Eve Rosser Quotes & Sayings

I think so," she [Claire] said. "Just watch your back, okay?"
"Nah, Michael's got mine." He [Shane] looked straight into her eyes.
"I've got yours. — Rachel Caine

Here. Have a Coke. That's good for a sore throat, right?"
"Good for everything," Shane croaked, and took the extended cold can with good grace. "Thanks."
"You owe me a dollar," Eve said. "I'll add it to the five thousand you already owe me, though."
He blew her a kiss, and she stuck her tongue out at him, and that was the end of the subject, thankfully. — Rachel Caine

No bacon for you."
"Then no eggs for you. Either of you."
Eve glowered at him. "Prisoner exchange?"
They glared at each other, then swapped pans and started scooping. — Rachel Caine

You are so lucky I'm too tired to murder you right now. — Rachel Caine

Wake me for the massacre, okay? Don't want to miss it. — Rachel Caine

He let Shane drop back down in his chair, and walked out, back stiff. Furious.
Shane sat with his hands clutching at the armrests. He exchanged a stunned look with Eve, and they both stood up at once. "No," Shane said. "I did it. Let me fix it."
He went off after Michael. Eve chewed her lip and said, "Well, we're either going to see half the house destroyed, or their bromance is going to go all the way. — Rachel Caine

No way," Eve replied. "If you're going, go big."
"Remind me to play poker with you later," Michael said. "I love a girl who'll go all in."
She hip-bumped him. "That's what you want to do with me later? Dude. Respect the dress, at least."
Michael trailed his pale fingers down her back, following the line of her spine, all the way to the red rose. Eve shivered, and her eyes went half-closed. Whatever Michael whispered in her ear, Claire thought it was probably way too personal to hear. — Rachel Caine

You come back to us or I swear, I'll find you, dig up your stinky corpse, and kick its ass until it freaking disintegrates. — Rachel Caine

Parents had some kind of sin radar, Claire thought. They always called when you were in the middle of something you just knew they'd consider wrong. Or at least risky. — Rachel Caine

Shane stood up when he saw her, which made her heart turn cartwheels, and he pulled out her chair. Eve and Michael shared an amused look.
"So cute," Eve said. When Shane glared, she smiled. "No, really. It is. Dude, chill. — Rachel Caine

You look fabulous," he told her, and kissed her. "Oh, crap, now I've got glitter, right? Leatherface does not do glitter. It's not manly."
Claire and I both rolled our eyes, right on cue.
"Right. Small price to pay for the privilege of kissing such a beautiful girl, what was I thinking? Sorry. — Rachel Caine

Eve took me to teach me how to fence," Claire said.
"Not so much how to fence as how to hold a sword and not drop it," Eve said. "And then I fought Oliver to a draw."
Shane fluttered his hands. "Oh, and then we were all elected as ice princesses and asked to go to Disneyland!"
"Laugh all you want. I'm going to look way better in full skirts than you," Eve said. — Rachel Caine

He lives in a hole in the ground, dresses funny, and occasionally eats his assistants," Eve said. "Define crazy. — Rachel Caine

Welcome to Morganville.You'll never want to leave.And even if you do ... well, you can't. Sorry about that. — Rachel Caine

I don't see a way in," Eve whispered.
Why are you whispering?" Myrnin whispered back. "Vampires can hear us, anyway. — Rachel Caine

I can handle Glory."
"Can you?" Eve asked. "Because I notice you never call her Gloriana. Just Glory."
He shut up. Which is probably about the only smart thing he can do, Claire thought. — Rachel Caine

Michael rose to his feet and padded down the last few steps silently, came up behind Kim, and leaned over her to say, "I vant to drink your blood" in a heavy, fake-Dracula accent. She shrieked, flailed, and a zombie ate her brains on-screen.
You sabotaged me!" Kim yelled, dropped the controller, and smacked him hard on the chest. "I can't believe you just totally sabotaged me!"
Can't let him lose," Michael said, as Shane hit the high score and the victory music sounded. "Gotta live with the dude."
They high-fived.
You're seriously going to take that as a win," Kim said. "When he totally cheated for you."
Yes," Shane said. "I seriously am. — Rachel Caine

The saga started out a normal day - don't they all? I mean, surely one morning back there in prehistoric times a dinosaur woke up, yawned, chewed some coffee beans, and thought his day was going to be dead boring, just before a comet slammed into his neighborhood. — Rachel Caine

See, I knew I could count on you for quality mayhem, my man. — Rachel Caine

And about Shane, I swear, if he doesn't snap out of it, I'm going to punch him in the face. Well, punch him in the face and then run like hell.
- Eve Rosser — Rachel Caine

I have no idea what that is, but yawn, anyway, just on principle. Eat up. Pancakes is brain food.
Apparently not grammar food.
Wow.You college girls are mean. — Rachel Caine

You know what we call pedestrians in Morganville? Mobile bloodbanks. — Rachel Caine

Better be," Eve said. She mock-bit at his finger. "I could totally date somebody else, you know."
"And I could rent out your room."
"And I could put your game console on eBay."
"Hey," Shane protested. "Now you're just being mean. — Rachel Caine

Eve: She told me last!
Shane: Boyfriend!
Michael: Landlord!
Eve: Crap. Right. Next time you sell your soul to the devil, I get first contact! — Rachel Caine

See?" she heard Shane yell at the kitchen. "She doesn't stomp around like a cattle stampede!"
"Bite me, Collins! No bacon for you, either! — Rachel Caine

Ahh ... maybe we should be going," Shane said. "Ditch the shoes, Eve. We'll be running now."
"I love these shoes!"
"More than your circulatory system?"
Eve silently kicked off the stilettos and backed up. — Rachel Caine

As she turned to concentrate on the portal, Eve tugged on Claire's shirt. "What?"
"Ask him where he got the boots."
"You ask." Personally, Claire wanted the vampire bunny slippers. — Rachel Caine

When I want to be lectured on strategy, I'll consult someone who's actually won battles,' Amelie said. 'Not one who ran away from them.'
'Snap,' Eve said.
'You know what they're talking about?' Shane asked.
'Don't need to know to get that one. She smacked him so hard his momma felt it. — Rachel Caine

I'll do it!"
"No, you won't," Shane and Michael said, at virtually the same time. Shane continued. "You're barely on your feet, Claire. You don't go anywhere, not without me."
"And me," Michael said.
"Hell," Eve sighed. "I guess that means I have to go, too. Which I may not ever forgive you for, even if I don't die horribly. — Rachel Caine

Ew.'
'Yeah,' Claire said. 'I need a shower.'
'I don't think a shower's going to cut it. Maybe fire hoses, and those brushes they use on elephants.' Eve stepped back and offered Shane a hand up as he finally got untangled.
'Speaking of elephants, you sounded like a herd of something coming down the stairs,' he said. 'What the hell are your shoes made of? Hooves? — Rachel Caine

What's with the disco lights?" Michael said, rolling down the window between the driver's compartment and the back.
Eve turned around, and her face brightened. "You like it? I thought it looked really cool. I saw it in a movie, you know, in a limo."
"It's cool," Michael said, and smiled at her. She smiled back. "Can't wait to lie here and watch it with you."
Claire said, "You don't have to wait; it's working now. Look
Oh. Never mind." She blushed, feeling stupid that she hadn't gotten that one in the first second. Eve winked at her. — Rachel Caine

Promise me, Amelie, that you'll crucify me with silver before you allow me to fall in love."
"I hardly think there's any chance of that," Amelie said. "I doubt you have the capacity. — Rachel Caine

You looked like the sexiest woman in the world."
"Well, in fairness, I am the sexiest woman in the world."
"And you're always right."
"You are so brilliant to recognize that. — Rachel Caine

Claire was just coming down the stairs, humming and thinking about how nice it was to have things getting back to normal, and how she'd tell Shane about the January thing tonight, when Myrnin sent a message through the portal.
Well, more of a rock with a note tied to it, which rolled across the floor and scared Eve into a scream before the portal snapped shut. Eve kicked the rock resentfully with her thick black boots and glared at it, then at the wall.
Claire gave her a "What the hell?" kind of look.
"Your boss," Eve said, and reached down to grab the rock, "needs to figure out texting. Seriously. Who does this? Is he actually from the Stone Age? — Rachel Caine

Bite Me!-Shane Collins to Eve Rosser.
The Morganville Vampire Series — Rachel Caine

Eve: Shut up, we have zero time for you and your bullshit dramatics
Monica: Or what, you'll bleed on me, Emo Princess of Freakdomonia?
Claire: Fine. You come with us. If you get in my way, I'll kill you. — Rachel Caine

Take the back door," she said. "Claire, you and your strang friend-"
"Eve," they both said simultaneously, and Eve held out her fst for a bump. "Or, you could call me Eve the Great, Mistress of All She Surveys. Eve for short. — Rachel Caine

You're not touching us,'" Eve said, and raised her voice. "Shane! Shane, get your ass up here now!'"
There was a touch of panic in her voice, although she was putting on a good front. Her hands were shaking where they gripped the hockey stick.
The man glided around the end of the bed, prowling like a cat. Six feet tall, at least, and as broad as two of Eve, maybe bigger. His bare arms were ripped with muscle. His blue eyes looked shallow and hungry.
Claire heard the thump of footsteps outside, and then a bang as Shane fetched up against the locked door. He rattled the knob and pounded hard. "Eve! Eve, open up!'"
"She's busy!'" the biker yelled, and laughed. "Oh yeah, gonna be real busy.'"
"No!'" Shane screamed it, and the door shook with the strength of the blows he put into it. "Stay away from them! — Rachel Caine

What was your name again?"
"Still Eve."
"No, I'm sure it's something else. That doesn't seem right. — Rachel Caine

I just - we were talking, and we fell asleep. I swear, we didn't, um - '
'Yeah, you'd better not have ummed. — Rachel Caine

I need to be a vampire," she said. "and I want one of them to make it happen. Michael will do fine. I don't care who turns me. The important thing is that if I change, I'll be a princess."
I was wrong. She was really crazy. — Rachel Caine

Claire said. "I might be able to get him to stop."
"Who, crazy dude? Maybe. Or he might pull your head off," Shane said. "I kind of worry."
She couldn't help but smile. "Yeah?"
"A little bit."
"That's ... nice."
He studied her, and returned the smile. "Yeah," he said. "Kind of is, actually. — Rachel Caine

It's part of the marriage vows. Didn't you read the fine print? To have and to harass. — Rachel Caine

Did you talk to him about it?"
"Oh, sure. Nothing happened, yadda yadda. The usual. But my maydar went off like crazy."
"Maydar?"
"As in, he may be thinking about super hot sex with her. Like radar, only not as sure. — Rachel Caine

Because you've got guy parts, you're automatically a better mechanic than me? I don't think so, Eve said, and bailed out of the passenger side. — Rachel Caine

Eve likes you, you know," she said casually as she was rinsing off the last plate. He nearly dropped the one he was drying.
"What?"
"She does."
"Did she tell you that?"
"No."
"I don't think you understand Eve, then."
"Don't you like her?"
"Of course I like her!"
"Enough to...?"
"I am not talking about this." He put the plate into the drainer. "Jesus, Claire!"
"Oh, come on. You like her, don't you?"
"Even if I did - " He stopped short, glancing toward the doorway and lowering his voice. "Even if I did, there are a few problems, don't you think?"
"Everybody's got problems," she said. "Especially in this town. I've only been here six weeks, and I already know that. — Rachel Caine

This one is named Eve," I said. "And don't check my teeth like I'm your livestock. I bite back. — Rachel Caine

You ever have that happen where you meet someone and just
clash? We were like a gravel and cream sandwhich."
"That is the weirdest thing you have ever said. I suppose you were the cream?" "Of course I was the cream. Sha."
Eve Rosser, The Drama Queen's Last Dance (Rachel Caine) — P.C. Cast

Well, friend, I don't know about your tastes, but I tend to like it very bloody," Myrnin said. He shifted position, dragging Claire along like a rag doll without any effort at all. "Have we been introduced?"
"Probably not. Why, are you asking me out, sweetheart?"
"You're not my type, darling. Is this one yours?"
"No," Frank said, and looked at Shane, just in a quick flicker. "Let's say she's a friend of the family. — Rachel Caine

Faster!" Shane yelled. Eve hit the gas hard, and whipped around a slower-moving van. The firing ceased, at least for now. "You see why I didn't want you to stop?"
"Okay, your father is officially off my Christmas list!" Eve yelled. "Oh my God, look at my car! — Rachel Caine

Claire - "Go ahead. And thanks. Oh, and be careful?"
Eve - "Please. I am the queen of careful. Also, princess of punk fabulousness. — Rachel Caine

Get in here and make me some dinner - now, woman."
"News flash, Michael, you're supposed to be evil, not redneck! — Rachel Caine

If Myrnin pokes his crazy head up before then, call me and try to keep him, you know, stable.'
'Is he UNstable?'
'I don't know, how can I tell? You're the crazy whisperer!'
She had a point. Claire couldn't help but smile about that. — Rachel Caine

Just wanted to remind you that we're out of milk again. And hot sauce."
"Why are those two always out at the same time? Because those do not go together."
"I suspect Shane. He'd put hot sauce in anything," Michael said. — Rachel Caine

Myrnin blinked, looked at Eve, and smiled. It was his seductive smile, and it came with a lowering of his thick eyelashes. "Sweet lady," he said, "could you get me one of those delicious drinks you prepared for my friend, here?" He gracefully indicated Oliver, who remembered the cup of blood still sitting in front of him, and angrily choked it down. "Perhaps warm the bag a bit in hot water first? It's a bit disgusting, cold."
"Yeah, sure," Eve sighed. "Want a shot of espresso with that?"
Myrnin seemed to be honestly considering it. Claire urgently shook her head no. The last thing she - any of them - needed just now was Myrnin on caffeine. — Rachel Caine

Mornings are pure evil from the pits of hell, which is why I don't do them anymore. Eve — Rachel Caine

Am I not ninja enough? Are you saying that I lack ninja? — Rachel Caine

If you ask me if I'm imagining it again, I'm going to punch you out, Dead Man Walking."
Michael raised his eyebrows and glanced at Eve. "He doesn't sound crazy."
"Er," she clarified, "crazier. He sounds like he's back to normal, which is baseline crazy. — Rachel Caine

Claire scraped her chair back, walked over to the cordless phone lying on the counter, and dialed from the business card still stuck to the refrigerator with a magnet. Four rings, and a cheerful voice answered on the other end and announced she'd reached Common Grounds. "Hi,'" Claire said. "Can I talk to Sam, please?'"
"Sam? Hold on.'" The phone clattered, and Claire could hear the buzz of activity in the background - milk being steamed, people chatting, the usual excitement of a busy coffee shop. She waited, jittering one leg impatiently, until the voice came back on the line. "Sorry,'" it said. "He's not here tonight. I think he went to the party.'"
"The party?'"
"You know, the zombie frat party? Epsilon Epsilon Kappa? The Dead Girls' Dance?'"
"Thanks,'" Claire said. She hung up and turned to face Michael and Eve, who were staring at her in outright surprise. She held up the phone. "The power of technology. Embrace it. — Rachel Caine

Amelie said, "I won't be your servant in Morganville. Nor should you be mine. Equals." She offered her hand to him, and he looked down at it, clearly taken aback. But he took it. "Now defend what is ours, my partner."
He grinned ... grinned! ... and whirled to meet Myrnin in midleap as Myrnin attacked. — Rachel Caine

Afternoons are hard. Mornings are pure evil from the pits of hell, which is why I don't do them anymore. — Rachel Caine

Not nearly enough. Not recently, anyway." And she was sad about that.
"I know," he said, and kissed the back of her hand. "We'll fix it. Get some sleep."
"Night," she said, and watched him walk toward the door. "Hey. How'd you get in?"
He wiggled his fingers at her in a spooky oogie-boogie pantomime. "I'm a vampire. I have secret powers ," he said with a full-on fake Transylvanian accent, which he dropped to say, "Actually, your mom let me in."
"Seriously? My mom? Let you in my room? In the middle of the night?"
He shrugged. "Moms like me."
He gave her a full-on Hollywood grin, and slipped out the door. — Rachel Caine

You're just Little Miss Optimist, aren't you? Do you come with accessories, like a glass half full and lemons to make into lemonade, too? — Rachel Caine

It's your chili dog. Clean it up."
"It's your turn to clean."
"The house. Not your trash, which you can walk your leatherfaced-ass unto the kitchen to throw away. — Rachel Caine

Right, that was awkward. Eve, you stay and ... , bake or something."
"The hell I will. — Rachel Caine

Go to hell and take that with you! She shouted it right in Amelie's face. Eve
was an exotic blaze of color against Amelie's white fury.
And then she slapped the Founder in the face. — Rachel Caine

Mirnin: Where's Shreve? — Rachel Caine

Hold on, Claire Bear! Next stop, Crazytown! — Rachel Caine

I'm worried he's going to ... do something crazy."
"He lives in a hole in the ground, dresses funny and occasionally eats his assistants," Eve said. "Define crazy."
Claire closed her eyes. "Okay. I think he wants to put my brain in a jar and wire it into the machine."
Dead silence. — Rachel Caine

I wish the dryer were running, because man, I could use a good ... tumble dry.-Eve Rosser — Rachel Caine

Oh, come on, just this once," Eve said. "Protects your neck. As in your arteries and veins?
That's kind of crucial, right?"
"Thanks for the thought, but it doesn't go with my shoes."
"You're seriously going to worry about what people think right now?"
"No, I'm worrying about people taking pictures and putting them on Facebook. That crap never dies. Kind of like you, Mikey."
Michael, straight-faced, said, "He's got a point, because I would definitely take pictures. So would you."
Eve had to grin. "Yeah, I would. Okay, then. But you'd look glam. I could fix you up with silver eye shadow to match. — Rachel Caine

Silence, and then Eve said, Okay, that was extra creepy, with whipped creepy topping. And this is me, changing my mind. — Rachel Caine

As the resident dude, Shane was responsible for the acquisition of party favors, like glow-in-the-dark necklaces and drinks. Non-alcoholic drinks for Claire, of course, because I am a stern house mother even if I suck as a role model. — Rachel Caine

No, not you two. Stay here.'
'Does he just not get how unfair and sexist that is?' Eve asked. 'Men.'
'You really want to go first?'
'Of course no. But I'd like the chance to refuse to go first. — Rachel Caine

Did he just say
?"
"Yes," Claire said, smiling. "Yes, he did."
"Whoa. Guess I'd better stay alive, then. — Rachel Caine

Now play nicely, make-believe dead girl — Rachel Caine

If he had any kind of a clue, he wouldn't be caught dead with that stuff. See what I did there? Caught dead? I crack myself up. Eve sipped more coffee she probably, at this point, didn't need. — Rachel Caine

His smile was bright and sweet and hot enough to melt solid steel. "Is this the part where I kiss you?"
"If you like."
"Oh," he said, "I like. — Rachel Caine

Hey, Mikey? You get her hurt and I'll end you.'
'You let anything happen to Eve and I'll do the same,' Michael said. He'd just finished kissing Eve, too. 'While you're at it, don't get yourself killed, either, bro.'
'Ditto. And don't kiss me.'
Claire cocked her head at him, exasperated. 'Seriously, Shane? Ditto? That's the best you can do?'
Shane and Michael exchanged identical looks and shrugs. Guys.
'Let me show you idiots how it's done,' Eve said, and hugged Claire fiercely. She kissed her on the cheek. 'I love you, CB. Please take care of yourself, okay?'
'I love you, too,' Claire said, and suddenly her throat felt tight and her eyes burned with tears. 'I really do.'
Shane and Michael watched them with identical expressions of blank bemusement, and finally Shane said, 'So basically, it's what I said. Ditto. — Rachel Caine

Anybody else think that was weird?' Shane asked as they got into the car. Eve sent him an exasperated glance; the three of them were, of course, in the backseat. Amelie had the front, with Michael.
'Ya think? In general, or in particular?'
'Weird that we got through the entire thing, and I didn't have to hit anybody.'
There was a moment of silence. Michael said, as he started the car, 'You're right, Shane. That is strange. — Rachel Caine

I almost get killed at most parties. Hence, you can tell that's how much I love them. — Rachel Caine

Oh, he is cute!" Shane said in a fake girly voice. "Gee, maybe we can ask him out!"
"Shut up, you weasel. Claire, hit him! — Rachel Caine

Bite me, Goth princess," Shane called from the back. "Not literally or anything."
"Maybe you should say that to Michael."
"Not funny, Eve," Michael said.
Eve raised her eyebrows and held her fingers up, measuring off about an inch. "Little bit," she said. — Rachel Caine

Eve hugged her, hard. "It's beautiful," she said. "What happened to the old frosting?"
Shane, sitting at the table, raised his hand. "Took one for the team."
"Jesus, you ate it? All of it?"
"Nah." He held up the bowl that was sitting in front of him. There was still about half a cup left. "Couldn't finish it all."
Eve blinked and looked at Claire, who shrugged and said, "I always thought he was sweet. — Rachel Caine

I'm faster than the rest of you, if .. Because I'm a vampire," Michael said, and it was some kind of breakthrough for him to say that. "If you get in trouble, I'll be there."
"Nice," Shane said. "I'm warming up to this bloodsucking thing, Mikey."
"No, you're not."
"Okay, no, I'm not, but right now let's pretend I am. — Rachel Caine

You look like a Goth factory exploded all over you!" he called as she ran down the hall.
"Love you, too, jackass! — Rachel Caine

Shane? Thank God, somebody sane. Well, sane-ish. — Rachel Caine

Bathroom, maybe? Which is where I need to go."
"Ooh, me, too," Eve said.
The boys rolled their eyes, like they'd planned it.
"What? It's what girls do. Get over it. — Rachel Caine