Amy Poehler Quotes & Sayings

New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin said that New Orleans, when rebuilt, will be a chocolate city. And he will be the delicious nut in the center. — Amy Poehler

To some people, not caring is supposed to be cool, commenting is more interesting than doing, and everything is judged and then disposed of in, like, five minutes. I'm not interested in those kinds of people. I like the person who commits and goes all in and takes big swings and then maybe fails or looks stupid; who jumps and falls down, rather than the person who points at the person who fell, and laughs. But I do sometimes laugh when people fall down. — Amy Poehler

I find my relationships at 40-plus are really emulsified, juicy relationships because you have more of a sense of who you are and who you want to be around. — Amy Poehler

I think the days of putting your feet up when you're pregnant are long gone. Women who are nine months pregnant now have to work till the bitter end - they don't get to be on TV. — Amy Poehler

There's power in looking silly and not caring that you do. — Amy Poehler

Hopefully as you get older, you start to learn how to live with your demon. It's hard at first. Some people give their demon so much room that there is no space in their head or bed for love. They feed their demon and it gets really strong and then it makes them stay in abusive relationships or starve their beautiful bodies. But sometimes, you get a little older and get a little bored of the demon. Through good therapy and friends and self-love you can practice treating the demon like a hacky, annoying cousin. Maybe a day even comes when you are getting dressed for a fancy event and it whispers, "You aren't pretty," and you go, "I know, I know, now let me find my earrings." Sometimes you say, "Demon, I promise you I will let you remind me of my ugliness, but right now I am having hot sex so I will check in later. — Amy Poehler

I am not great in a crowd. I don't see a lot of rock shows because sometimes I am afraid I won't get out. I used to squeeze my little self into the scrum and jump around and cause tiny trouble. Now I just want to sit down and have someone perform my five favorite songs while I eat a light dinner and receive a simultaneous pedicure. Is there some kind of awesome indie/alt/hip-hop/electronica music tour that can do that? — Amy Poehler

Tina Fey is my comedy wife. I have known her for almost a double decade. We met each other when we were poor and single. Now we are both rich as shit and have husbands all over the world. People think of us as a "comedy team" and I am not quick to correct them. Why wouldn't I want to connect myself to the fiercest and most talented voice in the comedy world? — Amy Poehler

Her writing is beautiful and poetic and how dare she. — Amy Poehler

I worked at an ice cream parlor called Chadwicks. We wore old-timey outfits and had to bang a drum, play a kazoo, and sing 'Happy Birthday' to people while giving them free birthday sundaes. Lots of ice cream scooping and $1 tips. — Amy Poehler

I just love bossy women. I could be around them all day. To me, bossy is not a pejorative term at all. It means somebody's passionate and engaged and ambitious and doesn't mind leading. — Amy Poehler

Because remember, the talking about the thing isn't the thing. The doing of the thing is the thing. — Amy Poehler

Writer for Conan, wrote a character for me called Andy's Little Sister. Her name was Stacey and she wore headgear and was obsessed with Conan. — Amy Poehler

Short people DO NOT like to be picked up. — Amy Poehler

[At Boston College] I started working on the kinds of skills that you need for comedy. It's about being creative and learning to use your gift for being able to let loose and be very unself-conscious. It took me time though before I was really able to get comfortable doing that. — Amy Poehler

Now everything is backed up on the cloud and you can find your phone if you lose it in a taxi. Don't you realize it's only a matter of time before our phones can FIND US? — Amy Poehler

Sleep is out ... tired is the new black. — Amy Poehler

I was a shitty version of myself. The shadow side. I made a lot of noise because I felt bad about hurting someone's feelings and I didn't want to get quiet and really figure out how I felt. I was afraid to lie down and put my hand on my heart and hear the tiny voice whispering inside me saying I had screwed up. — Amy Poehler

Even demons gotta sleep. — Amy Poehler

Our ego is a monster that loves to sit at the head of the table, and I have learned that my ego is just as rude and loud and hungry as everyone else's. It doesn't matter how much you get; you are left wanting more. — Amy Poehler

During an interview with Katie Couric Tuesday, Sarah Palin says she is not opposed to gay people, adding 'One of my absolute best friends for the last 30 years happens to be gay and I love her dearly and she doesn't exist.' — Amy Poehler

Dating in highschool was very different. Boys suddenly went up your shirt, girls were expected to give blow jobs and be sexy. You had to be hot, but not a slut. You had to be into sex, but never have it. Except when your boyfriend wanted it. If you had sex you had to keep it a secret, but also be very good at it. Except not too good, because this better be your first time. — Amy Poehler

I am interested in people who swim in the deep end. I want to have conversations about real things with people who have experienced real things. [I'm tired of talking about movies and gossiping about friends.] — Amy Poehler

I like hard work and I don't like pretending things are perfect. — Amy Poehler

I loved school. I loved new shoes and lunch boxes and sharp pencils. I would hold dance contests in tiny finished basements with my friends. I roller-skated in my driveway and walked home from the bus stop on my own. We never locked our door. I had a younger brother whom I loved and also liked. I thought my mother was the most beautiful mother in the world and my father was a superhero who would always protect me. I wish this feeling for every child on earth. — Amy Poehler

During the writers' strike in 2007, we put on our own SNL episode there with old sketches. Michael Cera hosted, our musical guest was Yo La Tengo, and we gave Lorne a birthday cake as he sat in the audience. — Amy Poehler

In the trial of Saddam Hussein on Tuesday, witnesses emotionally testified about the abuse the former dictator inflicted on them. Afterward, a tearful Saddam said, 'Ah, good times.' — Amy Poehler

The physical act of walking combined with the opportunity to look out at the world while you are sharing your thoughts and feelings is very comforting to me. — Amy Poehler

Let me take a minute to say that I love bossy women. Some people hate the word, and I understand how "bossy" can seem like a shitty way to describe a woman with a determined point of view, but for me, a bossy woman is someone to search out and celebrate. A bossy woman is someone who cares and commits and is a natural leader. Also, even though I'm bossy, I like being told what to do by people who are smarter and more interesting than me. — Amy Poehler

that light inside you that drives you. That joy that comes when you do something you love. That small voice that tells you, "I like this. Do this again. You are good at it. Keep going." That is the juicy stuff that lubricates our lives and helps us feel less alone in the world. Your creativity is not a bad boyfriend. It is a really warm older Hispanic lady who has a beautiful laugh and loves to hug. If you are even a little bit nice to her she will make you feel great and maybe cook you delicious food. Career — Amy Poehler

Be nice, tell your woman she is hot, never shame her, and never hurt her. — Amy Poehler

My high school musical did not offer a shirtless Zac Efron but it did provide me with many lessons. I learned that I loved being in a theatre, attending rehearsals, and building sets. I loved listening to the director and groaning about rehearsing choreography — Amy Poehler

We plan on delivering our baby to the soundtrack of Pink Floyd's The Wall while simultaneously watching The Wizard of Oz. If this kid works with us, we guarantee your minds will be blown! The — Amy Poehler

Being snubbed is not always a bad thing at awards shows because you end up getting a lot of people coming up to you and telling you how great you are. — Amy Poehler

People who are committing and taking risks become the king and queen of my prom. — Amy Poehler

The strange thing is that the moment people start looking at you less is when you start being able to see through people more. — Amy Poehler

Saying "yes" doesn't mean I don't know how to say no, and saying "please" doesn't mean I am waiting for permission. — Amy Poehler

Shame is difficult. It's a weapon and a signal. It can paralyze or motivate. My friend Louis CK likes to say that "guilt is an intersection" Getting out of it means making a choice and moving forward. — Amy Poehler

According to Washington insiders, White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan could be the next official to leave the Bush administration. McClellan says he'd like to spend more time lying for his family — Amy Poehler

Softball was the most fun because of the opportunity to shit talk. — Amy Poehler

It seems a strange thing, but once I was able to get past that kind of self-image problem, I was able to open up in my comedy work and just go all out, take chances, and have fun with the performance aspect of that. — Amy Poehler

A new poll reveals that 56% of Americans believe that Wal-Mart is bad for the country, while the other 44% work there. — Amy Poehler

If you can dance and be free and not embarrassed you can rule the world. — Amy Poehler

You aren't allowed to feel special, but no one knows the specific ways you are in pain. — Amy Poehler

Some people get in the way of change happening. Some people spend their whole careers thinking they can make a difference. Other people want to do as little as possible to get the day done. — Amy Poehler

If the goal is doing good stuff and working with your friends ... if you're doing that then you're succeeding. — Amy Poehler

Debbie Downer was one of the few sketches where I broke, and I remember watching Heratio Sanz laugh so hard that tears squirted out of his eyes. I still believe that sketch may be a cure for low-level depression if watched regularly. — Amy Poehler

As you navigate through the rest of your life, be open to collaboration. Other people and other people's ideas are often better than your own. Find a group of people who challenge and inspire you, spend a lot of time with them, and it will change your life. — Amy Poehler

I think if I have established anything in my book, it's that a key element of being my friend is being comfortable with my forced fun. — Amy Poehler

A top McCain policy adviser claimed this week that McCain's work in the Senate helped create the BlackBerry, saying, 'You're looking at the miracle that John McCain helped create.' He then handed the BlackBerry to McCain, who attempted to withdraw $20 from it. — Amy Poehler

Most people I know struggle with that complicated soup of feeling slighted on one hand and like a total fraud on the other. — Amy Poehler

It's not communism, it's shouldn't be that everybody gets a try no matter how good or bad they are. It's our profession and our art, so we should eventually strive to be working with the best people. — Amy Poehler

Just breathe. Sometimes you're only a few breaths away from feeling better. — Amy Poehler

If boys say something that's not funny, you don't have to laugh. — Amy Poehler

So, if you're doing good longform with talented people than you can step out and you can be the president or a construction worker and people accept that. It's really the roles you give yourself. — Amy Poehler

Hey, guess what? Turns out the free market? Not so free. Wall Street was hit hard Monday when Lehman Brothers filed for bankruptcy, Merrill Lynch was sold to Bank of America, and insurance giant AIG neared a collapse of its own. Basically, if your commercials air during golf tournaments, you're done. — Amy Poehler

You could always count on Amy to give them a laugh. Though to be fair, it was less a laugh and more of a cackle. The writer Alex Baze described it as the sound one hears when running over a raven's foot with a shopping cart. It is, without exaggeration, one of my favorite sounds on earth. — Amy Poehler

I think real life couples on screen are kind of deadly. For the most part, they're kind of deadly. You'd be surprised. Unless they're falling in love onscreen for the first time, you don't have quite the same energy for some reason. — Amy Poehler

Shame makes people abandon their children and drink themselves to death. It also keeps us from true happiness. An apology is a glorious release. — Amy Poehler

A watched cervix never dilates. — Amy Poehler

Sometimes you need to know to quit while you're ahead or at least before things get much worse! — Amy Poehler

I have realized that mystery is what keeps people away, and I've grown tired of smoke and mirrors. I yearn for the clean, well-lighted place. So let's peek behind the curtain and hail the others like us. The open-faced sandwiches who take risks and live big and smile with all of their teeth. These are the people I want to be around. — Amy Poehler

When you feel scared, hold someone's hand and look into their eyes. And when you feel brave, do the same thing. You are all here because you are smart. And you are brave. And if you add kindness and the ability to change a tire, you almost make up the perfect person. — Amy Poehler

We were also performing. We'd give them a list of, like, 'Here's how we want to be introduced' They'd be like, 'Great' And then 5 minutes later they'd come back, 'Bad news: we lost your list. But good news: we've got a trash bag full of weed!' — Amy Poehler

You do it because the doing of it is the thing. The doing is the thing. The talking and worrying and thinking is not the thing. — Amy Poehler

I've said this before, that, when you're in school and you're the class clown, men are really good at making fun at other people and women are really good at making fun of themselves. — Amy Poehler

I want to be around people that do things. I don't want to be around people anymore that judge or talk about what people do. I want to be around people that dream and support and do things. — Amy Poehler

Sometimes we get defensive about what we feel guilty about. — Amy Poehler

don't get a Saturday where you can catch up. The sleep — Amy Poehler

Calling someone equally as anxious on the phone makes you feel less alone. Sometimes the best thing to hear is not "Don't worry, it's going to be okay" but actually "Tell me about it! The whole world is going to explode and I haven't slept for weeks. Now let me tell you about my specific fears of small boats and big businesses! — Amy Poehler

Emotions are like passing storms, and you have to remind yourself that it won't rain forever. You just have to sit down and watch it pour outside and then peek your head out when it looks dry. — Amy Poehler

In the wake of newly-alleged prisoner abuse this week, Senator John McCain said that continued mistreatment of Iraqi prisoners is hurting the nation's image. Also hurting the nation's image: letting people drown when it rains. — Amy Poehler

Sometimes we whisper it quietly and other times we shout it out loud in front of a mirror. I hate how I look. I hate how my face looks my body looks I am too fat or too skinny or too tall or too wide or my legs are too stupid and my face is too smiley or my teeth are dumb and my nose is serious and my stomach is being so lame. Then we think, I am so ungrateful. I have arms and legs and I can walk and I have strong nail beds and I am alive and I am so selfish and I have to read Man's Search for Meaning again and call my parents and volunteer more and reduce my carbon footprint and why am I such a self-obsessed ugly asshole no wonder I hate how I look! I hate how I am! — Amy Poehler

The scene when Sodapop comes out of the shower in The Outsiders was a very important moment in my adolescence. — Amy Poehler

It's nice to be short, because people expect less from you. — Amy Poehler

Seasons 5 and 6 were about the frustrations of Leslie Knope's new job. They also are about Ben and Leslie finally getting married and pregnant. They dealt with Ann and Chris leaving, Andyand April trying to figure out what they wanted, Donna finding love, and Tom entering a new business venture. I forget what happened with Jerry. — Amy Poehler

I lived in Chicago for a few years and got a sense of - kind of that broad-shouldered, windy, um, stern, Midwestern, warm-slash-passive aggressive, wonderful - every adjective I can think of, very cold. — Amy Poehler

Change is the only constant. Your ability to navigate and tolerate change and its painful uncomfortableness directly correlates to your happiness and general well-being. See what I just did there? I saved you thousands of dollars on self-help books. If you can surf your life rather than plant your feet, you will be happier. Maybe I should have called this book Surf Your Life. The cover could feature a picture of me on a giant wave wearing a wizard hat. I wonder if it's too late. I'll make a call. — Amy Poehler

If I have learned anything from hip-hop, it's that there's nothing sexy about a baby that ain't yours. — Amy Poehler

Your career and your passion don't always match up. — Amy Poehler

I am old enough now to know I know nothing — Amy Poehler

He was the first important person in my life to die, and when he did, it was the first time I realized that life is not fair or safe or even ours to own. I miss him. — Amy Poehler

Either way, we both agree that ambivalence is a key to success. I will say it again. Ambivalence is key. You have to care about your work but not the result. You have to care about how good you and how good you feel, but now about how good people think you are or how good people think you look I realize this is extremely difficult. I am not saying I am particularly good at it. I'm like you. Or maybe you'er better at this and I am. You will never climb Career Mountain and get to the top and shout, 'I made it!' You will rarely feel done or complete or even successful Most people I know struggle with that complicated soup of feeling slighted on one hand and like a total fraud on the other. Our ego is a monster that loves to sit at the head of the table, and I have learned that my ego is just as rude and loud and hungry as everyone else's. It doesn't matter how much you get; you are left wanting more. Success is filled with MSG. — Amy Poehler

If you said more than six lines on air you made six hundred dollars, and comedy pieces like "Staring Contest" helped pay my rent. — Amy Poehler

PUDDING IS DELICIOUS. — Amy Poehler

Decide what your currency is and let go of what you don't have. — Amy Poehler

In my twenties I tried cocaine, which I instantly loved but eventually hated. Cocaine is terrific if you want to hang out with people you don't know very well and play Ping-Pong all night. It's bad for almost everything else. — Amy Poehler

It's a struggle for me to remain open," she admits. "To not shut down because I'm defensive or scared or maybe my ego is getting in the way. And the other side of that is just believing that I belong where I am and deserve to take up space. I fight constantly between those two things, between not apologizing for what I want and staying vulnerable and creatively supple and not thinking I know better than everyone else. — Amy Poehler

I know how good I am at bemoaning my process and pretending I don't care so that my final product will seem totally natural and part of my essence and not something I sweated for months and years. — Amy Poehler

It was hard to feel like somebody didn't like me. It felt like such a failure. I don't care as much now. It's really great. It's like I can finally eat spicy food without the gut ache later, or something similar. I have a stomach for other people not stomaching me. Or at least I am working on it. — Amy Poehler

I want to have conversations about real things with people who have experienced real things. I'm tired of talking about movies and gossiping about friends. Life is crunchy and complicated and all the more delicious. — Amy Poehler

I swear, if I could eat my children, I would. I'd consume them like some beast in a Hieronymus Bosch painting, but in a friendlier, more momlike way. Their little bodies make me salivate. It takes everything I have not to swallow them whole. — Amy Poehler

When you're doing sketch comedy and you're pregnant, it's like wearing a giant sombrero in every sketch. — Amy Poehler

Acting lets you escape the real world and make out with people you are not married to. It lets you live in the skin of another person and run away from the person you actually are. — Amy Poehler

I think we should stop asking people in their twenties what they "want to do" and start asking them what they don't want to do. — Amy Poehler

On the other hand, men are sometimes wildly inappropriate in the way they share with women. By a show of hands, how many of you have seen a strange penis on the street? On the subway? At a sleepover? I was once walking with my friend Keri in the middle of the day and some guy asked us for the time. When we looked down at our watches, his dick was in his hands. We giggled and screamed and ran away. We were probably ten. I have been really drunk in high school and had a guy try to fool around with me. I have been called a bitch and a lesbian when I rejected a guy in college. I have locked eyes with various subway masturbators. I have been mugged but not raped, pushed and spit on by someone I knew, and forced to pull over in a road-rage incident where a man stuck his head into my car and told me he was going to "cum in my face." And I count myself very lucky. That is what "very lucky" feels like. Oof. — Amy Poehler

I don't remember; I was in a rage haze. Also I was showing off, which can be at the very least embarrassingly transparent and at the very worst — Amy Poehler

I am a firm believer that every few years one needs to shake one's life through a sieve, like a miner in the Yukon. The gold nuggets remain. The rest falls through like the soft earth it is. — Amy Poehler

My idea of the perfect exercise class is this: The teacher gives us all a hug and goes, 'You did it! You showed up! Let's lie down.' We all lie down and she's like, 'How is everybody feeling?' We're like, 'Great!' And the teacher's like, 'Great!' Then we all get to leave 20 minutes early. — Amy Poehler

Always remember your kid's name. Always remember where you put your kid. Don't let your kid drive until their feet can reach the pedals. Use the right size diapers ... for yourself. And, when in doubt, make funny faces. — Amy Poehler