Al Yankovic Quotes & Sayings

I'm just a no-good, scum sucking, nose picking, boot licking, sniveling, groveling, worthless hunk of slime. — Al Yankovic

When I swore that you're getting more and more beautiful everyday. Well, I was only kidding, honey. — Al Yankovic

In the '80s, I was the only game in town, I was the only one getting that kind of exposure in any rotation on MTV. Now with internet culture it seems like everyone is doing music parodies. And they're not all good! — Al Yankovic

I cut my teeth playing rock songs on the accordion when I was a teenager and my friends always thought that was extremely amusing. I think that was the genesis of my polka medleys, because every rock song I played on the accordion just sounded like a polka and my friends thought it was funny. So that was a joke that I continue up to this very day. — Al Yankovic

Right now I'm listening to a lot of Top 40 music, because THAT'S MY JOB. — Al Yankovic

I'll bet every great thinker and leader we've got
Could see all kinds of things other people could not!
So then why get upset if somebody like me
Tries to look at the world just a bit differently? — Al Yankovic

I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing. — Al Yankovic

I do a lot of different things, sometimes at the same time, and it's very difficult to figure out where I fit. — Al Yankovic

I'd rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue than spend one more minute with you. — Al Yankovic

I've always known that if I recorded an album, it would come out, and people would enjoy it! Whereas if I wrote a movie script, chances are better than even that I'd just be another guy in L.A. with a movie script in his drawer. — Al Yankovic

Take down those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine. — Al Yankovic

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under. — Al Yankovic

I don't want to pooh-pooh modern pop. I appreciate that as well, but my personal favorite kind of music is guitar-based rock. I like grunge and garage bands and alternative music, but that's more my personal taste. — Al Yankovic

If something is good enough, it can be out there and people will see it. — Al Yankovic

In the '80s, I was putting out an album virtually every year, I think mostly based on fear - that if I didn't, people would soon forget about me. — Al Yankovic

Somebody will come up to me after a show and have me sign their arm, and the next time I see them my autograph has been permanently inscribed on their arm. — Al Yankovic

My own personal tastes don't really have an effect on whether song is a parody target or not. But having said that, I try to pick songs that I actually like because I realize that I have to live with these songs for a long time, from when I'm working on them in the studio to possibly playing them onstage for the rest of my life. So I try not to pick songs that I know would drive me crazy. — Al Yankovic

I think I'm equally as abusive as the editors normally are for the "Letters and Tomatoes" column, which is the fan mail part of MAD Magazine and an ongoing feature. — Al Yankovic

I was able to come up with a couple articles for the magazine, I was able to solicit help from a bunch of my friends to contribute pieces: Patton Oswalt, Seth Green, Emo Phillips, Chris Hardwick, John Hodgman, and more. It's very much a "Weird Al" themed issue, so I'd like to think that there's a lot of "Weird Al" flavor throughout but I think it'd be generous really to call me an editor. — Al Yankovic

I write and write and write, and then I edit it down to the parts that I think are amusing, or that help the storyline, or I'll write a notebook full of ideas of anecdotes or story points, and then I'll try and arrange them in a way that they would tell a semi-cohesive story. — Al Yankovic

I've done a movie and a TV series, and someday I'd like to do a successful movie and a successful TV series. That would be nice. — Al Yankovic

When I was a kid, I thought I was going to be an architect, because when I was 12 years old I had a guidance counselor that convinced me that that was the best career choice for me. — Al Yankovic

I'm a music fan, and I can listen to the radio, or music, without thinking, "How am I going to screw this up?" [Laughs] If I'm really actively trying to think of a parody, then I'll have my antenna out, and be a little more proactive about it. — Al Yankovic

You still have Top 40 radio now, but it's 40 different stations. There aren't many hits that everybody knows, and there aren't many real superstars. — Al Yankovic

I was a huge fan of 'Mad' magazine when I was 11, 12, 13 years old. I'd scour used bookstores trying to find back issues, and I'd wait at the newsstand for a new issue to come out. My life revolved around it. — Al Yankovic

I do original songs in the style of other artists, where I try to learn all their musical idiosyncrasies and try to do something that sounds like them and yet is a bit more sick and twisted. — Al Yankovic

I knew we were having problems when you put those piranhas in my bathtub again. — Al Yankovic

Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty of time to be low-key when you're laid out on the slab. — Al Yankovic

People that were a little nerdy in high school would look up to me and know it gets better. — Al Yankovic

I know now that everything I write, I'm going to put out, and I'll have to live with it for the rest of my life. — Al Yankovic

I'm watching the charts every week and hoping something will pop into my head. — Al Yankovic

In a genre where most of the artists are one-hit wonders, I've been able to hang around longer than most "serious" acts. I pride myself in being a very talented leech. — Al Yankovic

I'm always a little leery about doing shows where I'm not the headliner because when I first started playing in 1982 I opened for Missing Persons and got pelted for 45 minutes. After that, I made the decision to headline no matter what, even if I was playing to seven people. I wanted people to be there to see me. — Al Yankovic

Midget wrestling on channel 3, it costs me 50 bucks a month. — Al Yankovic

Beans, beans, the magic legumes - the more you ingest, the more you consume. — Al Yankovic

I like to think that I've gotten better at what I do. I spend more time and pay more attention to detail album after album. But pretty much it's stayed the same. — Al Yankovic

If I could find the right kind of property, get tied in with the right movie, I'd love to be involved, but I just find it hard to be motivated to do another screenplay right now. — Al Yankovic

At this point I've got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when 'Weird Al' wants to go parody, it's not meant to make them look bad ... it's meant to be a tribute. — Al Yankovic

There are a lot of songs that would ostensibly be a good candidate for parody, yet I can't think of a clever enough idea. — Al Yankovic

I notice you're not wearing any... galloshes ;) — Al Yankovic

I don't like to label myself. I know I'm very hard to pigeonhole. — Al Yankovic

I mean, I hate to gloat, but I'm extremely satisfied with my position in life and the way things have worked out for me. — Al Yankovic

I have very mixed feelings about it. On one hand, I'm concerned that the rampant downloading of my copyright-protected material over the Internet is severely eating into my album sales and having a decidedly adverse effect on my career. On the other hand, I can get all the Metallica songs I want for FREE! WOW! — Al Yankovic

Boys like Peter are afraid of alot of things, like nuclear annihilation and flunking algebra, but they're not afraid of wolves. — Al Yankovic

I can bend paper clips into the shapes of small animals. — Al Yankovic

I mean, I don't write for kids. — Al Yankovic

As a kid, I certainly never thought I would get to spend my life doing something fun. — Al Yankovic

You don't need to be defined by your job. — Al Yankovic

It becomes more important to me as time goes on to make every album the best thing I've ever done, so it's a lot of self-imposed pressure that also kind of slows me down a bit. — Al Yankovic

I enjoy all kinds of music. But it is kind of strange when I do parodies, instead of setting up drums and guitar amps. — Al Yankovic

I can't say enough good things about my band. I feel very fortunate that I found them when I did, very early in my career. Not only are they just great, nice guys; they're some of the best musicians you're likely to find. They do everything from gangsta rap to polka music and every genre in between. It's amazing. — Al Yankovic

My hobbies just sort of gradually became my vocation. — Al Yankovic

So that's why one of my rules of parody writing is that it's gotta be funny regardless of whether you know the source material. It has to work on its own merit. — Al Yankovic

A lot of artists have really been supportive over the years. — Al Yankovic

I love the way they run in fright when I turn on the kitchen light. And when I squish them on the ground, they make a pleasant crunchy sound. — Al Yankovic

It fit pretty nicely into my schedule because we'd pretty much finished the bulk of promotion for Mandatory Fun and were just getting geared up for the World Tour so this was a nice time for me to be working on it. — Al Yankovic

Until you came along I never dated anyone this low on the food chain. — Al Yankovic

Got a brand new semi-automatic weapon with a laser sight. Oh, I'm praying that somebody tries to break in here tonight. — Al Yankovic

How can you get bored if the audience is cheering and laughing at something you're doing? — Al Yankovic

As it turns out, there is a thing called the Internet, and stuff does go out there whether the suits like it or not. — Al Yankovic

Well I've made no secret of my life long love of MAD Magazine, it's probably my first and greatest influence in terms of my comic sensibilities. I've known John [Ficarra] for many years, and we've been friends. About four or five months ago, at a dinner in New York, John made the very nice offer of my being guest editor for an issue of MAD and I thought about it for about half a nanosecond and decided that was a pretty good idea. — Al Yankovic

When I go to my live shows it's often a multigenerational audience, a family bonding experience. — Al Yankovic

Some people want to advertise their weirdness, and spread it out, that's not me. — Al Yankovic

It was difficult to get into my friends' rock bands when I was a teenager. They somehow didn't see the need for an accordion player. That's when I realized that I had to find my own path in life. — Al Yankovic

It's hard to force creativity and humor. — Al Yankovic

I like the guitar-driven music of Nirvana at its peak. At that point, I thought there was a lot of really exciting music coming out. — Al Yankovic

It's hard to really articulate what the parameters are that make one song parody-able and another song not, but if I can come up with a good enough idea for it, I go for it, and if not, then I have to move on. — Al Yankovic

A lot of rap songs don't usually have a lot of melody per se. — Al Yankovic

You fake something until you're good at it. — Al Yankovic

Like, I have had moments, which I think most people have, where you'll be watching TV, and it'll be interrupted by some tragic event, and you'll actually find yourself thinking, 'I don't want to hear about this train being derailed! What happened to 'The Flintstones?' — Al Yankovic

I suppose I had my rock star fantasies while I was singing into my hairbrush in the bathroom mirror, but I never really consciously said, 'OK, this is what I'm going to do for a living and I'm going to be Weird Al.' — Al Yankovic

Whenever I do a parody it's not meant to make you hate anybody's music really. — Al Yankovic

As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy. — Al Yankovic

There aren't that many superstars around anymore. — Al Yankovic

The window doesn't open, the fan is broke, and my face is turning blue. I haven't been in a crowd like this since I went to see the Who. — Al Yankovic

I start with a comprehensive list of all the recent songs that have been big hits - and then I go down that list and see if I can come up with funny ideas for them. I can always come up with ideas, but not necessarily good ones! — Al Yankovic

I've learned how to use my spam filter pretty effectively. — Al Yankovic

Many years ago I found out something about hamburgers that really grossed me out. You may not know this, so I hope I don't make you sick, but it turns out hamburgers are actually made out of dead cows. I am not making this up. Needless to say, as soon as I discovered that, I gave up meat entirely. — Al Yankovic

My personal taste doesn't enter into it a lot when I make my decisions as to what to parody. — Al Yankovic

People never ask people doing serious music, 'Do you ever think about doing funny music?' — Al Yankovic

It's hard to say, I picked one of my favorite articles for the MAD vault. Which is one of the features of the Magazine so they don't have to actually pay artists or writers to come up with new stuff. — Al Yankovic

I think that nerds, if you want to call them that, have only gotten more hip and assimilated into the culture. — Al Yankovic

You can play some schlock like New Kids On the Block. — Al Yankovic

Maybe I'll make a huge color tapestry from my belly button lint. — Al Yankovic

I don't think there are any new media I'd like to cover. — Al Yankovic

That's a big part of my life - doing things that I'm not prepared to do. Doing things that I don't know how to do, and keep doing them until I get good at them. I always try to put myself out of my comfort zone and out of my depth, and hopefully somewhere along the line I'll catch up. — Al Yankovic

Probably 90 percent of my albums have polka medleys. — Al Yankovic

As a wise man once said, "April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people's heads." — Al Yankovic

When I started out, I didn't feel like I was really accepted in the music or comedy communities, and I was somewhere on the edge, but now I feel like I'm accepted in both, which is extremely gratifying. — Al Yankovic

I'm very analytical, I'm very precise. — Al Yankovic

Ever since the day you left me, I've been so miserable, my dear. I feel almost as bad as I did when you were still here. — Al Yankovic

Didn't have Nintendo, we just poured salt on snails. — Al Yankovic

It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III. — Al Yankovic

I'll be mellow when I'm dead. — Al Yankovic

I think my chances of getting into the Rock 'N' Roll Hall Of Fame are about as good as Milli Vanilli's. — Al Yankovic

I don't really look at myself as the kind of person who craves attention, but I've never been to therapy so there's probably a lot of stuff about myself that I don't know. — Al Yankovic

People say releasing an album is like giving birth, but it's more like having a gallbladder operation. — Al Yankovic

Left all my Beatle records out in the sun, got a coke bottle stuck on the end of my tongue. — Al Yankovic

Kind of wish I was dead. Maybe, I'll blow my brains out, mama, or maybe I'll go bowling. — Al Yankovic

He put Ben Gay inside my jock strap and filled my tooth paste tube up with glue. — Al Yankovic