Gerbil Quotes & Sayings

So put a gerbil on your Christmas list. — Ras Kass

Have you ever had such a horrible day that you wondered why your mother didn't just eat you at birth like a gerbil does and spare you the hassle?
We've all had days like that. I've had a lot of them - way more than my fair share if I want to be whiny about it (which I don't because I try really hard not to be a whiner), but none can compare to the day I accidentally opened a demon portal with my zit cream. — Erin Lynn

Percy, explaining things to you is like lecturing a gerbil. — Rick Riordan

Something simple-minded and morally vacuous? A hamster, perhaps? Maybe Veronica?"
"Excuse me!" Veronica griped form the back table.
"Those are gerbils, Mr. Charbonnet, not hamsters. And I'd thank you to minimise the insulting commentary."
"My apologies, sir." Alec nodded. "The gerbil is a noble beast. I shouldn't have compared it to Veronica. — Cecily White

Where'd the dog go?" I ask, sounding panicky.
"That wasn't a dog, Zara," he says, words whisper strong.
I jerk my head up. "What was it then? A cat? A gerbil? A geriatric hamster? — Carrie Jones

The workspace fell somewhere between a gerbil cage and a prison cell on the space-and-comfort scale. — John A. Heldt

Rory is fun when he's pissed off: like a fluffy little attack gerbil. — Tana French

It was a perfectly normal gerbil. It appeared to be living in an exciting construction of cylinders, spheres and treadmills, such as the Spanish Inquisition would have devised if they'd had access to a plastics molding press. — Neil Gaiman

What would it be like to think what a gerbil thinks, from a gerbil's point of view? Kind of like Thomas Nigel's 1974 paper, 'What Is It Like to Be a Bat?' There's a subjective character of experience that's never captured in reductive accounts. Know what I mean?'
'Um ... Sure. — Steven James

partially digested. Like someone ate them from the inside out."
The room went silent for a minute, then I said, "That is creepy."
"I'll say," Vic said with a nod.
"Maybe some kind of animal ate the body parts, after they were dead," I suggested.
"Yeah, sure, I'd say it was a gerbil but it's the wrong hole," Tate said. — Adam Pepper

Well, I'm an uncle now ... don't know if I'm a good one. My nephew asked me the difference between a hamster and a gerbil and I told him I thought there was more dark meat on a gerbil. — Bobcat Goldthwait

You know that when Irving puts the dog in the car, it is no longer in the yard. When Edna goes to church, her head goes with her. If Doug is in the house, he must have gone through some opening unless he was born there and never left. If Sheila is alive at 9 A.M. and is alive at 5 P.M., she was also alive at noon. Zebras in the wild never wear underwear. Opening a jar of a new brand of peanut butter will not vaporize the house. People never shove meat thermometers in their ears. A gerbil is smaller than Mt. Kilimanjaro. — Steven Pinker

I have to admit that most of the time I read in the same way that I smoke and chew gum and jiggle my leg a lot. I read a lot, but at the same time I'm not a particularly good or diligent or discriminating reader. I go through maybe close to a thousand or more books a year, but a lot of times I'll only read bits and pieces of any one individual text. There are even certain works that are very important to me (Like Virginia Woolf's To the Lighthouse, for example) that I probably haven't ever read all the way through from beginning to end, just certain passages over and over. I tend to read at stuff, rather that through it, if that makes any sense, and maybe there's something a little bit rodent-like about it, like a gerbil gnawing on woodchips in those, tiny, rapid obsessive bites. — Dan Chaon

If you look up gerbil videos online, at least half of them are hiney gerbils. — Trisha

For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity's affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss
a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity's mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world's thirstiest gerbil. — Molly Ringle

When I asked my shrink if I was a control freak, he finished saying "Absolutely" before I finished saying "freak." I told him that I once worked with a woman who carried a remote control in her purse. Whenever she got worried or angry, she took it out and stroked it like a gerbil. My shrink said that if I keep comparing myself to severe neurotics, I'll think that anything is permissible. — Erika Krouse

Love thy neighbor as thyself. Unless he calls you names. Then do not love him, run in the opposite direction and throw a gerbil at his door. — Coco J. Ginger

In many college English courses the words "myth" and "symbol" are given a tremendous charge of significance. You just ain't no good unless you can see a symbol hiding, like a scared gerbil, under every page. And in many creative writing course the little beasts multiply, the place swarms with them. What does this Mean? What does that Symbolize? What is the Underlying Mythos? Kids come lurching out of such courses with a brain full of gerbils. And they sit down and write a lot of empty pomposity, under the impression that that's how Melville did it. — Ursula K. Le Guin

Why not? Give me one good reason why we shouldn't get married.
Because trying to fuck you is like trying to french-kiss a very ... small and ... lively gerbil? With braces? — Bret Easton Ellis

The reason it's called "Grape Nuts" is that it contains "dextrose," which is also sometimes called "grape sugar," and also because "Grape Nuts" is catchier, in terms of marketing, than "A Cross Between Gerbil Food and Gravel," which is what it tastes like. — Dave Barry

We think that behind that steel door of resistance there's a dragon breathing fire; if we open the door we think we'll be devoured. So often, we open the door, and as someone once said 'we don't find a fire breathing dragon, we find a gerbil in drag. — Raphael Cushnir

Thrilled that Reyes and I were outside, and taking that as her cue to get her freak on, Artemis ran around like a gerbil on meth, turning occasionally to make sure we were still watching. And God help us if we weren't. — Darynda Jones

Modern society has never been about finding contentment in the basics; modern society is founded on the principle that happiness lies in having more. We are bred to keep up with the Jones' because he who dies with the most toys wins. If I only work a little bit harder, a little bit longer, I'll be able to afford that boat and then I'll finally be happy. The illusive concept of finding happiness in things is the gerbil wheel that perpetually powers capitalism. I had hiked 2,283 miles and now my eyes were too wide opened to want to get on the wheel. But what was the alternative? Being homeless? — Erin Miller

I buy an ice-cream sandwich at the Stop-N-Go on my way home. The taste takes me back to childhood. Back when life was dreaming about things to come and believing that if you really wanted something bad enough, it could and would be yours. I remember praying for a bike for Christmas, and there it was. We prayed for Minnie's gerbil to live and it did. Later, in high school, I asked God for guidance about where to go to college, and that very day, like a kite floating straight from heaven, the acceptance letter came from UNC-Charlotte. — Alice J. Wisler

And It's not entirely true that I've never been in love. I had a pet gerbil in first grade.... — Rachel Cohn

I've lived here ... my whole life. It's where I lost all my baby teeth. Where tiny hamster, gerbil, and bird skeletons lie in rotted-out cardboard coffins beneath the oak tree in our backyard. Also where, if some future archaeologist goes digging, they'll find the remains of a plush toy: a gray terrier named Toto I buried after the accident. — Jennifer McMahon

Why not?" she asks petulantly. "Give me one good reason we shouldn't." "Because trying to fuck you is like trying to French-kiss a very ... small and ... lively gerbil?" I tell her. "I don't know." "Yes?" she says. "And?" "With braces?" I finish, shrugging. — Bret Easton Ellis

Goodwill to Spazzy up in gerbil heaven. Sorry sorry sorry. I stopped eating meat the day of the massacre, as penance for Spazzy. I've been a vegetarian since age six, all for the love of a gerbil. — Rachel Cohn

The squealing little arse-gerbil. — Tana French