Rickles Quotes & Sayings

I still have drive, but everything is relative. — Don Rickles

I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny. — Don Rickles

I was always a fan of the old-style comics. I loved vaudeville. I loved Milton Berle, Dick Shawn, Phyllis Diller, Don Rickles, Charlie Callas, all those guys. Hilarious. I love the Bing Crosby and Bob Hope movies, and Abbott & Costello. My television influences were 'Monty Python's Flying Circus,' 'Benny Hill,' and 'Hee Haw.' — Larry The Cable Guy

I call myself an actor. I always wanted to be one. — Don Rickles

Everything I do on stage, I made up in saloons. I started doing it in front of people, and that became my performance. I never had writers. — Don Rickles

Every night when I go out on stage, there's always one nagging fear in the back of my mind. I'm always afraid that somewhere out there, there is one person in the audience that I'm not going to offend! — Don Rickles

Half the battle is that people have to like you before you say one joke, one bit of humor. — Don Rickles

I've been hot, I've been lukewarm, I've been freezing, but I've always been a headliner. — Don Rickles

Everything I've ever done in my whole career, people might not know, I've never written anything down on paper. — Don Rickles

When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket. — Don Rickles

I never could tell a joke. I just started talking to the audience, and when the drunks would yell, "Hey, when do the broads come on?" I got good at saying, "Relax. Clear your skin up first." They called me "the insult guy," but it's never mean-spirited. I'm just exaggerating everything about us and about life. — Don Rickles

I've never been mean-spirited, in my opinion. I never did anything below the belt. — Don Rickles

To this day, when I say that I went to the American Academy, people are very impressed. The reputation of the school has always been fantastic. — Don Rickles

I cannot tell a joke. But I can do a situation, that it becomes a joke. — Don Rickles

Struggling is hard because you never know what's at the end of the tunnel. — Don Rickles

I want to be a dog, but I'm a pussycat. — Don Rickles

Showbiz is great if you're successful. — Don Rickles

Sex is great, but when you get to be my age, you've got to pace it a little bit. Otherwise you get tired. — Don Rickles

I was in World War II; I cried when they took me in the Navy. That's the last time I cried. — Don Rickles

My grandchildren just know me now as Mr. Potato Head. — Don Rickles

I have a wonderful road manager, and he travels with me. And my valet and friend travels with me. My little entourage is great, and they take good care of me. — Don Rickles

My life was in Montreal years ago. Best food in the world. — Don Rickles

If I were to insult people and mean it, that wouldn't be funny. — Don Rickles

I've never had guys sit me down and say this is what you've got to do. It's my personality that makes me one of a kind, and I believe that. — Don Rickles

I was 28 when my father died, and I was an only child. — Don Rickles

I'm not a big one for jokes. I can't tell a joke, believe it or not. If you gave me a thousand bucks and said, 'Don, get up at a party and tell a joke', I'm the worst. — Don Rickles

Some people say funny things, but I say things funny. — Don Rickles

I do situations and make fun of authority and life. — Don Rickles

To my knowledge, I was the first guy really to do what I do. And then later on different comedians started trying doing it. — Don Rickles

My father was an insurance man and a small-time gambler. He was a good man, but he had an eye for the racehorses, and I saw how it used to bother my mother. I've never gambled a dime. Never, in all those years in Vegas. — Don Rickles

Asians are nice people, but they burn a lot of shirts. — Don Rickles

If something strikes me as funny, I'll put it in my performance. — Don Rickles

I grew up in an Orthodox family, as I grew older, I became Conservative and that's how it ended up. But I've developed that Jewish feel to my act from my surroundings and my family. — Don Rickles

They always use the word 'insult' with me, but I don't hurt anybody. I wouldn't be sitting here if I did. I make fun of everybody and exaggerate all our insecurities. — Don Rickles

Don Rickles and I are best friends. I know that might seem strange to those who know Don only by reputation, but somebody has to be his friend. Just to make sure I don't forget, Don gave me a doormat that sits just outside the front door of my house. It reads: 'The Newharts: The Rickleses Best Friends.' — Bob Newhart

Eddie Fisher married to Elizabeth Taylor is like me trying to wash the Empire State Building with a bar of soap. — Don Rickles

I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room. — Don Rickles

You throw your best punch, otherwise don't do it. — Don Rickles

I enjoy mixed audiences, not one particular group. Short, tall, scientists, Jews, gentiles, whatever, as long as they breathe and like to laugh. — Don Rickles

It's tough having the last name Rickles. Luckily, my kids handled it great. — Don Rickles

I always say that comedians and actors were all kind of shy when they were young. I was very, believe it or not, kind of embarrassed as a child. But my mother was a very strong lady and she was the one that kept it going when I thought it would be over for me as a performer. She was always my inspiration and she was a big influence on me. — Don Rickles

Now when I'm not working, I don't really hang out with the young comics. — Don Rickles

I used to play golf. I wanted to be a better player, but after a while I realized I'd always stink. And that's when I really started to enjoy the game. — Don Rickles

Political correctness? In my humor, I never talk about politics. I was never much into all that. — Don Rickles

Las Vegas is the boiling pot of entertainment. — Don Rickles

I was a mother's boy. — Don Rickles

I would describe myself as a guy that's very normal but has the tendency to rib people, but never in a mean-spirited way. — Don Rickles

Italians are fantastic people, really. They can work you over in an alley while singing an opera. — Don Rickles

My wife came into my life, and my mother still wanted to be the boss. — Don Rickles

The old days were the old days. And they were great days. But now is now. — Don Rickles

After I graduated, I tried Broadway, which was difficult for me. It was tough to get a part on Broadway, so I just started talking to audiences at different social gatherings, and little by little I became Don Rickles - whatever that is. — Don Rickles

If I have learned anything, it is to keep my wife happy by sending her lavish gifts. Other men can learn from my success and send their wives and girlfriends fresh flowers for birthdays, anniversaries, and of course, Valentine's Day. — Don Rickles

I was sitting in the toilet and I was by myself. I was tired of playing with the roller, so I said I'd better write a book. — Don Rickles

When you're 18, you're just so busy being scared and having fun - a crazy mixture - that you never thought of dying. — Don Rickles

Whatever you do to gain success, you have to hang in there and hope good things happen. Always think positive. — Don Rickles

George W. Bush cannot out-talk Al Gore. Period. Mr. Gore thinks faster on his feet and is much more verbal. So if that is the criteria, Gore won the debate. But if that is the criteria, Don Rickles should be President. — Bill O'Reilly

Johnny Carson was a big influence on me - all of those shows I did with him over the years, like, 100 of them, they made a bit of a name for me at the time, so that part of my life was very good. — Don Rickles

Compared to what some of the young comics use for material today, I'm a priest. — Don Rickles

An insult is mean or unkind. Milton Berle called me the Sultan of Insult, and I was called the King of Insult. But the guy that gave me the best title - and I use it to this day - was Johnny Carson. He called me Mr. Warmth. — Don Rickles

It takes many years to be a great comedian. — Don Rickles

I have a problem, if the light goes on on TV and it blinks midnight, I don't know how to fix it. — Don Rickles

I don't care if the average guy on the street really knows what I'm like, as long as he knows I'm not really a mean, vicious guy. My friends and family know what I'm really like. That's what's important. — Don Rickles

I take pride in being very unique in what I do. Nobody else can do what I do and I don't mean to say that egotistically, it's just something in my personality. — Don Rickles

I never go see a comic. The only one I'd ever really want to see is Don Rickles. He might be 80 years old, but he blows everyone out of the water. — Andrew Dice Clay

I always say, when you're onstage you can't please everybody. I'm sure there are people who may not take to what I do, but that's okay. Thank God the majority are in my corner. — Don Rickles

I was kind of a Rickles comic to begin with. I was caustic, and I was abusive and mean to the audience. — Louie Anderson

I don't like to compare myself with anybody. — Don Rickles

Some people call me a legend and the last of the greats, and I appreciate it. — Don Rickles

People think being in your seventies means sitting around in a chair with a blanket over your legs, drooling. — Don Rickles

Yeah, I make fun of blacks, and why not? I'm not a black. — Don Rickles

I always enjoy being full of fun, but I have my serious moments. Some women go for the studious kind of guy, I certainly was not that. If a girl is looking for somebody different and maybe a little more exciting for themselves - someone more on the fun side, I would suggest that they look for a type like Don Rickles. — Don Rickles

I go to Las Vegas
or at least I went to Las Vegas
because even though I knew everything that was sinister, calculating, and evil about it, I loved Las Vegas. Only in Vegas could I dare to fantasize that I was a Friend of Frank. Or that I was throwing the dice at Dino's favorite table. Or that I might luck out and sip bourbon with Rickles after his last lounge show. The D.I. oozed that kind of heady fantasy. — Marc Cooper

Alan King, a comedian I adored, was considered society, and I was considered the Jewish kid from the neighborhood. — Don Rickles

Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder? — Don Rickles

I've got an accountant who's been with me forty years. If he makes a mistake, he dies. — Don Rickles

When I was a young kid I loved Don Rickles, Buddy Hackett and Jackie Vernon. — Marc Maron

When you do comedy, you can't please the world, although I'd like to think that most of my audiences were on my side. — Don Rickles

Sinatra had a lot of mood swings, but he was wonderful to my wife Barbara and to me. He made no bones about who he liked and who he loved, and he had this great charisma. When he walked into a room, it stopped. I've only seen that happen with Ronald Reagan. — Don Rickles

When I'm onstage, I'm acting. — Don Rickles

I don't really tell a joke per se, I build up an attitude and it becomes a joke. — Don Rickles

Bob Newhart, who is my best friend, is one of the guys I adore. — Don Rickles

An insult comic is the title I was given. What I do is exaggeration. I make fun of people, at life, of myself and my surroundings. — Don Rickles

Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed. — Don Rickles

I've never been able to tell jokes. In the beginning of my career I did impressions and jokes like any other comedian, but I was never very successful because I did it poorly. So I started to talk to the audience and started talking about the atmosphere around me and started to become angry, not in a mean-spirited way, but in a fun way - and my attitude developed from there. — Don Rickles

Women were afraid of me, they were scared to death. But I always say be yourself, if you're funny then let your sense of humor go there. I mean there's no sense hiding what you feel. — Don Rickles

My wife, Barbara, is great. She arranges when I do work that I have a day off between performances. — Don Rickles

Among my friends, I'm not a little Boy Scout, and they love my humor, thank God. — Don Rickles

I was nice to the people in the Philippines for the two and a half years I was there, because I knew eventually I'd have to kiss up to them so my grandchildren could have toys. — Don Rickles

I always rib people, but nobody ever gives me a hard time. I don't know why. Maybe they're afraid of what I might say. There's probably a lesson in that somewhere, but I don't know what it is. — Don Rickles

You lose your energy, you lose that excitement and it gets the audience up. — Don Rickles

I never went out looking for glory. — Don Rickles

I stopped smoking. But my personality I still have. I get up in the morning, and not everybody loves me, so if you want to call that a bad habit, there's that. — Don Rickles

I couldn't sell air conditioners on a 98-degree day. When I demonstrated them in a showroom, I pushed the wrong button and blew the circuit. — Don Rickles

When I got out of high school, I wanted to be an actor but was getting a lot of rejections. I was getting rejected by life. My mother, God rest her soul, told me not to quit. — Don Rickles

Once in a while, when I'm alone, I think about my age. I think, How many more years do I have on this earth? But I can't really conceive of dying. Somehow, in my head, I don't think I'll die. I know that everybody dies, of course. I just think that it'll never come to me. It's crazy, but there it is. — Don Rickles

I don't walk into a dinner party and say, 'You're an idiot; give me my coat.' — Don Rickles

My style is my personality. It's always been that way. Being a wiseguy and having fun. It's always been that way for me, when I was in high school, and in the Navy. It's not something I rehearse. — Don Rickles

The transformation has been unbelievable. When I started here, I worked in a place where the Sky Room was on the second floor. — Don Rickles

I mean, in my - and I'm not trying to do spilled milk, but in those days it was a little - I think it was much tougher, because you got an image, and you were in a saloon. And it was tough to come out of a saloon and to get in films, and to maintain an image, you know. — Don Rickles

The young comedians always ask me, 'What's the secret for staying around?' I tell them, 'There is no secret - just stay around. Longevity is the most important thing.' — Don Rickles