Quotes & Sayings About No Girlfriend

I also have no idea how to be a girlfriend. I love sleeping alone and I avoid sick people at all costs. I don't even cook for myself, so I need someone who appreciates a lovingly baked frozen pizza. — Jessica Pan

There are things some people can never understand.there's no point to telling them. — Chetan Bhagat

Every night, my girlfriend comes home from work, and she brings with her a houseplant. She's like, 'Anthony, I had to pick this up. We need a houseplant in our apartment.' And every night, I make her return it. I say, 'No way, baby. You can't take care of a houseplant. You couldn't even keep your baby alive.' — Anthony Jeselnik

And yet ... And yet it was not the same. It could never be the same again. In the last thirty minutes, Josh's carefully ordered world had shifted and altered irrevocably. He was a normal high school sophomore, not too brilliant, but not stupid either. He played football, sang - badly - in his friend's band, had a few girls he was interested in, but no real girlfriend yet. He played the occasional computer game, preferred first person shooters like Quake and Doom and Unreal Tournament, couldn't handle the driving games and got lost in Myst. He loved The Simpsons and could quote chunks of episodes by heart, really liked Shrek, though he'd never admit it, thought the new Batman was all right and that X-Men was excellent. He even liked the new Superman, despite what other people said. Josh was ordinary. — Michael Scott

I'm getting a girlfriend soon," said Michael in a serious tone, and everyone laughed.
"You've got plenty of time for that, kiddo," said his father. "No need to rush."
"Well, I don't want a boyfriend, Daddy," said Madeline. "Boys are dirty, and they make a mess when they eat."
"I'd imagine the six-year-old ones would." Xavier chuckled. "But don't worry, they get better at it. — Alexandra Adornetto

My girlfriend wants an open relationship. I said no way. What kind of man would I be if I had to tell my friends I date you? — Anthony Jeselnik

First of all, she wasn't my girlfriend, we were nine," Alex said. "And the only reason she liked you was because you used to show off your powers all the time."

"No I didn't," Chris said.

"Yeah, you did," Joseph grinned.

"All the time," Hadrian added, lifting his glass to take a sip.

"It was really annoying," Neriah said. — S.F. Mazhar

No, Owen. That's what I am to you. I'm your best friend. But that's not what you're to me."
He shook his head in denial.
"What you are to me is the guy that I've been madly in love with since sixth grade. You're the guy I think about every night when I'm in my bed by myself. You're the one who doesn't want me but insists on keeping me tied so close that I can't have anyone else, who keeps on hand on my collar and the other hand up his girlfriend's skirt. And I can't do it anymore! — Eli Easton

I want a normal girlfriend. Someone restful. You know anyone like that?"
"I'd volunteer if you were rich," I told him. "Like hugely rich. I could be restful for massive sums of money."
"Flattered. But no. — Karen Joy Fowler

Should've thought of that before you told my ex-girlfriend I eat live kittens for breakfast."
A tiny twinge of guilt. Then the cat wondered what Riley would think of her last successful "shoo-away." "Who knew she'd believe me?" [Mercy responded.]
"Oh no? When you 'accidentally' opened the cupboard to expose my 'kitten cage' full of the poor, sad kitties I was going to snack on?" A raised eyebrow. "Wasn't the cage next to my special 'kitten defurring' tools?"
"They were obviously fake."
Bas just stared at her. — Nalini Singh

Because he knows you have to laugh at the things that hurt you just to keep yourself in balance, just to keep the world from running you plumb crazy. He knows there's a painful side; he knows my thumb smarts and his girlfriend has a bruised breast and the doctor is losing his glasses, but he won't let the pain blot out the humor no more'n he'll let the humor blot out the pain. — Ken Kesey

But, I tell you this, there is no way a man as man as him swings for the rainbow. No way. Shame for Sway, but girlfriend, as beautiful as you are, this is good news. — Harper Sloan

Hey, I'm going to Super Dog for a quick bite and to pass along a message from a dead guy to his girlfriend. You should come with me."
"I can't go with you."
"Is it because of my questionable morals?"
"No, it's because it's three o'clock in the afternoon and I have to pick up Amber from school."
"Oh, right. So the morals thing doesn't bother you? — Darynda Jones

I once asked Randy how he knew that he had fallen in love with his girlfriend, Amy, and he just looked at me like it was the hardest question in the world. I expected some floral, florid explanation, about the air lightening and flute music filling his ears. This relationship that had him so transfixed - I expected a masterpiece of sentiment, one that would make me so happy for him and so empty inside. Instead he just turned to me and said,
"The minute I knew I was in love was the minute when there was no question about it. One night I was lying in the dark, looking at her looking at me, and it just was there, undeniable."
There is no question about it. — David Levithan

I don't have a girlfriend but sometimes I like to pretend I do. I just stand in my apartment screaming No, that's not what I said! — Dave Attell

Boyfriend #10
Peter Sosa, Age Twenty-Nine
What is it? You're married, aren't you?"
"No, no, nothing like that." He paused, leaving Jane to imagine. "I have a girlfriend. I'm sorry. I'm not cheating, she's right over there, at the table by the window. She made me a bet that I couldn't make the first girl I asked out fall in love with me. Some movie she saw, thought it would be romantic, then it went too far ... "
Jane's language would have made Britney the longshoreman blush down to her boots. — Shannon Hale

Going to radio with a rap record prior to going to the consumer is like having no foreplay with your girlfriend. — Lyor Cohen

Sounds like that happens to you a lot. Bet your girlfriend wasn't thrilled, though." She wasn't sure why she said it, but it came out before she could think. "Who said I have a girlfriend?" He said, raising his scarred eyebrow. His dark eyes crinkled. "No one," she said. " Well, I don't anymore, if anyone's interested."
"Who's interested?"
"Are you?" He looked her straight in the eye.
"I could ask the same of you," she scoffed.
"So what if I was? Interested, I mean." He shrugged.
"It wouldn't be a surprise," she said. "I'm sure half the crew has a crush on me. — Melissa De La Cruz

I hang on to the statement of scientists that there is no time. Therefore, join me in telling everyone you are thirty-two. This allows me to go after young men and plan grabbing husbands from my girlfriends. Choosing to live in the timeless, I am now at the easiest and happiest time of my life. — Beatrice Wood

If you've treated your girlfriend without respect, taken advantage of her, or cheated on her, your actions have taught her that she has no value. Needless to say, this is a serious, serious injury. If you don't try to make it right, she might start to believe the lie you've told her and spend the rest of her life thinking she deserves poor treatment. — Josh Shipp

You threatened to tell his girlfriend he'd been involved with you? (Hunter)
No, I threatened to tell Brittany he made a pass at me if he didn't help. He's a slimeball I wouldn't let touch my dead philodendron. (Abbie) — Sherrilyn Kenyon

Arguing with the girlfriend. Mid argument she says "Were you on Monday night Raw last night?" I had no comeback. — Zack Ryder

In California, of course, they never break up couples at dinner for fear of what might happen if someone's husband were seated next to someone else's very young girlfriend. But dinners with couples seated next to one another are always deadly dull, which is why there are almost no good dinner parties in the entire state of California. — Nora Ephron

Hey," I said before he could say anything else that would make the mood even weirder or break it entirely. "You wanna grab some coffee or something someday? I mean, some time when I'm not crawling with maggots," I added with a laugh that sounded nervous to my own ears and probably sounded desperate and pathetic to his. I totally braced myself for him to hem and haw and say that he couldn't or had a girlfriend or something. I was shocked instead when he gave me a nod.
"That sounds nice. And I'm cool with the no maggots thing too. — Diana Rowland

I've become really good at turning down the boring, pretty girl roles, the trophy wife, supermodel, beautiful girlfriend roles. I mean, playing somebody who's perfect holds no allure for me, whatsoever. It's just boring. — Rebecca Romijn

Minus my relationship with Kennedy, I had no automatic invitation to Greek Parties or events, though Chaz and Erin could invite me to some stuff since I fell under the heading of acceptable things to bring to any party: alcohol and girls.
Awesome. I'd gone from independent girlfriend to party paraphernalia. — Tammara Webber

I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer ... but no one will do it. — Anthony Jeselnik

It's a whole nother aspect of this life that most people have no idea about. There's the loved ones, the wives, the girlfriends, the children. Some of the people out here are fathers and mothers. Whether you mean to or not, you end up neglecting your family in a lot of ways. Even if you do your best to keep in touch, the fact of the matter is that you're physically absent. — Chuck Ragan

Honey, there's not a single woman in this town who doesn't know about Sanctuary, Land of the Bodacious Gods. Heck, me and my girlfriends want to get together and vote Mama Lo an award for her policy against hiring any man not seriously buff ... Not that you're not buff. You can certainly hold your own against the Sanctuary Hotties. But face it, haven't you ever noticed that this place is like Hooters for women? (Sunshine) No, I can honestly say that I've never noticed how good-looking the men at Sanctuary are. Nor have I ever cared. (Talon) — Sherrilyn Kenyon

What was it, she wondered, this need to brandish his shiny new metropolitan life at her? As soon as she'd met him at the arrivals gate on his return from Thailand, lithe and brown and shaven-headed, she knew that there was no chance of a relationship between them. Too much had happened to him, too little had happened to her. Even so this would be the third girlfriend, lover, whatever, that she had met in the last nine months, Dexter presenting them up to her like a dog with a fat pigeon in his mouth. Was it some kind of some sick revenge for something? Because she got a better degree than him? Didn't he know what this was doing to her, sat at table nine with their groins jammed in each other's faces? — David Nicholls

And what? Accidentally cuts off three fingers postmortem? 'Oops, oh, no, my girlfriend just died! Clumsy me, in trying to perform CPR, I chopped off some fingers! Guess I'll just take them with me ... Oh, darn, where did that middle finger go? — Barry Lyga

An old girlfriend is a gun in your belly. It's no longer loaded, so when you see her, all you feel is the hollow mechanical click in your gut, and possibly the ghost of an echo, sense memory from when it used to carry live rounds. Occasionally, though, there's a bullet you missed, lying dormant in its overlooked chamber, and when that trigger gets pulled, the unexpected gunshot is deafening even as the forgotten bullet rips its way through the tissue and muscle of your midsection and out into the light of day. Seeing Carly is like that. Even though we haven't spoken in almost ten years, it's an explosion, and in that one instant every memory, every feeling, comes flooding back as fresh as if it were yesterday. — Jonathan Tropper

When I look back at myself at age twenty, what I remember most is being alone and lonely. I had no girlfriend to warm my body or my soul, no friends I could open up to. No clue what I should do every day, no vision for the future. For the most part, I remained hidden away, deep within myself. Sometimes, I'd go a week without talking to anybody. — Haruki Murakami

I didn't bat an eye before answering, "I made out with one other girl while I was with my girlfriend." Excitement filled her eyes. "I was setting her up to take the fall for my girlfriend. Some other asshole wanted to hurt someone I cared about." Seeing Matteo and Drew come through the doors, I stood. "I gave him someone else that I gave no shits about. — Tijan

Chap in the cagoule." "What's a cagoule?" "Eleven? Do I hear eleven? Big fat man with the shameless wig? No? Still with the chap in the lightweight, knee-length anorak of French origin, very popular with bearded prannies who wear ethnic shoes, get off on Olde English folk music and have girlfriends called Ros who run encounter groups where you can find your true self and be at one with the cosmos. Eleven still with you, sir." "Well!" said the chap in the cagoule. "I don't know if I want it now." "Oh go on," said Ros, his girlfriend. "Twelve," said a new voice. — Anonymous

No relationship is perfect nor will anyone ever be the best boyfriend or girlfriend. Long as you put in the effort and try to make your lover happy. That's all we can ask for. — Kevin McCarty

I have no idea who you even are and now you're my damn girlfriend. What the hell have you done to me?" She holds her palms up defensively. "Hey, don't blame me. I've gone eighteen years swearing off boyfriends and then you show up out of the blue with your vulgar mouth and terribly awkward first kisses and now look at me. I'm a hypocrite." "I don't even know your phone number," I say. "I don't even know your birthday," she says. "You're the worst girlfriend I've ever had. — Colleen Hoover

Do you have a girlfriend?'
'No,' I said quickly.

Deny Honour again. Peter only denied Jesus three times. I must have denied Honour like three thousand times. — Ruth Ahmed

I saw a guy being really abusive to his girlfriend. She was asking people to help, but no one would. When he grabbed her, I tried to separate them, but he turned on me. I punched him and knocked him down. It wasn't a scandal; I was just doing what anybody should. — Timothy Hutton

I used to hate being different. I used to cry. I wanted to be blonde-haired and blue-eyed like all of my girlfriends. My mom and dad would feel so badly - 'No, it's OK. You'll be happy you're different later. — Kiana Tom

only had eyes for Hayden, who was wearing her blond hair pinned up in elaborate braids. In her light blue summer dress, she looked as fresh and alluring as apple pie. Even as a boy, he could have stared at her for hours when she did her hair in such a beautifully girlish fashion. And as a young man, after he'd discovered the joy of exploring the soft skin of his girlfriend, he could never look away from her pretty face when she offered him a smile. Even now, he couldn't think of anything he'd rather do than scrutinize her soft curves under that dress, to trace her delicate features with his gaze and stare into her sky-blue eyes. But that was no longer possible. He — Poppy J. Anderson

Besides, he's got a girlfriend now and has no interest in the little ink bunnies anymore. — Jay Crownover

And do it before you get with a girl you really want to settle down with. Because - trust me on this one - it's very, very hard to find a girl that you'd want to take home to Mom, have a meaningful relationship with and possibly bear your children, who will also finger-bang another girl while you do her doggy-style. Get it done. Get it out of the way. If you don't do it, you will regret it and never move past it. You will be the new virgin. And no one wants that, especially your girlfriend. — Olivia Munn

Do you have a girlfriend?" Grandma Frida asked. I put my hand over my face. "No," Mad Rogan said. "A boyfriend?" Grandma Frida asked. "No." "What about ... " "No," Mom and I said in unison. "But you don't even know what I wanted to ask!" "No," we said again together. "Party poopers." Grandma shrugged. — Ilona Andrews

I won't have my son doing drugs to get a
woman that he shall never have. — Initially NO

Looking back later, acquaintances marveled at the feat of this awkward, skinny kid the yearbook called "a rather quiet chap about campus," dour and brooding, who couldn't even win a girlfriend, who attracted enemies, who seemed, a schoolmate recalled, "the man least likely to succeed in politics." They hadn't learned what Nixon was learning. Being hated by the right people was no impediment to political success. The unpolished, after all, were everywhere in the majority. — Rick Perlstein

Hey! One of Edilio's soldiers just came staggering in from the gas station. He says someone attacked, took the place over."
That silenced the argument.
Sam, with exquisite contempt, turned to his girlfriend and said, "You want to go deal with it, Astrid?"
Astrid flushed red.
"No? I didn't think so. Guess it will be up to me then."
He left silence in his wake.
"Maybe we better pass some laws real quick so Sam can save our butts legally," Howard said.
"Howard, go get Orc," Albert said.
"Now you're giving me orders, Albert?" Howard shook his head. "I don't think so. Not you or her," he said, jerking a thumb at Astrid. "You may not think much of me, you two, but at least I know who saves our butts. And if I got to take orders from someone, it'll be the someone who just walked out of here. — Michael Grant

There is no good word for stomach; just as there is no good word for girlfriend. Stomach is to girlfriend as belly is to lover, and as abdomen is to consort, and as middle is to petite amie. — Nicholson Baker

If religion is a reaction of man, and nothing more, it seems to me that it represents a human desire for wrongdoers to be punished. I hate the idea of Idi Amin living in Saudi Arabia for the last 25 years of his life. That galls me to no end. I feel some sort of need for biblical atonement, or justice, or something. I like to believe there is some comeuppance, that karma kicks in at some point, even if it takes years or decades to happen. My girlfriend says this great thing that's become my philosophy as well. 'I want to believe there's a heaven. But I can't not believe there's a hell.' — Vince Gilligan

This is scary," she whispers. "I've never had a boyfriend before. I don't know how this works. Do people become exclusive this fast? Are we supposed to pretend we're not that interested for a few more dates?"
Oh, dear God.
I've never been turned on by a girl laying claim to me before. I usually run in the other direction. She's obliterating every single thing I thought I knew about myself with every new sentence that passes those lips.
"I have no interest in faking disinterest," I say. "If you want to call yourself my girlfriend half as much as I wish you would, then it would save me a whole lot of begging. Because I was literally about to drop to my knees and beg you."
She squints her eyes playfully. "No begging. It screams desperation."
"You make me desperate," I say, pressing my lips to hers again. — Colleen Hoover

If you were my girlfriend I would give you a hundred lightning bugs in a green glass jar, so you could always see your way. I would give you a meadow full of wildflowers, where no two blooms would ever be alike. I would give you my bicycle, with its golden eye to protect you. I would write a story for you, and make you a princess who lived in a white marble castle. If you would only like me, I would give you magic. If you would only like me. — Robert McCammon

Jamie Dornan is one of those guys who has no idea how gorgeous he is. He's crazy in love with his girlfriend and a crazy talent and a great singer and a great actor; just a lovely, lovely human being. It kind of makes you want to throw up a bit, but in all the right ways! — Jennifer Morrison

Pull up a step, Ace," I told him. He did, but he had the fidgets. He kept looking for his lucky exit. I told him, "I didn't really want you. But I can't get ahold of Winger." Not that I'd tried. "What? Who?" "Your girlfriend. Big blond goof with no common sense, always has an angle, never tells the truth if a lie will do. Her." "Part of that fits everybody in this thing," Morley said. "Even up on the Hill, they turned the truth to quicksilver." "Untruths, too." "Quicksilver lies. I like that." "Deadly quicksilver lies." I spotted friend C.J. Carlyle. "Look who missed the slaughter at Maggie Jenn's place. — Glen Cook

I have no reasons to be unhappy today. Normally, when I pick my mother up from the police station I go to the gym as soon as it opens and smash the bag for a while. This morning, however, I woke up to your pretty face and I remembered that you are my girlfriend. — Skyla Madi

-Paint-
My girlfriend is so besotted that she can't take her eyes off me. After we've turned out the light she puts on her night-vision goggles, and watched me as I sleep. Quite often I am woken by her sighing and involuntary yelps of happiness. This has been going on for years, and is showing no sign of abating. Once I asked her to stop all this infra-red activity, but it didn't really work; I'd wake up to find her covering me in luminous paint, and softly whispering, 'Sometimes I wonder if you know how much I love you. — Dan Rhodes

Venerable architecture critic Witold Rybczynski, for instance, suggests in his book How Architecture Works: A Humanist's Toolkit that "the first question you ask yourself approaching a building is: Where is the front door?" But this is by no means the first architectural question many among us will ask; it is altogether too straightforward a query for a segment of the population. Some of us deliberately and strategically seek out, say, an attic window within reach of a strong tree branch or an unlocked storm shelter leading down into someone's basement, even a badly fit screen door that looks easy to slip through around back. Perhaps you even did this yourself as a teenager, just looking for a new way to sneak out of the house past your bedtime or to avoid the all-seeing gaze of your girlfriend's parents. — Geoff Manaugh

This is Glesca ... Any time you're confused, take a wee minute to remind yourself of that inescapable fact: this is Glesca. We don't do subtle, we don't do nuanced, we don't do conspiracy. We do pish-heid bampot bludgeoning his girlfriend to death in a fit of paranoid rage induced by forty-eight hours straight on the batter. We do coked-up neds jumping on a guy's heid outside a nightclub because he looked at them funny. We do drug-dealing gangster rockets shooting other drug-dealing gangster rockets as comeback for something almost identical a fortnight ago. We do bam-on-bam. We do tit-for-tat, score-settling, feuds, jealousy, petty revenge. We do straightforward. We do obvious. We do cannaemisswhodunit. When you hear hoofbeats on Sauchiehall Street, it's gaunny be a horse, no' a zebra ... '. — Christopher Brookmyre

When I was about 14 I remember thinking when it came to proposing to my future girlfriend, I'd make a CD with all her favourite songs and a message that said, 'Will you marry me?' Shows you what a romantic I was. No one listens to CDs any more. It's all about iTunes. — Tinie Tempah

When one is undone - sprawled across the cold tile of a public bathroom in a pool of one's own vomit, or shivering in the back of a taxi in a pair of urine-soaked skinny jeans with no money for cab fare and a dead cell phone battery - much like a wobbly toddler or an unhinged politician, one immediately looks for someone else to blame. God. Your parents. Ex-girlfriends. Undocumented immigrants. Marvin in Human Resources. China. — Aisha Tyler

Here goes. See, my boyfriend and I decided to stay together for the summer, you know, even though he had to go visit some family in nowhereville. At least, that's what he told me. Anyway, everything was fine at first, because you know, we talked every night, and then boom, he just stopped calling. So I called and texted him like the good girlfriend I am, and it wasn't stalkerish, I swear, because I stopped after, like, the thirtieth time. A week goes by before he finally hits me back, and he was totally drunk and all, hey, baby, I miss you and what are you wearing, like no time had passed, and I was all, you so do not deserve to know. — Gena Showalter

In fact, every woman I met seemed disposable and replaceable. I was experiencing seducer's paradox: The better a seducer I became, the less I loved women. Success was no longer defined by getting laid or finding a girlfriend, but by how well I performed. — Neil Strauss

After several months in our trio relationship, my husband and I started telling friends about our girlfriend... No one seemed to mind the concept of an occasional three-way fling with a stranger, but the concept of dating a third person was a bit much for polite company. — Victoria Vantoch

That's a rule in the business. No tongue. You can't really get into it, otherwise, it's weird. I think that particular scene made his (Adam Brody) girlfriend jealous. There were issues. — Rachel Bilson

I've always felt a bit of an outsider. It used to worry me that, in terms of TV, I did not look like 'the girlfriend' or 'the daughter'. That pushed me to write my own stuff, as I thought no one else was going to write me a lead in the sitcom. — Miranda Hart

Buy this book or I'll take it personally, and I will have my revenge. I'll steal your girlfriend or make out with your dad. It doesn't matter to me. Whichever will hurt worse. My vengeance knows no sexuality. You don't want this. Your dad does though. Yeah, like you didn't know your parents' marriage was a sham. Come on. Open your fucking eyes. — Paul Neilan

Adam's gaze quickly shifted from the full tattoo on my face, to the V-neck of my T-shirt and the glimpse of tattooing across my collarbone, down to my palm, which was also covered in the same filigree tattoo. "I didn't know vampyres were getting additional tattooing done. Is your artist here in Tulsa?"
I grinned. "Yeah, sometimes. But mostly she's in the Otherworld." I could see he was trying to process what I'd said, so I took the opportunity to blurt, "Hey, you said you don't have a girlfriend, but how about a boyfriend?"
"Um, no, I don't have a boyfriend, either. At least not currently." Adam glanced at Damien, who met his gaze.
/Success!/ was what I was thinking. — P.C. Cast

There's no protocol on how to console your girlfriend of four years who you just met this morning. — Colleen Hoover

We'd walk home together in the foggy summer night and I'd tell her about sex; the good stuff, like how it could be warm and exciting
it took you away
and the not-so-good things, like how once you showed someone that part of yourself, you had to trust them one thousand percent and anything could happen. Someone you thought you knew could change and suddenly not want you, suddenly decide you made a better story than a girlfriend. Or how sometimes you might think you wanted to do it and then halfway through or afterward realize no, you just wanted the company, really; you wanted someone to choose you, and the sex part itself was like a trade-off, something you felt like you had to give to get the other part. I'd tell her that and help her decide. I'd be a friend. — Sara Zarr

There is a Western phenomenon called the male midlife crisis. Very often it is heralded by divorce. What history might have done to you, you bring about on purpose: separation from woman and child. Don't tell me that such men aren't tasting the ancient flavors of death and defeat.
In America, with divorce achieved, the midlifer can expect to be more recreational, more discretionary. He can almost design the sort of crisis he is going to have: motorbike, teenage girlfriend, vegetarianism, jogging, sports car, mature boyfriend, cocaine, crash diet, powerboat, new baby, religion, hair transplant.
Over here, now, there's no angling around for your male midlife crisis. It is brought to you and it is always the same thing. It is death. — Martin Amis

She's the one who sits in the back of the classroom.
The one who never raises her hand.
The one who might be the smartest girl you'll ever know.
But ever time she speaks some one speaks their opinion before her.
She's the one who cries herself to sleep.
Who you never see in the hallways.
Who is always late to class because she wants to avoid the wretched bitterness that halls expose.
Who never tells anyone her problems.
Who slices her wrists to get rid of pain.
She is the girl who will never be the same.
She is the girl who will never think she is ever good enough.
She's the one who is feeling like she has no purpose.
She is the one that can raise her voice and stop the bullying but will never choose to.
She might be your best friend.
She might be your daughter.
She might be your girlfriend.
She might just be the girl in the back of you class.
And she will never live the same life she once did. — Sarah Mares

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.' — Steven Wright

Believe me,' [ ... ] 'I would know about it. That's the difference between me and your girlfriend. I am the jealous type. I am the Spanish Inquisition when it comes to being fucked around on. No quarter will be given. — Jonathan Franzen

What the hell is going on in here?"

Hannah jumps in surprise when Coach Jensen appears in the shower area.

Oh, hey, Coach," I call out. "Not what it looks like."

His dark brows knit in a displeased frown. "It looks like you're taking a shower in front of your girlfriend. In my locker room."

"Okay, then yeah, it's what it looks like. But I promise, it's all very PG. Well, except for the fact that I'm naked. But don't worry, no kinky shit is going to happen." I grin at him. "I'm trying to win her back."

Coach's mouth opens, then closes, then opens again. I can't tell if he's amused or pissed or ready to wash his hands of this whole thing. Finally, he nods and opts for option number three. "Carry on. — Elle Kennedy

Being forced to sit between my mortal enemy and my ex-girlfriend every afternoon made seventh-period math feel like my own private Kobayashi Maru, a brutal no-win scenario designed to test my emotional fortitude. — Ernest Cline

When you're in morgue you're seeing life that no longer exists. It gives you an appreciation when you look someone in the eye, you shake their hand, and you hug your friends, your girlfriend, your family. It just gives you an appreciation for the life that surrounds you. At the same time you understand how fragile it is. That you don't need to be an idiot or get so angry at times. — Milo Ventimiglia

So what are we, then?" I asked. "When someone asks who I am, what am I supposed to say?"
"You say, 'Hi, I'm Liv, Dean's very hot and sexy lady.'" I couldn't smother a giggle. "Seriously."
"Paramour?"
"No."
"Cuddle bunny?"
"God, no."
"Valentine? Sweetheart? Girlfriend?"
"Girlfriend." I rested my forehead against his chest. "I guess." "Not the best word, but it'll do in public." He kissed my
temple. "In private, you can just be my beauty. — Nina Lane

Do you have a girlfriend?" I blurt out. Holy crap
I just said that out loud?
His lips quirk up in a half-smile, and he looks down at me.
"No, Anastasia. I don't do the girlfriend thing," he says softly. — E.L. James

Simon said, "So have we DTRed now?" Isabelle shrugged. "I have no idea what that means." Simon hid the fact that he was inordinately pleased by this. "Are we officially boyfriend and girlfriend? Is there a Shadowhunter ritual? Should I change my Facebook status from 'it's complicated' to 'in a relationship'?" Isabelle screwed up her nose adorably. "You have a book that's also a face?" Simon — Cassandra Clare

Life for women in rural Scotland is not like anywhere else in the world. We all live very far apart, and you don't just ring your girlfriend up for a cup of coffee. There really is no sense of community, no pubs, no clubs. The golf clubs are male prerogatives, and the women are isolated and have to have their own resources. — Rosamunde Pilcher

For me it's about the character, not as much about the genre of it [movie]. I'm excited that I get to work and play interesting characters and I'm not just the girl who gets to play the girlfriend or the wife. I get to play real women who have struggles and troubles and passions and that's always what I hope to do no matter what format that lies in. — Ali Larter

Curran strode toward me, eyes blazing. "If I let her go, I'll need a replacement. Want to volunteer for the job."
He looked like he wouldn't be taking no for an anser. I swiped Slayer from its sheath and backed away from the edge of the roof. "And be girlfriend number twenty-three soon to be dumped in favor of girlfriend number twenty-four who has slightly bigger boobs? I don't think so."
He kept coming. "Oh Yeah?"
"Yeah, you get these beautiful women, make them dependent on you, and then you dump them. Well, this time a woman left you first, and your enormous ego can't deal with it. And to think that I hoped we could talk like reasonable adults. If we were the last two people on Earth, I'd find myself a moving island so I could get the hell away from you. — Ilona Andrews

They kept asking me over and over again whether I was
having a romance with Hitler. Are you Hitler's girlfriend?
I laughed and answered the same way each time: No, those
are false rumours. I only made documentaries for him ... — Leni Riefenstahl

No," I said automatically, "don't do anything about Dad. You can't fix my relationship with him."
"I can block or run interference."
"Thanks, Jack, but I don't need blocking, and I really don't need any more interference."
He looked annoyed. "Well, why did you waste all that time complaining to me if you didn't want me to do something about it?"
"I don't want you to fix my problems. I just wanted you to listen."
"Hang it all, Haven, talk to a girlfriend if all you want is a pair of ears. Guys hate it when you give us a problem and then don't let us do something about it. It makes us feel bad. And then the only way to make ourselves feel better is to rip a phone book in two or blow something up. So let's get this straight - I'm not a good listener. I'm a guy."
"Yes you are." I stood and smiled. "Want to buy me a drink at an after work bar?"
"Now you're talking," my brother said, and we left the office. — Lisa Kleypas

I'd like to see you try to have my job. Around here I'm more connected than a Kennedy. As for our animals, there is no rapin' involved, they are more than willing, just ask your "girlfriend." She is probably gettin' a little animal lovin', and it's probably better than you, which is why she isn't answering your calls. Also, we aren't hillbillies, we are rednecks. Don't you have a map fucktard, no mountains in this part of the state, but you bring your ass down here, and I'll do you a solid. I'll introduce you to the fuckin' bubba-brigade. Have a good night, and if Mhisery ever rolls off the animal she is on, I'll tell her you called. — Alex Morgan

Ha! No! You are still and ocean virgin, and today you lose you virginity!'
'I have the weirdest girlfriend alive,' Scott muses, staring up at the sky. — Kiersten White

My girlfriend asked me if I only love her for her body. I said no, baby. Just parts of it. — Anthony Jeselnik

Garraty wondered how it would be, to lie in the biggest, dustiest library silence of all, dreaming endless, thoughtless dreams behind your gummed-down eyelids, dressed forever in your Sunday suit. No worries about money, success, fear, joy, pain, sorrow, sex, or love. Absolute zero. No father, mother, girlfriend, lover. The dead are orphans. No company but the silence like a moth's wing. An end to the agony of movement, to the long nightmare of going down the road. The body in peace, stillness, and order. The perfect darkness of death.
How would that be? Just how would that be? — Stephen King

Here's the problem: when every sin is seen as the same, we are less likely to fight any sins at all. Why should I stop sleeping with my girlfriend when there will still be lust in my heart? Why pursue holiness when even one sin in my life means I'm Osama bin Hitler in God's eyes? Again, it seems humble to act as if no sin is worse than another, but we lose the impetus for striving and the ability to hold each other accountable when we tumble down the slip-n-slide of moral equivalence. All of a sudden the elder who battles the temptation to take a second look at the racy section of the Lands End catalog shouldn't dare exercise church discipline ont he young man fornicating with reckless abandon. When we can no longer see the different gradations among sins and sinners and sinful nations, we have not succeeded in respecting our own badness; we've cheapened God's goodness. — Kevin DeYoung

Apparently having your girlfriend get shot in the head and Life Flighted away takes its toll on a guy. Imagine that? I told him it was no biggie, but he's been kind of edgy about it. — Laura Griffin

No, my girlfriend is sad and quiet and keeps me up all night worrying about her.'
'Bummer. Sounds like you need a different girlfriend. — Rainbow Rowell

Nadia...first, I'm flattered you like me. You're a wonderful girl, and I'm lucky that I met you. You're one of my best friends, my only friends. And since that night with Ivy, you've been amazing. You and your brother have truly been there when I needed you to be."
I sigh. "Maybe if things had stayed normal - if I never got attacked, if I never met Ivy - I may have been able to return your feelings. But now...right now, I need a friend more than a girlfriend to help me get through this."
Nadia didn't look very happy, but she nodded; she understood. "You really liked her, didn't you?"
There was no doubt about my answer.
"Yeah. I did. I still do. And I will for the rest of my life. — Colleen Boyd

I think he thinks about girlfriend like some kind of honorary title, like the way that every president is still 'President So and So,' no matter who's currently in office. — Holly Black

Umpires are like emotional girlfriends, once they make up their minds, there is no point in arguing — Dmitry Tursunov

I don't have a girlfriend. No, I don't. I haven't had a relationship in years, actually. But yeah, I'm still looking. It's kind of nice to be looking for a home at the same time. — Jens Lekman

To give a man 5 sous because he is poor and has no bread is perfect, but to give him a blowjob because he has no girlfriend is too much of a good thing: you don't have to do that. — Michel Houellebecq

I won't lie. Walking into a room and seeing your girlfriend reading a baby-name book can kind of make your heart stop.
"I'm no expert," I began, choosing my words carefully. "Well - actually, I am. And I'm pretty sure there are certain things we have to do before you need to be reading that. — Richelle Mead

your boy knows people who carry a lot of guns. As long as he doesn't sleep with anyone's girlfriend again, we should be fine." Oh yeah, if they could freeze the smoldering look on her face as she glared at him, it could be sold as a lethal weapon on the black market and make them all rich. "Pardon?" Caillen let out an annoyed breath. "Fain has a mental disorder that causes him to spout random stupidity for no apparent reason. It's been a source of constant embarrassment for his brother since they were kids. Ignore him." Fain — Sherrilyn Kenyon

Who cares if a tree falls in a forest and no one hears it? The tree still falls. If you believe that what you're doing will have positive results, it will - even if it's not immediately obvious. When you hold yourself to the same standard in your work that you do as a friend, girlfriend, student, or otherwise, it pays off. — Sophia Amoruso

So how long have you been together? Two months?'
'Five.'
'Five? Jesus, Steve, you might as well get married. I should buy a hat.'
'Don't. They give away your Spock ears.'
She laughed. 'This is the Romanian girl?'
'Croatian.'
'Right. She's a painter?'
'Photographer.'
'Right.' She studied him.
'What?' he laughed self-consciously as though he was a twelve-year-old boy who'd just been caught with his first girlfriend.
'Nothing.'
'Come on.'
'I don't know Steve,' she cut into her meat, 'you've changed. You no longer write about Victoria Beckham and you have a girlfriend. I think ... '
'You think what?'
'I don't know, I might be jumping the gun here, but I think there's a possibility you might not be gay after all.'
A chip was hurled at her head. — Cecelia Ahern

She asks if I left a girlfriend behind when we moved. I say no, and she smiles, which just about ruins me. — Pittacus Lore