Quotes & Sayings About Funny Ex Boyfriend

In other news, Aang dominates on "Are You Smarter Than the Fire Nation". Bella Swan becomes engaged to her boyfriend of one year, Edward Cullen, and unceremoniously sends Jacob Black to the "friend zone". Pop star Candy Cane trades her controversial career for being a housewife (which was a move that is very unpopular with many of her young fans), and Jacquel Rassenworth is still the Internet's biggest fame-nut (cue APPLAUSE). — Jacquel Chrissy May

He's not my boyfriend."
"Ha. That's a good one. I saw you two tonsil surfing out there."
I could kill her. "I don't even have tonsils!"
"I know that and I bet Nick knows that too, now." She slaps her leg because she's just too funny for words. — Carrie Jones

Not married. Mostly because no one has ever asked me," Leah said lightly.
Izzy pulled a disbelieving face. "Are the men in Melbourne blind?" she said. "You're hot. If all doctors looked like you, my boyfriend would be at the local clinic every second day, begging for a prostate exam or something equally perverted."
"Well, thanks. I think," Leah said. — Sarah Mayberry

Annabeth dies, trying to keep her boyfriend, the Son of Poseidon, from drowning. — Rick Riordan

Kyra." Fred caught Kyra's eyes. "I'm not in love with Ariana and I don't want half the kingdom."
"You don't?"
He shook his head. "But I might stick around for a little while longer. There are some interesting things in the Kingdom of Mohr."
"Like what?"
"Like a certain funny and extremely talented potioner."
Kyra took a breath. "I have to warn you, Hal isn't that great as a boyfriend. He's pretty self absorbed. — Bridget Zinn

The West Sister Dating Rules were clear on the matter of apologies. On the evolutionary scale of dating, a guy who apologized solely for the sake of ending the argument and getting back into your good graces was on the level of primeval slime - especially if he was clearly doing so merely because he was hoping for sex. The proper response was to unveil the offender's deceit by demanding he explain what exactly he was apologizing for, and then scorn him when he betrayed his ignorance. — Alex Gabriel

After a few seconds of scraping, I realize what he has isn't a trail, it's a whole forest! Ack! Weren't all men supposed to shave their chest and stuff nowadays? Whatever happened to having fuzz-free Hollywood heroes as role models? At least my embarrassment is completely foregone by the irritation at his lack of upkeep. The only thing distracting me now is that heady mix of musk, shaving cream and a distinctly ... male scent. And God knows that is one seriously jeopardizing distraction. Especially with a whizzing needle in one's hand. — Rucy Ban

Everything I buy is vintage and smells funny. Maybe that's why I don't have a boyfriend. — Lucy Liu

Speaking of ... does this mean you get your phone back?" I shrug. "I don't really want that phone back. I'm hoping my whipped boyfriend will get me an iPhone for Christmas. — Colleen Hoover

Suit yourself.' Sadie shouldered her pack, then helped Annabeth up. 'You say Carter drew a hieroglyph on your boyfriend's hand. All well and good, but I'd rather stay in touch with you directly.'

Annabeth smirked. 'You're right. Can't trust boys to communicate.'

They exchanged cell-phone numbers.

'Just don't call unless it's urgent,' Annabeth warned. 'Cell-phone activity attracts monsters.'

Sadie looked surprised. 'Really? Never noticed. I suppose I shouldn't send you any funny-face selfies on Instagram, then.'

'Probably not.'

'Well, until next time.' Sadie threw her arms round Annabeth. — Rick Riordan

Nah, Dad, I'm good. Please leave me in this hotel bedroom with my handsome boyfriend. And several of his relatives, and a very sharp weapon."
"Clearly I went badly wrong somewhere when raising you," said Dad. "Well, best to do down before Tomo gets into the vodka. — Sarah Rees Brennan

Is this your boyfriend?" the first nun asked.
Clair Olivia looked me up and down. "No. This is my gay friend who decided he was straight and single-handedly wrecked havoc at an all-boys school in Massachusetts this fall. He's gay again and home for Christmas, so yay! — Bill Konigsberg

With my boyfriend, we can make sexist jokes to each other because we know it's absolutely not true. If I get home from a long day and he says: 'Go on, get in the kitchen,' it's funny because we know it's not our lives. — Emily Browning

After that came her biggie: a triple murder
her dealer, the dealer's sister, and the dealer's sister's boyfriend.
Reading that made me feel a little funny that we'd fucked and I'd loved her. — George Saunders

Boyfriend?"
Her cheeks heated. "Yes."
"Funny name."
"What?" She frowned. "Ernest is a perfectly nice name."
"Oh, I thought I heard you call him Ermine. — Nalini Singh

It's so funny, because when I was growing up in a small town in New Hampshire, I was obsessed with Leonardo DiCaprio - from the 'Growing Pains'/'What's Eating Gilbert Grape' era, because he was superhot - and I carried a laminated photo of him in my wallet and said he was my boyfriend. But no one believed me. — Eliza Coupe

The skanky vamp biting for bucks on the dark end of state street is your ex boyfriend? William asked. The look on William's face implied he hoped I washed after interacting with Parrish — Tate Hallaway

It was funny how all the useless knowledge you accumulated when you're in love with someone could sit for years gathering dust in the back of your mind, only to spill out at the slightest reminder. — Blakney Francis

She's fifteen!"
Nash shrugged. "That's just a number. It doesn't say anything about her."
"It says something pretty damn funny about your IQ!" I said, and he opened his mouth to retort, but I spoke over him. "Fifteen is too young to drive, too young to get a legal job, too young to sign a lease, and obviously too young to pick a boyfriend with half a brain. — Rachel Vincent

What did that stupid deserting crap-bag ex-boyfriend, ex-best friend with the most perfect stupid hair do? He DIDN'T delete his crap off the desktop before he fled my life and left me all alone. That's what he did. — James Patterson

My ex-boyfriend can round last night, which was weird because I didn't know he was in a coma. — Jo Brand

I pull out my e-reader and get back to my fictional boyfriend. Lord knows he won't cheat on me. — M.D. Saperstein

How long is it polite to continue to be interested in what someone says after they reveal they've got a boyfriend? — Russell Brand

Her voice was erudite, interesting; the voice of someone who straddled two cultures with a surety and style that I wished my boyfriend could find. She was smart, funny, and, above all, completely capable of controlling her life and what happened to it. — Ruth Ahmed

What's a book boyfriend and how do I find them so I can kick their asses? — M.D. Saperstein

If the Lord hasn't got a boyfriend lined up for me to marry, that's his business. — Barbara Kingsolver

I'm not your boyfriend!" I snapped, trying to gently move her hands away from my body.
"How can you say that?" Sara asked in horror.
"It's shockingly effortless," I replied. "My vocal chords vibrate, and my mouth and tongue articulate. I can even do it without thinking." I had to remind myself to stay calm, and sarcasm was the best way to do that.
"When are you going to give me a key to your house so I don't have to knock like some guest?" Sara asked, coming at me again.
I backed away. "How about never? Is never good for you?"
Sara, undeterred, said, "You're the reason I go to therapy on Fridays."
"The plot thickens!" Gabby exclaimed for comedic relief. — Laura Kreitzer

Luke is the sort of boy Taylor Swift could at least three songs out of. — Beth Garrod

He was sensitive, so he had to be kind. I think of it whenever I see a young woman fawning all over a nerdy guy, some comedian or actor, thinking he couldn't ever be cruel because he's funny and he wears glasses. He's not conventionally hot, so he's not full of himself, so he'll be a good boyfriend, right?...Guys like that always seem to think they're Duckie from Pretty in Pink when they're actually Steff. — Mara Wilson

The worst part is, he's been extra sweet because he's trying to make everything okay again. If he weren't a serial killer, he'd be the perfect boyfriend — Kelly Oram

I'm sorry I have issues with my boyfriend doing other men. I'm sorry I have issues with me doing other men. Why was I always being made to feel guilty because I wasn't having sex with more people? Wasn't it supposed to be the other way around? — Laurell K. Hamilton

You set fire to my house, killed my family, and ate my dog. But steal my boyfriend? That's a step too far. — Libba Bray

For a long time, I refused to wear jeans. I liked high-waisted pants, but jeans made me feel like I wasn't being unique. Even now, I won't wear the skinny-jeans style, because most people wear those - they have to be baggier, boyfriend-looking, or sort of like a mom jean. I'm real funny that way. — Elle Fanning

Shopping for clothes is a Boyfriend Thing. You stand around and look blankly at a bunch of pieces of fabric and you look at the price tags and you wonder how something that'd barely cover your right nut can cost the price of a kidney and you watch the shop assistants check you out and wonder what you're doing with her because she's cute and you're kind of funny-looking and she tries clothes on and you look at her ass in a dozen different items that all look exactly the same and let's face it you're just looking at her ass anyway and it all blurs together and then someone sticks a vacuum cleaner in your wallet and vacuums out all the cash and you leave the store with one bag so small that mice couldn't fuck in it. Repeat a dozen times or until the front of your brain dies. — Warren Ellis

Why did you tell her I'm your boyfriend? Why doesn't she know about your real one? - Timmy
He's English! And Mom ... Mom hates foreigners!
- Cat — Jeaniene Frost

I am a vicious and unrepentant killer who should be locked up. With him, my idiot boyfriend. — Kylie Scott

I sat on the bed. Neither of us said anything. I wasn't slick and sophisticated enough for this. What do you say to boyfriend A when he finds you naked in the bed of boyfriend B? Especially if boyfriend A turned into a monster the night before and ate someone. I bet Miss Manners didn't cover this at all. — Laurell K. Hamilton

Ah, like how Sharon Parker's bra kind of found its way into your locker?"
He leaned in, resting his elbows on the table. "Are you going to constantly bring these things up the entire time we're dating?"
"Sorry. Just using my prior knowledge to try and gauge what kind of fake boyfriend you're going to make."
"Well, if your bitterness is any indication of the kind of fake girlfriend you're going to be, I won't hold my breath for you to fake put out. — Jennifer Shirk