Funny Bad News Quotes & Sayings

Prepare yourself for some bad news: Ronald Reagan's library just burned down. Both books were destroyed. But the real horror: He hadn't finished coloring either one of them. — Gore Vidal

Roadblock #5: It's Unpredictable
By and large, human beings don't like surprises. I know that I don't. Okay, maybe I like that rare piece of unexpected good news or a letter from a friend or a thoughtful thank-you. But I'm willing to bet that people in funny hats jumping out of dark closets are responsible for more heart attacks than expressions of unbridled delight. When the doorbell rings late at night, I'm under no illusion that it's the Publisher's Clearing House Prize Patrol!
This, most likely, goes back to our caveman past when a big, exciting surprise was apt to be something like an 800-pound,snarling, saber-toothed tiger about to rip the head from our shoulders. Surprises were usually bad news. (Think about this the next time you're crouching in the dark in somebody's front hall closet with their raincoats and umbrellas.) — Paul Powers

Back in the '70s, like one of my favorite movies ever was 'The Bad News Bears', and that was a kids' movie, but I don't think of it that way. I think of it as just a great movie because Walter Matthau was so funny and so harsh with those kids. — Jack Black

A man says to the doctor: "What's the good news?" "You've got 24 hours to live." He says: "What's the bad news?" The doctor says: "We should have told you yesterday." — Frank Carson

The funny thing is, this is what everyone assumes, that anybody who talks has an axe to grind. I've been around a long time, and yes, there obviously are people who disagree with policy who talk to me, but it's less axes to grind than people who are really motivated. One of the terrible things about this Administration is that nobody wants to hear bad news. — Seymour Hersh

The argument had been in full swing when Matthew's father telephoned with the news that a funny turn Matthew's mother had suffered the previous week had been diagnosed as a mini-stroke. After this, she and Matthew felt that squabbling about Strike was in bad taste, so they went to bed in an unsatisfactory state of theoretical reconciliation, both, Robin knew, still seething. It was — Robert Galbraith

It is funny, I don't feel old enough to give advice ... But with the advisers you trust, you better listen to them. It may be bad news but that's the only way you're going to improve. — Ben Heppner

Mr. A calls me into his office and says he's got bad news and bad news, and which do I want first. I say the bad news. — George Saunders

If you have to release bad news to the public, it would help if you are not ugly. — Mitch Hedberg

Well, good news, " Blitzen said. "I found the bag. Bad news...I found the bag. — Rick Riordan

Well, the bad news," Swedish said from the wheel, "is that Chess still thinks he's funny."
"What's the good news?" Loretta asked, leaning on our little copper-tubed harpoon. "That Kodoc dropped a bomb on the city? — Joel N. Ross

We just lost our electricity. You want to tell me what's so funny about that?"
"It's not exactly funny. It's more of a good news/bad news situation."
"In that case, hit me with the good news first."
"They're both sort of rolled up into one."
"Stop stalling."
"All right. Now don't get mad, but ... " Smothered laughter drifted toward him. "Cal ... I'm naked. — Susan Elizabeth Phillips