Dude Jesus Quotes & Sayings

He gave Evan a glance. "Unless you want to do something else."
"That's a line? Seriously?"
"I have to use lines now? We share a mortgage, dude. Get upstairs, take a shower, and come to bed naked. Jesus. — Tere Michaels

Take a walk on the wild side. — Lou Reed

Jesus, dude could suck the orange off a carrot. A big, long carrot. — K.A. Mitchell

If drinking don't kill me, her memory will. — George Jones

I thought I was grown-up. I thought I knew what I was doing. These were a few of the lies I told myself. — Gabrielle Zevin

nor do I tell her that in my mind the line between Harry Potter and real life is blurry, if not non-existent. — Tarryn Fisher

Could she sense her life as she knew it hanging precariously in the balance? Could she feel his eyes on her? Did she have a sixth sense for monsters? The thought of it made him smile — C.J. Roberts

No. Look, the mutual tug paid extra." Dante mimed jerking and squirting without looking embarrassed, which only made Griff more embarrassed. "And the
stuff you did at the end bumped our fee even - "
"I know, man. Sorry about - "
" - more. Bullshit, sorry! Blowing your jazz on me got us a three hundred dollar bonus. Didja know that?" Dante rolled his eyes and waved away the worry.
"Dude, if I could get a fee every time you squirted on me, I'd camp under your bed and have you doing it three times a day."
Help me, Jesus.
Griff's eyes honest-to-God bugged at that. — Damon Suede

Sometimes I'll trust my gut more than my head. Logical information might lead me in one direction and my feelings in another. Whereas I would have followed my head ten years ago, now I'm as likely or more likely to go with my gut feeling. It's ironic - you'd think the opposite would be true as you move to the top but it's not. — Donna Shalala

Jesus. We got it, dude!" Aiden says. "We all know we're Donavans. We don't need a formal adoption process or the official name change to tell us that. It's a given. Just take the vote, Shane. — K. Bromberg

Jesus Christ, will you quit dictating this conversation to Hannah?' I grumble. 'Bros before hos, dude.'
'Call my girlfriend a ho one more time and you won't have a bro. — Elle Kennedy

I'm not a dogmatic Christian and I don't believe in the Bible literally, but I realized that Jesus is basically a very Zen dude. — Weyes Blood

As usual, I shall tell my story badly; and you, as usual, will think me extravagant. — Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

Jesus waited three days to come back to life. It was perfect! If he had only waited one day, a lot of people wouldn't have even heard he died. They'd be all, "Hey Jesus, what up?" and Jesus would probably be like, "What up? I died yesterday!" and they'd be all, "Uh, you look pretty alive to me, dude ... " and then Jesus would have to explain how he was resurrected, and how it was a miracle, and the dude'd be like "Uhh okay, whatever you say, bro ... " And he's not gonna come back on a Saturday. Everybody's busy, doing chores, workin' the loom, trimmin' the beard, NO. He waited the perfect number of days, three. Plus it's Sunday, so everyone's in church already, and they're all in there like "Oh no, Jesus is dead", and then BAM! He bursts in the back door, runnin' up the aisle, everyone's totally psyched, and FYI, that's when he invented the high five. That's why we wait three days to call a woman, because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait ... True story. — Barney Stinson

I realized we had created a Jesus who's safe for the whole family. But if we were honest, we'd ask, how is a homeless dude who was murdered on a cross for saying he was God safe for the whole family? Not to mention that Paul told us if we choose to follow his example as a follower of Jesus, we will be treated the way that he was. — Jefferson Bethke

Remember when Jesus was hanging out with that one dude that kept messing up his life with sin and Jesus was like "You are a dumb sinner, I am totally going to judge you!"

Yeah, me neither. I wonder sometimes if all Christians are really reading the same Bible. — Jonathan Welton

I guess like my good buddy Jesus said "it really is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle dude, than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God, so go for it, YOLO. — Cristian Matheson

Some people just need to read and think, to spend time alone sorting through the stories in their heads — Ronald T. Potter-Efron

Shouldn't she stay on the boat?" The cat's ear twitched, and Lila felt that whatever pleasant inclinations the cat was forming toward her, she'd just lost them.
"Don't be ridiculous," said Alucard. "The ship's no place for a cat." Lila was about to point out that the cat had been aboard the ship as long as she had when he added, "I believe in keeping my valuables with me."
Lila perked up. Were cats so precious here? Or rare? She hadn't ever seen another one, but in the little time she was ashore, she hadn't exactly been looking. "Oh yeah?"
"I don't like that look," Alucard said, twisting chest and cat away.
"What look?" asked Lila innocently.
"The look that says Esa might conveniently go missing if I tell you what she's worth. — Victoria Schwab

to be a witness to the grace and power of our Lord to keep us united with Himself, and seek by word and — Andrew Murray

If you stop searching, you stop living, because then you're dwelling in the past. If you're not reaching forward to any growth or future, you might as well be dead. — Wynn Bullock

When I'm writing, it's about the page. It's not about the movie. It's not about cinema. It's about the literature of me putting my pen to paper and writing a good page and making it work completely as a document unto itself. That's my first artistic contribution. If I do my job right, by the end of the script, I should be having the thought, 'You know, if I were to just publish this now and not make it ... I'm done. — Quentin Tarantino

Cooper came back down to the darkened room about half an hour after Lucky had freed his hands. The boat was still rocking, the wind was blowing and Sawyer called out, Dude, you can't leave the boat on auto-pilot in this kind of weather. Jesus is not here to take the wheel. — SE Jakes Bound To Break

If you go to the Rijksmuseum, which I really wanted to do- but who are we kidding, neither of us can walk through a museum. But anyway, I looked at the collection online before we left. If you were to go, and hopefully someday you will, you would see a lot of paintings of dead people. You'd see Jesus on the cross, and you'd see a dude getting stabbed in the neck, and you'd see people dying at sea and in battle and a parade of martyrs. But Nor. One. Single. Cancer. Kid. Nobody biting it from the plague or smallpox or yellow fever or whatever, because there's no gory in illness. there is no meaning to it. There is no honour of dying of — John Green

My desire is to make what haste I can to be gone. — Oliver Cromwell

Do you want to be saved?" I asked.
Keri cocked an eyebrow. "Like Jesus?"
"Like Lancelot."
"I hang my hair out the window every night, waiting for some dude to climb up. — Aaron Starmer

we are afraid to live but scared to die — N.a.

And God was like, "It's not a tumor. That's your appendix. Appendixes go at the end. Read a book, dude." Then Adam was all, "Really? Because I don't want to second-guess you but it seems like a design flaw. Also that snake in the garden told me it doesn't even do anything." And God shook his head and muttered, "Jesus, that fucking snake is like TMZ." And then Adam was like, "Who's Jesus?" and God said, "No one yet. It's just an idea I'm throwing around." And — Jenny Lawson

The week that the gospel text was that awesomely weird story of Jesus casting a legion of demons out of a naked dude and into a herd of pigs, pigs who then threw themselves over a cliff and drowned in a lake? My pastor friend Heather posted the following question on my Facebook wall: Dear Pastor Nadia: how can I get on board with Jesus when so much pork was wasted in the lake? Signed: a bacon-loving Christian. — Nadia Bolz-Weber

In Celtic Ireland the name Leo was Lugh, another solar hero and mystic. In Wales he was Llew, to the Romans Lugus, to the Sumerians Lughal. Its not the same dude on walkabout, it's the Astrological sign of Leo. In the Christian iconography we have one of the Evangelists represented by a Lion. In the Nativity scenes we see 4 animals around the cradle of the Son/Sun king. One of these is also a Lion. Christians probably believe that there was one in the area and just happened to wander into the inn to take a peek at sleeping Jesus. Good thing it wasn't very hungry. — Michael Tsarion

One area I have a huge amount of trouble in is writing about myself. I get a heavy, almost depressed feeling. — Jennifer Egan

As a child abuse and neglect therapist I do battle daily with Christians enamored of the Old Testament phrase "Spare the rod and spoil the child." No matter how far I stretch my imagination, it does not stretch far enough to include the image of a cool dude like Jesus taking a rod to a kid. — Chris Crutcher