Fforde Quotes & Sayings

1.1.19.02.006: Team sports are mandatory in order to build character. Character is there to give purpose to team sports. — Jasper Fforde

My mind wanders terribly. I'm not wholly annoyed by my daydreaming as it has been immense use to me as regards imaginative thought, but it doesn't help when it comes to concentration. And writing needs concentration - lots of it. — Jasper Fforde

I think Wordsworth was as surprised to see me as I was him. It can't be usual to go to your favorite memory only to find someone already there, admiring the view ahead of you. — Jasper Fforde

Really? I asked, which is probably the only answer to anything in Conspiracy. — Jasper Fforde

Don't you own a dodo? — Jasper Fforde

There was something she wasn't telling me, but I had to trust her - only a fool ignores a local guide. "Okay, — Jasper Fforde

The best lies to tell," said Jane, "are the ones people want to believe. — Jasper Fforde

Good," said Moobin. "Any questions?"
"Yes," said Tiger. "Why do inflammable and flammable mean the same thing?"
"Sorry, I should rephrase that: Any questions relating to the job at hand?"
There weren't.
"Well," said Moobin with finality, "there it is, then. Rest well. — Jasper Fforde

Funding for the Special Operations Network comes directly from the government. Most work is centralized, but all of the SpecOps divisions have local representatives to keep a watchful eye on any provincial problems. They are administered by local commanders, who liaise with the national offices for information exchange, guidance and policy decisions. Like any other big government department, it looks good on paper but is an utter shambles. Petty infighting and political agendas, arrogance and sheer bloody-mindedness almost guarantees that the left hand doesn't know what the right is doing. — Jasper Fforde

I have the death sentence in seven genres. — Jasper Fforde

I am by turns a petulant adolescent and a mature man, a melancholy loner and a wit telling actors their trade. I cannot decide whether I'm a philosopher or a moping teenager, a poet or a murderer, a procrastinator or a man of action. I might be truly mad or sane pretending to be mad or even mad pretending to be sane. — Jasper Fforde

Joffy had decided many years before that the problem with religion wasn't religion itself but its flagrant misuse as an absolutist argument to promote narrow tribal agendas. — Jasper Fforde

To take so much punctuation in one hit initially sounds audacious, but perhaps the thief thought no one would notice as most readers never get that far into Ulysses - you will recall the theft of chapter sixty-two from Moby-Dick, where no one noticed? — Jasper Fforde

If you enjoyed laughing in the face of death, you might like to have a crack at High Saffron. One hundred merits, and all you have to do is take a look.'
'I understand there's a one hundred percent fatality rate?'
'True. But up until the moment of death there was a one hundred percent survival rate. Really, I shouldn't let anything as meaningless as statistics put you off. — Jasper Fforde

The Goliath Corporation was to altruism what Genghis Khan was to soft furnishings. — Jasper Fforde

Mrs. Hilly had gone for the Swindon/Szechuan fusion menu and had steak and chips dim sum followed by hot Fanta in a teapot. — Jasper Fforde

Governments might come and go, wars will reshape the Ununited Kingdoms many times. But companies will stay, and flourish. Show me any major even on this planet and I will show you the economic reason behind it. Commerce is all powerful, Miss Strange. Commerce rules our lives. — Jasper Fforde

European nation with highest politician/lover ratio: Few European states can hope to compete with France and Italy in this department, and the two nations have been battling for European political lothario supremacy for over thirty years. The contest has been increasingly acrimonious since 1998, when France was initially the clear winner but somehow "lost" sixty-eight illicit lovers in the recount and had to concede defeat. The following year was no less rocked in scandal, when the Italians were disqualified for "stretching the boundaries" of their elected representatives to include senior civil servants - and the crown was tossed back to France. No one was quite prepared for the disgraceful scandal the following year when it was discovered that one French minister had no mistress at all and "loved his wife," a shocking revelation that led to his resignation and ultimately to the fall of the government. — Jasper Fforde

I had learned from my own father's death many years ago that the end of one's life and dying are two very different things indeed, and took solace in that. — Jasper Fforde

The best plans are always the simplest. — Jasper Fforde

Religion isn't the cause of wars, it's the excuse. — Jasper Fforde

If only life were that simple; if one could jump to the good parts and flick through the bad - — Jasper Fforde

You like economics, don't you?' I asked.
'Everyone should know the basics,' said the Princess. 'Lasting peace will only be brought about through economic means - we should be trading with the Trolls rather than fighting them. — Jasper Fforde

Don't ever call me mad, Mycroft. I'm not mad. I'm just ... well, differently moraled, that's all. — Jasper Fforde

The best lies to tell are the ones people want to believe — Jasper Fforde

If you ever think you might want a career in politics, Inspector, think again. It's merely a continuous and mostly vain attempt to keep several groups of people with opposing needs and agendas happy, and knowing in your heart of hearts that you cannot, and being lambasted for you hard work in the bargain. — Jasper Fforde

Scientific thought - indeed, any mode of thought, whether it be religious or philosophical or anything else - is just like the fashions that we wear - only much longer lived. It's a little like a boy band. — Jasper Fforde

I could almost see common sense and denial fighting away at each other within her. In the end, denial won, as it so often does. — Jasper Fforde

The government was to raise the duty on cheese to 83 percent, an unpopular move that would doubtless have the more militant citizens picketing cheese shops. — Jasper Fforde

What is there to forgive? ... Ignore forgive and concentrate on living. Life for you is short; far too short to allow small jealousies to infringe on the happiness which can be yours only for the briefest of times. — Jasper Fforde

Books may look like nothing more than words on a page, but they are actually an infinitely complex imaginotransference technology that translates odd, inky squiggles into pictures inside your head. — Jasper Fforde

You want me to spy on a National Colour operative?'
'Wow,' she said, 'you got it. I thought I was going to have to explain that one for a lot longer. — Jasper Fforde

People who read my books have an open mind when it comes to new, bizarre, interesting and exciting ideas. — Jasper Fforde

To espresso or to latte, that is the question ... whether 'tis tastier on the palate to choose white mocha over plain ... or to take a cup to go. Or a mug to stay, or extra cream, or have nothing, and by opposing the endless choice, end one's heartache ... — Jasper Fforde

I've never been averse to a little risk - after all, writing without risk is not really writing at all. Sometimes one has to just let fly with a high concept piece and see where the pieces fall. As it generally turns out, the central story is familiar, but just with different rules of engagement. — Jasper Fforde

I still feel threatened by academics, but my books have a lot of academic in-jokes and everybody assumes I went to university and studied English. — Jasper Fforde

I was in '78 recently," he announced. "I brought you this."
He handed me a single by the Beatles. I didn't recognize the title.
"Didn't they split in '70?"
"Not always. How are things? — Jasper Fforde

I started writing because I wanted to write scripts, but I wasn't very good at it. Then I started writing short stories, sort of as treatments for the film scripts, and I found I enjoyed writing short stories far more than I enjoyed writing film scripts. Then the short stories got longer and longer and suddenly, I had novels. — Jasper Fforde

Working with those versed in the Mystical Arts was sometimes like trying to knit with wet spaghetti: just when you thought you'd gotten somewhere, it all came to pieces in your hands. — Jasper Fforde

For a taste that's a bit more distinct, eat a bird before it's extinct. — Jasper Fforde

If you even think about asking Harry Potter for an autograph, your day ends right now. — Jasper Fforde

The sky was like ebony and the only illumination was the harsh white light of the central streetlamp, which cast shadows so hard it seemed you might cut yourself on them. — Jasper Fforde

Have you ever wondered how nostalgia isnt what it used to be? — Jasper Fforde

This is Fiction, and the truth is whatever you make it. You can interpret the situation in any way you want, and all of the scenarios could be real
and what's more, depending on how you act now, any one of them could become real. — Jasper Fforde

Sometimes I wonder if the human race isn't collectively as mad as a sack of door knobs. — Jasper Fforde

I found Jane, too, or perhaps she found me. It doesn't really matter. We found each other. And although she was Grey and I was Red, we shared a common thirst for justice that transcended Chromatic politics. I loved her, and what's more, I was beginning to think that she loved me. After all, she did apologize before she pushed me into the leafless expanse below the spread of the yateveo, and she wouldn't have done that if she'd felt nothing. — Jasper Fforde

Reality TV was to me the worst form of entertainment
the modern equivalent of paying sixpence to watch lunatics howling at the wall down at the local madhouse. — Jasper Fforde

Love isn't sensible, Red. I think that's the point. — Jasper Fforde

She had large, questioning eyes that seemed to draw me in and a sense of quiet outrage that simmered just beneath the surface. More than anything, within her features, there was a streak of wild quirkiness that made her dazzlingly attractive. — Jasper Fforde

Lesson one in time travel, Thursday. First of all, we are all time travellers. The vast majority of us manage only one day per day. — Jasper Fforde

You don't like me do you?'
'That would take effort,' she replied. 'Indifference is much, much easier. — Jasper Fforde

Agents and publishers only want one thing - good writing. — Jasper Fforde

O brave new world, that has such stories in't! — Jasper Fforde

He was, after all, the ultimate rebel
it takes a lot of cojones to stand up to Zeus. — Jasper Fforde

Sometimes, a word succeeds beyond the wildest dreams of its creators, like a virus sent into the world to infect common speech. — Jasper Fforde

Were you listening to a word I said '
'I kind of switched off when you drew breath. — Jasper Fforde

Outside Styx's apartment was not the first time Rochester and I had met, or would it be the last. We first encountered each other at Haworth House in Yorkshire when my mind was young and the barrier between reality and make-believe had not yet hardened into the shell that cocoons us in adult life. The barrier was soft, pliable and, for a moment, thanks to the kindness of a stranger and the power of a good storytelling voice, I made the short journey
and returned. — Jasper Fforde

Cucumbers are technically a fruit and in the same family as pumpkins, melons and squash, so it may benefit those markets, although, to be honest, giant melons don't strike me as potentially that commercial. — Jasper Fforde

There's something rotten in the state of Denmark, and Hamlet says ... it's payback time! — Jasper Fforde

Any word with the our ending could be spelt or, don'tchaknow." "Like neighbor instead of neighbour?" "It's a good idea," put in Snell. "Labor, valor, flavor, harbor - there must be hundreds. If we confine it to one geographical area, we can claim it as a local spelling idiosyncrasy. — Jasper Fforde

Are you okay?" asked Finisterre.
"Annoyed," I said, giving him my hand so he could heave me to my feet.
"Yes, I should imagine being attacked by a nun might be annoying. — Jasper Fforde

They'd never get here in time. It's easy. A lobotomized monkey could do it." "And where are we going to find a lobotomized monkey at this time of night? — Jasper Fforde

... the known had been so long dwarfed by the unknown that confusion was an easy bedfellow. — Jasper Fforde

I hope that in my books there's an undertone of politics, basic tenets of how we should live. — Jasper Fforde

The Fringes are the place of the slack-willed, slack-jawed and slack-hued, remarked Floyd Pinken, who could comfortably boast all three of those attributes, if truth be known. — Jasper Fforde

Pretend to be mad and talk a lot. Then - and this is the important bit - do nothing at all until you absolutely have to and then make sure everyone dies. — Jasper Fforde

If a shred of integrity fell into your soul, it would die a very lonely death. — Jasper Fforde

The opposition Prevailingwind Party led by Alfredo Traficcone — Jasper Fforde

Humans are the most gloriously bizarre creatures. — Jasper Fforde

What is without dispute ... is that the readers need [the BookWorld] just as much as we need them - to bring order to their apparent chaos, if nothing else. — Jasper Fforde

I don't need you to agree with me," she said quietly." I'll go away happy with a little bit of doubt. Doubt is good. It's an emotion we can build on. Perhaps if we feed it with curiosity it will blossom into something useful, like suspicion - and action. — Jasper Fforde

Marriage is an honorable estate and should not be used simply as an excuse for legal intercourse. — Jasper Fforde

She much preferred to be safely on the outside of life, watching, than deeply involved. — Katie Fforde

Comedy was one of those genres that while appearing quite jolly was actually highly dangerous. — Jasper Fforde

Ralph started to scream in pain. Not that 'stubbed your toe' sort of pain, but more a kind of 'detached kneecap' kind of pain, only with seven simultaneous childbirths, neuralgia, and a tooth abscess all mixed in as well, for good luck. The sort you hope you never get to experience. — Jasper Fforde

Some people have asked me where I find the large quantity of prepositions that I need to keep my Bookworms fit and well. The answer is, of course, that I use omitted prepositions, of which, when mixed with dropped definite articles, make a nourishing food. There are a superabundance of these in the English language — Jasper Fforde

You speak baby gibberish?' asked Jack.
'Fluently. The adult-education center ran a course, and I have a lot of time on my hands.'
'So what did he say?'
'I don't know.'
'I thought you said you spoke gibberish?'
'I do. But your baby doesn't. I think he's speaking either
pre-toddler nonsense, a form of infact burble or an obscure dialect of
gobbledygook. In any event, I can't understand a word he's saying.'
'Oh. — Jasper Fforde

Death, I had discovered long ago, was available in varying flavors, and none of them particularly palatable. — Jasper Fforde

No one would argue that we owe a debt of gratitude to the Goliath Corporation. They helped us to rebuild after the Second War and it should not be forgotten. Of late, however, it seems as though the Goliath Corporation is falling far short of its promises of fairness and altruism. We are finding ourselves now in the unfortunate position of continuing to pay back a debt that has long since been paid
with interest ... — Jasper Fforde

A surfeit of information often hides an untruth, he said, with annoying clarity. — Jasper Fforde

You have many fine qualities that I admire. But you are out of time. You should have been born a century ago, when values such as yours meant something. — Jasper Fforde

Our position as the policing agency within fiction gave us licensed access to abstract technology. One blast from the eraserhead in Bradshaw's rifle and the Minotaur would be reduced to the building blocks of his fictional existence: text and a bluish mist - all that is left when the bonds that link text to meaning are severed. — Jasper Fforde

You killed my pappy," said the youth, "and my pappy's pappy. And his pappy's pappy. And my brothers Jethro, Hank, Hoss, Red, Peregrine, Marsh, Junior, Dizzy, Luke, Peregrine, George and all the others. I'm callin' you out, lawman. — Jasper Fforde

We all aspire to be ourselves, an original character in a litany of fiction so vast that we know we cannot. — Jasper Fforde

Information can liberate but also imprisonate. — Jasper Fforde

Her majesty is one verb short of a sentence. — Jasper Fforde

It was written in the ancient RUNIX spell-language, and is read-only and can't be modified. — Jasper Fforde

I was born on a Thursday, hence the name. My brother was born on a Monday and they called him Anton
go figure. My mother was called Wednesday, but was born on a Sunday
I don't know why
and my father had no name at all
his identity and existence had been scrubbed by the ChronoGuard after he went rogue. To all intents and purposes he didn't exist at all. It didn't matter. He was always Dad to me ... — Jasper Fforde

That's insane.'
'If you look around, you won't find much that isn't. — Jasper Fforde

Librarying is a harder profession than the public realizes, he said. People think it's all rubber stamps, knowing that Dewey 521 is celestial mechanics and saying 'Try looking under fiction' sixty eight times a day. — Jasper Fforde

By spiritually I merely mean that I feel I have good in my soul and am inclined to follow the correct course of action given a prescribed set of circumstances. — Jasper Fforde

Businessman, philanthropist, large egg. — Jasper Fforde

He spent his life immersed in books to the cost of everything else, even personal relationships. "Friends," he'd once said, "are probably great, but I have forty thousands friends of my own already, and each of them needs my attention. — Jasper Fforde

He also thought that 'abbreviation' was too long for its meaning, that 'monosyllabic' should have one syllable, 'dyslexic' should be renamed 'O' and 'unspeakable' should be respelt 'unsfzpxkable. — Jasper Fforde

The universe always moves from an ordered state to a disordered one; that a glass may fall to the ground and shatter yet you never see a broken glass reassemble itself and then jump back on the table. — Jasper Fforde

Well, that's it." I said after we had waited for another five minutes and found ourselves still in a state of pleasantly welcome existence. "The ChronoGuard has shut itself down and time travel is as it should be: technically, logically, and theoretically ... impossible." "Good thing, too," reply Landon. "It always made my head ache. In fact, I was thinking of doing self help book for science-fiction novelists eager to write about time travel. It would consist of a single word: Don't. — Jasper Fforde

I'd been an idiot to think that this was anything but a quest. Searches were nice and soft and cuddly and no one need be killed. A quest always demanded the death of a trusted colleague and one or more difficult dilemmas. I'd been in denial. I'd been a fool. — Jasper Fforde

The only thing you really get to figure out after a lifetime of study is that there's more stuff to figure out. Frustrating and enlightening at the same time. — Jasper Fforde

Honor is kind of what you get when you weaponize manners, — Jasper Fforde

Once we were on the high Plynlimon pass, we stopped to stretch our legs, change drivers, and make a short devotion to the shrine dedicated to the once-popular but now little-known Saint Aosbczkcs, the Patron Saint of Fading Relevance. — Jasper Fforde