Terry Pratchett Rincewind Quotes & Sayings
Enjoy reading and share 84 famous quotes about Terry Pratchett Rincewind with everyone.
Top Terry Pratchett Rincewind Quotes
There was no sound but the murmur of nasty little stinging insects, the occasional crack of a falling branch, and the whispering of the trees discussing religion and the trouble with squirrels. Rincewind — Terry Pratchett
How does it feel about women?" "Oh, it's not choosy. It ate a book of spells last year. Sulked for three days and then spat it out." "It's horrible," said Conina, and backed away. "Oh, yes," said Rincewind, "absolutely. — Terry Pratchett
Capacity for violence, Rincewind had heard, was unisexual. He wasn't certain what unisex was, but expected that it was what he normally experienced. — Terry Pratchett
Not much call for a barbarian hairdresser, I expect,' said Rincewind. 'I mean, no-one wants a shampoo-and-beheading. — Terry Pratchett
Several times Rincewind noticed hydrophobes - their ingrained expressions of self-revulsion at their own bodily fluids - were distinctive — Terry Pratchett
Of the three things that most people know about the horse, the third is that, over a short distance, it can't run as fast as a man. As Rincewind had learned to his advantage, it has more legs to sort out. — Terry Pratchett
Haven't you noticed that by running away you end up in more trouble?" "Yes, but, you see, you can run away from that, too," said Rincewind. "That's the beauty of the system. Dead is only for once, but running away is for ever. — Terry Pratchett
Oh no, not -'
OF COURSE, WHAT'S SO BLOODY VEXING ABOUT THE WHOLE BUSINESS IS THAT I WAS EXPECTING TO MEET THEE IN PSEPHOPOLOLIS
'But that's five hundred miles away!'
YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME, THE WHOLE SYSTEM'S GOT SCREWED UP AGAIN, I CAN SEE THAT. LOOK, THERE'S NO CHANCE OF YOU-?
Rincewind backed away, hands spread protectively in front of him ...
'Not a chance!'
I COULD LEND YOU A VERY FAST HORSE.
'No!'
IT WON'T HURT A BIT.
'No!' Rincewind turned and ran. Death watched him go, and shrugged bitterly. — Terry Pratchett
Rincewind tried to force the memory out of his mind, but it was rather enjoying itself there, terrorizing the other occupants and kicking over the furniture. — Terry Pratchett
He'sh mad?"
"Sort of mad. But mad with lots of money."
"Ah, then he can't be mad. I've been around; if a man hash lotsh of money he'sh just ecshentric. — Terry Pratchett
I would like permission to fetch a note from my mother, sir' Ridcully sighed. 'Rincewind, you once informed me, to my everlasting puzzlement, that you never knew your mother because she ran away before you were born. Distinctly remember writing it down in my diary. Would you like another try?' 'Permission to go and find my mother?' — Terry Pratchett
Rincewind looked up at the tall black figure that had appeared a few feet away. It was, of course, Death. He turned his glowing eyesockets toward Rincewind and said, in a voice like the collapse of undersea chasms, GOOD AFTERNOON. — Terry Pratchett
Rincewind's feet made their own decision and, from the point of view of his head, got it entirely wrong. — Terry Pratchett
Rincewind switched to High Borogravian, to Vanglemesht, Sumtri and even Black Oroogu, the language with no nouns and only one adjective, which is obscene. Each was met with polite incomprehension. In desperation he tried heathen Trob, and the little man's face split into a delighted grin. — Terry Pratchett
I just think the world ought to be more sort of organized.'
'That's just fantasy,' said Twoflower.
'I know. That's the trouble.' Rincewind sighed again. — Terry Pratchett
Not much. I never really spent anything. I've often wondered what being poor was like." "You're going to get a huge opportunity to find out." "Will I need training?" "It comes naturally," said Rincewind. "You pick it up as you go along. — Terry Pratchett
He was trying to conjure up a succubus." It should be impossible to leer when all you've got is a beak, but the parrot managed it. "That's a female demon what comes in the night and makes mad passionate wossn-"
"I've heard of them," said Rincewind. "Bloody dangerous things."
The parrot put its head on one side. "It never worked. All he ever got was a neuralger."
"What's that?"
"It's a demon that comes and has a headache at you. — Terry Pratchett
I bought it in a shop," said Twoflower defensively. "I said I wanted a traveling trunk." "That's what you got, all right," said Rincewind. "It's very loyal," said Twoflower. "Oh yes," agreed Rincewind. "If loyalty is what you look for in a suitcase. — Terry Pratchett
Twoflower was a tourist, the first ever seen on the discworld. Tourist, Rincewind had decided, meant 'idiot'. — Terry Pratchett
He talks pretty big for a gutter wizard," he muttered.
"You don't understand at all," said the wizard wearily. "I'm so scared of you my spine has turned to jelly, it's just that I'm suffering from an overdose of terror right now. I mean, when I've got over that then I'll have time to be decently frightened of you. — Terry Pratchett
He found that he had this sudden desperate longing for the fuming, smoky streets of Ankh-Morpork, which was always at its best in the spring, when the gummy sheen on the turbid waters of the Ankh River had a special iridescence and the eaves were full of birdsong, or at least birds coughing rhythmically — Terry Pratchett
They say that it'll hit us on Hogswatchnight and the seas will boil and the countries of the Disc will be broken and kings will be brought down and the cities will be as lakes of glass,' said the man. 'I'm off to the mountains.' 'That'll help, will it?' said Rincewind doubtfully. 'No, but the view will be better. — Terry Pratchett
No one's going to be interested in a war fought over a, a quite pleasant lady, moderately attractive in a good light. Are they?" Eric was nearly in tears. "But it said her face launched a thousand ships - " "That's what you call metaphor," said Rincewind. "Lying," the sergeant explained, kindly. — Terry Pratchett
Picturesque meant - he decided after careful observation of the scenerey that inspired Twoflower to use the word - that the landscape was horribly precipitous. Quaint, when used to describe the occasional village through which they passed, meant fever-ridden and tumbledown. Twoflower was a tourist, the first ever seen on the discworld. Tourist, Rincewind had decided, mean 'idiot'. — Terry Pratchett
Multiple exclamation marks,' he went on, shaking his head, 'are a sure sign of a diseased mind. — Terry Pratchett
Every inch of skin removed to the accompaniment of exquisite pain," added the prisoner, helpfully. Rincewind paused. He thought he knew the meaning of the word "exquisite," and it didn't seem to belong anywhere near "pain. — Terry Pratchett
Of course, like all the informal inhabitants of the University the roaches were a little unusual, but there was something particularly unpleasant about the sound of billions of very small feet hitting the stones in perfect time.
Rincewind stepped gingerly over the marching column. The Librarian jumped it.
The Luggage, of course, followed them with a noise like someone tapdancing over a bag of crisps. — Terry Pratchett
That's what I've been saying, said Eric, with strained patience. Rincewind took another bite of the sandwich. He'd looked death in the face many times, or more precisely Death had looked him in the back of his rapidly retreating head many times, and suddenly the prospect of living forever didn't appeal. There were of course great questions he might learn the answer to, such as how life evolved and all the rest of it, but — Terry Pratchett
RIGHT, he said, PESTILENCE, OPEN ANOTHER PACK OF CARDS. I'M GOING TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS IF IT KILLS ME, FIGURATIVELY SPEAKING OF COURSE. Rincewind grabbed Twoflower and pulled — Terry Pratchett
My name is immaterial,' she said.
That's a pretty name,' said Rincewind. — Terry Pratchett
Rincewind wasn't used to people being pleased to see him. It was unnatural, and boded no good. These people were not only cheering, they were throwing flowers and hats. The hats were made out of stone, but the thought was there. — Terry Pratchett
Tell him - tell him he's very welcome. Tell him breakfast is - uh - one gold piece'. For a moment Broadman's face looked as though some vast internal struggle was going on, and then he added with a burst of generosity, 'I'll throw in yours, too.' 'Stranger,' said Rincewind levelly. 'If you stay here you will be knifed or poisoned by nightfall. But don't stop smiling, or so will I. — Terry Pratchett
Rincewind tried not to think of World Turtles mating. It wasn't completely easy. — Terry Pratchett
So we're surrounded by absolutely nothing," said Rincewind. "Total nothing." He hesitated. "There's a word for it," he said. "It's what you get when there's nothing left and everything's been used up."
"Yes. I think it's called the bill," said Eric.
Rincewind gave this some thought. It sounded about right. "Okay," he said. "The bill. That's where we are. Floating in absolute bill. Total, complete, rock-hard bill. — Terry Pratchett
That's what you people never understand," said Rincewind, wearily. "You think magic is just something you can pick up and use like a, a -"
"Parsnip?" said Nijel.
"Wine Bottle?" said the Seriph.
"Something like that," said Rincewind cautiously, but rallied somewhat and went on, "But the truth is, is -"
"Not like that?"
"More like a wine bottle?" said the Seriph hopefully.
"Magic uses people," said Rincewind hurriedly. "It affects you as much as you affect it, sort of thing. You can't mess around with magical things without it affecting you. I just thought I'd better warn you."
"Like a wine bottle," said Creosote, "that -"
"- drinks you back," said Rincewind. — Terry Pratchett
Everything around Rincewind was black. It wasn't simply an absence of colour. It was darkness that flatly denied any possibility that colour might ever have existed. — Terry Pratchett
There are eight levels of wizardry on the Disc; after sixteen years Rincewind has failed to achieve even level one. In fact it is considered opinion of some of his tutors that he is incapable even of achieving level zero, which most normal people are born at; to put it another way, it has been suggested that when Rincewind dies the average occult ability of the human race will actually go up by a fraction. — Terry Pratchett
[Rincewind] drew his sword and, with a smooth overarm throw, completely failed to hit the troll. — Terry Pratchett
Rincewind agreed moodily. He tried to explain that magic had indeed once been wild and lawless, but had been tamed back in the mists of time by the Olden Ones, who had bound it to obey among other things the Law of Conservation of Reality; this demanded that the effort needed to achieve a goal should be the same regardless of the means used. In practical terms this meant that, say, creating the illusion of a glass of wine was relatively easy, since it involved merely the subtle shifting of light patterns. On the other hand, lifting a genuine wineglass a few feet in the air by sheer mental energy required several hours of systematic preparation if the wizard wished to prevent the simple principle of leverage flicking his brain out through his ears. — Terry Pratchett
Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four. — Terry Pratchett
Rincewind rather enjoyed times like this. They convinced him that he wasn't mad because, if he was mad, that left no word at all to describe some of the people he met. — Terry Pratchett
At the Temple of the Seven-Handed Sek a hasty convocation of priests and ritual heart-transplant artisans agreed that the hundred-span-high statue of Sek was altogether too holy to be made into a magic picture, but a payment of two rhinu left them astoundedly agreeing that perhaps He wasn't as holy as all that.
A prolonged session at the Whore Pits produced a number of colourful and instrutive pictures, a number of which Rincewind concealed about his person for detailed perusal in private. As the fumes cleared from his brain he began to speculate seriously as to how the iconograph worked. — Terry Pratchett
Rincewind tried shutting his eyes, but there were no eyelids to his imagination and it was staring widely — Terry Pratchett
Dead?' said Rincewind. In the debating chamber of his mind a dozen emotions got to their feet and started shouting. Relief was in full spate when Shock cut in on a point of order and then Bewilderment, Terror and Loss started a fight which was ended only when Shame slunk in from next door to see what all the row was about. — Terry Pratchett
Rincewind let his breath out in a long sigh. It hurried off to hide somewhere. — Terry Pratchett
But it'll kill him!"
"It could be worse," said Rincewind.
"What?"
"It could be us," Rincewind pointed out logically. — Terry Pratchett
Coin reached out very slowly, and picked it up. Rincewind — Terry Pratchett
Still, he'd have to eat something and the dark brown goo that half filled the tin was the only available food in this vicinity that didn't have at least six legs. He didn't even think about eating mutton. You couldn't, when it was looking at you so pathetically. He poked the goo with the stick. It gripped the wood like glue. "Gerroff!" A blob eventually came loose. Rincewind tasted it, gingerly. It was just possible that if you mixed yeasty beer and vegetables together you'd get - No, what you got was salty-tasting beery brown gunk. Odd, though ... It was kind of horrible, but nevertheless Rincewind found himself having another taste. — Terry Pratchett
They had dined on horse meat, horse cheese, horse black pudding, horse d'oeuvres and a thin beer that Rincewind didn't want to speculate about. — Terry Pratchett
You don't understand!" screamed the tourist, above the terrible noise of the wingbeats. "All my life I've wanted to see dragons!"
"From the inside?" shouted Rincewind. "Shut up and ride! — Terry Pratchett
He'd always felt he had a right to exist as a wizard in the same way that you couldn't do proper maths without the number 0, which wasn't a number at all but, if it went away, would leave a lot of larger numbers looking bloody stupid. — Terry Pratchett
Don't you understand?" snarled Rincewind. "We are going over the Edge, godsdammit!"
"Can't we do anything about it?"
"No!"
"Then I can't see the sense in panicking," said Twoflower calmly. — Terry Pratchett
We know all about you, Rincewind the magician. You are a man of great cunning and artifice. You laugh in the face of Death. Your affected air of craven cowardice does not fool me.
It fooled Rincewind. — Terry Pratchett
That bit where that lad sprang backwards right across the room with them axes in his hands was impressive, though."
"Yeah."
"You didn't ought to have stuck your sword out like that, I thought."
"He's learned an important lesson."
"It won't do him much good now where he's gone. — Terry Pratchett
Rincewind ignored this, because it was true. — Terry Pratchett
All the shops have been smashed open. There was a whole bunch of people across the street helping themselves to musical instruments, can you believe that?"
"Yeah," said Rincewind. " ... Luters, I expect. — Terry Pratchett
Luck is my middle name," said Rincewind, indistinctly. "Mind you, my first name is Bad. — Terry Pratchett
Mission motto, sir," said Carrot cheerfully. "Morituri Nolumus Mori. Rincewind suggested it."
"I imagine he did," said Lord Vetinari, observing the wizard coldly. "And would you care to give us a colloquial translation, Mr Rincewind?"
"Er ... " Rincewind hesitated, but there really was no escape. "Er ... roughly speaking, it means, 'We who are about to die don't want to', sir. — Terry Pratchett
Perhaps there is something in this reflected-sound-of-underground-spirits? It was a cumbersome phrase. Rincewind tried to get his tongue around the thick syllables that were the word in Twoflower's own language.
"Ecolirix?" he tried. "Ecro-gnothics? Echo-gnomics?"
That would do. That sounded about right. — Terry Pratchett
Death, although of course completely eyeless, watched Rincewind disappearing with what would, had His face possessed any mobility at all, have been a frown. Death, although exceptionally busy at all times, decided that He now had a hobby. There was something about the wizard that irked Him beyond measure. He didn't keep appointments, for one thing. — Terry Pratchett
He's got a box with a demon in it that draws pictures," said Rincewind shortly. "Do what the madman says and he will give you gold. — Terry Pratchett
Rincewind trudged back up the beach. "The trouble is," he said, "is that things never get better, they just stay the same, only more so. — Terry Pratchett
What is it?" hissed Conina. "It's just the Luggage," said Rincewind wearily. "Does it belong to you?" "Not really. Sort of." "Is it dangerous?" The Luggage shuffled around to stare at her again. "There's two schools of thought about that," said Rincewind. "There's some people who say it's dangerous, and others who say it's very dangerous. What do you think?" The Luggage raised its lid a fraction. — Terry Pratchett
What is it?' asked Rincewind.
'Oh, just the picture you took in the temple.'
Rincewind looked in horror. There, bordered by a few glimpses of tentacle, was a huge, whorled, callused, potion-stained and unfocused thumb.
'That's the story of my life,' he said wearily. — Terry Pratchett
Rincewind had been generally reckoned by his tutors to be a natural wizard in the same way that fish are natural mountaineers. — Terry Pratchett
It was octarine, the colour of magic. It was alive and glowing and vibrant and it was the undisputed pigment of the imagination, because wherever it appeared it was a sign that mere matter was a servant of the powers of the magical mind. It was enchantment itself.
But Rincewind always thought it looked a sort of greenish-purple. — Terry Pratchett
Then there's those wizards on it, who must all be gifted hydrophobes - " "You mean they hate water?" said Twoflower. "No, that wouldn't work," said Rincewind. "Hate is an attracting force, just like love. They really loathe it, the very idea of it revolts them. — Terry Pratchett
Don't worry," said Swires. "The old witch hasn't been seen for years. They say she was done up good and proper by a couple of young tearaways." "Kids of today," commented Rincewind. "I blame the parents," said Twoflower. — Terry Pratchett
I expect everything will turn out all right in the end,' said Twoflower.
Rincewind looked at him. remarks like that always threw him.
'Do you really believe that?' he said. 'I mean, really?'
'Well, things generally do work out satisfactorily, when you come to think about it.'
'If you think the total disruption of my life for the last year is satisfactory then you might be right. I've lost count of the times I've nearly been killed
'
'Twenty-seven,' said Twoflower.
'What?'
'Twenty-seven times,' said Twoflower helpfully. 'I worked it out. But you never actually have.'
'What? Worked it out?' said Rincewind, who was beginning to have the familiar feeling that the conversation had been mugged. — Terry Pratchett
I don't know what to do," he said. "No harm in that. I've never known what to do," said Rincewind with hollow cheerfulness. "Been completely at a loss my whole life." He hesitated. "I think it's called being human, or something. — Terry Pratchett
The future held its breath, waiting for Rincewind to walk away. He didn't do this for three reasons. One was alcohol. — Terry Pratchett
Yes, yes," said Bethan, sitting down glumly. "I know you don't. Rincewind, all the shops have been smashed open, there was a whole bunch of people across the street helping themselves to musical instruments, can you believe that?" "Yeah," said Rincewind, picking up a knife and testing its blade thoughtfully. "Luters, I expect. — Terry Pratchett
Rincewind gave his fingers a long shocked stare, as one might regard a gun that has been hanging on the wall for decades and has suddenly gone off and perforated the cat. — Terry Pratchett
You totally ruined my life, you know that?' said Rincewind hotly. 'I could have really made it as a wizard if you hadn't decided to use me as a sort of portable spellbook. I can't remember any other spells, they're all too frightened to stay in the same head as you! — Terry Pratchett
Rincewind paused. In the deep canyons of his mind he thought he heard the distant rustle of ancient paper. — Terry Pratchett
Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon
he'd run them all. — Terry Pratchett
Rincewind had been his assistant and his friend, and was a good man when it came to peeling a banana. He had also been uniquely good at running away from things. He was not, the Librarian considered, the type to be easily caught. There — Terry Pratchett
Rincewind sighed. "Look," he said. "No self-respecting High Priest is going to go through all the business with the trumpets and the processions and the banners and everything, and then shove his knife into a daffodil and a couple of plums. You've got to face it, all this stuff about golden boughs and the cycles of nature and stuff just boils down to sex and violence, usually at the same time. — Terry Pratchett
Rincewind stared, and knew that there were far worse things than Evil. All the demons in Hell would torture your very soul, but that was precisely because they valued souls very highly; evil would always try to steal the universe, but at least it considered the universe worth stealing. But the gray world behind those empty eyes would trample and destroy without even according its victims the dignity of hatred. It wouldn't even notice them. — Terry Pratchett
The Tezuman priests have a sophisticated calendar and an advanced horology," quoted Rincewind.
"Ah," said Eric, "Good."
"No," said Rincewind patiently. "It means time measurement."
"Oh. — Terry Pratchett
Twoflower didn't just look at the world through rose-tinted spectacles, Rincewind knew
he looked at it through a rose-tinted brain, too, and heard it through rose-tinted ears. — Terry Pratchett
For the first time Rincewind saw the troll.
It wasn't half so bad as he had imagined.
Umm, said his imagination after a while.
It wasn't that the troll was horrifying. Instead of the rotting, betentacled monstrosity he had been expecting Rincewind found himself looking at a rather squat but not particularly ugly old man who would quite easily have passed for normal on any city street, always provided that other people on the street were used to seeing old men who were apparently composed of water and very little else. It was as if the ocean had decided to create life without going through all that tedious business of evolution, and had simply formed a part of itself into a biped and sent it walking squishily up the beach.
( ... ) How does he hold himself together, his mind screamed at him. Why doesn't he spill? — Terry Pratchett
It is often said about desert environments that there is in fact a lot of nutritious food around, if only you know what to look for. Rincewind mused on this as he pulled a plate of chocolate-covered sponge cakes from their burrow. They had dried coconut flakes on them. He turned the plate cautiously. Well, you couldn't argue with it. He was finding food in the desert. In fact, he was even finding dessert in the desert. — Terry Pratchett