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Quotes & Sayings About Love And Relationships Funny One

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Top Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Susan Vaught

Her lips taste like mint from toothpaste or gum, or sometimes like cherries or grapes from her lip gloss. She's soft when I hold her, with curves where my hands rest, and when I touch her I think stupid caveman things like, mine and totally mine - oh yeah, and all mine. — Susan Vaught

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By J. Richard Singleton

You can't make a woman love you. Not even with duct tape. — J. Richard Singleton

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Henny Youngman

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means. — Henny Youngman

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Sherman Alexie

When Indian women begin the search for an Indian man, they carry a huge list of qualifications. He has to have a job. He has to be kind, intelligent, and funny. He has to dance and sing. He should know how to iron his own clothes. Braids would be nice. But as the screwed-up Indian men stagger through their lives, Indian women are forced to amend their list of qualifications. Eventually, Indian men need only to have their own teeth to get snagged. — Sherman Alexie

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Dora J. Arod

I had a dream about you. You were you, but you were many - a multitude of mannequins, each named Manny. And I was me, but I was Dark Jar Tin Zoo, and as such I made love to you - all of you. Then I woke up alone, naked, cuddling a mannequin I named after you who smells like you, because I spray it with the same fragrance you used to wear. Is that crazy? No, I didn't think so either. — Dora J. Arod

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Cassandra Clare

I see that even as the world plunges into darkness and peril, you two stand around discussing your love lives. Teenagers. — Cassandra Clare

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Matt Fraction

Because of this.
Because your funny.
Because you know Lolita.
And Nabukov and James Mason too.
Because you're cute and funny and i'm kind of sad and you haven't tried hitting on me once.
Because you weren't even trying ... — Matt Fraction

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Stephanie Lennox

I've been fighting to be who I am all my life. What's the point of being who I am, if I can't have the person who was worth all the fighting for? — Stephanie Lennox

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Steven L. Peck

It seemed funny that one day I would go to bed in her arms and the next not feel anything, like a switch had gone off. But no, that wasn't honest either. This had been building for a long time. Our silences were getting longer. Our arguments more frequent. How do you stay with someone when there are no dreams to build? No purpose to accomplish? No meaning? No meaning - that was the monster that drove us away from one another in the end. Always. — Steven L. Peck

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I make love with a focus and intensity that most people reserve for sleep. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By F Scott Fitzgerald

I want you to lie to me just as sweetly as you know how for the rest of my life. — F Scott Fitzgerald

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Love is bread and water to the soul. My relationships are quite soggy. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Shannon L. Alder

When you're in love with two people, always choose the second. The fact that you are constantly thinking of the second person makes it obvious that the first will never fulfill you, unless the second person did not fulfill you either. At this point, you have to choose the third person because God is getting a little tired of your inattention and indecisiveness, and is planning on sending a fourth person into your life just to slap you around with the bible for not entering the promised land. — Shannon L. Alder

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Dark Jar Tin Zoo

To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Tonya Hurley

I see uncool people! — Tonya Hurley

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Marian Keyes

Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up. — Marian Keyes

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I am in love, and the river is beginning to ice over. I'd better go drown myself before I freeze to death. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Katie Coyle

I hear the chipper voice of the Church magazines chirping in my brain: You're in a relationship with a boy who treats you as his emotional and spiritual equal. You feel a desire to express your affection through physical acts that will bring mutual pleasure. Do you (a) go for it! Sex is a natural gift from God, and a lot of fun so long as you do it safely!; (b) get him to propose! Sex is only fun if you do it in a Church of America-approved union! Plus, babies are so cute!; or (c) seek guidance from your local pastor for your sinful thoughts and ask for tips on expressing your love in a holy, nonphysical way? TRICK QUESTION! The answer is (d) the fact that you even momentarily considered having sex out of wedlock proves that you have no place in God's eternal kingdom, you reprehensible slut. — Katie Coyle

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Zack Love

I'm just not ready to give myself up, Sammy. I mean, there's something perfect about virginity, and I haven't found someone who deserves to take that perfection from me ... "
"You're loco, Carlos. Insane. Totally crazy ... Most guys think they're imperfect for still being virgins past the age of seventeen. — Zack Love

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Kate Aaron

Christ, they'd be getting a cat next. He mentally recoiled from the idea: the day they did that, he'd cut off his dick and call himself a lesbian. — Kate Aaron

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might say in a retirement home. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Brenda Lochinger

Sometimes you are the peanut to my butter and sometimes you are those annoying crumbs left over when someone makes toast. — Brenda Lochinger

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Jaeda DeWalt

The creative process is a love story that never ends. The ideas are like suitors competing for your attention. You may have relationships, with multiple ideas, at once. You may devote yourself completely to one idea, for a awhile, but the affairs will never end. There will always be more ideas to romance and more concepts to develop. And all for that wonderful moment when you get to gaze at the complete creation and hold perfection in your arms, for one blissful moment ... before your inner-critic starts tearing it to shreds. — Jaeda DeWalt

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I love full on, like 65 mph in a handicapped parking spot. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Howard Mittelmark

In real life, couples bond and war over a million different things. The causes of divorce are like beautiful, unique snowflakes. — Howard Mittelmark

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Zack Love

So I'm delighted to open up a bit about these particular details, in honor of Valentine's Day (when every balding, chubby, and short actuary wants people - especially the babes out there - to know about his studly past"
From: "My Best Valentine's Day.Ever: a Short Story — Zack Love

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Sarah Ruhl

Orpheus never liked words. He had his music. He would get a funny look on his face and I would say what are you thinking about and he would always be thinking about music.
If we were in a restaurant sometimes Orpheus would look sullen and wouldn't talk to me and I thought people felt sorry for me. I should have realized that women envied me. Their husbands talked too much.
But I wanted to talk to him about my notions. I was working on a new philosophical system. It involved hats.
This is what it is to love an artist: The moon is always rising above your house. The houses of your neighbors look dull and lacking in moonlight. But he is always going away from you. Inside his head there is always something more beautiful.
Orpheus said the mind is a slide ruler. It can fit around anything. Show me your body, he said. It only means one thing. — Sarah Ruhl

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Sereda Aleta Dailey

Appreciation is one of those funny things that you have to just allow it to blend together on its own. Past reveals all as they say. You will indefinitely know when the time comes to leave a crappy relationship. There's just no mistaking it. There comes a time when no more growth can come to a union for many folks. Well then go plant your seeds into your own garden before you come invest your time into another person again. Whatever you need to connect with will come and go as necessary. — Sereda Aleta Dailey

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Priyanka Naik

Memories are weird. They never really leave you alone, no matter how much you try, and the funny part is--the more you try, the more they haunt you. The more you want to run away, the faster they seem to catch up, and then there comes a time when you are convinced that you have finally managed to leave them behind and move on. You rejoice. You celebrate. You have exorcised the ghosts of the past--you feel liberated, UNTIL one fine day, some old memory creeps up slowly from behind and taps you on your shoulder just to say "Hi. How's it going so far?". That is when everything comes rushing in, and you realize that maybe, just maybe, it had never really gone away. — Priyanka Naik

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Let me be clear: I don't want to make love to a mannequin - I want to make love like a mannequin. Oh, if only I were that animated in bed. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Manasa Rao

Isn't it funny how we all will end up? Best friends today, communicating via internet tomorrow. Crush today, dancing at their weddings tomorrow. — Manasa Rao

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Honey Father

Love is a damage
made to the heart,
violence,
fate thats written,
Changeable by distance,
Breakable by time ... ! — Honey Father

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Juan Miguel Sevilla

It's funny how love can fit inside a brown cardboard box. With relationships, people often think that things pile up. But when it ends, they're surprised how few these things turn out to be. Or at least, how few things they are willing to let go of. — Juan Miguel Sevilla

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Dark Jar Tin Zoo

She told me she loved me. She told me a lot of things. Some of those things were true, and some of those may or may not have been true. It's kind of hard to tell, because to be honest, I wasn't listening. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Dark Jar Tin Zoo

She asked if I loved another woman, so I answered honestly and said, Dinner was great, but I could go for dessert. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Zack Love

What's SQ?" asked Evan.
"Sexual Quotient."
"What's that?"
"Basically, it's your odds of getting laid. Everyone has an SQ. just like everyone has an IQ."
"I've never heard that term before."
"That's because I made it up."
"That figures. Finally applying your actuarial skills to what really matters, eh? — Zack Love

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Jess C. Scott

Those sweet lips. My, oh my, I could kiss those lips all night long.
Good things come to those who wait. — Jess C. Scott

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Zack Love

Can I speak to Sayvyer, please?"
"You're looking for the savior? At 1:15 a.m.?"
"No. her name's Sayvyer."
"There's no savior here. Especially not at 1:15 a.m. — Zack Love

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Amrita Sarkar

Whether we are trying to buy a packet of chips or getting to know a person for a potentially important relationship, its nice to have an overview of what it/he/she contains. - Of A Sense of Self — Amrita Sarkar

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Dark Jar Tin Zoo

We made love like green is blue. That's because we were only half into it, though for the record I was the blue and she was the disinterested yellow. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Will McIntosh

It's funny. Friendships are Catch twenty-twos when you're single and in your thirties. Friends are your life rafts. You try to help each other meet people, you confide in each other, you spend Thanksgiving, Valentine's Day, all those emotional land-mine holidays together. But sooner or later one of you is going to meet someone and be gone into the world of couples. — Will McIntosh

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Ken Follett

Such disappointments, betrayals and reconciliations were the stuff of married life, but she and Jack had gone through them before the wedding. Now, at least, she felt confident that she knew him. Nothing was likely to surprise her. It was a funny way to do things, but it might be better than making your vows first and getting to know your spouse afterward. — Ken Follett

Love And Relationships Funny One Quotes By Jess C. Scott

Last night I was seriously considering whether I was a bisexual or not but I don't think so though I'm not sure if I'd like to be and argh I don't think there's anything wrong with that, if you like a person, you like the person, not their genitals. — Jess C. Scott