Ever Garrison Quotes & Sayings

Wal-Mart is going in and slaughtering [small towns] just as we once killed the buffalo. — Garrison Keillor

Let Southern oppressors tremble-let their secret abettors tremble-let their Northern apologists tremble-let all the enemies of the persecuted blacks tremble. — William Lloyd Garrison

The drag queen walks into a Catholic church as the priest is coming down the aisle swinging the incense pot. And he says to the priest, Oh, honey, I love your dress, but did you know your handbag's on fire? — Garrison Keillor

I longed for the pitter-patter of little feet, so I got a dog. It's cheaper, and you get more feet. — Garrison Keillor

One day we came home from some errands to find a grocery sack of [zucchini] hanging on our mailbox. The perpetrator, of course, was nowhere in sight ... Garrison Keillor says July is the only time of year when country people lock our cars in the church parking lot, so people won't put squash on the front seat. I used to think that was a joke ... It's a relaxed atmosphere in our little town, plus our neighbors keep an eye out and will, if asked, tell us the make and model of every vehicle that ever enters the lane to our farm. So the family was a bit surprised when I started double-checking the security of doors and gates any time we all were about to leave the premises.
"Do I have to explain the obvious?" I asked impatiently. "Somebody might break in and put zucchini in our house. — Barbara Kingsolver

There's no mastery to be had. You love the attempt. You don't master a story any more than you master a river. You feel lucky to canoe down it. — Garrison Keillor

It [slavery] has exercised absolute mastery over the American Church ... With the Bible in their hands, her priesthood have attempted to prove that slavery came down from God out of heaven. They have become slaveholders and dealers in human flesh. — William Lloyd Garrison

We had the same kind of unemployment here as they had in the worst hit places in the North and you're meant to be on a cushy wicket in the South. If you go up to Newcastle, you can tell that the town's really had money, or Liverpool, you know, the northern towns have got grandeur, whereas Medway, being just a sort of garrison town and dockyard town, you don't have anything like Earl Grey Square or anything like that. — Billy Childish

The servants of God who had been a besieged garrison became a marching army; the ways of the world were filled as with thunder with the trampling of their feet and far ahead of that ever swelling host went a man singing; as simply he had sung that morning in the winter woods, where he walked alone. — G.K. Chesterton

Pumpkin pie is a living symbol of mediocrity. The best pumpkin pie you ever ate wasn't all that much different from the worst pumpkin pie you ever ate. — Garrison Keillor

It's better to be burnished with use than rusty with principle. — Garrison Keillor

Life is continuous. Life never stops. We come to the really great questions and before we can answer them, life has moved on to something else. — Garrison Keillor

If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. — Garrison Keillor

It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars. — Garrison Keillor

Being an English major prepares you for impersonating authority. — Garrison Keillor

when a group of individuals gravitated toward one another for no apparent reason, or a group of individuals inexplicably headed in the same direction as if drawn by a magnetic field, or coincidence piled on coincidence too many times, as often as not the shadowy outlines of a covert intelligence operation were somehow becoming visible. — Jim Garrison

Sir!" Alban came to rigid attention as his feet smacked the floor and saluted. "Centurion Alban reporting to the garrison commander, sir!" "I — Janette Oke

The great advantage of online learning is that it makes a permanent record of thinking and therefore offers an opportunity for reflection and increased awareness of the inquiry process. — D. Randy Garrison

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people. — Garrison Keillor

The success of any great moral enterprise does not depend upon numbers. — William Lloyd Garrison

Lutherans don't hold bingo games in the church basement. Lutherans are against fun in general, which is why for them, birth control has never been a big issue. — Garrison Keillor

As a young cavalry officer out of St-Cyr, de Mun first became acquainted with the lives and problems of the poor through the charitable work of the Society of St-Vincent de Paul in his garrison town. During the Commune, as an aide to General Galliffet, who commanded the battalion that fired on the insurgent Communards, he saw a dying man brought in on a litter. The guard said he was an "insurgent," whereupon the man, raising himself up, cried with his last strength, "No, it is you who are the insurgents!" and died. In the force of that cry directed at himself, his uniform, his family, his Church, de Mun had recognized the reason for civil war and vowed himself to heal the cleavage. He blamed the Commune on "the apathy of the bourgeois class and the ferocious hatred for society of the working class." The responsible ones, he had been told by one of the St. Vincent brothers, were "you, the rich, the great, the happy ones of life who pass by the people without seeing them." To — Barbara W. Tuchman

Beauty isn't worth thinking about. What's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. - Garrison Keillor, American humorist — Habib Sadeghi

Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. — Garrison Keillor

Bonnie and Clyde were almost like a modern-day Robin Hood, stealing 'the government's money.' I think that's a bit of why they were glorified. — Lane Garrison

Being Lutheran, Mother believed that self-pity is a deadly sin and so is nostalgia, and she had no time for either — Garrison Keillor

I don't associate work with feelings of satisfaction. Rather, guilt, frustration, and resentment of people who write better than I do. — Garrison Keillor

He knows that in the whole history of the race of men no single great and high and beneficent thing was ever done for the souls and bodies, the hearts and the brains, of the children of this world, but a Mugwump started it and Mugwumps carried it to victory. And their names are the stateliest in history: Washington, Garrison, Galileo, Luther, Christ. Loyalty to petrified opinions never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul in this world--and never will. — Mark Twain

Spending time in a church does not make you religious, any more than spending time in a garage makes you a car. — Garrison Keillor

If you speak to anyone who's ever done time, the fact that you make it out of there alive is a miracle. — Lane Garrison

I always received much more satisfaction as a defense attorney in obtaining an acquittal for a client than I ever have as a D.A. in obtaining a conviction. All my interests and sympathies tend to be on the side of the individual as opposed to the state. — Jim Garrison

Growing up in a place that has winter, you learn to avoid self-pity. Winter is not a personal experience, everybody else is just as cold as you, so you shouldn't complain about it too much. You learn this as a kid, coming home crying from the cold, and Mother looks down and says, 'It's only a little frostbite. You're okay.' And thus you learn to be okay. What's done is done. Get over it. Drink your coffee. It's not the best you'll ever get but it's good enough. — Garrison Keillor

You learn this great lesson of life: it's not about me. It's just not. The matter of talent-which seemed so important to you when you were young-is not of great importance. We're simply a conduit. We take things out of the air into us and put them in the form of stories. That's pretty much it. — Garrison Keillor

All I ever wanted was an unfair advantage — Garrison Wynn

The teacher was asking her students what their parents did for a living, and Timmy stood up and said, "My daddy's a doctor and my mommy's a doctor too." And little Sarah stood up and said, "My mommy's an engineer and my daddy's an accountant." And then little Billy stands up and says, "My mommy's a writer and my daddy plays the piano in a whorehouse." The teacher was horrified and later she called Billy's father, and said, "Why would you ever tell your child a thing like that?" And the father said, "Well, actually I'm a defense lawyer. But how do you explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old? — Garrison Keillor

She had time to make room for him in her closet. The cat had time to get used to him. They had all the time they needed, because he'd told her he was hers, and he was a man of his word. "I've got all I need," she told him.
He leaned down and kissed her again, then stroked a finger over her temple, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "I want you to know," he said. "That you're the best choice I ever made."
"No regrets?"
"No regrets. — Jill Shalvis

We are great mysteries. No matter what we imagine we may know, even for all the facts we might gather, we don't know each other. Never do, probably never will. Our reputations depend on the opinions of the ill informed. We all have better moments than anybody ever knows, and so do all the others. We are, each one of us, books that are read by critics who only glanced at the chapter headings and the jacket flap. Each one of us is a secret, and on that basis we ought to treat each other with the deepest respect. — Garrison Keillor

I used to think that kid might become a preacher. Now I don't see how he's going to stay out of prison. Nobody in this family ever went to prison for sex crimes. He'd be the first."
Yes," says Jesus, "you never know about these things."
He and Grandpa are drinking cups of coffee and eating ginger snaps. Grandpa says, "When are you planning to return to earth?"
Soon as I finish this coffee," say Jesus. "Pretty good, isn't it. — Garrison Keillor

Ornette Coleman wasn't sure whether he was going to continue with Charlie Haden-Charlie had some personal problems. I said "You've got to be kidding! There's no one on the globe who will be able to accompany you" and no one ever did. [Scott LaFaro] was playing atonally and certainly Ornette was not an atonal player. Jimmy Garrison was a tonal player. He wasn't even polytonal or atonal. — Paul Bley

As a former English major, I am a sitting duck for Gift Books, and in the past few years I've gotten Dickens, Thackeray, Smollet, Richardson, Emerson, Keats, Boswell and the Brontes, all of them Great, none of them ever read by me, all of them now on a shelf, looking at me and making me feel guilty. — Garrison Keillor

You know I can't make her pregnant," he said. "You know she is lying at least about that, right? After what I'd seen in Moscow, after what my mother taught me, and all during my years"as a garrison soldier, think - what did I tell you about myself and the women I'd been with? Have I ever had it off bareback with anyone? Ever, even once in my whole fucking life?"
"Yes," she said faintly. "With me."
"Yes," Alexander said, sinking down. "Only with you." His shoulders slumped. "Because you are holy." He looked at his hands. "And a fat load of good it's done me. — Paullina Simons

Of the six men who have done most to make America the wonder and the joy she is to all of us, not one could be the citizen of a government so constituted; for Washington and Franklin and Jefferson, certainly the three mightiest leaders in our early history, were heretics in their day, Deists, as men called them; and Garrison and Lincoln and Sumner, certainly the three mightiest in these later times, would all be disfranchised by the proposed amendment. Lincoln could not have taken the oath of office had such a clause been in the Constitution. — John Chadwick

Eople (in Minnesota) avoid stupidity when possible, not wanting to be a $10 haircut on a 50 cent head. — Garrison Keillor

When I got lucky with Dean, I ended up with 16 years with one of the truly great performers of all time. He was the greatest performer I'd ever been around, bar none. — Greg Garrison

By God, no matter what Republicans say, the people of this country really do care about each other. We are not a cold people. By God, when John F. Kennedy said, "Ask what you can do for your country," he spoke to this country's heart and conscience. — Garrison Keillor

At Dachau. We had a wonderful pool for the garrison children. It was even heated. But that was before we were transferred. Dachau was ever so much nicer than Auschwitz. But then, it was in the Reich. See my trophies there. The one in the middle, the big one. That was presented to me by the Reich Youth Leader himself, Baldur von Schirach. Let me show you my scrapbook. — William Styron

Circumstances do not create the quality of your life. — Garrison Wynn

Satisfaction may be the goal of the common man; but it is the enemy of greatness — Garrison Wynn

Give guilt - the gift that lasts forever. — Garrison Keillor

America of the future will be all malls connected by interstates. All because your parents no longer can their own tomatoes. — Garrison Keillor

Sing your song; don't let the bastards get you down. — Garrison Keillor

This is a revolution not a coup . It is either unconditional surrender or we will take down the garrison — Che Guevera

When NASA started sending up astronauts, they discovered that ballpoint pens don't work in zero gravity. So they spent twelve million dollars and more than a decade developing a pen that writes under any condition, on almost every surface. The Russians used a pencil. — Garrison Keillor

Mr. Garrison glanced at Daemon, frowning. "It's the fact that the energy was so strong it disrupted a satellite's signal and they weren't able to snap any pictures of the event. Nothing like that has ever happened before."
Daemon kept his expression blank. "I guess I'm just that awesome. — Jennifer L. Armentrout

If you can't read a simple goddam sign and follow one simple goddam instruction then get your fat butt the hell out of here. — Garrison Keillor

You don't have to justify a beautiful stroke of good luck. Accept it. Smile and say thank you. — Garrison Keillor

I have for some days held and controlled every avenue by which the people and garrison of Savannah can be supplied, and I am therefore justified in demanding the surrender of the city ... I am prepared to grant liberal terms to the inhabitants and garrison; but should I be forced to resort to assault, or the slower and surer process of starvation, I shall then feel justified in resorting to the harshest measures, and shall make little effort to restrain my army - burning to avenge the national wrong which they attach to Savannah and other large cities which have been so prominent in dragging our country into civil war. — William T. Sherman

For some people, you know, Garrison Keillor, Rush Limbaugh, really the stars, they've got a passion. They eat, drink and breathe radio, and I'm not like that. I used to think I wanted to be. But I need to be away from it, too, and that's the difference, I think. — Tom Bodett

When we look for differences instead of similarities, we create barriers for trust. — Garrison Wynn

Liberalism is dead, so dead that Democrats have all become moderate Republicans, and the heavy hand of Big Government is now limp and damp and trembly. — Garrison Keillor

Woman: Did you know that women are smarter than men? Man: No, I didn't. Woman: See what I mean? — Garrison Keillor

Soldiering was about fighting. It was about killing people before they killed you. It was about having your way by force and guile in a dangerous world, taking a shit in the woods, living in dirty, difficult conditions, enduring hardships and risks that could - and sometimes did - kill you. It was ugly work. Which is not to say that certain men didn't enjoy it, didn't live for it. Garrison was one of those men. He embraced its cruelty. He would say, this man needs to die. Just like that. Some people needed to die. — Mark Bowden

Travel is the art form available to Everyman. You sit in the coffee shop in a strange city and nobody knows who you are, or cares, and so you shed your checkered past and your motley credentials and you face the day unarmed ... And onward we go and some day in the distant future, we will stop and turn around in astonishment to see all the places we've been and the heroes we were. — Garrison Keillor

Now, please understand that I didn't want to do any of this crap. None of these choices were mine. Like kids across the nation I was caught in circumstances beyond my control, and I felt that my choices were bad, worse, and worst. — Mark Garrison

IMPORTANT Book reading is a solitary and sedentary pursuit, and those who do are cautioned that a book should be used as an integral part of a well-rounded life, including a daily regimen of rigorous physical exercise, rewarding personal relationships, and sensible low-fat diet. A book should not be used a as a substitute or an excuse. — Garrison Keillor

In TIME June 7, 2010
On the sustainability of the publishing industry, in the Chicago Tribune:
"I think that book publishing is about to slide into the sea. We live in a literate time, and our children are writing up a storm, often combining letters and numbers ... The future of publishing: 18 million authors in America, each with an average of 14 readers, eight of whom are blood relatives. Average annual earnings: $175." - 5/26/10 — Garrison Keillor

God writes a lot of comedy ... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. — Garrison Keillor

We English majors ... need to promote public libraries as a tool in the war against terror. How many readers of Edith Wharton have engaged in terroristic acts? I challenge you to name one ... Do we need to wait until our cities lie in smoking ruins before we wake up to the fact that a first-class public library is a vital link in national defense? — Garrison Keillor