Funny And Motivational Quotes & Sayings
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Top Funny And Motivational Quotes
They told me that nothing was a sin, just a poor life choice. Poor impulse control. That nothing is evil. Any concept of right versus wrong, according to them, is merely a cultural construct relative to one specific time and place. They said that if anything should force us to modify our personal behavior it should be our allegiance to a social contract, not some vague, externally imposed threat of flaming punishment. — Chuck Palahniuk
It's funny how we all live under the same sky, but we don't all have the same horizon. — Habeeb Akande
These motivational tapes have really inspired me! I'm going to make a million dollars, buy my own company and retire early. Then, I'm going to write a novel and a symphony and give all the profits to charity. Then next month, I'll figure out how to do it. — Randy Glasbergen
During job interviews, when they ask: 'What is your worst quality?', I always say: 'Flatulence'. That way I get my own office. — Dan Thompson
All too often we fail to see the good in a difficult situation. Our minds are wired in such a funny way that we tend to believe just because a door closed it must be a bad thing. — Lindsey Rietzsch
There are only two profound ways to reach enlightenment: Laugh by yourself, or get tickled. — Saurabh Sharma
You're a kid, your whole life is awesome. It's awesome, right? You had no money, no ID, no cell phone, no nothing, no keys to the house. You just ran outside into the woods. You weren't
scared of nothing. I challenge you to do that as an adult. All your IDs, all your credit cards - just run out of the house with no phone, turn the corner where you can't see your house, and
not have a full on panic attack. — Bill Burr
I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened. — Will Rogers
Innovation Big pain, no shame being same-to-same — Praveen Kumar
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions. — Steven Wright
Gentle reminder, Smile please. — Vikrmn
Those who believe they can do something and those who believe they can't are both right. — Henry Ford
Life isn't over until you're dead. Another ultra-positive, ultra-motivational tweet to improve your day. You're welcome. — Carla H. Krueger
I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, "My dad can beat up your dad." I'd say Yeah? When? — Bill Hicks
Don't mind your make-up, you'd better make your mind up. — Frank Zappa
You gazed at the moon and fell in the gutter. — Thomas Fuller
The key to success is not through achievement, but through enthusiasm. — Malcolm Forbes
Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes. — Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach
Simple answers to the most difficult questions:
1. Why do humans find it difficult to express themselves?
To relate to the movies and books, later.
2. Why do humans make everything look so big, beautiful & complicated?
Ego feels good.
3. Why do humans want to protect the nature?
Because they can't even protect themselves. Moreover, they are guilty conscious.
4. What is romance?
It is complicated as far as humans are concerned.
5. What is love?
The complicated part of the fourth question.
6. What is unconditional love?
Not there yet.
7. Who is God?
Sixth leads you to the seventh.
8. Who am I?
Ask yourself.
9. What is loneliness?
Potential energy wasted on learned answers.
10. What is happiness?
All of the above. — Saurabh Sharma
The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs ... one step at a time. — Joe Girard
Maturity does not always come with age; sometimes age comes alone. — John C. Maxwell
You spend your TIME to make a DIME. You lose your HEALTH to make your WEALTH, but at the end it is FUNNY because you leave back all your MONEY. — R.v.m.
I had imaginary friends and even they were mean to me. — Olivia Wilde
You are only Half Happy unless you love them both equally: Friday & Monday! — Mohith Agadi
Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man ... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money. — George Carlin
It's funny how, in this journey of life, even though we may begin at different times and places, our paths cross with others so that we may share our love, compassion, observations, and hope. This is a design of God that I appreciate and cherish. — Steve Maraboli
It's funny when so many people I meet tell me that I'm a complicated and mysterious person they can't understand. The problem isn't in me but in them. When I say something, I do it. The problem is that they don't believe I will, and they don't believe anyone can do what I say I will. That's their confusion. But actually, I'm a simple person, as I always match my own words. That's how you must see it. Just cut through "common sense" and move forward, and achieve! Let others worry about the how. — Robin Sacredfire
I'm saving my sick days for when I'm feeling better. — Salma Hayek
You're FAT - and don't try to sugarcoat it, because you'll just eat that, too. — Phillip C. McGraw
Just because I rock doesn't mean I am made of stone. — Jim Carrey
Whenever I'm running an hour late for for work, it always makes me feel better when I can leave an hour early at the end of the day to make up for it. — Mark W. Boyer