Quotes & Sayings About Umpires

We are to remember what an umpire Nature is; what a greatness, composure of depth and tolerance there is in her. You take wheat to cast into the Earth's bosom; your wheat may be mixed with chaff, chopped straw, barn-sweepings, dust and all imaginable rubbish; no matter: you cast it into the kind just Earth; she grows the wheat, - the whole rubbish she silently absorbs, shrouds it in, says nothing of the rubbish. — Thomas Carlyle

I told the umpires to walk back at least thirty-five feet from home plate. That reduced the arguements. — Bill Klem

The umpire signals a bye with the air of a weary stalk — John Arlott

If you don't need umpires out there, and you can put robots out there, then why do we need ballplayers? — Doug Harvey

Rules of society are nothing; one's conscience is the umpire. — Marie Anne De Vichy-Chamrond, Marquise Du Deffand

The most cowardly thing in the world is blaming mistakes upon the umpires. Too many managers strut around on the field trying to manage the umpires instead of their teams. — Bill Klem

Listen, ump. How can you sleep with the lights on? — Amos Otis

Being an umpire is like being a king. It prepares you for nothing. — Ron Luciano

It's an ongoing process of reinterpreting the strike zone in accordance to the rulebook. The umpires, I think, are doing an excellent job of bringing the outside pitch in closer to the plate. But I still think we have a lot of work to do with the low end of the strike zone. — Sandy Alderson

Ten years from now I will tell you how I feel about umpires. — Carlos Zambrano

Umpires got power, man. You ever notice if you go to a ballpark and there's a close play on first base, they will not run the replay at the ballpark? I've seen umpires go underneath and call up and say if you run one more of those replays, we're gonna forfeit the game. That's how strong their union is. — Pete Rose

I made a game effort to argue but two things were against me: the umpires and the rules. — Leo Durocher

Why, they shot the wrong McKinley! — Dizzy Dean

I just loved officiating, and I hope what I did helped make it better. That's what I tell young umpires: you can have fun. I never spent a day where going out on a baseball field didn't make me feel better. — Doug Harvey

The system is in place whereby if an umpire cries off, or both as was the case here, those umpires are to be replaced. — Mark Webber

It isn't enough for an umpire to merely know what he's doing. He has to look as though he knows what he's doing, too. — Larry Goetz

I am the batsman and the bat, / I am the bowler and the ball, / The umpire, the pavilion cat, / The roller, pitch, and stumps, and all. — Andrew Lang

But, you may ask, if the two departments [i.e., federal and state] should claim each the same subject of power, where is the common umpire to decide ultimately between them? In cases of little importance or urgency, the prudence of both parties will keep them aloof from the questionable ground; but if it can neither be avoided nor compromised, a convention of the States must be called to ascribe the doubtful power to that department which they may think best. — Thomas Jefferson

I'd always have grease in at least two places, in case the umpires would ask me to wipe one off. I never wanted to be caught out there with anything though, it wouldn't be professional. — Gaylord Perry

Almost without exception, they are men who dreamed of athletic heroism as children; becoming umpires was their compromise with their own lack of talent. — Thomas Boswell

Minor league umpires are evaluated in their respective leagues each year and rated numerically. This enables umpires to know where they stand and helps them make prudent career decisions. — Jim Evans

The trouble with women umpires is that I couldn't argue with one. I'd put my arms around her and give her a little kiss. — Casey Stengel

Umpires sometimes have a quick trigger. — Joe Torre

The umpire ... is like the geyser in the bathroom; we cannot do without it, yet we notice it only when it is out of order. — Neville Cardus

A good umpire, like a good FBI agent, is never noticed if he is doing his job. — Thomas Boswell

I think umpires have too much power, without any system of checks and balances and the more money a player makes, the more the umpire tries to show off that power to him. Unfortunately, since I signed my contract my strike zone has suddenly become a lot larger. — Ozzie Smith

On days like this, baseball would make Michael as happy as it ever did. No umpires. No coaches. No rules except the ones you made up. — Mike Lupica

Since people, in a competitive or any other society, are by no means always just to each other, some regulation by the state in its capacity of umpire is unavoidable, What must be kept in mind is that the greatest in of all is done when the umpire forgets that he too is bound by the rules, and begins to make them as between contestants in behalf of his own prejudices. — Felix Morley

The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies and for the same reason. — Navjot Singh Sidhu

The differential diagnosis of catatonia According to an old story, there are three different types of baseball umpires. The first says: "I call them lballs and strikes] as they are"; the second says: "I call them as I see them"; and the third says: "What I call them is what they become. — Max Fink

The trouble with me is that every match I play against five opponents: umpire, crowd, ball boys, court, and myself. — Goran Ivanisevic

Umpires are necessary evils. That's just the nature of the beast. For years, people have looked on umpiring as a job they could get any postman to do. — Doug Harvey

Those who are esteemed umpires of taste, are often persons who have acquired some knowledge of admired pictures or sculptures, and have an inclination for whatever is elegant; but if you inquire whether they are beautiful souls, and whether their own acts are like fair pictures, you learn that they are selfish and sensual. Their cultivation is local, as if you should rub a log of dry wood in one spot to produce fire, all the rest remaining cold. Their knowledge of the fine arts is some study of rules and particulars, or some limited judgment of color or form which is exercised for amusement or for show. It is a proof of the shallowness of the doctrine of beauty, as it lies in the minds of our amateurs, that men seem to have lost the perception of the instant dependence of form upon soul. — Ralph Waldo Emerson

Those amateur umpires are certainly flexing their fangs tonight. — Jerry Coleman

It turns out umpires and judges are not robots or traffic cameras, inertly monitoring deviations from a fixed zone of the permissible. They are humans. — Eric Liu

Cricket is a most precarious profession; it is called a team game but, in fact, no one is so lonely as a batsman facing a bowler supported by ten fieldsmen and observed by two umpires to ensure that his error does not go unpunished. — John Arlott

I want to stress again one aspect of the game which is most important. Never argue with an umpire. — Ian Botham

Cardinal rule for all hitters with two strikes on them: Never trust the umpire. — Robert Smith

Chaos umpire sits And by decision more embroils the fray by which he reigns: next him high arbiter Chance governs all. — John Milton

She'll be evaluated like any other Double-A umpire. Major League Baseball has never attempted to influence our decision — Mike Fitzpatrick

The most important thing for a judge is - curiously enough - judgment. — Patrick Devlin, Baron Devlin

I always told my young umpires, 'Don't get mad. Whatever you do, don't show it. But no matter how long it takes, get even.' — Doug Harvey

It is difficult batting in artificial light with a red ball but it's a horrible task for umpires to make a judgement, particularly if they're going by light meters. — Adam Gilchrist

Once when the Yankee's Lou Pinella was batting he questioned a Palermo strike call. Pinella demanded, "Where was that pitch at?" Palermo told him that a man wearing Yankee pinstripes in front of 30,000 people should not end a sentence with a preposition. So Pinella, no dummy, said, "OK, where was that pitch at, asshole?" — George Will

Earl gave me his version of what happened and asked me not to suspend the umpires. — Lee MacPhail

And I will place within them as a guide My umpire conscience, whom if they will hear Light after light well used they shall attain, And to the end persisting, safe arrive. — John Milton

Ed (Runge), you're the second best umpire in the league. The other twenty-three are tied for first. — Carl Yastrzemski

My favorite umpire is a dead one. — Johnny Evers

I don't think you can set up a computer to do a strike zone on a guy who's 6-foot-5 and then a guy who's 5-8. Where does it draw the line? One guy stands tall, and another squats down, and it changes the lines. Nah. I still love the umpires; they do a great job. I don't have a problem with any of that. — Johnny Bench

We never went into a game that we did not feel sure of winning, and when we lost, we blamed it on hard luck or the umpires. We never gave any other team credit for being able to play ball, and the result was that we were hard to beat. If I could get my team to be confident, I think we would work our way to the front pretty quickly. — Joe Kelley

Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking. — Bill Vaughan

First of all, you want umpires to call what they see. In the case of fair or foul, the smartest thing is to call the ball fair. Because if it's called foul and ruled fair, where do we put the runners? — Joe Torre

As all of us with any involvement in sports knows, no two umpires or no two referees have the same strike zone or call the same kind of a basketball game. — Herb Kohl

Any umpire who claims he has never missed a play is ... well, an umpire. — Ron Luciano

The best recommendation for an umpire in the old days was: He licked somebody in the Three-I League. He ought to do. — Ty Cobb

Umpires are most vigorous when defending their miscalls. — Jim Brosnan

Justified or not, the Supreme Court has a kind of sacred status in American life. For whatever reason, Presidents can safely run against Congress, and vice versa, but I think there is an inherent popular aversion to assaults on the court itself. Perhaps it has to do with an instinctive belief that life needs umpires. — Jon Meacham

There's absolutely no excuse for throwing a piece of equipment on an umpire or any player. You can argue your point and at times may accidentally bump an umpire, but to consciously throw a piece of equipment at someone is unforgivable. — Brad Ausmus

No player or manager has greater respect for the umpires than I do, and I have demonstrated that over the years. — Pete Rose

Chief Justice [John] Roberts compared judges to umpires, who apply rules they did not write and cannot change to the competition before them. — Orrin Hatch

All you umpires, back to the bleachers. Referees, hit the showers. It's my game. I pitch, I hit, I catch. I run the bases. At sunset, I've won or lost. At sunrise, I'm out again, giving it the old try. — Ray Bradbury

My only complaint with 'Dickie' Bird is that he requires a degree of certainty that is almost neurotic; like the man who has to keep going to the front door to make certain that he's locked it. — Mike Brearley

Boys, I'm one of those umpires that misses 'em every once in a while so if it's close, you'd better hit it. — Cal Hubbard

Now, I have to tell you, this reminds me of a story. Actually, it's an old baseball story. You see, one day, old Lucifer down there from his headquarters called St. Peter in Heaven, said they wanted to challenge him to a baseball game. And St. Peter said, "Sure, let's play. But to be fair, I have to tell you all the great ones are up here. We've got Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, Satchel Paige, Roberto Clemente. We've got all the best players, and our manager is the legendary Connie Mack. You won't have a chance." Well, old Lucifer says, "That doesn't matter, we'll win anyway." And St. Peter says, "How do you expect to do that?" "Well," he says, "simple, we've got all the umpires." Luncheon for Representative Connie Mack Miami, Florida June 29, 1988 — Malcolm Kushner

In sum, do not insult me with the beheadings, finger choppings or the lung-deflations you plan for my works. I need my head to shake or nod, my hand to wave or make into a fist, my lungs to shout or whisper with. I will not go gently onto a shelf, degutted, to become a non-book.
All you umpires, back to the bleachers. Referees, hit the showers. It's my game. I pitch, I hit, I catch. I run the bases. At sunset I've won or lost. At sunrise, I'm out again, giving it the old try.
And no one can help me. Not even you. — Ray Bradbury

The one thing that all umpires have is pride, and if you don't have pride, you lose that edge. — Doug Harvey

I've heard it said that umpires are necessary evil. Well, we are necessary, but we are not evil. We are hard-working and dedicated people whose primary interest is to make sure the game is played fairly. We are the integrity of the game. — Doug Harvey

In case of dispute, the umpire shall throw it straight into the field. — James Naismith

We've beat up our umpires. They're now allowed to be human. — Joe Torre

The first guy who lays a finger on this blind old man is fined fifty bucks! — Gene Mauch

Just death, kind umpire of men's miseries. — William Shakespeare

There are umpires, and there are those who hold the title. — Al Barlick

I don't know how we could use it to improve the job that umpires do, ... The human element in sport has always been a big part of the game. I'm a football fan, too, and I hate instant replay in the NFL. Football games are taking four hours. — Bud Selig

I cannot for the life of me see why the umpires, the only two people on a cricket field who are not going to get grass stains on their knees, are the only two people allowed to wear dark trousers. — Katharine Whitehorn

The best umpired game is the game in which the fans cannot recall the umpires who worked it. — Bill Klem

A good umpire is the umpire you don't even notice — Ban Johnson

Umpires are like emotional girlfriends, once they make up their minds, there is no point in arguing — Dmitry Tursunov

It is rather suitable for umpires to dress like dentists, since one of their tasks is to draw stumps. — John Arlott

People come out to see the players. When do you see a manager anyway? When he's out on the field arguing with the umpires, making a fool of himself and you know you can't win, and when he brings out the line-up card. — Frank Robinson

Some have said that I can accept inadequacies in my players but not in umpires. That completely misses the point. I can't tolerate anyone's mistake. — Earl Weaver

They are supposed to be dispassionate dispensers of Pure Justice, icy islands of emotionless calculation. In short, umpires should be acute Republicans. — George Will

Bishops are like umpires. You have to have them to call the close decisions. — Frank Butler

America overflows with specious 'victims' demanding redress for spurious grievances. However, one genuinely oppressed minority is getting overdue relief. Beginning with spring training in Arizona and Florida, Major League Baseball, taking pity on traumatized pitchers, is directing umpires to enforce the strike zone as defined in the rulebook. What a concept. — George Will

The integrity of the game is the umpires. Nobody else. The entire integrity of the game is the umpires. — Doug Harvey

On the whole, life is unfair in the way it works out. It is a game played without an umpire! — Ursula Bloom

There were umpires everywhere, men who said who was winning or losing the theoretical battle, who was alive adn who was dead.
The umpire had comical news. The congregation had been theoretically spotted from the air by a theoretical enemy. They were all theoretically dead now. The theoretical corpses laughed and ate a hearty noontime meal.
Remembering this incident years later, Billy was struck by what a Tralfamadorian adventure with death that had been, to be dead and to eat at the same time. — Kurt Vonnegut

I'd get me a bunch of bats and balls and sneak me a couple of umpires and learn them kids behind the Iron Curtain how to tote a bat and play baseball. — Dizzy Dean

Being an umpire wasn't such a tough job. You really have to understand only two things and that's maintaing discipline and knowing the rule book. — Cal Hubbard

Somethin' like four thousand bottles have been thrown at me in my day but only about twenty ever hit me. That does not speak very well for the accuracy of the fans' throwing. — Harry Gordon Johnson

The way we have been playing, I might tell my players not to cross the picket line (umpire strike of 1979). — Whitey Herzog

I'm a little too belligerent. I cuss and swear at people. I yell at umpires and maybe I'm a little to tough at home sometimes. I don't sign as many autographs as I should and I haven't always been that good with writers. — Thurman Munson

I've never questioned the integrity of an umpire. Their eyesight, yes. — Leo Durocher

Judges are like umpires. Umpires don't make the rules. They apply them. The role of an umpire and a judge is critical. They make sure everybody plays by the rules. But it is a limited role. Nobody ever went to a ballgame to see the umpire. — John Roberts

If custom is to avail for proof of soundness, we too, surely, may advance our prevailing custom; and if they reject this, we are surely not bound to follow theirs. Let the inspired Scripture, then, be our umpire, and the vote of truth will surely be given to those whose dogmas are found to agree with the Divine words. — Gregory Of Nyssa

Error is part of the game. I never, ever second-guessed myself on a call and don't believe good umpires ever should. — Doug Harvey

I get what I desire, it's my empire
And yes I call the shots, I am the umpire — Nicki Minaj

When politicians complain about the media, it strikes me as resembling footballers complaining about the umpire. — Tony Abbott

When I was 14, I played in a summer league. One night the chief umpire asked me if I would like to try umpiring. There was a Little League tournament coming up and he needed more umpires than he had. — Jim Evans

Every man's reason is his own rightful umpire. This principle, with that of acquiescence in the will of the majority, will preserve us free and prosperous as long as they are sacredly observed. — Thomas Jefferson

Umpires, like players, are expected to show constant improvement each season and at each level. Inconsistent plate work and the inability to handle situations are probably the two biggest problems that minor league umpires face. — Jim Evans