Did You Know Witty Quotes & Sayings

He didn't even know how to talk about it. He had practiced not talking about the things he knew until no man could be called his equal. — Catherynne M Valente

Silence in love betrays more woe - Than words though ne'er so witty; A beggar that is dumb, you know, may challenge double pity. — Walter Raleigh

We're authors, too," Donegan said, "and we've been trying to get into the picture-book market. We have this idea for a Where's Wally type thing, except in ours, you'd have to find the one living person hiding in among all the dismembered corpses while the chainsaw-wielding killer hunts him down. You know, for kids."
"We're going to call is Save the Survivor," Gracious said. — Derek Landy

I like quips. I like whiffs of cynicism and I think they can be witty. But I don't really know where wittiness is constructive. — Matthew McConaughey

You can look at a person's attitude and know what kind of thinking is prevalent in his life ... It's better to be positive and wrong than negative and right! — Joyce Meyer

The problem with a life spent reading is you know too much. — Josh Lanyon

You know, you're rather amusingly wrong. — Terry Pratchett

You belong in an insane asylum, you know that?"
"Maybe my next case... — R.R. Virdi

Deke: 'You know what I'm wonderin'?'
Malachi: 'No, and to tell the truth, I don't care'
Deke: 'I'm wonderin' how you've managed to live to the ripe old age of 36, when it's a known fact that you've been brain-dead since birth'

'Strength of will', was the flat reply — Lynn Turner

I didn't like parties.I didn't know how to dance and people frightened me, especially people at parties. They attempted to be sexy and gay and witty and although they hoped they were good at it, they weren 't. They were bad at it. Their trying so hard only made it worse. — Charles Bukowski

The guy's life drunk, I think, makes Candide look like a sourpuss. Does he even know that death exists? — Jandy Nelson

People who live in an age of corruption are witty and slanderous; they know that there are other kinds of murder than by dagger or assault; they also know that whatever is well said is believed ... — Friedrich Nietzsche

I've attended seven schools in ten years," I explain. "So you can rest assured I know you. You're the girl who thinks being cruel is the same thing as being witty. You think being loud is the same thing as being right. And, most of all, you're the girl who is very, very pretty. And also very, very ... common. trust me. There's at least one of you in every school." I watch her features shift. "Oh. Wait. Did you think you were unique? — Ally Carter

I continued down the hallway, past the library, with my eyes downcast, not wanting to talk to anyone. So immersed was I in my misery that I recoiled at the sound of a male voice emanating from just a few paces in front of me.
"I know feet are fascinating, Alera, but it's much more sensible to pay attention to where you're going."
Steldor stood outside the door to our quarters wearing a cocky and irritating grin, and for the thousandth time that day, I felt myself turning crimson. I stared at him, struggling for a witty rejoinder but unable to produce one.
"Did you want something, my lord?" I finally asked, forcing a smile that felt like a grimace.
"I simply wanted to see my beautiful wife," he said, countenance still smug, although his eyes had softened and I suspected the compliment was sincere. — Cayla Kluver

laughed. "You need to learn how to fight." "I know how to fight." "Physically fight. Most attackers aren't going to be dissuaded by a witty remark." "That's profiling," said Matheus. "Maybe they're Oscar Wilde fans." "He did have great clothes." "Proving that stereotypes can span centuries." "I like to do my part," said Quin. — Amy Fecteau

Jace set what he was holding down on the windowsill and reached out to her. She came to lean against him, and his hand slid up under her t-shirt and rested caressingly, possessively, on the small of her back. He bent to kiss her, gently at first, but the gentleness went quickly and soon she was pressed up against the glass of the window, his hands at the hem of her shirt - his shirt
"Jace." She moved a little bit away. "I'm pretty sure people down there in the street can see us."
"We could ... " He gestured toward the bed. "Move ... over there."
She grinned. "You said that like it took you a while to come up with the idea."
When he spoke, his voice was muffled against her neck. "What can I say, you make my thought processes slow down. Now I know what it's like to be a normal person."
"How ... is it?" The things he was doing with his hands under the t-shirt were distracting.
"Terrible. I'm already way behind on my quota of witty comments for the day. — Cassandra Clare

You're killing me in this proper little suit," he said, skating a heated look over her shirt. "My place or yours?"

She swallowed thickly, the hand against his chest beginning to sweat. "I-I'm busy."

"You're gonna be," he said, smiling. "Need to know what bed you're gonna be in, though. Bringing my A game."

"Don't you think - ?"

"About you underneath me? Only every other minute. Now answer me, or else I'll throw you on the nearest desk."

Heat burst onto her cheeks. He noticed.

"Oh, really?" He smiled down at her. — Jessica Lemmon

And let's not leave out the whole 'Scout is a love whore' issue."
Talley tilted her face up. "What is a love whore exactly?"
"You know, some reckless person who goes around falling in love with every attractive guy she comes across. Charlie, Alex, Liam. I'm all 'Oh! Pretty boy!' and the next thing you know I'm ruining everyone's lives because I want to curl up inside them and liver forever."
"That is quite possibly the most bizarre and creepy description of what it feels like to fall in love I've ever heard."
"Falling in love is bizarre and creepy. — Tammy Blackwell

I still had this idea that there was a whole world of marvelous golden people somewhere, as far ahead of me as the seniors at Rye when I was in the sixth grade; people who knew everything instinctively, who made their lives work out the way they wanted without even trying, who never had to make the best of a bad job because it never occured to them to do anything less then perfectly the first time. Sort of heroic super-people, all of them beautiful and witty and calm and kind, and I always imagined that when I did find them I'd suddenly know that I Belonged among them, that I was one of them, that I'd been meant to be one of them all along, and everything in teh meantime had been a mistake; and they'd know it too. I'd be like the ugly duckling among the swans. — Richard Yates

The men of the period of corruption are witty and calumnious; they know that there are yet other ways of murdering than by the dagger and ambush
they know also that all that is well said is believed in. — Friedrich Nietzsche

I don't know if I'm particularly funny, I mean one of my legs is shorter than the other one, it makes everything look very awkward, so I can just pretty much look like an idiot, but I don't know whether I can be like witty. It could be a problem. — Robert Pattinson

I'm shy. I am. I mean, if I get around, you know, in a room of a bunch of people especially I - you know, I don't know or - it takes me a while to warm up. I'm - and the real me, I'm not as witty as, you know, as the comic Wanda. The comic, she's had time to work on some things. — Wanda Sykes

-Oh yes? Can you identify yourself? -Certainly. I'd know me anywhere. — Terry Pratchett

I know that you're worried about me, but crushing my lungs isn't going to help anyone. — Sara Massa

Il ne faut point donner d'esprit a' ses personnages; mais savoir les placer dans des circonstances qui leur en donnent. You should not give wit to your characters, but know instead how to put them in situations which will make them witty. — Denis Diderot

Would you consider a man or a woman to be complicated? Is it that difficult to understand both the sexes? We say that we know what the other sex is all about, but is that really true? Perhaps the following witty, funny quotes and sayings can help simplify things down about men. — Indira Gandhi

Ranta: Let's just pray that she actually is a tsundere... Though, if she were a tsundere, obviously, the one she'd go dere for is me, you know? That's kind of... not so bad, I guess?

Moguzo: O-Obviously, she wouldn't go dere for Ranta, I think...

Ranta: Oh, shut up, Moguzo! — Ao Jyumonji

Never met such a Gorgon ... I don't really know what a Gorgon is like, but I am quite sure that Lady Bracknell is one. In any case, she is a monster, without being a myth, which is rather unfair. — Oscar Wilde

The queen sighed. "What am I going to do with all of you now!"
"You're going to let us continue our journey," Belgarath replied calmly. "We'll argue about it, of course, but in the end that's the way it'll turn out."
She stared at him.
"You did ask, after all. I'm sure you feel better now that you know. — David Eddings

Luckily we don't sleep standing. Who knows where the dream will take us! — Ljupka Cvetanova

Cassidy is the best girlfriend ever. I've dated her for a full two months longer than anyone else. She's smart and witty and original and can chug a beer faster than most guys I know. On top of that, she is absolutely beautiful. I mean spanktacular. Talk about pure colors. She's high-definition. Scandinavian blond hair, eyes as blue as fiords, skin like vanilla ice cream or flower petals or sugar frosting - or really not like anything else but just her skin. It makes my hair ache. Of course, she does believe in astrology, but I don't even care about that. It's a girl thing. I think of it like she has constellations and fortunes whirling around inside her. — Tim Tharp

Quoting E. B. White is the easiest way I know of to fool people into thinking that I am perceptive, witty, and wise. — Peter Behrens

Hey! look at us
We're digging and digging
Into stubborn, ancient earth;
We're discovering
Where we came from,
and how we came.

"but where are you going?"

Hey! look at us
We're learning and learning
Into stubborn laws
Of nature and space
And non-nature and non-space;
We're discovering
All there is to know.

"but where are you going?"

Hey! look at us
We're planning and planning
Into stubborn years
Of education and training
And hopes and dreams;
We're discovering
How not to waste any time.

"but where are you going?"

Hey! look at us
We're shiny and bright
And clever and sophisticated
And witty and well-read;
We're discovering
How to really fill up
This old life.

"but where are you going?"

where?

"Yes; where? — Lois A. Cheney

You long for life and try to settle the problems of life by a logical tangle. And how tiresome, how insolent your outbursts are, and at the same time, how scared you are! You talk nonsense and are pleased with it; you say imprudent things and are constantly afraid of them and apologizing for them. You declare that you are afraid of nothing and at the same time try to ingratiate yourself with us. You declare that you are gnashing your teeth and at the same time you try to be witty so as to amuse us. You know that your witticisms are not witty, but you are evidently well satisfied with their literary value. You may perhaps really have suffered, but you have no respect whatsoever for your own suffering. You may be truthful in what you have said but you have no modesty; out of the pettiest vanity you bring your truth to public exposure, to the market place, to ignominity. — Fyodor Dostoyevsky

In order for your wit to be appreciated, the people around you need to be witty, too. In order for your lightness of being to be appreciated, those around you must be vibrating towards the same weightlessness. In order for your beauty to be appreciated, those around you must have eyes that see beauty. For your authenticity to be appreciated, those who see it must also be authentic. For your humility to be appreciated, those you are dealing with must first know humility in their hearts. You see, you have spent too much time trying to be appreciated by those who are not good enough to appreciate you. That's the truth. Those who are better than they, will see you for the beauty that you are. — C. JoyBell C.

Who was the real me? I can only repeat: I was a man of many faces.

At meetings I was earnest, enthusiastic, and committed; among friends, unconstrained and given to teasing; with Marketa, cynical and fitfully witty; and alone (and thinking of Marketa), unsure of myself and as agitated as a schoolboy.

Was the last face the real one?

No. They were all real: I was not a hypocrite, with one real face and several false ones. I had several faces because I was young and didn't know who I was or wanted to be. (I was frightened by the differences between one face and the next; none of them seemed to fit me properly, and I groped my way clumsily among them.) — Milan Kundera

Men never know how tired they are till their wives sit them down for a nice long talk. — Mignon McLaughlin

Ah, well ... hell is full of burning boats, did you know that, Nadir? I daresay that's what makes it so bloody hot. — Susan Kay

There it was: a full confession. Sherlock Holmes had done it again, and as I marveled at my devastating powers of deduction, I wished there had been two of me so I could have patted myself on the back. I know it sounds arrogant, but how often does one achieve a mental triumph of that magnitude? After listening to her speak just two words, I had nailed the whole bloody thing. If Watson had been there, he would have been shaking his head and muttering under his breath. — Paul Auster

My main problem is that over and over again, I try to get all my characters to say stuff that I think is so witty or erudite you know, so that everybody will go. — Anne Lamott