Farts Are Like Quotes & Sayings

My dad was proud of himself when he farted. He sounds like he's strangling a chicken when he farts. — Carl Barron

He knew he could never jingle change in his pocket or park his car like a confident adult, he was the Adrian he had always been, casting a guilty look over a furtive shoulder, living in eternal dread of a grown-up striding forward to clip his ear.
But there again, when he sipped at the whiskey his eyes failed to water and his throat forgot to burn. The body shamelessly welcomed what once it would have rejected. At breakfast he demanded not Ricicles and chocolate spread, but coffee and unbuttered toast. And if the coffee was sugared he leapt from it like a colt from an electric fence. He ate the crust and left the filling, guzzled the olives and spurned the cherries. Yet inside he remained the same Adrian who fought down the urge to stand and shout 'Bullocks' during church services, smelt his own farts and wasted hours skimming through National Geographic on the off-chance of seeing a few naked bodies. — Stephen Fry

No Angie, it's instant. Like when someone trips in the cafeteria and you're laughing so hard milk comes out of your nose, the guy next to you is laughing so hard he accidentally farts. BOOM! Friends for life! — George Lopez

No one ever answered my question," Hayden says. "Looks like no one has the guts"
"Which one?" Asks Connor. " You've got questions coming out of you like farts on Thanksgiving. — Neal Shusterman

Envy is like farts? BELLA. Everyone suffers from it. But, if you let it out . . . you don't smell very nice. And everyone moves away from you. — Nina Raine

If you eat Chinese food, your farts come out like Chinese food. If you eat Mexican food, your farts come out like Mexican food. And milk, it's like - you can smell the warmth in the fart. My wardrobe on Transformers always smells like farts, and I have no idea why. — Megan Fox

Are you still doing that crap?" I ask.
"You can't even do it properly," Eileen says.
"Just a matter of practice," Simone says.
"Wow! Practicing how to poison yourself and make your breath reek like the fart of a seagull!" Eileen cries. — Randa Abdel-Fattah

Pbbtlt.
"It smells like ham, Glo said. It must be Hatchet"
Hatchet moved out of the shadows. "My intent was to capture and torture for information, but you have made my job easy. I now know the clue and can give this information to my master."
"He's not going to believe you," Glo said. "You fart."
Hatchet stood tall with one hand on his sword. "Everyone doth fart."
"Not like you," Glo said. "You're a ham farter."
Hatchet pressed his lips together. "Tis a manly fart. — Janet Evanovich

It was like finding a long-lost brother who farts in the same key. — Dale McGowan

...it was like finding a brother who farts in key. — Dale McGowan

There's a Drunk Midget in My House
Ah, babies! They're more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts. Like most people who have had one baby, I am an expert on everythiing and will tell you, unsolicited, how to raise your kid! — Tina Fey

Sounds like your life just let out a bunch of bad farts. — Helen Landalf

I like to keep in touch with younger photographers. It's important that a younger generation comes up and questions the assumptions made by old farts like me. — Martin Parr

That's what most people don't realize; that's why one out of every two marriages fail. Because people go into them with hearts in their eyes and forever on their lips and no concept whatsoever of what that truly means. Of course it's going to be hard work. Of course you are going to get angry and upset and wonder why, out of everyone in the world entire world, you decided to fall in love with an idiot who farts in his sleep and eats like a pig and can't ever be assed to pick up his own dirty underwear off the fucking floor. — Lielabell

Although he, like all people, secretely enjoyed the smell of his own farts, the smell of his shit was somethig else. It was so bad as to seem evil in a moral way. — Jonathan Franzen

Dad loves cheese. It doesn't agree with his digestive system very well, though. Dad also has the loudest, stinkiest farts in creation. I don't know how he manages to control them at work, or even if he does, but when he'd get home, he'd let them loose. They'd start as he walked up the stairs. Step, fart. Step, fart. Step, fart. I'd be laughing by the time he got to my room, and he'd lean over my bed and kiss me. His breath always smelled like peppermints. When — Sharon M. Draper

Kids are like farts in that way. They never seem to bother the owner as much as they bother everyone else. — Karl Pilkington

Robert Plant asked me to marry him, but I said 'no.' I mean, you just don't want to marry someone you've wanted to do it with since you were thirteen, because, well, if he farts, I would, like, die! — Tori Amos

I swear, guys in groups are capable of the stupidest things."
"Like war," Kellan says, heaping napkins and ketchup packets onto her tray.
"And jumping off rooftops."
"And lighting their farts on fire," she says. — Jay Asher

Readers of my online journal - I refuse to use the word blog because it sounds like something that lives on a riverbed and communicates through farts — Yahtzee Croshaw

When we were still living at home, all he ever drank was cola, huge amounts of it; he had no problem knocking back an entire king-size bottle at dinnertime. Then he would produce these gigantic belches, for which he was sometimes sent to his room, belches that lasted ten years or longer
like subterranean thunder rolling up and exploding from somewhere deep down in his stomach
and for which he enjoyed a certain schoolyard fame: among the boys, that is, for he knew even then that girls were only repulsed by burps and farts. — Herman Koch

I'm only interested in heavy metal when it's me who's playing it. I suppose it's a bit like smelling your own farts. — John Entwistle

I once lay in a white hospital for the dying and the dying self, where some god pissed a rain of reason to make things grow only to die, where on my knees I prayed for LIGHT, I prayed for l*i*g*h*t, and praying crawled like a blind slug into the web where threads of wind stuck against my mind and I died of pity for Man, for myself, on a cross without nails, watching in fear as the pig belches in his sty, farts, blinks and eats. — Charles Bukowski

I found this, though," Gazzy said excitedly, holding up a small green box. "Gas-X! Like, 'X' for explosion! This is great! I'm thinking I rig this with a detonator and-"
"Did you find that in the medicine cabinet?" Dylan asked.
"Yeah."
"It's for upset stomachs," Dylan said, trying to hide a smile. He pointed to the words on the box. "It's to reduce gas in you digestive system, not to create more gas to make explosions."
Gazzy's face fell as Iggy said, "Really? Gazzy, take it! Take the whole box! — James Patterson