Rogan Quotes & Sayings

It was one thing to be attracted to bad boys, something I usually didn't suffer from. It was another to be attracted to bad men. Mad Rogan was a really bad, bad man. — Ilona Andrews

I'm really happy that I've been able to make people laugh and distract them from their day to day bullshit at a comedy show or because they enjoyed one of my CDs or TV specials, but I don't know how many people have actually had life changing thoughts because of it. — Joe Rogan

Despite all the advancements in science, and all things about religion that are disproved it still marches on. The bottom line is that the only real, absolutely provable answers about life and our place in the universe are provided by science, and religion has been holding down science since day one. — Joe Rogan

People want their 15 minutes and are willing to do anything to get it. — Joe Rogan

Chris Hillman (of the Byrds) recounts ... 'What happened to the Buffulo Springfield at the Whisky was similar to what happened to us at Ciro's ... everybody wanted to be there. It became the place to be ... a great gig.' — Johnny Rogan

I'm afraid of heights. Not unreasonably, but rationally afraid of heights. I think everyone is. — Joe Rogan

There's only 2 reasons that you hate gay marriage;
1. You're dumb, or 2. You're secretly worried that dicks are delicious. — Joe Rogan

We have to start treating each other as if we are treating ourselves living another life. — Joe Rogan

When women go to see men strip, we never accuse you of hating men. — Joe Rogan

The people who could most benefit from the self-reflective ego-dissolving qualities of cannabis are the ones that want it to be illegal. — Joe Rogan

I really never thought people would think that I was funny, I thought (my friends) thought I was funny because I was their friend, but other people would just think I was an asshole. I was at least partly right. — Joe Rogan

I had seen movies before that that had made me laugh, but I had never seen anything even remotely close to as funny as Richard Pryor was, just standing there talking. — Joe Rogan

Bound by a common identity grounded in language and history, the Arabs are all the more fascinating for their diversity. They are one people and many peoples at the same time. — Eugene Rogan

I've been inspired by a shitload of people in my life so if there's ever anybody that I can inspire, to me that's a huge gift. To be able to turn that back around. — Joe Rogan

I wouldn't totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a set that I just happened to write that I thought was funny but was still appropriate for network censors. But I'm not going to go out of my way. — Joe Rogan

If you can lie, you can act, and if you can lie to crazy girlfriends, you can act under pressure. — Joe Rogan

Because I have a girlfriend, I try and take the straight and narrow path, which is good because it prevents VD. — Joe Rogan

You could smell my ass from mars. — Joe Rogan

If life wasn't real it would be the craziest psychedelic trip ever — Joe Rogan

If you attach your mind to any ideology, you're going to be on a road, and that road may or may not lead you in a good direction. But you're gonna stay on that road because you are attached to an ideology. It could be a terrible road, but you stick with it regardless of rational thinking. — Joe Rogan

Someone else's success does not equal a failure for you. — Joe Rogan

Speak to me."
"I hate you."
"Okay." Mad Rogan let go of me. "You're fine. — Ilona Andrews

You're Mad Rogan!" Leon burst out.
"Yes," Mad Rogan said, his voice calm.
"And you can break cities?"
"Yes."
"And you have all this money and magic?"
"Yes."
Where was Leon going with this?
My cousin blinked. "And you look ... like that?"
Mad Rogan nodded. "Yes."
Leon's dark eyes went wide. He looked at Mad Rogan, then glanced back at himself. At fifteen, Leon weighed barely a hundred pounds. His arms and legs were like chopsticks.
"There is no justice in the world!" Leon announced. — Ilona Andrews

Had I known you were going to pull a pretty ribbon out of your sleeve like some two-bit magician, tie me up with it, and indulge your mental torture fetish in your basement, I would've shot you. Many times."
"Two-bit magician?"
"Men like you enjoy being flattered. — Ilona Andrews

When a ball goes into a net it only means something because we decided it means something. When somebody punches somebody in the face it always means something. — Joe Rogan

I finally understood why he was called Mad Rogan. It wasn't because he was insane. It was because he drove you nuts with sheer frustration. We — Ilona Andrews

Well you see, Brazilian JiuJitsu Blackbelts have a blackbelt in ... Brazilian JiuJitsu — Joe Rogan

I realized a long time ago that instead of being jealous you can be inspired and appreciative. It carries more energy to you ... That can be an awesome motivating force that can improve your life if you choose to be inspired and not jealous. One (being jealous) has no benefit whatsoever, the other is an incredible resource for creating momentum and improvement. — Joe Rogan

I really feel like it's a travesty to make a child famous. I really do. — Joe Rogan

You're sort of programmed a certain way because of your environment. That's all you know. But we don't have that anymore because of the internet. Because of the internet we're all communicating with each other all across the board, so you're getting information from people all around the world, hitting a much more diverse slice of culture. — Joe Rogan

Rogan caught her hand just before she got out of his reach, and tugged her slowly back toward him. His eyes met hers, and she realized just how good an actor he'd been for the last few days. Where before she saw mild interest, now she saw intensity. Need.
Purpose.
He put his hand on the back of her head and dipped down for the kiss she'd daydreamed. — Natalie J. Damschroder

I never want to compromise my act just to get a laugh. — Joe Rogan

A lot of times, you beat a person who beat a person who can beat you. I mean, it doesn't make any sense. — Joe Rogan

So many times I've done a CD, and then the week after I record it, I've got this new tagline that's killer. And it makes the whole bit better. It happens all the time. But that's just the process of comedy. — Joe Rogan

This country has a mental health problem disguised as a gun problem, and a tyranny problem disguised as a security problem. — Joe Rogan

I don't really like actors. Actors are like terrible comedians with no punch lines. It's all about them. They talk about themselves all the time. They bore the sh - t out of you. — Joe Rogan

After this whole acting thing is over and done, you eventually have to be human. Some people are never human. It's very weird. — Joe Rogan

Live your life like you're the hero in your movie. — Joe Rogan

I wanted you to stop." "I was encouraged by you breathlessly moaning my name." I spun on my foot. "I wasn't moaning your name. I was shrieking in alarm." "That was the sexiest throaty shrieking I've ever heard." "You need to get out more. — Ilona Andrews

Not able to stop it, I felt a small smile tilt up the corners of my mouth. "Noted. Althought I must protest that you keep forcing unwanted kisses on me."
"It's the only way to get one. Unwanted indeed." He raised a knowing eyebrow at me. Arrogant Knave. I shook my head, feeling sad and happy all at the same time. "Why do you persist, Wolfe?"
His grin was slow and wicked as he stood back from me, allowing my body and mind to breathe again. "Strategy."
"Strategy?"
He cocked his eyebrow. "At first I thought imposed isolation would make you miss me-"
"Why you arro-"
"-But then I realised that it's being near me you can't resist. And there are only so many kisses you'll take before you give in to me completely, Rogan. — Samantha Young

People love to see people fall. — Joe Rogan

He propped his hands on his hips, shook his head slightly and turned his gaze from the front of the building to meet her eyes, dead on. "It sounds ridiculous, but I want you to have dinner with me. Since we have an early night."
Those truths clamored louder. She shook her head.
"Why not?"
"I don't have time, Rogan." [ ... ]
"You don't have time to eat?" he asked.
Kennedy blew out a breath. "I don't have time for dating games."
"Good, neither do I."
"Then what's this?"
He let go of her and lifted his shoulders, hands out. "Flirtation?"
Something intangible popped, and the tension faded. She smiled. "I expected you to say foreplay. — Natalie J. Damschroder

It's impossible to measure the type of mental strength and determination that's required to be an elite wrestler. — Joe Rogan

We live in a society that makes it really easy for these pussies to get by. — Joe Rogan

One school of thought says that the best way to handle an issue like this is exposure therapy," Mad Rogan said. "For example, if you're terrified of snakes, repeated handling of them will cure it."
Aha. "I'm not handling your snake. — Ilona Andrews

There's a confidence and a mental toughness that comes from the very highest level of competition, whatever the sport is. Whether it's boxing or wrestling, or whatever. — Joe Rogan

If the clouds split open and an archangel descended onto the street in all of his heavenly glory and tried to make Rogan see reason, he would fail miserably and have to pack up his flaming sword and go back to Heaven in shame. — Ilona Andrews

I would really like to know", he said with genuine curiosity. "The next time I kill someone, I'd like to do it in a way that doesn't freak you out. — Ilona Andrews

We 'chicks' have munched our popcorn while romantic comedies became just comedies, and then each female protagonist got recast for Matthew McConaughey or Seth Rogan. — Emma McLaughlin

He looked like he needed some jungle ruins to explore or some bad people to hit with a chair. Trouble was, he was the bad people. — Ilona Andrews

It's a very strange thing when you make nature illegal. — Joe Rogan

Excellence in anything increases your potential in everything. — Joe Rogan

I have this thing built into my contract that the club has to put up a sign that says my act "contains the strongest language and material content imaginable," but, believe it or not, I still get complaints. People want you to be what they want you to be. If they see you on TV and that's what they like, they want you to be EXACTLY like that when they see you live. And if you're not, some of them get upset. — Joe Rogan

I so didn't need another outbreak of Rogan fever. — Ilona Andrews

You are one miniscule piece of a never-ending cycle. In fact, you're not even a piece. You're just a holder for billions and billions of other pieces. Whether that's organic components, living organisms inside your body, bacteria or whatever it is, you're just part of the soup of the universe, so just try to enjoy what's good about it. — Joe Rogan

She stepped forward into the shadows with him and took his hand. "What do you want from us, Rogan?"
He shuddered with the force of his expelled breath and intertwined his fingers with hers. "I'm not sure." He brought their hands to his lips and rested them there, not kissing or licking or being seductive, just touching. "I think I want it all. I've barely kissed you, but I already know it won't be enough. Even sex won't be enough. You're deep in my system. — Natalie J. Damschroder

What people like are things to laugh at. Funny shows. It's all in the execution, the writing and the characters, not the setting. And the writing and the execution and the characters are GREAT on (Everybody Loves Raymond). — Joe Rogan

Any comic like myself owes everything he has to Lenny Bruce. He was the originator. The godfather of uncensored American stand-up is clearly Lenny Bruce. — Joe Rogan

The two things I understand best are stand-up comedy and martial arts. And those things require an ultimate grasp of the truth. You have to be objective about your skills and abilities to compete in both. — Joe Rogan

I think that one of the reasons why people look towards the end of humanity is that people are afraid to die alone. If you die alone, the people you love will miss you, or if they die, you miss them - the sorrow is inevitable. When you truly love someone, the thought of losing them forever is horrible. — Joe Rogan

Houston people are way cool. They're smart, they know how to have a good time, and they have the hottest chicks on the planet there. — Joe Rogan

So instead of investing your time in a passion, you've sold your life to work for an uncaring machine that doesn't understand you. That's the problem with our society. And what's the reward? Go home and get a big TV. — Joe Rogan

I wondered if all a person could hope for was illusion and luck, for I was forced to conclude that the world was fundamentally and appallingly dangerous. It is a lesson I will never forget. — Charlotte Rogan

I want to make sure that everything that I'm creating, I'm creating it so other people get enjoyment out of it. And that's the reward that you get for that. — Joe Rogan

Former Sony CEO Amy Pascal - they threw her out of the headquarters, but they gave her a new office on the lot. But she can't move into it because it reeks of pot smoke. Apparently, this is true, the former tenant was Seth Rogan. And he, as we know, smokes so much weed, when he finally exhales, it looks like there's a new pope. — Peter Sagal

He glanced at me, his eyes dark. "Would you rather talk about your dream?"
"No."
"Considering that I was featured in it, I think I deserve to know the particulars. Were my clothes missing because we were in bed? Was I touching you?" He glanced at me. His voice could've melted the clothes off my body. "Were you touching me? — Ilona Andrews

If you keep wiggling, things might get uncomfortable," he said into my ear, his voice like a caress. "I'm doing my best, but thinking about baseball only takes you so far." I froze. — Ilona Andrews

The Comedy Store in LA, it's a really loose room and it's really dark and creepy and a great place to explore your own thoughts onstage. — Joe Rogan

A unicorn is a donkey from the future — Joe Rogan

The audience changes every night. You're the same person. You have to speak your mind and do the stuff that you think is funny and makes you laugh. — Joe Rogan

I'm a nightclub comic. That's what I do. I work in the clubs uncensored because my mind is uncensored, and those are the thoughts that I have. I do the kind of comedy that I would enjoy seeing. — Joe Rogan

Haters ... are all failures. It's 100% across the board. No one who is truly brilliant at anything is a hater. — Joe Rogan

I really never had any ambitions to be a standup comic. I was talked into it by guys that I used to work out with. — Joe Rogan

Choose To Be Inspired. — Joe Rogan

To me, comedy is a great occupation because I don't really worry that much about what other people think of me. — Joe Rogan

He took the risk and his people had died. He blamed himself. It didn't reflect in his face, but I saw it in his eyes for a brief moment, before they went back to their icy blue. The last time we talked, I was almost completely convinced that he was a sociopath. He seemed invulnerable, as if nothing could bother him. This did. — Ilona Andrews

The people I know that have the hardest time keeping it together emotionally are people that don't workout. — Joe Rogan

I talk so much about sex that girls just want to meet me. — Joe Rogan

The misconception is that standup comics are always on. I don't know any really funny comics that are annoying and constantly trying to be funny all the time. — Joe Rogan

One of the most fascinating lessons I've absorbed about life is that the struggle is good. — Joe Rogan

How do we get out of this circle?" I asked him.
"We kill him," he said.
"Good. Let's kill him and go home."
"I thought you'd never ask. — Ilona Andrews

I do cagefight commentary in my spare time. — Joe Rogan

My company is called Talking Monkey, Inc. It's because that's what I think all people are: talking monkeys. — Joe Rogan

He hung up and glanced at me. "I'm sorry, I have to take care of business. It can't wait, but I'll keep it short."
"Not a problem. I'll busy myself with being seen and tossing my hair. Would you like me to twirl it on my finger while biting my lip?"
"Could you?"
"No, sorry." I grinned at him — Ilona Andrews

Oh. "So the best way to fight you is to strip naked and attack?"
His eyes flashed with a wicked light. "Yes. You should try it and see what happens. — Ilona Andrews

Your body's really only meant to compete at the highest levels of combat sports for a few years. — Joe Rogan

No matter how civilized we are and how much society has curbed violent behavior. Human beings still have the same genes they had 10,000 years ago. Our bodies are designed to have a certain amount of physical stress and violence in them. We're designed to run from jaguars and fight to defend our territory. — Joe Rogan

I've done jiujitsu a huge chunk of my life, and I try to spend a lot of time educating people on the nuances, the subtleness of the ground game. It's a big part of mixed martial arts. — Joe Rogan

Omigawa is moving forward like a karate robot — Joe Rogan

I always try to look at conflicts from as many different angles as is humanly possible, and in a lot of ways there is no one answer. — Joe Rogan

Most of my bits are long stream-of-consciousness- type things, and when I'm doing them onstage, other places to take the theme or idea will hit me, and I just go with it. — Joe Rogan

People are scared man, they're scared of the void. — Joe Rogan

Greatness and madness are next door neighbours; and they borrow each other's sugar. You don't get there without the other. — Joe Rogan

Jiu-Jitsu has been one of the most valuable tools I've ever had in my life. — Joe Rogan

The quicker we all realize that we've been taught how to live life by people that were operating on the momentum of an ignorant past the quicker we can move to a global ethic of community that doesn't value invented borders or the monopolization of natural resources, but rather the goal of a happier more loving humanity. — Joe Rogan

For those that have said I seemed dickish to some of the nuttier guests on Joe Rogan Questions Everything - guilty as charged. As the season wore on I lost my patience with some of those folks unfortunately. I think I overdosed on ridiculous/likely fake stories. I certainly learned a lot about the kind of people that invest a large portion of their life on fringe subjects - they're all white. I think there's something interesting about the subjects, (UFOS, etc) but the study of them has often been overrun by silly thinking. — Joe Rogan

Martial arts are a vehicle for developing your human potential. — Joe Rogan

It never hurt Lenny Bruce's career to get arrested for swearing. It did back in the time, but he broke those doors down by doing the stuff that he believed in. — Joe Rogan

I didn't expect to sit here for hours. But if you're too hot, feel free to take the bra off." I gave him the finger. "What are you?" he asked. "I'm the woman you chained in your basement. I'm your captive. Your ... victim. Yes, that's the right word. All of that education. How come nobody ever explained to you that you can't just kidnap people because you feel like it? — Ilona Andrews

Comedy is a funny thing, and it's really not like any other art form in that it's very specialized and varied in it's content, but generic in it's title. You would never go to a club just to see "Live music," you would go to a jazz club to see jazz, a blues club to see blues, etc. But when you go to see "standup comedy," if you don't know the performers material, you really don't have any idea what you're gonna get. — Joe Rogan