Amy Sedaris Quotes & Sayings

Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because in the case of the pet, you were not pretending to love it. — Amy Sedaris

I like it when people who aren't so attractive, or they have a whole lot of hurdles to get over, I like it when they dress up and they look presentable. That, to me, just touches me. — Amy Sedaris

More men than women like 'Strangers With Candy'. Pretty girls don't like the show. They don't like to see an ugly lady. — Amy Sedaris

My kitchen's pink, like skin-tone pink, and I lowered my spice rack so it's eye level - it's true! - and my phone, so I can reach it when I fall, it's right there. — Amy Sedaris

Don't associate me with comedy. And please don't say actress. I would never call myself any of those things. I hate it when people call me that. — Amy Sedaris

Sometimes it's just enough for me to have the idea. I don't need to see it through to the end. When it actually happens, I'm always disappointed because it's never like what I imagined in my head. When an idea becomes a reality, then it's a job. I'd rather just think about it. — Amy Sedaris

If I'm creating something for myself, then I want to have fun. — Amy Sedaris

I have no desire to carry a movie. — Amy Sedaris

I wasn't a cliquey person, and I think that's because I came from a large family. I got along with everybody, and I usually got along with the people that people didn't like. — Amy Sedaris

My favorite things often have a story behind them and are usually handmade or discovered at a flea market. — Amy Sedaris

I'm not a good storyteller. I always think I'm going to get interrupted, or something's going to get edited. I think that comes from being in a large family, so you have to get your story in really quick or someone cuts you off. — Amy Sedaris

Books are challenging and inspirational to me. — Amy Sedaris

I don't mind pointing out some of the failings of old age, because we are all headed in that direction, unless of course we take our own lives before we become a burden. I'm not advocating suicide, oh wait, I guess I am. — Amy Sedaris

I need a costume to be convinced that I'm somebody else. Otherwise, it's just me. It's just Amy saying lines. I haven't really become somebody else. And what's the fun in that? — Amy Sedaris

You just can't enjoy any of the movie when you're in it. — Amy Sedaris

I think it's good for a person to spend time alone. It gives them an opportunity to discover who they are and to figure out why they are always alone. — Amy Sedaris

I'm drawn to people who look different. I'm not exploiting. I'm not making fun of them. I'm drawn to them. — Amy Sedaris

I like to make things, but I looked at old craft books on weaving or mosaics or whatever, I'm like, 'I don't really know anything about that stuff.' — Amy Sedaris

Begin your story with a sentence that will immediately grab hold of your listener's ears like a surly nun in a Catholic school. — Amy Sedaris

Don't answer the door in a wedding dress and veil, he might not think you're joking. — Amy Sedaris

I try to pick music for a diner that doesnt involve a lot of lyrics, so you're not paying attention to that. As long as it doesnt dominate the party, it should be more atmosphere music. When I'm by myself, I never play music. — Amy Sedaris

People always think I'm Amy Poehler, which never bothers me. I mean, Amy Poehler is great. — Amy Sedaris

I love cop shows and crime books and thrillers, and before I die I'm gonna play a cop. — Amy Sedaris

My little brother Paul. He owns his own floor sanding business called Silly P Hardwood Floors and hes really good. — Amy Sedaris

But I love how people who are musical, they know how to dress. — Amy Sedaris

I just hate the whole idea of labeling anything as a comedy. If you tell me something's funny, I'll want to rebel against it. When I go to a bookstore and see books categorized as humor, I get furious. Don't tell me that a book is funny. Let me decide if it's funny. It's the same with sitcoms. You call something a sitcom and people expect it to be funny. And that ruins everything. — Amy Sedaris

I like dramas and stuff. That's what I watch, but it seems weird that I'd be in it. — Amy Sedaris

I was just a kid. I think I stole a candy bar. I remember feeling so terrible. It was the worst shock. I was probably 7. That's my least favorite feeling: guilt. — Amy Sedaris

My father and I have a very good relationship. We always got along. But I always scold him. — Amy Sedaris

I like crafts that come out of poverty or necessity. There used to be hobby shops where you'd get your supplies, and then you'd use your imagination. — Amy Sedaris

I feel confident writing on my feet with improv, but it's different when you're sitting down and writing it out. — Amy Sedaris

We're all used to seeing pretty people. I want to see real people. — Amy Sedaris

Some crafts have been practiced for centuries. These crafts were created using skills passed from generation to generation, and were motivated by necessity such as baskets and pottery, or artistic expression, such as more baskets and more pottery. Today, there is a much more leisurely attitude toward crafting, and virtually anyone without a job and access to pipe cleaners can join the elite society of crafters. — Amy Sedaris

Crafting, or 'making things,' has always been a delightful pastime of mine because it requires putting common elements together in order to achieve a lovely something that nobody needs. — Amy Sedaris

My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper. — Amy Sedaris

I have a couple freeloader friends, but it's okay. I know they're gonna come in with their arms flying in the air empty-handed. — Amy Sedaris

People that know me know that I cook. I cook every night. — Amy Sedaris

Usually, the best ideas come from other people's good ideas, which then, after a short gestation period, become your ideas. — Amy Sedaris

I stayed in New York City for the first time, I'd always wanted to do that. — Amy Sedaris

A lot of crafters, they're shut-ins. — Amy Sedaris

I did shoplift but I didn't get in trouble for it. I shoplifted a lot when I was little. Candy. I would steal candy. — Amy Sedaris

I've never played anyone who didn't like themselves. I don't care if they're unattractive, but it's important that they think of themselves as attractive. And I guess that's part of their charm. — Amy Sedaris

I have a very muscular face. — Amy Sedaris

If I know I have to memorize lines, I'm really gonna try to memorize lines. It's hard for me sometimes, because somebody wrote these words and you're trying really hard to get them the way they said it. — Amy Sedaris

Well I went to New Orleans to cover the jazz festival for Trio, it's this new arts channel, it's really great. — Amy Sedaris

I always got along with all types of people - popular people as well as drug addicts. — Amy Sedaris

If you see a shy person, ask them some questions like, 'Why are you so shy? Tell everyone, we're all listening. — Amy Sedaris

I like to entertain in all aspects. When you're with somebody and you're out, you want to be entertained. I like to be around entertaining people. Even if they're bored, and you're in a convalescent home, there's something entertaining about that, in a way. — Amy Sedaris

I have always wanted a bunny and I'll always have a rabbit the rest of my life. — Amy Sedaris

I like to be the one in charge of everything. — Amy Sedaris

That's why I love improvisational theater so much - you do it [scene] once and then it's done. You don't get bogged down with a lot of preplanning and repetition. If I do something and it gets a laugh, I don't want to do it again. Why bother? I'm just repeating myself. It's boring. — Amy Sedaris

When you hear someone use the word 'meds' instead of the word 'medicine,' chances are they're no stranger to massive doses of mind-altering psychotropic drugs. Back out of the room slowly. — Amy Sedaris

When people tell me they are going to go scrapbooking, I say, 'Why don't you make it yourself.' It's like chocolate-chip cookies. People buy the cookie-dough roll and slice it, and then they lay it on a cookie sheet. That's not making chocolate-chip cookies. — Amy Sedaris

I really don't like going out. I don't like restaurants because I don't like the idea of someone, a waitress, being responsible for my evening. I like seconds, and more, and lots of conversation, and I've always hated the idea that in a restaurant an evening just ends. I find that incredibly depressing. — Amy Sedaris

I'm not ambitious. — Amy Sedaris

Don't leave a piece of jewelry at his house so you can go back and get it later; he may be with his real girlfriend. — Amy Sedaris

Sometimes, to keep things exciting, I decorate my house as if I owned a child. I'll toss a tiny pair of shoes in the hallway or lean small wooden crutches in what I refer to as 'the baby's room,' which is actually a tiny space where I make things. I continue to call it the baby's room because it confuses people and it's creepy. — Amy Sedaris

If you cannot come to the party, do not cancel at the last minute or give a message to a child to inform the host. And don't bother explaining why you can't attend because anything after 'because' is bullshit. — Amy Sedaris

Learn more about yourself! Make a self-esteem collage using pictures of other people you wish you were. — Amy Sedaris

I love old cookbooks. I just got such a kick out of them, how the color would be way off or fake looking. The cook books now look so much like magazines, you'll never make food that looks like that. I'd rather see it the ugly way than they way they do it now. — Amy Sedaris

I like working with the public, I like working with food, and I like making cash. — Amy Sedaris

I like to just make things ... If I have the TV on, I'm not just going to sit there. I want to do something with my hands; I've always got a project. Or I get a small group of people over, and I say, 'Let's make these things today.' — Amy Sedaris

I never really take shortcuts. I was always one of those people who, instead of cutting across someone's yard on the way home from school, I would go to the end of the block and turn. — Amy Sedaris

I always want to look unattractive, it's more fun. I like playing opposites, people who aren't attractive who think they are pretty. That's always interesting to me. — Amy Sedaris

Fire had an almost magical quality that suggested anything was possible. Early on, man even believed that fire was a god that had to be fed with animal sacrifices in order to burn brightly. Today we have evolved a long way from this ridiculous notion of a 'fire god' and now rightfully understand God to be a bearded being who lives amongst the clouds and hates Jews and homosexuals. — Amy Sedaris

I have a lot of fake food in my apartment, but I'm picky about it. Old plaster food, like from the '50s is really nice, hollowed out paper-mache food from old plays - the new stuff just looks too good. — Amy Sedaris

I like people who would rather something be discovered than shoved in your face. — Amy Sedaris

I always find something to keep me busy. — Amy Sedaris

I can't imagine going to an all-girls school. I went to a public school. — Amy Sedaris

If you decide on having an alcoholic at your party, make sure it's a large gathering. This way, until the alcoholic begins removing their clothes or dangling the cat out the window, they can sort of blend in. An alcoholic at a small gathering is called an intervention. — Amy Sedaris

I'm not very good with drink recipes. If I'm entertaining, I like to come up with a house drink for the evening, one thing I'll make for the whole evening of the whole month. — Amy Sedaris

I've named everything that I've ever owned. Real or inanimate, I have to give it a first and last name. Everything in my apartment comes alive at night. — Amy Sedaris

I failed first grade, which is my biggest problem. You always feel like a failure, like you're stupid. — Amy Sedaris

I always knew I didn't want kids, and I didn't want to get married. — Amy Sedaris

That's how all theater should be done - you only have one chance to see it and then it's gone. One night only. — Amy Sedaris

On the off chance that you have children, don't clean up at all. As children, my brother and sister and I loved waking up early and playing cocktail party with the leftover debris — Amy Sedaris

Gay guys know how to craft, and they craft really well. Straight guys, forget it. — Amy Sedaris

It's natural for humans to suppress urges, for when our desires are left unchecked they lead to broken relationships, prison time, and forest fires. — Amy Sedaris

The moment someone says, 'Hey, everyone, listen to the words in this song,' your party is over. — Amy Sedaris

I'm very domestic; I love cleaning. I love cooking. I like waiting on people. I just like to make things. I don't break that down to be weakness, or the only things women can do, or putting me back 20 years. — Amy Sedaris

My mother always said 'Don't bother other people.' I think that's good advice. — Amy Sedaris

I'm always more attracted to the unattractive. — Amy Sedaris

They just expected it to you know ... Paul, Steve and I could have hired our own publicist, if we wanted to, but I kind of liked the way it was more of a cult thing and those that liked it, liked it, you know what I mean? — Amy Sedaris

It was more of their quirky show. It was more like a cult show. The ratings weren't really that high. — Amy Sedaris

I'm not a first-place person. — Amy Sedaris

In all the land there is only one you, possibly two, but seldom more than sixteen. — Amy Sedaris

I love theatrical props: a cup filled with solid fake tea, say, or a collection of fake food, including a rubber turkey, which, during the holidays, I wrap in tinfoil so it appears to have just come out of the oven. — Amy Sedaris

I like to play unattractive people who think they're pretty. You can do what you want, but I prefer to look interesting. — Amy Sedaris

Although it has been said that idle hands are the devil's workshop, when it comes to teenagers, both idle and active hands are the devil's workshop. — Amy Sedaris

Accentuaute the positives - medicate the negatives. — Amy Sedaris

I've never done heroin or slept with people for money or anything. — Amy Sedaris

I am an aging Girl Scout. — Amy Sedaris

Usually I'm the one asking somebody to do something because I don't know how to finish it. I'm like, 'Do this for me' because I'm just resistant to learning. — Amy Sedaris

You know when you watch old movies, it's always the small parts you remember, the character actors who come in like a breath of fresh air. — Amy Sedaris

Imagination! My problem is that I have so many ideas, I never have enough time to use them all. Just the other day I thought up eleven things I could do with a flowerpot. Eleven! Three of those things didn't even involve plants. — Amy Sedaris

Gift-wrap the framed artwork on your walls and rehang them - what's nicer than a wall of presents to look at? — Amy Sedaris

I hate playing pretty or sane people. Most people are not attractive or all there. — Amy Sedaris

There is nothing wrong with not wanting to be a hospitable person and have groups of people in your home touching your personables. — Amy Sedaris

I choose to do unattractive people, because then I can pretend they think they're attractive. — Amy Sedaris

I swear I want to be a food model. — Amy Sedaris