Quotes & Sayings About Funny Cats

When Johnny Depp saw it, he was so excited he fluffed up to twice his normal size. — Diane Messidoro

The cat dropped the rat between its two front paws. "There are those," it said with a sigh, in tones as smooth as oiled silk, "who have suggested that the tendency of a cat to play with its prey is a merciful one - after all, it permits the occasional funny little running snack to escape, from time to time. How often does your dinner get to escape? — Neil Gaiman

It's funny how dogs and cats know the inside of folks better than other folks do, isn't it? — Eleanor Porter

The coldest depth of Hell is reserved for people who abandon kittens. — Robert A. Heinlein

I've got a Siamese cat. It has 2 heads and 18 lives. — M.J. McGuire

When mice run, cats give chase. — Rachel Vincent

A good joke can spread throughout the Internet between the time you go to bed and the time you wake up, leading to an inbox filled with pictures of funny cats and cheeseburgers. — Rosanna Pansino

When we get the remote Russian village online, what will get people to the Internet is not going to be reports from Human Rights Watch. It's going to be pornography, 'Sex and the City,' or maybe funny videos of cats. — Evgeny Morozov

If we all learnt cat-speak, we would often find they are saying, "You stupid human, I am trying to tell you something important right now! — Leah Broadby

I'll buy you a blow-up doll. I'm sure my mate won't mind when I explain how hard up you are."
She didn't bother to punch him this time, just glared with promise of future retaliation. "Very funny. You wouldn't be laughing if you knew how sexually frustrated I am right now." [ ... ] "The last time was when that SilverBlade sentinel was in town for a communications meeting."
All amusement left Dorian's face. "You serious? That was months ago." A very long time to go without intimate touch. "Merce, that could get dangerous."
"I know. Do you think I don't know?" She thrust her hands through her hair. "Damn it Dorian! It's getting to the point where I'm starting to wonder if some of the wolves would be good in bed. [ ... ]
"Cat and wolf isn't a ... um ... normal combination."
"And Psy and cat is?" She made a face at him. "Yeah, yeah I know. Cat and wolf is strange." [ ... ]
"How about one of the Rats?" Dorian's eyes gleamed. — Nalini Singh

Today 5:14 p.m.
"Mrrrrrowl. Mrrrrrowl."
"Ow! Ow, stupid cat! Ahem. You told me, 'stop calling, Isabelle,' but I'm not the one calling you. Church is calling you. Mine are merely the fingers that work the phone.
"See, here's something you may not have known before you committed your recent rash acts. Our cat, Church, and your cat, Chairman Meow? They're in love. I've never seen such love before. I never knew such love could exist in the heart of a ... cat. Some people say that love between two dude cats is wrong, but I think it's beautiful. Love makes Church happier than I've ever seen him. Nothing makes him happy like Chairman Meow. Not tuna. Not shredding centuries-old tapestries. Nothing. Please don't keep these cats apart. Please don't take the joy of love away from Church.
"Look, this is really just a warning for your own good. If you keep Church and Chairman Meow apart, Church will start to get angry.
"You wouldn't like Church when he's angry."
Beep — Cassandra Clare

This is the silliest thing I've heard since the cat yoga craze a couple of years ago. I went right out and bought a cat yoga instruction book and tiny terry-cloth headband and renamed my girl cat 'Olive Neutered John,' which she didn't think was funny. Cats have no sense of humor. — Celia Rivenbark

She grabbed all her clothes from her wardrobe and flung them across the room, screaming her head off until she finally felt sane again. Perhaps tomorrow she would buy those cats. (Holly) — Cecelia Ahern

Now women are funny animals. You never know when you are with them - they don't often know where they are with themselves . It's no good trying to find out what makes them tick. It just can't be done. They have more moods than an army of cats with lives, and all you can hope is to spot the mood you're after when it turns up and step in quick. Hesitate you're a dead duck, unless you're one of those guys who like slow approach that might get you somewhere in a week or in a month or even a year. — James Hadley Chase

The weather wouldn't settle down. It would rain cats and dogs, then stop, then drip awhile, then stop while it made up its mind what to do next. — Glendon Swarthout

I wondered if Bill Goldman had ever experienced the same giant rats I had encountered while living in Manhattan - the ones the size of cats, that make you freeze in your tracks. The kind that are not afraid of human beings and carry themselves with that swagger and give you that look that seems to imply, "Yeah, what are you gonna do about it? — Cary Elwes

I have a Siamese twin cat. It's got 2 heads and 18 lives. — M.J. McGuire

I like cats. They don't care if you love Jesus. — Miss Merikan

Then it suddenly and theatrically began to clean itself in the way cats do when they want you to know what a big deal you aren't. — Adam Rex

I'm a cat person. I have two giant cats [Harry and Arturo] that I call the small panthers. They're like 17 pounds each-they're big boys! Every photo on my phone is of them doing something funny. — Dave Franco

Guys are like dogs. They keep comin' back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they're gone. — Lenny Bruce

What's so funny about cats is that they have this kind of aloof, superior vibe to them. Even if you love them, they are unpredictable. Dogs are more social, and the way that they attach and bond to us is much more human. — Ze Frank

A lot of people like cats. Take the Pope, for example: I read recently that he was a cat-oholic! — Milton Jones

Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation. — Jimmy Carr

Sometimes you fall, spinning through space, grasping for the things that keep you on this earth. Sometimes you catch them. They can be the hands of the people you love. They can be your pets- pups with funny names, cats with ferocious old souls. The thing that keeps you here can be your art. It can be things you have collected and invested with a certain sense of meaning. A flowered, buckled treasure chest of secrets. Shoes that make you taller and, therefore, closer to the heavens. A suit that belonged to your fairy godmother. A dress that makes you feel a little like the Goddess herself.
Sometimes you keep falling; you don't catch anything.
Sometimes you fall, spinning through space, grasping for the things that keep you here. Sometimes you catch them. Sometimes you don't.
Sometimes they catch you. — Francesca Lia Block

And the Lady's mate. Despite having only two legs and small fangs, there was much that was feline in that one, and he approved. — Anne Bishop

During these mad dashes to the wall phone in the kitchen she hadn't time to fall but with fantastical grace and dexterity wrenched herself upright in midfall and continued running (dogs whimpering, yapping hysterically in her wake, cats scattering wide-eyed and plume-tailed) before the telephone ceased it's querulous ringing
though frequently she was greeted with nothing more than a derisive dial tone, in any case. — Joyce Carol Oates

Dogs have their day but cats have 365. — Lilian Jackson Braun

Come here, cat. You wouldn't want to destroy the space-time continuum, would you? Meow. Meow. — Connie Willis

Keith much preferred cats. A cat wouldn't go mad at a man traversing a wall in the dead of night; it would shrug and lick its arse — Simon Dunn

Prince Charming is very nice and very honest and very confident in who he is and funny and knows how to have a kick-ass fun time. Is willing to melt away so that nothing else exists in the world except himself and his princess and loves food and cats and every life form except human beings which is not necessary. — Alicia Silverstone

[The cats] scamper in front of my legs, causing me to fall and face plant into whatever furniture is closest. They especially like to play this game when I'm carrying piping hot coffee. — Wes Locher

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. — Jeff Valdez

Cats are solitary hunters with only the vaguest concept of hierarchy and little desire to "please" anyone but themselves — David Brunner

My heart's so light it floats and carries me so my feet don't walk. I sing all day and I don't mind the washing, and that's how I know I'm in love. Completely smitten with My Lord the cat. — Shannon Hale

Redford had read somewhere that cats brought their owners dead birds, rodents, and their own toys because they were trying to teach the stupid humans how to hunt, like they did with their own kittens. From the amount of toys Knievel had brought to him, the cat thought he was absolutely useless. — Robin Saxon

Everybody clapped enthusiastically and Dr. Marx popped up from behind the podium, where he had been hiding all along. He was the hairiest man the pirates had ever seen. Several of the crew were actually worried for a moment that the Seaweed That Walked Like a Man had returned from one of their previous adventures to ambush them. His nose was hairy. His forehead was hairy. Even his hands were hairy. And his beard was a great bushy black number, which looked like he had sellotaped a bunch of cats to the bottom of his face and then frightened them with a loud noise. — Gideon Defoe

I don't appreciate people who celebrate their dog's birthdays with "dog parties," and then invite their friends who don't even have dogs. I understand why people like dogs, and I think they definitely bring more to the table than cats or those godforsaken ferrets, but I don't think it's healthy for people to treat their dogs like they are real people. — Chelsea Handler

I suppose." Mousefur sniffed. "No doubt it'll be up to me to teach them manners. Kits nowadays don't know how to show any respect."
Jayfeather's whiskers twitched with amusement.
"Don't you believe it," Purdy whispered. "She was teaching Lilykit and Seedkit how to reach under the wall of the warriors' den and catch stray tails yesterday. — Erin Hunter

Funny, a witch who likes dogs over cats. I think I like this about you. - Rhydian — Mira Monroe

Tighe took control of his thoughts.
"You need to use the bathroom. When I tell you to, go into the house. Two cats will try to come
in with you. You must let them in. Don't allow anyone to stop them. Once inside the house, you'll
go into the bathroom and close the door, pull down your pants, then curl up on the floor and go to
sleep."
The bastard's career would be over when they caught him, literally, with his pants down. But he
deserved it for kicking a cat. — Pamela Palmer

Being nearly four years old, she was certainly a child: and children are human (if one allows the term "human" a wide sense): but she had not altogether ceased to be a baby: and babies are of course not human
they are animals, and have a very ancient and ramified culture, as cats have, and fishes, and even snakes: the same in kind as these, but much more complicated and vivid, since babies are, after all, one of the most developed species of the lower vertebrates.
In short, babies have minds which work in terms and categories of their own which cannot be translated into the terms and categories of the human mind.
It is true that they look human
but not so human, to be quite fair, as many monkeys.
Subconsciously, too, every one recognizes they are animals
why else do people always laugh when a baby does some action resembling the human, as they would at a praying mantis? If the baby was only a less-developed man, there would be nothing funny in it, surely. — Richard Hughes

You can't hold someone who
Wants to leave
You can't clutch a memory
As if it were today
You can't take an insult
Close to heart
You can't grasp for glory
From your chair
You can't seize life
Thinking only of loss
And you can't grab a laser pointer dot
On the wall
No matter how much you try
These hard-earned truths I give to you — Francesco Marciuliano

Cats can be very funny, and have the oddest ways of showing they're glad to see you ... — W. H. Auden

As a fan, I'm distraught, but as a cartoonist looking at new vacant spaces in 2400 newspapers, well, behind me, my cats are dancing a conga line. — Scott Adams

I loved him with everything in me. He taught me who I was, something I never would have known, without his deft handling of my personality.
"Olivia," he begins. I look at him in mock surprise. Then suddenly he is serious ... or he seems so. I catch my breath. "You belong with me. Do you believe me?" I feel my sweat glands open.
Holding my breath, I nod. This is supposed to be for laughs, but it doesn't sound funny, it sounds like something I will be replaying years from now - when I am sitting alone in a room full of cats. — Tarryn Fisher