorded conversations and photographs in their heads from 15 years ago. — Denis Leary

We've always talked about doing something else and Campbell Scott is always busy and I'm always busy. But when we came up with the idea of doing the potato famine as a hip hop musical, I wanted somebody who was going to bring gravity. — Denis Leary

My primary reason for bringing my son on was to have a voice on the show [Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll] that would bring a 25 or 26 year old point of view to it, and my son is very capable of writing that stuff. — Denis Leary

I really want to do a western film. It's one of my favorite movie genres of all time. — Denis Leary

No woman can be completely happy at any one moment in time. They're always anticipating the next thing to argue or complain about. — Denis Leary

My goal is to leave this planet with the biggest carbon footprint I can possibly leave. — Denis Leary

My wife and I were poor when I started but we struggled along until things happened for me in my thirties. I knew I was doing what I loved even if I wasn't getting paid for it, so I think I'd still be doing it. — Denis Leary

With any actor, if you know your character well enough, you'll know pretty much what he would say under any circumstance, or whatever situation might rear its head. — Denis Leary

You can't teach somebody how to be funny. You're either funny, or you ain't. — Denis Leary

Firefighters are some of the most selfless public servants you will ever encounter. — Denis Leary

I can't text. My fingers are too big. — Denis Leary

I try and shoot as often as a can, I cross shoot. I have at least two cameras rolling at the same time. So I'll have two actors or two sets of actors at a time so everybody's basically on camera. So when they improvise we have everybody's coverage. And you can then go in the editing room and find the energy still stays there. — Denis Leary

There are about a thousand different variations on a horse neigh. Some of them sound like a horse having sex, some of them like a horse having sad sex. — Denis Leary

One thing that's great about firefighters: If they don't have the equipment they desperately need, they don't have the help, they don't care. They'll do it on their own. — Denis Leary

We didn't have rehab back in the Seventies. Back in the Seventies, rehab meant you stopped doing coke, but you kept smoking pot and drinking for a couple more weeks. — Denis Leary

I'm in my truck talking to Jesus. And you can see a World Series ring on my right pinkie finger. But when I take my sunglasses off a second later, it's gone. It's the whole divine intervention thing. You know Jesus had something to do with them winning. — Denis Leary

Heavy Metal fans are buying Heavy Metal records, taking the records home, listening to the records and then blowing their heads off with shotguns? Where's the problem? That's an unemployment solution right there, folks! It's called natural selection. — Denis Leary

There is a huge boom in autism right now because inattentive mothers and competitive dads want an explanation for why their dumb-ass kids can't compete academically, so they throw money into the happy laps of shrinks ... to get back diagnoses that help explain away the deficiencies of their junior morons. I don't give a [bleep] what these crackerjack whack jobs tell you - yer kid is NOT autistic. He's just stupid. Or lazy. Or both. — Denis Leary

My kids watch everything downloaded; they have no idea what the numbers or the names of the channels mean, except, 'FX makes the show that I see on my computer.' So it's harder to get a show on the air, but at the same time, there are a lot of terrific shows. — Denis Leary

Certain movies like 'Wag The Dog,' we used improv on every scene that we did. Pretty much, we would shoot from the script and then some stuff that we came up with in rehearsal, and then we'd have at least one or two takes where we completely went off the script and just flew by the seat of our pants. — Denis Leary

If you're over 52 years old and you're on Facebook, do us all a favor and log off now. — Denis Leary

When I'm on stage, that's me. It's blown up, but that's me. — Denis Leary

If you see me doing a new stand-up special, it probably means I've been out of work for a while. — Denis Leary

I'd love to do another television series. I really love the writing process, and as an actor I really like how much you get to examine in television. — Denis Leary

The first movie I saw where it convinced me I could be an actor was 'Mean Streets,' so whenever I see Robert De Niro and he says, 'Hi, Denis,' it's still a really big deal. — Denis Leary

When I first got famous, Greg Dulli was also just starting to cook with the Afghan Whigs, and because of the MTV awards I met Dave Grohl and Nirvana and all these rock and roll bands. So I had experience with what it was like when people were taking off at that time. — Denis Leary

People are disappointed that you aren't exactly who they thought you were, as opposed to somebody who's just walking around trying to get some laundry done. — Denis Leary

No matter what anybody says, relationships are based on physical attraction. The first time I saw my wife, it was pure animal whatever. — Denis Leary

I like Jesus, I mean, I think he was a good guy. — Denis Leary

It became sort of a snowball effect, with guys trying to deal in their own way with 9/11, whether it was drinking or whatever, — Denis Leary

All men hear is blah, blah, blah, blah, SEX, blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah, BEER. — Denis Leary

I'm not really a Spider-Man fan. I'm more of a Batman guy. — Denis Leary

We live in a country where John Lennon takes eight bullets, Yoko Ono is walking right beside him and not one hits her. Explain that to me! — Denis Leary

I don't really have a lot of fun playing just straight good guys. It's not my thing. It's like Tom Hanks territory. — Denis Leary

Elvis and I call up Cadillac dealerships all night long, suckin' down Ny Quil stingers and cheese. He says, what the hell's Lisa Marie thinking with that Michael Jackson crap? — Denis Leary

Nobody can make more fun of me than I already make of myself. — Denis Leary

Loud, stupid and overeating will suffice as long as we also have the funny, the fierce and the intellectual — Denis Leary

Liz [Gillies] doesn't really listen to anything new, besides Adele, Ariana Grande, and stuff like that. She loves '70s music and old '60s songs. She loves songwriters from the '70s that I hate, like Jim Croce and James Taylor, and she loves Stevie Nicks and old jazz classics. — Denis Leary

Ann Romney talking about middle class moms is like Chris Christie talking about a salad — Denis Leary

I'm the Lord of the Dance! F-k Michael Flatley, it's me! — Denis Leary

I think all priests should be married. — Denis Leary

I do have to say that I think that President Obama is the greatest President in the history of all of our Presidents, and that he can do no wrong in my book. So how's that for prejudice on the Democratic side? — Denis Leary

There's nothing wrong with an actor that can't improvise, but if you're going to improvise, you gotta make sure you got people that can play the game. — Denis Leary