Kresley Cole Funny Quotes & Sayings

At fifty times the distance, you dispatched that ko-bold with three arrows to the neck. I've earned a trio to the chest. Seems you slapped him while you're tickling me. You doona want to kill me, which is a good sign. Maybe this is your way of flirting? — Kresley Cole

Holly's forgiven you?"
"Almost mostly. But she still gives me slack about it when she's sick. I take it as a husbandly badge," he said, puffing out his chest.
"Sick? You told me she was fully immortal."
"Yeah, but she still throws up some, because, well, the thing of it is ... Ah, fuck, Rydstrom, I knocked her up."
"You're going to be a father?" Gods help the world. I'm going to be an uncle?
"I got Holly, like, on the first shot. Nix is calling me Bull's-eye and the Womb Raider. — Kresley Cole

Was it just her, or did lovers look more adoringly at each other in this city? Especially in the springtime.
'Die, bastards.'
She sighed. It wasn't their fault that they were bastards who should die. — Kresley Cole

When Matthew merely stared at him, Jackson reached into the weapon box and pulled out a sheathed machete, handing it to the boy.
Matthew laughed and dropped it. — Kresley Cole

Regin the Radiant and Emmaline Troy: 'Alrighty then, have it your way- you're on your own ... Now, if you come across a leech, no offense, remember your training.'
'None taken. And would that be the sword training where you fly past my defenses and swat me on the ass, chirping, 'Dead!'? Another swat. 'Dead!'? Yeah, I'll get right on that.'
'No, that would be the training where you sprint like hell whenever you hear that I'm looking for you to train. — Kresley Cole

You are unnerving the hell out of me, Valkyrie."
"oh" she frowned, petting her bat fitfully " I must have misread the future for the past." she shrugged. "It happens. — Kresley Cole

She stretched, pulling out her earbuds, which apparently in Lykae was code for 'Interogate me,' because the questions, they came a-calling. — Kresley Cole

Jackson asked, "Where'd the water come from in your house?"
"A pipe." Then he explained to Jackson, "Water travels in pipes. — Kresley Cole

Once I faced a female with diamond skin," Nix said breathlessly. "I was transfixed - even as she was choking the life out of me."
"Really?"
" No, I saw that character on X men. I just wanted to commiserate. Alas, I have no weaknesses."
"Except your insanity," Lucia pointed out.
sigh. "Well played, Archer. then carry on ... — Kresley Cole

I groaned. "All the time. I thought I was going crazy."
"Duude," he said in agreement. "And before the Flash, all kinds of freaky shit was happening to me. I started speaking this wierd Language. And stuff started transforming- but only in front of me. I saw my cat walking on the ceiling, saw lava coming out of a faucet. The worst? I was doing this girl, and suddenly she looked like my gym teacher! — Kresley Cole

It's a sweet setup, I'll admit. For all that the maids STILL show up each day with jumbo crucifixes, jumpy movements, and red eyes from crying over the short straw that drew them vampire duty.' Yesterday, she'd just stopped herself from raising her clenched hands above her head and chasing one of them around the room groaning, 'I vant to suck your blood. — Kresley Cole

Yo, beautiful. Come pop this collar off me."
Natalya hissed, "Are you mad?"
"What's she gonna do? Vivisect me? Imprison me? We've got a pact to fulfill,remember?"
To Dorada, she cried, "Seriously, sweetheart, shake that mummified ass over here."
Regin kicked the glass. "Lemme the fuck out - "
La Dorada swung her head around,peering at Regin with her one eye.
"Okay. That's freaky. Lookit, Gollum, if you spring me, I'll help you find your Precious. — Kresley Cole

I doubt she'll welcome you if I tell her you undressed me."
"Maybe she'll only partially welcome me."
Smart-ass. — Kresley Cole

I said alone!"
He nodded in agreement. "Aye, you usually say that, and I still stay. It's our way. — Kresley Cole

You said you'd give me half an hour!'
'And you said you'd satisfy me whenever I wanted it. I want it now.' He removed is jacket. 'Drop the towel.'
'I-I never agreed to be naked! — Kresley Cole

Kill the unclean one!
Being called that was really getting old. Like it'd been funny the first two times ... — Kresley Cole

Ah, damn it, lass,'he called after her. 'I've busted my stitches wide open.'
'What?'she cried, hurrying back to him. 'Let me see!'
'Ah-ha!' He snared her around the waist, dragging her down with him to his lap.'You still care for me! — Kresley Cole

Lachlain and Emma: 'So you expect us to sit in this enclosed compartment the entire way in silence?'
'Of course not.'
She clicked on the radio. — Kresley Cole

The crowd quieted as a whole, but more than one creature cursed under his breath, "Not Regin."
A drunk hunched over the bar muttered, "That glowing one made me eat a transistor radio once. — Kresley Cole

She'd made him watch every Alien movie. Most of the goriest scenes were accompanied by his dialogue: 'Ach, that's no' - that's just no' right ... Bloody hell, this canna be right. — Kresley Cole

Hey! When he dug into it, rifling through her things, she snapped, Go Yoda someone else's supplies, asshole. — Kresley Cole

He'd given her the mother of all hangovers - a run-in with the wrath of grapes. — Kresley Cole

MacRieve, you're on my cloak. Let up -. Give it back!"
"It was slowing you - and therefore me - down."
"If you had gone first - "
"I dinna. If you want it, why no' use magick to take it from me?"
"You really do not want me to do that."
"You really must no' want your cloak back. Come then, witchling, just take it from me."
"Keep the cloak. It'll be worth money one day."
"Doona fret, witch. You're no' so unbecoming from my angle. Bit scrawny where it counts, but no' too bad."
"Scrawny where it counts, MacRieve? Funny, I'd heard the same about you."
"No' likely. Maybe you're just too young to have heard the rumors about Lykae males. Tender wee ears and such. — Kresley Cole

Mel exhaled. Why are you forcing me into the voice-of-reason role? You know that never works out for us. — Kresley Cole

Unexpected Elizabeth wasn't falling into his arms as he'd anticipated, even after he had acted heroic and been valiantly injured. Perhaps he had lost her. — Kresley Cole

Is your blouse Azzedine Alaia?'
'No, you could say it's VERY authentic vintage.'
Lachlain didn't care what it was; she'd never wear that damned unfinished shirt in public again. — Kresley Cole

Wait!" Conrad said. "Did someone ... one of my enemies set this fire?"
Nix turned back with a grin. "Unless you'd pissed off some wirring-hungry nutrias, then I'm going with no. — Kresley Cole

Gods, I love it when you talk mathy to me. — Kresley Cole

Nix: We're not leaving without her. So unless you want permanent houseguests of the destructive sort, just hand her over. — Kresley Cole

When she absently worried her bottom lip with one of her adorable little fangs, he sighed.
The Enemy of Old fucking sighed.
Dear gods, it'd finally happened to him.
Happiness.
Then his own fangs sharpened.I will kill anyone who tries to take this feeling away from me. — Kresley Cole

What do they want?" "They want all the freaks dead. Funny. I don't — Kresley Cole

Tell me, Lothaire, I want to know. Convince me why I should love you."
"Because any other female would! — Kresley Cole

Nix had told Emma before she'd left for Europe that on this trip she would 'do that which you were born to do.' Apparently, Emma was born to get kidnapped by a deranged Lykae. Her fate sucked. — Kresley Cole

Her heart sank. That's why he found her attractive- because he'd been so long without. He'd probably find a perfumed rock appealing at this point. — Kresley Cole

Nix and Emma: 'Looks like you just found a new talent.'
'Great. Why couldn't I be good at underwater origami or something? — Kresley Cole