Oxford Dictionary Of Humorous Quotes & Sayings

Per capita the East Germans drank more than twice as much as their West German counterparts. — Anna Funder

I don't know ... but I think this Ebola epidemic is a form of population control. — Chris Brown

And then it hits me. I'm not anxious, I'm lonely. And I'm lonely in some horribly deep way and for a flash of an instant, I can see just how lonely, and how deep this feeling runs. And it scares the shit out of me to be so lonely because it seems catastrophic - seeing the car just as it hits you. But then all of a sudden, that feeling is gone and I'm blank. So it's like a door quickly opened, just a crack, to show me what a mess I was inside. — Augusten Burroughs

After all, we humans are not just one thing, we are multiple things, all at once, and any man wearing a badge on his chest boasting one particular quality or value is a man who is hiding ten other qualities and values he didn't see fit to pin to his lapel. — Lenore Zion

For instance, take the two words "fuming" and "furious." Make up your mind that you will say both words, but leave it unsettled which you will say first. Now open your mouth and speak. If your thoughts incline ever so little towards " fuming," you will say "fuming-furious;" if they turn, by even a hair's breadth, towards "furious," you will say "furious-fuming;" but if you have the rarest of gifts, a perfectly balanced mind, you will say "frumious. — Lewis Carroll

Time passed, unknowable amounts and I had no sense for it. There was just the blanket and grass, the cold of rain and the heat of Lilly like a small sun beside me, and we lay there until the clouds left and the SimStars reappeared. — Kevin Emerson