Funny Cynical Quotes & Sayings

I like to think my sense of humor is sort of smart and dumb at the same time. I like to work on multiple levels - smart and dumb, funny and sad, profound and mundane, cynical and hopeful. — Robert Lopez

You can go back to blacksmithing in Hintindar and live a quiet happy life. Do me a favor and marry some pretty farm girl and train your son to beat the crap out of imperial knights."
"Sure," Hadrian told him. "And with any luck he'll make friends with a cynical burglar who'll do nothing but torment him. — Michael J. Sullivan

Very few writers understand the complex history and maddening social order of the Mississippi Delta. For Steve Yarbrough, though, it's home turf. He is wickedly observant, funny, cynical, evocative, and he possesses a gift that cannot be taught: he can tell a story. — John Grisham

I don't think it's ever easy to be funny. I find it easy to amuse myself with a certain sort of cynical dark humor that tends toward the meaner side, like my character in Happy Gilmore. Those kinds of characters come easily to me. — Ben Stiller

The only activity a cynic will find contagious is yawning, that is, with other people, at other people. — Criss Jami

Sarah is the most enthusiastic cynical person on the planet. She'd be the perfect cheerleader if she weren't so disgusted by the notion of school spirit. — Jandy Nelson

It's funny, I see Wendy Kaminer herself as a kind of guru - a guru of the fashionably cynical set. Yet she uses the term "guru" to minimize my career, to marginalize my thoughts and to trivialize my work, as well as those of others. — Marianne Williamson

Has anybody ever told you you're a remarkably cynical person?"
"I like to think of it as learning from experience. — Benedict Jacka

If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out. — Lawrence Ferlinghetti

I could never be cynical, not that I think there's anything wrong with cynicism. I think it can be quite funny at times. But I just feel so grateful to be alive. — Drew Barrymore

Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are economical in its use. — Mark Twain

I think I'm too cynical for L.A. My sense of humor doesn't go down well here, which probably affects my love life. I need to have a laugh track following me around so people know I'm trying to be funny. — Teddy Thompson

My condolences, you're still alive. — Fakeer Ishavardas

My congratulations to you, sir. Your manuscript is both good and original; but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good. — Samuel Johnson

Do you know what happens when you play a country song backwards? You get your wife back, your dog back and your job back. — Richard Belzer

I believe that people, more often than not, act with the best possible intentions. And when they don't, that's funny to me. That's why comedy ends up seeming cynical, because you're talking about the gap between what people say and what they do. — Stephen Colbert