Funny Trust Quotes & Sayings

Never trust a man with short legs. His brains are too near his bottom. — Noel Coward

I don't trust tragedies much. It's easy to make a person sad by showing him something tragic. We all recognize when sad things happen: someone dies, someone loses a loved one, young love is crushed. It's much harder to make a man laugh-what's funny to one person isn't funny to another. — Ilona Andrews

Hope is a deceitful cock tease and I don't trust that bitch — Heather R. Blair

A kiss from the Captain would probably melt my central processor."
Thorne winked at her. "Oh trust me. It would. — Marissa Meyer

There's a funny thing about light and darkness
like hope, you can never blot out either one completely. They always exist, side by side, bright light making shadows darker, darkness making the light more beautiful, a tempting siren call. I can't hate the dark parts of myself. They are the things that showed me how special and rare the bright flames of trust, loyalty, friendship, and love were. My darkness showed me how to love Rob. But now I choose light and fire and love. No I choose freedom. — A.C. Gaughen

You have to be the prude or the slut, and if you pick one, other people hate you for it, and you can't trust anyone anymore, because they're all after the same thing, and you see that you can never go back to how was before ... — Ned Vizzini

There was an edge to his expression, like he didn't trust anyone who was more attractive than he was. — Marissa Meyer

Well, anyway, this'll be easier than knocking an elf out of a tree. Trust me.'
'How many elves have you knocked out of trees, Stubble?'
'Duraden's bones! Have ye never heard of a figure of speech? — Ian Livingstone

For me, the times I always regret are missed opportunities to say farewell to good people, to wish them long life and say to them in all sincerity, "You build and do not destroy; you sow goodwill and reap it; smiles bloom in the wake of your passing, and I will keep your kindness in trust and share it as occasion arises, so that your life will be a quenching draught of calm in a land of drought and stress." Too often I never get to say that when it should be said. Instead, I leave them with the equivalent of a "Later, dude!" only to discover there would be no later for us. — Kevin Hearne

I've learned the idea of pausing when agitated or doubtful. I can still write the e-mail but instead of sending that e-mail to the person I'm in a fight with, more often than not these days, I just delete it. Or I run it by someone else that I trust before I send it. And then I usually laugh at the e-mail and how funny it is. — John Feldmann

If you think it's funny to make fun of the "used car salesman," you better only buy new and never sell your car. Just sayin. — Richie Norton

Make sure the seaweed lies flat.'
'Okay.'
'Leave an inch below the knee.'
'Okay.'
'It's got to be loose enough to put a finger in the top.'
'Sean Kendrick.' I say it emphatically enough that the stallion's ears prick toward me. ( ... )
Sean doesn't appear to be at all apologetic. 'I think you'd better let me do that after all.'
'You're the one who had me in here in the first place.' I say. 'Now I think it's you who doesn't trust me.'
'It's not just you,' He replies.
I glower at him. 'Well, I'll tell you what. I'll hold him and you wrap. That way, when it's done wrong, there's only yourself to slap. And take your jacket. I'm tired of holding it. — Maggie Stiefvater

That's what love's all about, Roxanne. You
love someone, you trust them always to tel
you the truth. — Kristen Ashley

I see some people with glasses here, I trust people with glasses, don't you? But if you're wearing your glasses like this ... "Get away from 'em!" — Jim Gaffigan

Valkyrie: Do we have a plan?
Skulduggery: WE need to get the Grotesquery away from the bad guys, so we'll have to split up I'm going to leave, you're going to go hide under the van, wait until they load the Grotesquery in there, and then you're going to drive off under their noses
Valkyrie: What?
Skulduggery: It'll be really funny trust me — Derek Landy

Suit yourself.' Sadie shouldered her pack, then helped Annabeth up. 'You say Carter drew a hieroglyph on your boyfriend's hand. All well and good, but I'd rather stay in touch with you directly.'

Annabeth smirked. 'You're right. Can't trust boys to communicate.'

They exchanged cell-phone numbers.

'Just don't call unless it's urgent,' Annabeth warned. 'Cell-phone activity attracts monsters.'

Sadie looked surprised. 'Really? Never noticed. I suppose I shouldn't send you any funny-face selfies on Instagram, then.'

'Probably not.'

'Well, until next time.' Sadie threw her arms round Annabeth. — Rick Riordan

Never trust a woman who gives funny names to means of transport. — Terry Pratchett

Learn to trust yourself. That's very vital ... Just stand with yourself. Remember, in his lifetime, Van Gogh sold only two paintings. I personally sold even fewer. — Eric Idle

Never trust a skinny cook — Iain Hewitson

Nobody wants to know what I'm doing 24 hours a day, they'd be painfully bored, trust me. At the same time, if I'm doing something interesting or funny, I like being able to share that with my fans. — Josh Duhamel

I trust you all slept well," I said, deliberately keeping my tone light. I returned Malich's glare with a tight-lipped grin.
"Yes, we did," Kaden answered quickly.
"I'm sorry to hear that. — Mary E. Pearson

Trust me, there are things in this mountain that will make your jaw bounce off the floor. — Jaleigh Johnson

I want to be with you as much as possible, Ronnie. You're smart and funny and you're honest. I trust you. I trust us. Yeah, I'm leaving and you're going back home. But neither of those things changes the way I feel about you. And my feelings aren't going to change simply because I'm going to Vanderbilt. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. — Nicholas Sparks

Comedy is hard. In many ways, it's like singing: If you have perfect pitch, it's much easier. But you can still go a long way toward mastering the rudiments if you must trust your voice. Most of the mistakes I've seen people make in trying to write funny is that they don't trust their own senses of humor. They don't think they're funny, and they set out to write funny the way they've read other people being funny with a grim determination that pretty much precludes any chance that anybody is going to have fun. Relax, listen to your characters, exploit their fears and flaws, and mine their situations for places in which they can use their own brands of humor. — Jennifer Crusie

She used to be afraid of him catching her looking at him, but not anymore. It's funny how quickly the tables turn in the game of vulnerability. She had believed he'd had the power to hurt her. The reality is that it cuts both ways. His fear, her fear, they were sourced from the same place - both wanted to be loved, yet neither one was able to fully admit it. There was too much doubt, not enough trust to allow them to take that final step. — Vivian Winslow

Trust her; we girls are two sheets short of psycho when it comes to our special little time. — Sandi Lynn

I like to skip prewriting. I love just jumping into the actual writing process. Then I revise/edit and fix what I need to. Then the following steps; proofread and publish. Of course before you just go into writing, it would be a good idea to do some charts of each chapter ... what you would want each one to be about and have a character list with their personalities and how they will come into play in your book. I mean, you wouldn't just want to go all crazy and jot down all kinds of random stuff at once ... trust me, you'll go crazy. With writing, you take it as it comes, go with your own flow.-Nina Jean Slack — Nina Jean Slack

Dude," I said low. "All cornfields are haunted. Trust me. I know." Then I came up on my elbows so I was closer to him and I said quietly, "They whisper to you." — Kristen Ashley

The truth isn't laughable
And the trust isn't funny at all. — David Levithan

It was an eerie feeling, which is why Violet and Sunny were surprised when Klaus broke the silence by laughing suddenly.
"What are you snickering at?" Violet asked.
"I just realized something," Klaus said. "We're going to the administrative building without an appointment. We'll have to eat our meals without silverware."
"There's nothing funny about that!" Violet said. "What if they serve oatmeal for breakfast? We'll have to scoop it up with our hands."
"Oot," Sunny said, which meant "Trust me, it's not that difficult," and at that the Baudelaire sisters joined their brother in laughter. It was not funny, of course, that Nero enforced such terrible punishments, but the idea of eating oatmeal with their hands gave all three siblings the giggles.
"Or fried eggs!" Violet said. "What if they serve runny fried eggs?"
"Or pancakes, covered in syrup!" Klaus said.
"Soup!" Sunny shrieked, and they all broke out in laughter again. — Lemony Snicket

Trust me, my parents have about as much impulse control as I do. If they didn't like you, you'd know. Hell, you'd have been sitting in the car until I finished eating. — Billy London

But he saw a rare determination in Haley's eyes. I can trust Haley's judgement, he told himself, even as he remembered how Haley had eaten that cheddar with the mold growing on it two weeks before.

Cheese and people are not the same. — Kit Alloway

In a late-night monologue, it's not just about being funny; you have to come off as knowledgeable. You have to cultivate a persona of trust and intelligence and likeability. — Anthony Jeselnik

I rolled my eyes. "Do all narcotics officers lack basic human
compassion, or were you just not hugged enough as a child?"
Trust Me — L.A. Witt

I don't trust you to go alone," Charlotte said. "You'll end up getting killed in a duel with Braddock."
"If I do, it won't happen before dawn at the least. There are still several hours during which you will have to obey me."
"What happens to me if you're killed?" Charlotte asked. "Will I be free to do as I wish then?"
"Remove that bloodthirsty look from your eye, baggage. If anything happens to me, you will be passed along with the furniture and the paintings to the next Earl of Denbigh, whoever he may be."
Charlotte pursed her lips. "I think I would prefer to deal with you. At least we have reached a sort of understanding. So, if you please, I would rather you did not let the duke kill you."
"I'll do my best to avoid it," he assured her. — Joan Johnston

Well," he said, "I think we've found our way in. We just wait until they're duking it out, but trust me, these Humans First types don't have a lot of staying power or they'd have been at the gym with me before. I doubt Grandma Kent there is going to do a lot of damage." He pointed at a gray-haired, hunched lady in a shawl, carrying what looked liked a gardening tool. "It's like Plants Versus Zombies, and I'm not rooting for the zombies, weirdly enough. — Rachel Caine

Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent? — Steven Wright

An hour and seven minutes after walking up. I stood with Noelle outside the Trust's house and prepared to raise my first
and hopefully only
demon.
Three minutes after that I looked at my demon and burst into laughter.
"What?" the demon asked, turning its head 360 degrees to examine itself "What's so Funny?"
"Why is the Summoner laughing and crying at the same time? I don't see what's so funny. I'm a demon; where's my respect? Where's the fear and cowering before me? — Katie MacAlister

She, of all people, knew the sacred trust that word
"librarian"
implied. Because a librarian was supposed to to be a spiritual, intellectual mentor who kept your secrets and didn't give you a funny look when you checked out a book on the care and feeding of pythons ... A librarian opened up new doors for you, intellectually, too, without shoving you through them.
A librarian was important. — Beth Fantaskey

He raised his hand in a peaceful gesture. "You need to relax a bit, dove. Like Mouse over there. You trust me, don't you, Mouse?"
"Nope!"
"Ahhh, I'm hurt. Nobody likes me. — Ilona Andrews

She gave me money to buy condoms, and instead I bought a book of baby names. That's life. That's love. That's fiscally irresponsible. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Until lunchtime, he'd had no idea, really, what love was, but now he knew.
It made you happy, and it made you want to dance, and it made you feel funny.
But most of all, you knew you had someone you could trust.
Someone you could tell everything to. Absolutely everything. — John Saul

I like to invest as a performer in the director's vision and then bring a sense of reality to whatever I'm doing, whether it's comedy or whether it's drama, and trust that they're going to tell me if something's reading as funny or if it's reading as dramatic or reading in the right tone. — Amy Seimetz

I also don't trust Caribou anymore. They're out there, on the tundra, waiting ... Something's going down. I'm right about this. — Joss Whedon

In God we trust, all others pay cash. — Margaret Atwood

The president, apparently, was so totally unaware of where his foreign policy was that he had to appoint a distinguished commission to help him locate it, and when the commissioners called him in to testify, he told them, essentially, that he couldn't remember what it looked like. Now, if Richard Nixon had claimed something like that you would at least have had the comfort of knowing he was lying. You could trust Nixon that way. But with this president, you have this nagging feeling that he's telling the truth. — Dave Barry

Hm funny you think you truly know me all tell you this only my trust of friends know who I relay am — Pikmin100xx

Anxiety in human life is what squeaking and grinding are in machinery that is not oiled. In life, trust is the oil. — Henry Ward Beecher

Never trust a guy who plucks his eyebrows. — Robert Pattinson

You either trust me or you don't. I've never let you down, and I won't walk away unless you make me. Period. Now, unless you have a real emergency, I'd like to get back to my vacation. And my corpse, thanks. — Jeaniene Frost

Destiny was funny stuff, he knew. You couldn't trust it. Often you couldn't even see it. Just when you knew you had it cornered, it turned out to be something else - coincidence, maybe, or providence. You barred the door against it, and it was standing behind you. Then just when you thought you had it nailed down it walked away with the hammer. — Terry Pratchett

I saw this college team bowling championship. Each team had their own coach. What kind of strategy advice is a bowling coach giving? "You know what? This time Timmy, I want you to knock down all the pins." "You sure?" "Trust me. Just do it son!" — Jim Gaffigan

Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!" — Lewis Black

Know what?" he said. "The one I'm really mad at is God. I try not to, but the truth is, when you boil it down, he let me get cancer." "Humph," I said. "I always thought that God must trust you a lot to let you go through this." Jeff flinched. "What do you mean?" "Well, he knew you believed in him. He must have known how you would react. He trusted you to go through it." Jeff frowned. "That's a thought. He's the one giving me the strength. That's funny. I'm mad at the one giving me strength." I hadn't meant to be profound. It just slipped out. — Jerry B. Jenkins

And tell them what?" Jace said witheringly. "That invisible people are bothering you? Trust me, little girl, the police aren't going to arrest someone they can't see — Cassandra Clare

Never trust people who smile constantly. They're either selling something or not very bright. — Laurell K. Hamilton

A cool hand touched my arm. I jerked back. "Don't! You'll burn!"
"I'm used to it." Ayden's brown eyes twinkled. "In fact, I've been told I'm smokin'." He held out a hand, his voice soft. "By an incredible redhead who I wish, for once, knew she could trust me. — A&E Kirk

I've made it my business to observe fathers and daughters. And I've seen some incredible, beautiful things. Like the little girl who's not very cute - her teeth are funny, and her hair doesn't grow right, and she's got on thick glasses - but her father holds her hand and walks with her like she's a tiny angel that no one can touch. He gives her the best gift a woman can get in this world: protection. And the little girl learns to trust the man in her life. And all the things that the world expects from women - to be beautiful, to soothe the troubled spirit, heal the sick, care for the dying, send the greeting card, bake the cake - allof those things become the way we pay the father back for protecting us ... — Adriana Trigiani

Leo," Hazel gasped, "I can't - my arms - "
"Hazel," he said. "Do you trust me?"
"No!"
"Me neither," Leo admitted. — Rick Riordan

I was going through a little bit of turbulence in my career. And so, it's funny how turbulence itself will make you hold onto something for security. And so the only thing I knew is trust in the Lord and lean not unto your own heart, in all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy path. — Emmitt Smith

Shut up. You have to know you're a bombshell. Sure, maybe travel-sized, but beautiful nonetheless. You're proportioned just right. Trust me. Girl are jealous of your knockers and ass. — Tiffany King

When I go to the bathrooms, I cannot take off my pants as before; because there is a light continuously blinking like a camera, everyone says it is just an environmental friendly lighting. Well, I cannot really trust it and I am not taking the risk of circulating my naked photos around. — M.F. Moonzajer

I wasn't very good at the bike thing. Really, it was just dangerous to trust two skinny little wheels and spindly brakes with the considerably uncoordinated woman that is me. — Kathryn Smith

I didn't want to hear this. "What the hell are you talking about?" "Necromancer with a chaser of werewolf; a drink to make any vampire giddy." He giggled. Jean-Claude never giggled. I ignored him, if you can ignore an intoxicated vampire. "Jason, can you stand?" "I think so." His voice was thick, heavy but not sleepy, more the languor after sex. Maybe I was glad my bite had hurt. "Larry?" Larry walked over to us, glancing at Magnus, gun naked in his hand. He didn't look happy. "Can we trust him?" "We're going to," I said. "Help me stand up, and let's get out of here before fangface busts a gut." Jean-Claude was doubled over with laughter. He seemed to think "fangface" was outrageously funny. Ye gods. Larry — Laurell K. Hamilton

It is funny, I don't feel old enough to give advice ... But with the advisers you trust, you better listen to them. It may be bad news but that's the only way you're going to improve. — Ben Heppner

Never trust a man who combs his hair straight from his left armpit. — Alice Roosevelt Longworth

You know when you mix butt and Angel in the same sentence, it becomes an insult," I say and take a big gulp from the can. With his back to me, he says, "Trust me, I would never dream of insulting your butt. I'm sure it's better than anything I'm cooking out here. — Rucy Ban

You're on a road show with your penis, and trust me, I'm the last person who wants to get in your way. But I'm telling you, operation occupy-my-vagina is a no-go for the evening. — Addison Moore

Trust is hard to come by. That's why my circle is small and tight. I'm kind of funny about making new friends. — Eminem

Kid, time's up," Hunter said to the boy on Santa's lap.
"I'm not finished!" the boy cried.
Hunter bent over, until their faces were level. The kid reminded him of Cupid,whose chubby face hid a diabolical brain intent on replacing Santa as the most beloved holiday figure. Hunter had lost more than one of his platoon members after they were lured into Cupid's boiling pots of
chocolate. He'd learned not to trust kids.
"If you don't want me to slip you a poison gumdrop in your sleep, get off Santa's lap," Hunter whispered.
The boy burst into tears.
"Next!" Hunter barked. — Lizzy Ford

Evan to Bethany: "Just trust me."
"You say it like it's so easy."
"Of course it's not."
"Then how am I supposed to 'just trust' you?"
"Funny thing about trust ... Sometimes you have to give it before you can experience it. — Katie Ganshert