Famous Quotes & Sayings

Funny Golf Course Quotes & Sayings

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Top Funny Golf Course Quotes

Funny Golf Course Quotes By Bobby Jones

I never learned anything from a match that I won. — Bobby Jones

Funny Golf Course Quotes By Casey Stengel

They say Yogi Berra is funny. Well, he has a lovely wife and family, a beautiful home, money in the bank, and he plays golf with millionaires. What's funny about that? — Casey Stengel

Funny Golf Course Quotes By Joan Rivers

Never admit that your back goes out more than you do — Joan Rivers

Funny Golf Course Quotes By Bob Feller

You figure they cheat at the ballpark, they'll cheat on the golf course, they'll cheat in business, and anything else in life. Players may laugh about it and say it's funny, but right down in their heart, they don't think it's funny at all, and they have no respect for a person who cheats. — Bob Feller

Funny Golf Course Quotes By Pete Dye

The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top. — Pete Dye

Funny Golf Course Quotes By Bob Hope

Golf is a funny game. It's done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I'm the healthiest idiot in the world. — Bob Hope

Funny Golf Course Quotes By Eugene Kennedy

Wherever you find 'men together' - writing the rules, as at exclusive golf or other men's clubs, businesses, and lodges where they wear elaborate robes and funny hats - women are kept completely outside if possible and, when grudgingly admitted, to highly restricted areas or token status. — Eugene Kennedy

Funny Golf Course Quotes By Phil Silvers

Be funny on a golf course? Do I kid my best friend's mother about her heart condition? — Phil Silvers

Funny Golf Course Quotes By Bill Engvall

He knows all the golf lingo. You know? You hit your ball, he's like "there's a golf shot. That's a golf shot." Well of course it's a golf shot; I just hit a golf ball. You don't see Gretzky skating around going "there's a hockey shot, that's a hockey shot." — Bill Engvall

Funny Golf Course Quotes By Shawn Klomparens

These golf people seem unnaturally obsessed. They dress kind of funny too, and it's become a running joke for Gretchen and I to e-mail the most ridiculous golfing pictures back and forth to each other. Sometimes she adds hysterical captions. She never puts them on PitchBitch, though. We can't threaten the gravy train. — Shawn Klomparens

Funny Golf Course Quotes By Anthony Jeselnik

My mom's been having a hard time lately. She just found out that she has to have both of her breasts removed - if she's ever going to be good at golf. — Anthony Jeselnik

Funny Golf Course Quotes By Dwight D. Eisenhower

Well, a funny thing, there are three that I like all for the same reason, golf, fishing, and shooting, and I do because first, they take you into the fields. There is mild exercise, the kind that an older individual probably should have. And on top of it, it induces you to take at any one time 2 or 3 hours, if you can, where you are thinking of the bird or that ball or the wily trout. Now, to my mind it is a very healthful, beneficial kind of thing, and I do it whenever I get a chance, as you well know. — Dwight D. Eisenhower

Funny Golf Course Quotes By Jack Benny

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. — Jack Benny

Funny Golf Course Quotes By Taylor Kitsch

When I'm not acting, I try to be normal, play golf, play hockey. It's funny because you're in this little bubble when you're working - you don't read books, you don't really keep up with the news, you're just living that life. — Taylor Kitsch

Funny Golf Course Quotes By Chi Chi Rodriguez

I don't exaggerate - I just remember big. — Chi Chi Rodriguez

Funny Golf Course Quotes By Clint Eastwood

To me, life is like the back nine in golf. Sometimes you play better on the back nine. You may not be stronger, but hopefully you're wiser. And if you keep most of your marbles intact, you can add a note of wisdom to the coming generation. — Clint Eastwood

Funny Golf Course Quotes By Nickolas Butler

Goddamn golf shirts and gym memberships and fake muscles and tans and cell phones and new cars. Trevor didn't care about any of that garbage. All he wanted was a garden. Isn't that funny? — Nickolas Butler

Funny Golf Course Quotes By Elle Aycart

I'm going to take a wild guess here and say the hard-on you've been sporting all afternoon is not on account of Mr. Nicholson continually bending over to pick up the golf balls, right?"
"For fuck's sake, Dad!" James cursed, looking horrified at his father, who just shrugged his shoulders at his son's shocked expression.
"Whaaat? Just making sure," he added, hardly hiding his amusement. — Elle Aycart

Funny Golf Course Quotes By Allan Sherman

In Hollywood, we have some of the richest unemployed people in the world. They have sun tans. Some of them have chauffeurs in Rolls-Royces waiting outside. They have their golf clubs ready in the car. There is no law that says you cannot play golf while being unemployed. — Allan Sherman

Funny Golf Course Quotes By Rickie Fowler

All you can do is really the prep work and make sure you're ready to hit each golf shot. Outside of that, you're not sure really what's going to happen. It's a funny game, but I think that's why I love it. You never know, one day to the next; you could go shoot 62, and the next day you're going to shoot 78, and you can't predict it. — Rickie Fowler

Funny Golf Course Quotes By J.R.R. Tolkien

If you have ever seen a dragon in a pinch, you will realize that this was only poetical exaggeration applied to any hobbit, even to Old Took's great-granduncle Bullroarer, who was so huge (for a hobbit) that he could ride a horse. He charged the ranks of the goblins of Mount Gram in the Battle of the Green Fields, and knocked their king Golfibul's head clean off with a wooden club. It sailed a hundred yards through the air and went down a rabbit-hole, and in this way the battle was won and the game of Golf was invented at the same moment. — J.R.R. Tolkien

Funny Golf Course Quotes By George Archer

One thing about golf is you don't know why you play bad and why you play good. — George Archer

Funny Golf Course Quotes By Dwyane Wade

The funny thing is, last summer we were golfing together, me, him and Alonzo [Mourning]. I don't know how to golf, but it's an unbelievable opportunity to go out and golf with one of the greats. And he's out there making fun of my swing - I can't hit the ball - and I'm getting frustrated because I'm a competitor. So Alonzo pulled me aside and said, 'Man, you're getting the chance to golf with Bill Russell. How many people can say they've done that?' And I looked at him and said, 'You know what? You're right.' — Dwyane Wade

Funny Golf Course Quotes By Henny Youngman

I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, "Let's get up here before we get killed!" — Henny Youngman

Funny Golf Course Quotes By Bill Bailey

On the Taliban: That ethos was never going to work, was it? It was just cobbled together from different beliefs. The anti-intellectualism of the Khmer Rouge, the religious persecution of the Nazis, the enforced beard-wearing from the world of folk music, and the subjugation and humiliation of women from the world of golf. — Bill Bailey

Funny Golf Course Quotes By Karrie Webb

Golf's a funny game. You can be playing poorly and then go and win a tournament. — Karrie Webb

Funny Golf Course Quotes By Dolce

I fuck old men for a living. Of course I golf. — Dolce