Vending Machine Quotes & Sayings

You can use the Internet to find out, from anywhere on the planet: exactly how much coffee is in a certain coffee machine at Cambridge University in England; exactly how many sodas are available in certain vending machines at certain major universities; and much, much more. — Dave Barry

When all of your decisions are based on economics, you end up with a sameness of vision. You're not taking the risks, you're not exploiting the passions of your creators. You're manufacturing product for a huge vending machine. — Steven Bochco

I like it when you reach into a vending machine to grab your candy bar, and that flap goes up to block you from reaching up? That's a good invention. Before that, it was hard times for the vending machine owners. "Yeah, what candy bar are you getting?" "That one, and every one on the bottom row!" — Mitch Hedberg

The Holy Spirit's power cannot be harnessed. His power cannot be used to accomplish anything other than the Father's will. He is not a candy dispenser. He is not a vending machine. He is not a genie waiting for someone to rub His lamp the right way. He is holy God. — Charles Stanley

You see, there are three factors one must consider when choosing a snack from a vending machine. Substance, for one. It needs to hold you over until real food is available. Freshness, which your cereal bar is sorely lacking. And finally" - his eyes dropped to her mouth - "taste. — Tessa Bailey

Have you ever tried thinking of God as a person instead of an all-powerful vending machine that never gives you the right amount of change? He has feelings too, you know. — Angela N. Blount

Vending Machine: "This product has no known nutritional value and may cause irritability or wakefulness in some individuals. Please enjoy your selection and your day."
Eve: "Up yours. — J.D. Robb

Tess lifted her eyes up off of her paper work, and then leaned back in her chair. Disruptive thoughts had been closing in on her mind trying to sidetrack her focus with vivid portrayals of Mr. Monroe's flirtatious aggressions. Those portrayals were slowly backing her calm and collected mentality into a corner where possible anxieties were surfacing. Her eyes went to the ceiling as a swarm of thoughts circled her intellect activating self examinations and reality checks while she carefully evaluated the situation to try to determine what - if any - action should be taken to resolve the matter. After about ten minutes of riveting pondering, she decided to give her well exercised mind a rest. So she pushed herself back from the desk, uncrossed her legs, and then stood to her feet. A craving for a Dasani water compelled her to make a trip to the vending machine. So Tess stepped out of her classroom, and into the hallway on a self-assigned assignment to quench her thirst. — Calvin W. Allison

We need election reform because our elections are being stolen. And these huge powerful voting machine vending companies have privatized the election process in our country. — Robert F. Kennedy Jr.

At this point I came across one of the vending machines that only Japan has. I have to admit that I love the whimsical items sold in such appliances, like all sorts of junk food, beer cans, whisky bottles and even underwear. This particular machine sold both whisky and underwear, which truly is a bizarre combination, or maybe not, considering all the underwear were female panties. It was therefore my theory that older men would come by and buy the whisky, and then when they were drunk and young women passed by, the men would then offer them panties as gifts for sexual favours. Ya, it all made perfect sense to me. — Andrew James Pritchard

She ate ramen noodles from the vending machine, their texture just a few molecular recombinations from the Styrofoam cup containing them. — Amy Waldman

wonderful promise from the book of Matthew, chapter seven, verse eleven. 'If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!' God isn't a vending machine to ask for the things that we want. Rather, he gives us what is best. He works the things of this world for the good of those who love him. He's the fountain of every blessing, the loving Father who longs to give us sweet gifts. — Liz Johnson

We didn't have to talk, and it wasn't awkward. We were just two lonely, out of place people sharing a holiday with junk food from the vending machine and a Claymation classic on the television." oh and later "I guess its a good thing we found each other then. — J.M. Richards Tall Dark Streak Of Lightning

I turned around and headed back to the stairwell, planning to go downstairs and buy a chocolate bar from the vending machine. Maybe it would fall on me and end my misery. — Kenneth Oppel

Listen, God is not some little genie or a vending machine.
And is not just worth it because he makes your life all better, but He's with you.
God wants so much more for your life than fine — Jim Britts

life doesn't often spell things out for you or give you what you want exactly when you want it, otherwise it wouldn't be called life, it would be called vending machine. It's hard to say exactly when it will happen, and it's true that whatever you're after may not drop down the moment you spend all your quarters, but someday soon a train is coming. In fact, it may already be on the way. You just don't know it yet. — Lauren Graham

When I was ten years old I was actually given McDonald's gift certificates for Christmas by my mom. Yes, my own mother. I guess she couldn't find gift certificates for a vending machine. I like to think it was her way of saying, "Merry Christmas. Here are some coupons for poison." McDonald's introduced the gift certificate prior to the obesity epidemic. I'm not saying that McDonald's gift certificates caused the obesity epidemic, but in retrospect, the timing is kind of suspicious. — Jim Gaffigan

We believe that God is like a giant vending machine in the sky. We put in our requests in the form of prayers, and then the vending machine dispenses these prayers based upon how well we've followed the rules that someone else has told us are God's rules. — Wayne Dyer

Tell me you're kidding."

He grinned. "I'm not. It's the truth."

"Shit."

"Hey, you got any money?"

I shook my head. How did the guy on a soldier's paycheck become the one with the money? I dug around in my pocket, finding three dollars for him, then watched him fight with the vending machine over how flat the bills needed to be. — Veronica Rossi

One simply turns to the ideological vending machine, and out comes the prepared formulae. — Daniel Bell

I'd watch my father get up at 5 o'clock and go down to the Eastern Market in Detroit to do the shopping for his restaurant, and get that business going and then go out on his vending machine business. — Ed Bradley

You could buy individual boxes of detergent and fabric softener, even bleach, and there was nothing that made me grind my teeth with pleasure more than a real thing shrunken down small. The first time my dad showed me a toothache kit from a box of equipment from the Korean War and I saw the tiny cotton balls (the size of very small ball bearings), I nearly swooned. "Let me hold one of those," I said, almost mad at him. He gave it to me with a tiny pair of tweezers. I let it float in my palm a moment and then made him take it back. Miniaturization was a gift from God, no doubt about it, and there it was, right in a vending machine in the place we used to do our laundry. — Haven Kimmel

Outside in the yard, the rusted tractors and car bodies, the harvester combs and the sheets of corrugated iron, the motors and trays and wheel rims and cyclone wire and steel drums and sheep skulls and windows and metal lockers and a single broken vending machine crack and sigh as the morning sun evaporates the dew from their hides. — Paddy O'Reilly

God is not a vending machine where if you put in enough prayer quarters we get a Reese's Pieces bag that pops out. — Joel C. Rosenberg

Some people seem to believe that for each problem there is a solution readily available - a solution that can be promptly achieved by passing a law and voting some money. I think of this as the vending machine concept of social change. Put a coin in the machine and out comes a piece of candy. If there is a social problem, pass a law and out comes a solution. — John W. Gardner

Male sexual response is far brisker and more automatic. It is triggered easily by things - like putting a quarter in a vending machine. — Alex Comfort

Our relationship with God is not contractual, so that we could fulfill the right conditions and it would have the desired results, as if our relationship with God resembled putting coins in a vending machine. It is a personal relationship, and such relationships involve freedom on both sides. Joel — John E. Goldingay

The vending machine lacked the willpower of the Western elevator, and it dutifully spat out several chocolate bars and a packet of salt and vinegar chips. I gave you more money than that, thought William, and the vending machine gave him some more. — Kit Abbey

Oh, and he groped your face. Sounds like true love to me.'
'He didn't grope my face. We were talking. And he also bought me animal crackers. I like them.'
'You also bitched about them not being in the vending machine for a week. Everyone in the building knows you like animal crackers.'
'I don't see you bringing me any.'
'Do you want me to? — Elizabeth Scott

This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What this means for you, the consumer, is that the airlines are no longer required to follow any rules whatsoever. They can show snuff movies. They can charge for oxygen. They can hire pilots right out of Vending Machine Refill Person School. — Dave Barry

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine. — Caroline Rhea

Bragging that you had sex with a prostitute is like bragging that you got Doritos out of a vending machine. — Natasha Leggero

I don't see the government as a beverage vending machine, where anyone who happens to be thirsty can grab a drink. — Mathias Dopfner

Parents have a right to expect that their efforts at home won't be undone each day in the school cafeteria or in the vending machine in the hallway ... Parents have a right to expect that their kids will be served fresh, healthy food that meets high nutritional standards. — Michelle Obama

I guess it's always uncomfortable to discover you're not as individual as you thought. But it really bothered me. From one perspective, I was an independent animal, exercising free will in order to elicit predictable reactions from an inert vending machine. But from another, the vending machine was choosing to withhold snacks in order to extract predictable, mechanical reactions from young men. I couldn't figure out any objective reason to consider one scenario more likely than the other. — Max Barry

I tried to take a selfie or ten. Lame, maybe, but I hadn't posted to IG in a few days now and since I actually make money from my account for posting things like my outfits, then it's something I can't really neglect, demons or not. "What are you doing?" Jay asks, leaning across the roof of the car and watching me curiously. I chuck the duffel bag a few feet from me to get it out of the shot and try another angle, holding the iPhone far above my head. A lone scraggly-haired man in his pajamas exits his room, heading to the vending machine. He looks at me like I have a screw loose. Whatever. He probably takes dick pics so he should know all about getting the right angle. — Karina Halle

We go in a skyscraper that's Paul's office, he says he's crazy busy but he makes a Xerox of my hands and buys me a candy bar out of the vending machine. Going down in the elevator pressing the buttons, I play I'm actually inside a vending machine. We go in a bit of the government to get Grandma a new Social Security card because she lost the old one, we have to wait for years and years. Afterwards she takes me in a coffee shop where there's no green beans, I choose a cookie bigger than my face. — Emma Donoghue

If you treat what you value most in life more like a garden and less like a vending machine, you'll probably be happier. (from You Oughta Know By Now) — Brian P. Cleary

Wait a minute, words in the prompter, script on my desk, vending machine upstairs out of Funyuns ... the writers are back! — Jon Stewart

Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine. — Robert C. Gallagher

But life doesn't often spell things out for you or give you what you want exactly when you want it, otherwise it wouldn't be called life, it would be called vending machine. — Lauren Graham

It is not a vending-machine world, however, in which every coin of sin that is inserted results in individually packaged retribution. — Anonymous

If I could have any superpower, right now, I'd choose the ability to reach through glass. One thin, little pane is all that separates me from bliss ... of the midnight-snack variety, to be exact. The chocolate bar hangs halfway to freedom but refuses to take the plunge, as if the vending machine is mocking me, taunting me. As if it knows I'm powerless. — Tera Lynn Childs

I want to make a vending machine that sells vending machines. It'd have to be real big. — Mitch Hedberg

I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late. — Mitch Hedberg

Congress, 535 commoditized temple monkeys pawing through the ruins of America in search of bribes. The bicameral whorehouse on Capitol Hill works like a vending machine. You put coins in the slot, select your law, and the desired legislation slides out. — Fred Reed