Private Investigator Quotes & Sayings

The name's Clem Williamson Snide. I am a private asshole. — William S. Burroughs

Well, strap my ass to a flagpole and hoist it skyward' an all to familiar voice declared. — Keri Arthur

Some years ago a psychiatrist had told me that finding out things other people didn't want known was my way of trying to stay even with a society filled with people bigger than I was. The remark had been meant to startle, to provoke insight, and eventually to alter my behavior.
Instead, I'd simply found that I thoroughly agreed with him and had gone out after a private investigator's license.
[Dr. Robert Frederickson AKA Mongo] — George Chesbro

I'm a licensed private investigator and have been for quite a while. I'm a lone wolf, unmarried, getting middle-aged, and not rich. I've been in jail more than once and I don't do divorce business. I like liquor and women and chess and a few other things. The cops don't like me too well, but I know a couple I get along with. I'm a native son, born in Santa Rosa, both parents dead, no brothers or sisters, and when I get knocked off in a dark alley sometime, if it happens, as it could to anyone in my business, nobody will feel that the bottom has dropped out of his or her life. — Raymond Chandler

Life as a private investigator, slash bounty hunter wasn't all Gary Beck wanted it to be. There weren't any big mansions on a palm beach owned by an affluent writer generous enough to let him live rent-free and use his spare Ferrari. But then you have to ask yourself, what could you expect living on a planet like Deanna? As a third-rate colony in the Terran Empire, Deanna had more than its fair share of dull moments. It orbits a star called Ramalama. If you think that's funny, Deanna's two moons are called Ding and Dong, respectively (this is a local joke) and one of them falls down occasionally. — Christina Engela

I'm Charlotte Davidson: private investigator, police consultant, all -around badass. Or I could've been a badass, had I stuck with those lessons in mixed martial arts. I was only in that class to learn how to kill people with paper. — Darynda Jones

Charley Davidson, Private Investigator, Because No One Is Better At Investigating Your Privates — Darynda Jones

I have no idea, Jim," Lowen said. "I'm a doctor, not a private investigator. — John Scalzi

We women have intuition," Barby said loftily. "I wouldn't expect you to understand. I can't imagine why there aren't more women detectives. — John Blaine

A vampire private investigator?" he repeated. "You're putting me on, right?" "I know you have vampire hit men, so why wouldn't you have vampire private investigators, too?" she flared back. "I can't just run an ad with Nathanial's description on it titled 'Have you seen this soul welsher? — Jeaniene Frost

I thought it was time for a tough, smart, likable female private investigator, and that's how VI came to life. — Sara Paretsky

Married men get so they make a routine even of keeping a mistress — Erle Stanley Gardner

My college senior thesis was going to be on the American private investigator. — Greg Rucka

Curiosity was a bad character trait for a private investigator to have. It created work. — Dee Henderson

Sometimes a girl's gotta be bad to be good.

Murder in the Dog Park — Jill Yesko

So are we stalking your ex-husband?"
"I'm a licensed private investigator," I said. "I'm licensed to stalk."
"Really?"
"In most cases."
"What about this case?"
"In this case," I said. "We're stalking the hell out of him. — J.R. Rain

Jack Taylor was a private investigator in Galway, which seemed like madness. I used lots of Galway-isms, which seemed like madness, too. — Ken Bruen

The depths cleared again. Something moved in them that was not a board. It rose slowly, with an infinitely careless languor, a long dark twisted something that rolled lazily in the water as it rose. It broke surface casually, lightly, without haste. I saw wool, sodden and black, a leather jerkin blacker than ink, a pair of slacks. I saw shoes and something that bulged nastily between the shoes and the cuffs of the slacks. I saw a wave of dark blond hair straighten out in the water and hold still for a brief instant as if with a calculated effect, and then swirl into a tangle again. — Raymond Chandler

My feet crunched over dry hickory leaves. Wood rangers had stapled up Smokey Bear ("Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires!") signs along the state roads. One cigarette butt flicked out a passing car window and there'd be real hell to pay. — Ed Lynskey

He wore his personality like a suit that was too tight. — B.V. Lawson

Olsons P.I. 'Kenny Jones' as he approaches a barman in a notorious Bangkok Gay bar as part of an investigation -
'I was tempted to ask him if he had heard the one about the two condoms walking down Soi Rome when they see The Balcony Pub. One condom turns to the other and says 'Let's go in there and get shit-faced' - — Warren Olson

I'd spent my whole career dealing with badasses taking care of my nine-month-old boy should be a lark. — C.I. Dennis

No wonder Thanksgiving was my favorite - you can't buy it, wrap it, or put it under a tree, and even the greeting card companies can't seem to make a buck off of it. It's just a meal, with people who you love and who love you back, no matter what. — C.I. Dennis

As an example, in Texas a licensing law was passed that requires computer-repair technicians to obtain a criminal justice degree or serve a three-year apprenticeship under a licensed private investigator. — Brian Phillips

But there's something about sitting at someone else's desk that makes you feel like looking in the drawers. I resisted the impulse briefly. Then I decided what the hell. I was a private investigator. Poking my nose in where it didn't belong came with the territory. — Stephen R. Donaldson

All eyes went there to see Hawk Delgado and Lee Nightingale, another local badass, a private investigator, walking in. — Kristen Ashley

Of course, to be truly 'surveillance free' required unpredictability or its cousin, spontaneity. — Jeff Shear

She picked up the phone and dialed her partner. Several seconds later, she heard a deep husky voice at the other end. It was a recording.
"Rick Bonito here! Private investigator for the Moore Detective Agency! Leave a message, please."
"Hey, Rick!" said Amelia. "I've got an assignment for you that needs your expertise. Breaking and entering! Give me a call."
Amelia smiled after hanging up the phone. With that kind of message, she should be getting a return call soon. — Linda Weaver Clarke

It all came back to something I'd figured out once about the detective business. There were two ways to go along: underground or on top. I never found out which was best. Underground you had the element of surprise on your side, but it was harder to move around. On top you went everywhere, taking cracks at everybody, and everybody taking cracks at you. You had to be tough to play it that way. Well, I was tough. — Jonathan Latimer

If you want to be a private eye, you have to get used to such things as hideous depression and abject despair. — Arthur Byron Cover

There will be no change in this firm's concern for client confidentiality.'
'Good.' She relaxed a little.
'But I like to know as much as possible about what I'm getting into before I start an investigation.'
It was her turn to raise her brows. 'I'm here because I was under the impression that one consults a private investigator when one does not wish to explain all the reasons why one needs that particular type of professional assistance. — Jayne Ann Krentz

So much for the bimbo alert; if she read books like that, then there was a light on upstairs, above the splendid front porch. — C.I. Dennis

Our job involves looking at things that people usually can't see. — Fuminori Nakamura

If I was in deep shit with Lilian before, I was snorkeling at the waste treatment plant now. — C.I. Dennis

Don't let any of 'em in the room 'til my guy gets what he needs. We'll be outta here before they get their gloves on.
Tea Party Teddy's Legacy — Dianne Harman

pulled into a dark tunnel. I found myself hurtling down an almost vertical dirt path, skipping over rocks and dirt patches like Indiana Jones until I hit bottom with a thud. Six years as a private investigator and I'd never fallen down a tree before. I caught my breath, got to my feet and dusted myself off. Good thing I never dress up for work. My old jeans and boots were none the worse for wear. I was wondering how I'd get back up to the surface when I noticed the flicker of golden sconces on — Linsey Lanier

If you want to last more than five minutes as a private investigator, you've got to have the instincts of a chameleon. Gumshoes that stand out in the crowd are as much use to the client as a chocolate chip pan. — Val McDermid

The huddle included Slim, Tack, Delgado and a local private investigator, Hank Nightingale's brother, Lee Nightingale and Lee's second in command, Luke Stark. — Kristen Ashley

Blood always excites me. — Jonathan Latimer

Follow my lead, Miss Rook," Jackaby said, rapping on the ornately trimmed door to 1206 Campbell Street. Were my employer a standard private investigator, those might have been simple instructions, but in the time I've been his assistant, I've found very little about Jackaby to be standard. Following his lead tends to call for a somewhat flexible relationship with reality. — William Ritter

My first novel, 'Compromising Positions,' was a whodunit. The protagonist was a Long Island Jewish housewife who turns private investigator. But she was Jewish the way I was: lighting Sabbath candles but envying her Protestant and Catholic friends' December decorating options. — Susan Isaacs