My Girlfriend Can Quotes & Sayings

If you can't be civil to my girlfriend you can fucking walk away. — R.K. Lilley

Every night, my girlfriend comes home from work, and she brings with her a houseplant. She's like, 'Anthony, I had to pick this up. We need a houseplant in our apartment.' And every night, I make her return it. I say, 'No way, baby. You can't take care of a houseplant. You couldn't even keep your baby alive.' — Anthony Jeselnik

I have unemployed my girlfriend. She had a job working for a cardiologist and now she can hang out, put her feet up, buy all the things she wants, have a nice breakfast with you and me in the Four Seasons. Any fights in families like mine come from everyone worrying about money. I'm taking all those worries away. That makes me feel happy, makes me really proud of what I do. — Conor McGregor

I definitely have friends who - they've gone to multiple jobs, they've had trouble finding jobs, some have gone back to school - it's a very transitional period in anyone's life. I think definitely people have, even like my girlfriend for example, she works her job - and just the fact that she has a job - she just feels super lucky in this economy. But it can really shape, I think, the way you view the world. — Chris Baio

My main motivation for staying in the spotlight at all is, I don't want to just be known for being involved in 'Playboy,' or having been Hugh Hefner's girlfriend - I hate that. I like to show I can do other things and take on other challenges. That's my main motivation. — Holly Madison

Shane, how many ways must I say it? I don't want to be introduced as your girlfriend, especially in front of your family."
"I'll call you Tonto, my sidekick. You can pretend I hired you for the event to provide security."
"You're the one with Native American blood, not me."
"Oh, now I get it. You want to muscle in on my territory and play the Lone Ranger role. Sorry, Doc. That takes horsemanship skills of which you have none. Now, if you'd let me take you on a trail ride or two, get you up to snuff, I might consider it. — Carol Devine

The negative about acting is that you have to spend a great deal of time away from your friends and loved ones, but it's not like working a 9-5 job and only having two or three weeks off a year. I may not have seen my girlfriend for two or three months, but then we can spend two or three months together solidly. — Douglas Booth

I'm coming back into focus when Caesar asks him if he has a girlfriend back home. Peeta hesitates, then gives an unconvincing shake of his head.
Handsome lad like you. There must be some special girl. Come on, what's her name?" says Caesar.
Peeta sighs. "Well, there is this one girl. I've had a crush on her ever since I can remember. But I'm pretty sure she didn't know I was alive until the reaping."
Sounds of sympathy from the crowd. Unrequited love they can relate to.
She have another fellow?" asks Caesar.
I don't know, but a lot of boys like her," says Peeta.
So, here's what you do. You win, you go home. She can't turn you down then, eh?" says Caesar encouragingly.
I don't think it's going to work out. Winning ... won't help in my case," says Peeta.
Why ever not?" says Caesar, mystified.
Peeta blushes beet red and stammers out. "Because ... because ... she came here with me. — Suzanne Collins

No, Owen. That's what I am to you. I'm your best friend. But that's not what you're to me."
He shook his head in denial.
"What you are to me is the guy that I've been madly in love with since sixth grade. You're the guy I think about every night when I'm in my bed by myself. You're the one who doesn't want me but insists on keeping me tied so close that I can't have anyone else, who keeps on hand on my collar and the other hand up his girlfriend's skirt. And I can't do it anymore! — Eli Easton

Now chin up," Puss said, moving Mark's chin upwards. "Did you hear me? My plan? Your future wife?"
"I'll have a wife?" Mark said, still in a daze.
"Details, details. You'll have a girlfriend, I suppose," Puss sighed. "Then she'll become your wife. And out of your gratitude, you will find me a lifelong companion from the pet store ... "
Mark laid his head back and let out a stream of air. "I'm going to have a wife. And my cat can talk. My cat is a matchmaker. — Zechariah Barrett

So Jace is my actual family," Kit said. "But I can't go live with him, because him and his hot girlfriend are going off on some sort of secret mission."
"Guess you Herondales have a type," Julian muttered. — Cassandra Clare

The director cleared her throat just a few shots in. "Um, so, is there anything you can do about that, Mr Cavendish? This is not an X-rated publication ... "
James, shameless bastard that he was, seemed completely unfazed. "You'll just need to shoot me waist up. You were the one who wanted my girlfriend in the shot, putting her hands on me. What did you think was going to happen? — R.K. Lilley

Katniss: I'm coming back into focus when Caesar asks him if he has a girlfriend back home.
Peeta: (Gives an unconvincing shake of head.)
Caesar: Handsome lad like you. There must be some special girl. Come on, what's her name?
Peeta: Well, there is this one girl. I've had a crush on her ever since I can remember. But I'm pretty sure she didn't know I was alive until the reaping.
Caesar: She have another fellow?
Peeta: I don't know, but a lot of boys like her.
Caesar: So, here's what you do. You win, you go home. She can't turn you down, eh?
Peeta: I don't think it's going to work out. Winning ... won't help in my case.
Caesar: Why ever not?
Peeta: Because ... because ... she came here with me.
Caesar: Oh, that is a piece of bad luck.
Peeta: It's not good.
Caesar: Well, I don't think any of us can blame you. It'd be hard not to fall for that young lady. She didn't know?
Peeta: Not until now. — Suzanne Collins

When I was in Japan with my girlfriend Jessica, she would have had acupuncture every day if she could. I can just about stomach going to a chiropractor and I visited a talented one when I was there, but when he tried a needle on me, it was horrible. My muscles tightened and it didn't work at all. — Jenson Button

A person can attack that bottle of vodka and drink it like it's a bottle of cold water. Two of my wife's girlfriends died from drinking. They weren't big pill-takers; they were drinkers. So it can't be so simple as to slide away, like Marilyn Monroe. — William Eggleston

Hey, I'm going to Super Dog for a quick bite and to pass along a message from a dead guy to his girlfriend. You should come with me."
"I can't go with you."
"Is it because of my questionable morals?"
"No, it's because it's three o'clock in the afternoon and I have to pick up Amber from school."
"Oh, right. So the morals thing doesn't bother you? — Darynda Jones

Another interest I have pursued is the opposite sex - the females, the ladies - and not to brag but let's just say I've had a little more success than I've had with the food service industry. Good in the sack, or so I've been told. Seriously - I can get references - although maybe not my last girlfriend, who for reasons that that are still unclear stabbed me with a knife. — Hank Moody

I see myself being married to my girlfriend and backpacking all over the world. If I can go out and do a 15-mile hike and climb a 12,000-ft. peak, I'm good to go. — Matt Long

One thing a girl has to have is a good sense of a humor. I'm a really laid back guy who can find humor in just about anything, so my girlfriend would need to be a little like that too. She doesn't have to be a big jokester, but to me finding humor in things and not taking too much too seriously is a way of enjoying life, so that is important to me. — Logan Lerman

I can't go to bed with John Wayne, so I do the next best thing: I go to bed with my girlfriend, who once met the great man. That's how much I love westerns. — Clive Sinclair

Acting has been the only thing so far that really gets me jazzed. It's like my girlfriend in a lot of ways. We fight. We have a relationship, and she gets me up every morning. I'm inspired by it, and I want to one day be really good at it and see what we can do together. — Eddie Cahill

I thought that one was going to hit me," I said, watching the disappointed girl stalk off into the crowd. "Being your girlfriend is dangerous."
"What can I say? I'm a magnificent specimen of manhood. Of course they all want me. But I do appreciate you protecting my honor. — Kylie Scott

They can say whatever they want about my personal life because I know what my personal life is, and it involves a lot of TV and cats and girlfriends. — Taylor Swift

I would like to reach non-gamers. It's always great when guys come up to me who are gamers and represent my usual audience, but they'll say, 'You know, Psychonauts is the only game I can actually get my girlfriend to play with me.' — Tim Schafer

My rule is you want someone whos got both feet on the ground. An ideal girlfriend might be someone who works in the business and can understand what youre going through but is not an actor themselves - is willing to run lines with you but when you start acting crazy, they throw up their hands and take you for what you are and be accepting. — Wentworth Miller

I couldn't feel good about myself hanging out in Armani clothes when my girlfriend can't even pay her heating bill. I'd feel foul and I'd be embarrassed. — Shirley Manson

Technically, my first acting job was in one of my videos for a song called 'Retrospect For Life,' which Lauryn Hill directed and featured an actress by the name of N'bushe Wright, who played my girlfriend who was about to be pregnant. I remember being so nervous about it, but now I feel like I can conquer the world with it. — Common

Hello?" I say, sounding upbeat, and like I'm happy to be on the phone. I decide to pretend it's my imaginary girlfriend. Fuck pretending to be nice.
"Yo, " B. J. Says.
"What's going on, honey?" I say, trying to glance at Courtney out of the corner of my eye without her noticing that that's what I'm doing. She's going through her bag, probably looking for more makeup, so she can make herself look good for Lloyd.
"Honey?" B. J. Asks. "Jordy, I had no idea you felt that way about me. I have to warn you, though, I happen to be in a very committed relationship. "
"Yeah, I miss you, too. — Lauren Barnholdt

One of us," said Malcolm, "is worth five hundred of you. I can burn you to the ground in six seconds flat and use the ashes to stuff a teddy bear for my girlfriend. Not that I have a girlfriend at the moment," he added, "but one lives to hope. — Cassandra Clare

Ladies and gentlemen, you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world ... That's me ... But to my wife ... — Jackie Mason

All that summer, as I end up in his flat over and over, drinking his wine, having his bad pervy sex, and then lying on the bed, talking about Auden's influence on Morrissey, I feel like we're in a huge, ongoing surreal session of the Post-it Game, in which Rich has stuck a Post-it on my head on which is written either "My girlfriend" or "Not my girlfriend," and I am having to guess which it is with a series of questions that he can only answer yes or no. This whole situation seems like a massive societal problem. Why have we not yet discovered a way to find out if someone's in love with you? Why can't I press a litmus paper to Tony's sweaty brow, when we're fucking, and see if it turns pink for love - or blue for casual fuck? Why is there no information on this? Why has science not attended to this matter? — Caitlin Moran

Whenever I go into Bloomingdales, I head to the womens shoe section and think, Hmm, maybe Ill get my next girlfriend a pair of those. I always buy my mom Louboutins or Jimmy Choos for her birthday. I have a pretty good sense of style, all in all. Once I figure out a woman, I know what she should wear - which comes in handy when you have a mom and girlfriends. You can always make them happy with a nice bag or a pair of pumps. — Josh Hutcherson

Covered in tats and can't take your girlfriend getting a simple script. I'll be finished in a minute, Mate."

Travis' frown deepened. "Wife. She's my wife. — Jamie McGuire

You're with Hunter." It was more of a question than a statement.
Tears welled up in my eyes. "But it hasn't been right. It hasn't been you. I can't ... I haven't been able to - " I sucked in a deep breath. "I can't be a real girlfriend to him when all I can do is think about you."
"Ah, shit, Pepper." Still holding my face, he lowered his forehead to mine. "I'm not going through this again with you just so you can run when you get scared that I'm not like some ideal you built up in your head. I love you. I'm fucking in love with you, but it's all or nothing. I won't do this again unless it's going to be like that."
Now I was crying, choking on my sobs. "I know. I want that. It took me so long to figure that out, but I know now. You are the safest thing I'll ever find." I deliberately repeated his words, holding his gaze and letting them sink in. "Because you love me. Because I love you. — Sophie Jordan

My girlfriend was just killed in a car accident. Devastating. I can't believe I'm only going to have sex with her one more time. — Anthony Jeselnik

If you were sitting quietly on your couch, waiting for your girlfriend to come back inside so you could finish watching your movie, and while you were waiting, someone called you up and said "I'll give you a million dollars if you can guess what's going to happen next," you absolutely would not guess "I am going to be brutally and unexpectedly attacked by a goose in my own home." Even if you had a hundred guesses, you would not guess that. — Allie Brosh

We all have our tastes and our type ... [But] for me to say 'You're beautiful', I can only say that to my girlfriend. The word 'beautiful' has such a different caliber than any other word out there, like sexy, hot, cute. — Kellan Lutz

What does Sara think about us?"

"She suspects that we're dating."

"You should tell her the truth."

"I've been clear that you and I are just friends."

"Does she believe it?"

"No, she can't get why I'd want to spend a lot of time with you unless you were my girlfriend." He shook his head in frustration. "I don't care what anyone thinks about our relationship. We can make our own rules as long as we're both comfortable with them. If we want to hug, we should. If we want to text each other at midnight, that's okay too. Agreed?"

"Agreed. Our relationship, our rules. — Elizabeth Langston

My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person ... so I can get a better girlfriend. — Anthony Jeselnik

I have a girlfriend. I give my heart to her. She's around, she's everywhere, we travel together. She's beautiful, she's gorgeous, she's everything you want in a woman. She doesn't complain.. but I can tune her out just enough. — The Miz

I was never fond of this boyfriend-girlfriend game. Outsmart me, make me feel challenged and I can walk with you forever but to act like love smitten puppies in love is not my thing. — Parul Wadhwa

I may not have seen my girlfriend for two or three months, but then we can spend two or three months together solidly. It's swings and roundabouts. — Douglas Booth

I nod and tap my fingers against my knees. "What to do with a girlfriend while I work my hours at the TOG. Hmm ... Can I really do this? Will I be able to pull it off? Will she be able to read at the snack bar tables without losing her mind," I mumble.
"Do you always talk to yourself?"
"Yes. Bad habit. Does it bother you?" I walk back over to her side of the small stage.
"No. It's interesting. I hate people knowing my thoughts. But yours just fall out of your head so easily." She shrugs.
"I never thought of it like that ... but you're my girlfriend now ... so who cares if you know what I think?"
Her cheeks turn pink, and I laugh. — Anne Eliot

Remember all the times you told me no? All the times you brushed me off when I tried to make you my girlfriend? I stuck around after that. And I'm sticking around now. You can't get rid of me that easily. — Laurie Elizabeth Flynn

Why can't there be just one place for gay kids, where we don't have to hide who we are? Hell, straight people have the whole rest of the world! They go around holding hands and kissing and talking about 'my-girlfriend-this' and 'my-boyfriend-that.' And they say we shove our lifestyle in their faces? That's a laugh! — Brent Hartinger

We'll need to clarify for the record, that I'm a pretend girlfriend. Pretend," she demands. "Got it? If you're giving me that goofy look because you think there are going to be benefits as part of this deal, you can just hold it right there! Pretend girlfriend. Say it with me."
I shake my head at her outrageous comments. "Please. I've got that understood."
"Good. — Anne Eliot

I think he came to die with me," I say. I clamp my hand over my mouth to stifle a sob. If I can keep breathing, I can stop crying. I didn't need or want him to die with me. I wanted to keep him safe. What an idiot, I think, but my heart isn't in it.
"That's ridiculous," he says. "That doesn't make any sense. He's eighteen; he'll find another girlfriend once you're dead. And he's stupid if he doesn't know that."
Tears run down my cheeks, hot at first and then cold. I close my eyes. "If you think that's what it's about ... " I swallow another sob. " ... you're the stupid one. — Veronica Roth

I won't lie to you. I don't know what we are, but we're not exclusive. I can't handle that. I've slept with two girls since I got to school." My heart stopped.

"But they were just hook-ups and they didn't mean anything. It was empty sex; that was it. I don't want a girlfriend. I can't do that, and if that's where you want this to go, we need to stop right now. I can't lose you in my life and I won't risk it because of that. Sex is one thing, but sex before our friendship is another thing. — Tijan

You're so used to being on the road and having a schedule that the insanity seeps in when you're sitting at home and there's nothing going on that day. I remember the first time we got off one of our first big tours, I told my guys, "Go home to your girlfriends." The next day, all my guys texted me like, "Do you wanna, like, do something? Let's all go bowling. I can't hang with people that live normal lives." — Lzzy Hale

My girlfriend is a party girl angel who can kick some arse and cook. — Wendy Higgins

I like to buy girls shoes and jewelry. I buy stupidly expensive shoes. I got Louboutins for my mom and my girlfriend before. My mom was like, 'I can't wear these; they're too high.' I was like, 'Mom, you have to try them - they're so cool. They're red snakeskin!' She still wears them every so often, but she can't walk in them. — Ansel Elgort

Lots of people can have girlfriends. But I can throw around guitars onstage! That'll be my epitaph: 'He never had a girlfriend, but you should've seen him smash a Les Paul!' — Trent Reznor

It's an odd fact of life that you don't really remember the good times all that well. I have only mental snapshots of birthday parties, skiing, beach holidays, my wedding. The bad times too are just impressions. I can see myself standing at the end of some bed while someone I love is dying, or on the way home from a girlfriend's after I've been dumped, but again, they're just pictures. For full Technicolor, script plus subtitles plus commemorative programme in the memory, though, nothing beats embarrassment. You tend to remember the lines pretty well once you've woken screaming them at midnight a few times. — Mark Barrowcliffe

I can't really cook, but the first dish I ever made was for my girlfriend, Eleanor. I made chicken breast wrapped in ham, homemade mashed potatoes, and gravy. — Louis Tomlinson

My girlfriend always told me, 'Send roses while they can still smell them, tell people you love them while they can still hear.' — Manti Te'o

He stops and turns to me. "Do you think people would stare if I threw you over my shoulder? Because I really want to do that. Then I can ogle your ass and just run."
The look in his eye is a little manic. For a second, I think he's going to do it. Then he spies the heavily armed security officer a few feet away.
"Excuse me, sir?" he says, and the guard looks at him. "Would it be acceptable to carry my girlfriend like a sack of potatoes in order to get out of here quicker and make sweet love to her?"
The guard's mouth moves, but he resists smiling. "No, sir, that would not be acceptable."
"Piggyback?"
"Nope."
"Put her on a trolley?"
"No."
"You're no fun."
"So my wife keeps telling me. — Leisa Rayven

Didn't you," he asked, "have me
exorcised?"
"Me?" My own voice rocketed up about ten octaves. "Me? Jesse, of course not. I would never do that. I mean, you know I would never do something like that. That kid Jack did it. Your girlfriend Maria made him do it. She was trying to get rid of you. She told Jack you were bothering me, and he didn't know any better, so he exorcised you, and then Felix Diego threw me off the porch roof, and Jesse, they found your body, I mean your bones, and I saw them and I threw up all over the side of the house, and Spike really misses you and I was just thinking, you know, if you wanted to come back, you could, because that's why I've got this rope, so we can find our way back. — Meg Cabot

I did feel a concentrated dislike for those boys, who couldn't submit to the odd faithless girlfriend, needling classmate, or dose of working-single-parent distraction
who couldn't serve their miserable time in their miserable public schools the way the rest of us did
without carving their dime-a-dozen problems ineluctably into the lives of other families. It was the same petty vanity that drove these boys' marginally saner contemporaries to scrape their dreary little names into national monuments. And the self-pity! That nearsighted Woodham creature apparently passed a note to one of his friends before staging a tantrum with his father's deer rifle: "Throughout my life I was ridiculed. Always beaten, always hated. Can you, society, blame me for what I do?" And I thought, Yes, you little shit! In a heartbeat! — Lionel Shriver

What you are to me is the guy that I've been madly in love with since sixth grade. You're the guy I think about every night when I'm in bed by myself. You're the one who doesn't want me but insists on keeping me tied so close that I can't have anyone else, who keeps one hand on my collar and the other hand up his girlfriend's skirt. And I can't do it anymore!" ~ Jordy — Eli Easton

Here's the problem: when every sin is seen as the same, we are less likely to fight any sins at all. Why should I stop sleeping with my girlfriend when there will still be lust in my heart? Why pursue holiness when even one sin in my life means I'm Osama bin Hitler in God's eyes? Again, it seems humble to act as if no sin is worse than another, but we lose the impetus for striving and the ability to hold each other accountable when we tumble down the slip-n-slide of moral equivalence. All of a sudden the elder who battles the temptation to take a second look at the racy section of the Lands End catalog shouldn't dare exercise church discipline ont he young man fornicating with reckless abandon. When we can no longer see the different gradations among sins and sinners and sinful nations, we have not succeeded in respecting our own badness; we've cheapened God's goodness. — Kevin DeYoung

You want your art to be hip and seem cool to people, but a great deal of what passes for hip or cool is now highly commercially driven. And some if it is important art. I think 'The Simpsons' is important art. On the other hand, it's also, in my opinion, relentlessly corrosive to the soul and everything is parodied and everything is ridiculous. Maybe I'm old but for my part I can be steeped in about an hour of it and then I have to walk away and look at a flower.
If there's something to be talked about, that thing is this weird conflict between what my girlfriend calls the 'inner sap,' the part of us that can really wholeheartedly weep at stuff and the part of us that has to live in a world of smart, jaded, sophisticated people and wants very much to be taken seriously by those people. — David Foster Wallace

Occasionally, a dog will be presented as some training method for having a baby. "My girlfriend and I got a dog. We are going to see if we can handle that before we have kids." This is a little like testing the waters of being a vegetarian by having lettuce on your burger. Okay, maybe that metaphor doesn't make sense, but neither does using a dog as a training method for having a baby. — Jim Gaffigan

I can't think of a single big mistake I made in college that wasn't alcohol related. I never missed a class in college because I was too sober. I never yelled an obscenity at the fraternity next door because I was too sober. I never cheated on my girlfriend because I was too sober. — Will Keim

Cassidy is the best girlfriend ever. I've dated her for a full two months longer than anyone else. She's smart and witty and original and can chug a beer faster than most guys I know. On top of that, she is absolutely beautiful. I mean spanktacular. Talk about pure colors. She's high-definition. Scandinavian blond hair, eyes as blue as fiords, skin like vanilla ice cream or flower petals or sugar frosting - or really not like anything else but just her skin. It makes my hair ache. Of course, she does believe in astrology, but I don't even care about that. It's a girl thing. I think of it like she has constellations and fortunes whirling around inside her. — Tim Tharp

She is my girlfriend, I can do whatever I want to her. In fact, I'm going to take her home and fuck her from here to eternity, how about that? — Ani San

I won't lie. Walking into a room and seeing your girlfriend reading a baby-name book can kind of make your heart stop.
"I'm no expert," I began, choosing my words carefully. "Well - actually, I am. And I'm pretty sure there are certain things we have to do before you need to be reading that. — Richelle Mead

'You claim to be the man, you want me for a lover,
So you can do my girlfriends and my sister and my mother?'
I said, 'You're very blunt,' with quickness to the cue,
'So whassup with your mother, does she look as good as you?' — Dres

With one Like I can say hi to a friend, support them during a crisis, share in a joke, make someone happy, or reinforce a person's self esteem. I make myself part of their world. It's like I stopped by for coffee. But, by Liking, I can also avoid talking to all the people I don't want to waste time on. Or I can check to see what my ex-girlfriend is doing seven or eight times an hour. It's a double-edged mouse click. — Bart Hopkins

I didn't know what else to do. So now I'm here, my pride in the toilet, hoping I can stay in my ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend's bachelor pad, and I want to kill myself. And I can suffer through that if it means James will be safe. But right now I'm still waiting for your shithead of a boyfriend to show up and try to kill me. — Tahereh Mafi

Now when I remember the woman I was - heaving herself off the couch to go on another Internet date, taking a deep breath before walking into the party where she'd see her ex and his new girlfriend - I don't feel a trace of contempt or embarrassment. I have a funny admiration for the girl who kept taking her licks and got back up again. That was me. Doing my best. Which, of course, is all any of us can do. — Sara Eckel

So how's Cupid Day treating you?" He pops a mint in his mouth and leans closer. It grosses me out, like he thinks he can seduce me with fresh breath. "Any big romantic plans tonight? Got someone special to cozy up next to?" He raises his eyebrows at me.
[ ... ]
"We'll see," I say, smiling. "What about you? Are you going to be all by your lonesome? Table for one?"
He leans forward even more, and I stay perfectly still, willing myself not to pull away.
"Now why would you assume that?" He winks at me, obviously thinking that this is my version of flirting
like I'm going to offer to keep this company or something.
I smile even wider. "Because if you had a real girlfriend," I say, quietly but clearly, so he can hear every word perfectly, "you wouldn't be hitting on high school girls. — Lauren Oliver

When my girlfriend and I talk about being happy, I'll get choked up, which I think is the greatest gift you can give a girlfriend. — Seth Meyers

I mean, you can't have sex until you're married if you're Mormon. The first time I had sex, my parents found out. They were listening in on the phone while I was talking about sex to my girlfriend. They freaked out, man. They both cornered me in my bedroom. — Bert McCracken

Here's the story: 25 years ago, I had my lips injected with silicone. Stupid thing to do at 24. I saw 'Beaches.' Remember that movie 'Beaches'? I did it with my best girlfriend, so she and I go and we get our lips done. Fine. I have it like that for my whole career, right? So then cut to a couple of years ago, I have a doctor remove as much as they possibly can because it got to the point where they were yucky. You know, they get hard. It's gross. They are now whatever that was after they took out as much of the silicone as they could. — Lisa Rinna

What the hell is going on in here?"

Hannah jumps in surprise when Coach Jensen appears in the shower area.

Oh, hey, Coach," I call out. "Not what it looks like."

His dark brows knit in a displeased frown. "It looks like you're taking a shower in front of your girlfriend. In my locker room."

"Okay, then yeah, it's what it looks like. But I promise, it's all very PG. Well, except for the fact that I'm naked. But don't worry, no kinky shit is going to happen." I grin at him. "I'm trying to win her back."

Coach's mouth opens, then closes, then opens again. I can't tell if he's amused or pissed or ready to wash his hands of this whole thing. Finally, he nods and opts for option number three. "Carry on. — Elle Kennedy

So what are we, then?" I asked. "When someone asks who I am, what am I supposed to say?"
"You say, 'Hi, I'm Liv, Dean's very hot and sexy lady.'" I couldn't smother a giggle. "Seriously."
"Paramour?"
"No."
"Cuddle bunny?"
"God, no."
"Valentine? Sweetheart? Girlfriend?"
"Girlfriend." I rested my forehead against his chest. "I guess." "Not the best word, but it'll do in public." He kissed my
temple. "In private, you can just be my beauty. — Nina Lane

Are you in?" I roll my eyes and try to kiss him again, but he won't let me. I pinch his nipples, and all he does is wink and growl at me. "Say it."
"Fuck you"
"We'll get there, Naomi. Be patient. But first, you have to say it." I keep glaring, but I feel my body melting, my shields and my walls crashing down in flames. "Say you're mine, tell me that you're my girlfriend."
"You're my boyfriend," I say, and the words nearly kill me. "That's all you get for now. Best I can fucking do. — C.M. Stunich

I used to break dance. I can do some good James Brown footwork. But now I think I've danced too much. My girlfriend made fun of me: 'Enough with the dancing.' — Sam Rockwell

The lips on my upper right bicep are my girlfriend's lips. She has the most amazing lips, and I wanted to carry them around with me everywhere I go, considering I can't carry her lips physically with me. So I decided to place them in a discreet location, such as the inside part of my bicep. — Jake Owen

Us on hard drugs? That would be horrible. We'd probably end up sounding like Bryan Adams.My girlfriend has this quote in her sketchbook: Remain orderly in your life so you can be free and chaotic in your work. I think basically you lose it when you destroy your brain or destroy yourself emotionally or burn yourself up. — Thom Yorke

I know you are new at this dating thing, but people don't usually insult their girlfriend and ask them to move in with them in the same sentence," I inform him, chewing my bottom lip to suppress my smile.

"Well, sometimes the said girlfriend needs to lighten up." He grins. Even drunk, he's charming as hell.

"Well, then said boyfriend needs to stop being a jerk," I say to retaliate.

He laughs and moves from the chair over to my bed. "I am trying not to be a jerk, I really am. Sometimes I can't help it." He sits on the edge of the bed. "I'm really, really good at it! — Anna Todd

Wives, girlfriends, fiancees - clean out your closets. I'm cleaning out my old bell bottoms. We can touch millions. — Deion Sanders

He's just a little unbalanced and lonely."
He put his arms around my waist, frowning. "Can't he be lonely and unbalanced around someone else's girlfriend?"
"I'll suggest it. — Kiersten White

If religion is a reaction of man, and nothing more, it seems to me that it represents a human desire for wrongdoers to be punished. I hate the idea of Idi Amin living in Saudi Arabia for the last 25 years of his life. That galls me to no end. I feel some sort of need for biblical atonement, or justice, or something. I like to believe there is some comeuppance, that karma kicks in at some point, even if it takes years or decades to happen. My girlfriend says this great thing that's become my philosophy as well. 'I want to believe there's a heaven. But I can't not believe there's a hell.' — Vince Gilligan

And do you admit that you have a bad temper, a cute car, and a nice girlfriend?"
I hold my breath.
"I have an amazing girlfriend," he says. And then he kisses me, which is, you have to admit, the perfect boyfriend thing to do. The kiss is soft and speckling like star promises in a night sky. I stretch into it, wishing that I could hold onto it forever, even though I know that kisses can't last forever - can they? — Carrie Jones

My girlfriend is named Lynn. She spells her name "Lynn". My old girlfriend's name is Lyn, too, but she spells it "Lyn". Every now and then I screw up, I call my new girlfriend by my old girlfriend's name, and she can tell because I don't say "n" as long. — Mitch Hedberg

Feels almost like real agent work, doesn't it?" Barron says as we walk down the street, heads bowed against the wind. "You know, if we caught your girlfriend committing a crime, I bet Yulikova would give us a bonus or something for being prize pupils."
"Except that we're not going to do that," I say.
"I thought you wanted us to be good guys." He grins a too-wide grin. He's enjoying needling me, and my reacting only makes it worse, but I can't stop.
"Not if it means hurting her," I say, my voice as deadly as I can make it. "Never her."
"Got it. Hurting, bad. But how do you excuse stalking her and her friends, little brother?"
"I'm not excusing it," I say. "I'm just doing it. — Holly Black

-Paint-
My girlfriend is so besotted that she can't take her eyes off me. After we've turned out the light she puts on her night-vision goggles, and watched me as I sleep. Quite often I am woken by her sighing and involuntary yelps of happiness. This has been going on for years, and is showing no sign of abating. Once I asked her to stop all this infra-red activity, but it didn't really work; I'd wake up to find her covering me in luminous paint, and softly whispering, 'Sometimes I wonder if you know how much I love you. — Dan Rhodes

Does my hair look alright? Of course, it looks alright. Why am I asking you for? ... We get lunch right? ... Can we get this thing going? I gotta meet my girlfriend for a martini. — Alex Riley

Dear 2600: I think my girlfriend has been cheating on me and I wanted to know if I could get her password to Hotmail and AOL. I am so desperate to find out. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks.
And this is yet another popular category of letter we get. You say any help would be appreciated? Let's find out if thats true. Do you think someone who is cheating on you might also be capable of having a mailbox you don't know about? Do you think that even if you could get into the mailbox she uses that she would be discussing her deception there, especially if we live in a world where Hotmail and AOL passwords are so easily obtained? Finally, would you feel better if you invaded her privacy and found out that she was being totally honest with you? Whatever problems are going on in this relationship are not going to be solved with subterfuge. If you can't communicate openly, there's not much there to salvage. — Emmanuel Goldstein

Don't waste your time trying to look all bad at me. See, I know you, man," Howard said. "School Bus Sam. Mr. Fireman. You go all heroic, but then you disappear. Don't you? It kind of comes and goes with you. Everyone last night is all, 'Where's Sam? Where's Sam?' And I had to say, 'Well, kids, Sam is off with Astrid the Genius because Sam can't be hanging out with regular people like us. Sam has to go off with his hot blond girlfriend.'"
"She's not my girlfriend," Sam said, and instantly regretted it.
Howard laughed, delighted to have provoked him. "See, Sam, you always got to be in your own little world, too good for everyone, while me and Captain Orc and our boys here, we're always going to be around. You step away, and we step up. — Michael Grant

I Want to Shout
Leave me alone!
What's wrong with you?
Don't you remember who I am?
Who you are?
This is not a father's love! I want to scream,
Can't you see what
you are doing to me?
What you've done to me?
What you've made of me?
I want to cry out,
I am your little girl.
I am not your girlfriend.
I am not your whore.
I am not my fucking mother! But he is on top of me and my shout is silenced.
He is inside of me and my scream stays there too.
He is finished.
And I don't cry out,
but I do cry a bucket of silent tears. He slithers
away and at last,
I quietly sob — Ellen Hopkins

You were my high school girlfriend. You put out at fifteen. I put up with a lotta shit back then I would not put up with now. You had eyes on your sister at least the last fifteen minutes. I think you can see why I'm pretty fuckin' pleased I got the chance to make the switch twenty-five years later."
"Harsh," he heard Sully mutter from behind him. "True, but harsh," he added. — Kristen Ashley

Hi Ayden!"
Oh, come on! I skidded a sharp right and hunkered down, peeking through shelves.
Ayden strode past the front desk. "Ladies. Don't you all look especially radiant today."
They giggled like toddlers. Pushovers.
"Ayden, could you help us put some of the books away on the taller shelves?"
"Can't. Sorry." He faced them but walked backwards, arms spread wide. "I'm on a mission. Maybe you can help. Did you happen to see a stunning redhead? Tall, leggy. I call her my goddess of a girlfriend."
More giggles. From me. Pull it together, Aurora.
A&E Kirk, Drop Dead Demons — A&E Kirk

I have definitely been in experiences where my girlfriends have outgrown me and that's ok and I think that I should be inspired by that to know that it's time to move on - it's time to evolve as well and I think that should be inspirational to other people. They shouldn't feel stifled and feel like oh we can't grow up, we can't move on - change is a good thing. — Adrienne Bailon

Trip? Could you do me a favor and try not to look so damn pleased with yourself?"
That made him chuckle. "I can't help it. I'm about to bang my old girlfriend in my old room. You know how many times I jerked off right there just thinking about it? And now you're here. And I totally get to nail your ass."
"Yeah, um, you go anywhere near my ass and you'll be whacking off alone again. — T. Torrest

Honey, there's not a single woman in this town who doesn't know about Sanctuary, Land of the Bodacious Gods. Heck, me and my girlfriends want to get together and vote Mama Lo an award for her policy against hiring any man not seriously buff ... Not that you're not buff. You can certainly hold your own against the Sanctuary Hotties. But face it, haven't you ever noticed that this place is like Hooters for women? (Sunshine) No, I can honestly say that I've never noticed how good-looking the men at Sanctuary are. Nor have I ever cared. (Talon) — Sherrilyn Kenyon

No," I said automatically, "don't do anything about Dad. You can't fix my relationship with him."
"I can block or run interference."
"Thanks, Jack, but I don't need blocking, and I really don't need any more interference."
He looked annoyed. "Well, why did you waste all that time complaining to me if you didn't want me to do something about it?"
"I don't want you to fix my problems. I just wanted you to listen."
"Hang it all, Haven, talk to a girlfriend if all you want is a pair of ears. Guys hate it when you give us a problem and then don't let us do something about it. It makes us feel bad. And then the only way to make ourselves feel better is to rip a phone book in two or blow something up. So let's get this straight - I'm not a good listener. I'm a guy."
"Yes you are." I stood and smiled. "Want to buy me a drink at an after work bar?"
"Now you're talking," my brother said, and we left the office. — Lisa Kleypas

My girlfriend loves to eat chocolate. She's always eating chocolate, and she likes to joke she's got a chocolate addiction. Get me away from those Hersheys bars. I'm addicted to them. It's really annoying. So I put her in a car and I drove her downtown. And I pointed out a crack addict. And I said, Do you see that, honey? ... Why can't you be that skinny? — Anthony Jeselnik

I can be in the worst PMS, Mercury in retrograde, most awful circumstance - and then if my girlfriends and I are giggling about it, everything's okay. — Alanis Morissette