Yakov Quotes & Sayings
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Top Yakov Quotes
I was not only typecast as a Russian, but I was typecast as Yakov Smirnoff. This is understandable, and I was very happy to get the roles, but it would be nice to be in a movie where I could be someone else. — Yakov Smirnoff
I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering. — Yakov Smirnoff
Yakov spent the whole day playing his fiddle; when it got completely dark, he took the notebook in which he recorded his losses daily, and out of boredom began adding up the yearly total. It came to over a thousand roubles. This astounded him so much that he flung the abacus to the floor and stamped his feet. Then he picked up the abacus, again clicked away for a long time, and sighed deeply and tensely. His face was purple and wet with sweat. He thought that if he could have put that lost thousand roubles in the bank, he would have earned at least forty roubles a year in interest. And therefore those forty roubles were a loss. In short, wherever you turned, there was nothing but losses everywhere.
- Rothchild's Fiddle — Anton Chekhov
If you have something important to say, Broadway and New York are great places to say it. — Yakov Smirnoff
In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One. — Yakov Smirnoff
Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are there. — Yakov Smirnoff
The ad in the paper said 'Big Sale. Last Week.' Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in. — Yakov Smirnoff
I did a show called 'What A Country,' with Yakov Smirnoff and Don Knotts. I used to write jokes for Yakov's stand-up act. — Mike Scully
I have American in-laws, and I care about the environment. We don't use disposable diapers, which, of course, creates an environmental problem of our own. — Yakov Smirnoff
After the Soviet Union collapsed, people thought I wasn't funny anymore. — Yakov Smirnoff
In America, you break law. In Soviet Russia, law breaks you! In America, you watch Big Brother. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watch you! — Yakov Smirnoff
Never having alone time is real tough on people. — Yakov Smirnoff
Comedians are always hitting the topical notes that are on everybody's minds. — Yakov Smirnoff
Yakov, if one becomes Hitler, just one - my God, you know what we've got!'
'No,' Liebermann said. 'No, I've been thinking about this for weeks. I say in my talks it takes two things to make it happen again, a new Hitler and social conditions like in the thirties. But that's not true. It takes three things: the Hitler, the conditions ... and the people to follow the Hitler.'
'And don't you think he'd find them?'
'No, not enough of them. I really think people are better and smarter now, not so much thinking their leaders are God. The television makes a big difference. And history, knowing ... Some he'd find, yes; but no more, I think- I hope- than the pretend Hitlers we have now ... — Ira Levin
Without publicity there is no prosperity. — Yakov Borisovich Zel'dovich
We decided it here. Ilyich [Lenin] believed that we shouldn't leave the Whites a live banner to rally around, especially under the present difficult circumstances. — Yakov Sverdlov
I believe that love and laughter can only happen when one person takes the time to think about what would cause the other person to feel good. — Yakov Smirnoff
I was this non-threatening funny guy who contrasted the image of the Brezhnevs and the Reagans of the world. — Yakov Smirnoff
Americans think Soviets are so grim. I want them to see that they can smile. — Yakov Smirnoff
When the needs of one person are being met by the other, there is laughter. — Yakov Smirnoff
I believe there is a direct correlation between love and laughter. — Yakov Smirnoff
If love is the treasure, laughter is the key. — Yakov Smirnoff
Balance is so important in our lives. In our busy world, we can give ourselves balance between thinking and feeling. — Yakov Smirnoff
In America, your job determines your marks. In Soviet Russia, Marx determine your job! — Yakov Smirnoff
In America, you can always find a party.
In Soviet Russia, Party always find you! — Yakov Smirnoff
It's kind of bittersweet. The human spirit is not measured by the size of the act, but by the size of the heart. — Yakov Smirnoff
Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list. — Yakov Smirnoff
We have a choice - we can both think and feel, using our heads and our hearts. — Yakov Smirnoff
My father described this tall lady who stands in the middle of the New York harbor, holding high a torch to welcome people seeking freedom in America. I instantly fell in love. — Yakov Smirnoff
In every country, they make fun of city. In U.S. you make fun of Cleveland. In Russia, we make fun of Cleveland. — Yakov Smirnoff
So Fox News is the voice of America and Obama is Stalin? Oh my God! I guess that makes me Yakov Smirnoff. — Jon Stewart
In America, you assassinate president. In Soviet Russia, president assassinate you! — Yakov Smirnoff
In America, you drive car. In Soviet Russia, car drive you! — Yakov Smirnoff
As Americans after 9/11, we're much more united, together as a nation, and we got stronger, better, and more at peace. By peace, I mean the harmony you can feel in our united determination to fight these terrorists and killers. — Yakov Smirnoff
In Soviet Russia, party always finds you! — Yakov Smirnoff
Even the written evidence offered by the executioners tells us that. And it ended with Anastasia not being buried with the rest of her family." Yakov paused. "The DNA experts can speculate all they want, but they still can't say with absolute certainty that any of the bones later found belonged to her. I doubt they ever will." I felt dazed. "How can I know that your version of events is true? — Glenn Meade
I believe that laughter is a language of God and that we can all live happily ever laughter. — Yakov Smirnoff
When you like something, you find time to do it. — Yakov Smirnoff
We have been learning since we were children how to make money, buy things, build things. The whole education system is set up to teach us how to think, not to feel. — Yakov Smirnoff
We may have forgotten how to feel. Nobody is teaching us how to live happily ever after, as we've heard in fairy tales. — Yakov Smirnoff
Falling in love is a chemical reaction. But it wears off in a year. That's why you need a strong line of communication ... which includes laughter. — Yakov Smirnoff
There's depth in my comedy. — Yakov Smirnoff
Yakov Mikhailovich, as we have already said, believed fervently in the power of the human intellect. There are no insoluble problems, only incompetent problem solvers. — Boris Akunin
I fed my ego, but not my soul. — Yakov Smirnoff
Later bad things will be said about Stalin; he'll be called a tyrant and his reign of terror will be denounced. But for the people of Eduard's generation he will remain the supreme leader of the people of the Union at the most tragic moment in their history; the man who defeated the Nazis and proved himself capable of a sacrifice worthy of the ancient Romans: the Germans had captured his son, Lieutenant Yakov Dzhugashvili, while the Russians had captured Field Marshal Paulus, one of the top military leaders of the Reich, at Stalingrad. When the German High Command proposed an exchange, Stalin responded with disdain that he didn't exchange field marshals for simple lieutenants. Yakov committed suicide by throwing himself on the electrified barbed wire fence of his prison camp. * — Emmanuel Carrere
I came to America to make it my home, and I did. — Yakov Smirnoff
In today's society we sometimes forget to balance our hearts and our heads; this is the reason we stop laughing. — Yakov Smirnoff
Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection. — Yakov Smirnoff
I found out that when you get married the man becomes the head of the house. And the woman becomes the neck, and she turns the head any way she wants to. — Yakov Smirnoff
The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington. — Yakov Smirnoff