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Dave Wong Quotes & Sayings

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Top Dave Wong Quotes

Dave Wong Quotes By David Wong

And then the Jamaican guy pulls out the sauce. "It be opening doors to other worlds, mon," he days. We made him do it first, saw that he didn't die. It seemed to make him pretty happy and then - Dave, the guy, I know I didn't really see this, but the guy shrunk himself, made himself three feet tall. We all laughed our asses off, then he was back to normal again.'
And you still tried that shit?'
Are you kidding? How could I not? — David Wong

Dave Wong Quotes By David Wong

I picked up the phone and dialed up John on his cell. One ring, and then-
"I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE, VINNY!"
"John?"
"Oh, Dave. Sorry. I had been having a heated argument here on my phone and then I hung up in disgust. Then when the phone rang I just assumed, without checking, that it was the person I was having an argument with so I just blindly shouted insults into the phone. How embarrassing."
"I'm getting sick of that one, John. — David Wong

Dave Wong Quotes By David Wong

I had gotten hungry for bratwurst and had been walking toward the entrance of one of the four McDonald's franchises in Undisclosed (if you think it's weird getting a bratwurst from a McDonald's, then you're not from the Midwest). I glanced at the cartoon clown logo in the window and let out a scream.
Just a little scream, and a manly one. But I still frightened one little girl on the sidewalk so badly that she screamed, too. — David Wong

Dave Wong Quotes By David Wong

Dave? This is John. Your pimp says bring the heroin shipment tonight, or he'll be forced to stick you. meet him where we buried the Korean whore. The one without the goatee."
That was code. It meant "Come to my place as soon as you can, it's important. — David Wong

Dave Wong Quotes By David Wong

The bathroom door burst open, and Molly came trotting out. The left half of her body had been shaved almost down to the skin. The right half was as shaggy as before. John emerged after her, brushing a layer of dog hair off his clothes.
John said, Well, that's done ... It was Molly's idea. She wants to look like two different dogs when she's coming and going. She thinks it will make it easier for her to steal food ... That's one complicated dog, Dave. Have you started on the bomb? — David Wong

Dave Wong Quotes By David Wong

Marconi said, "I see you have your instruments. Can any of you sing? The old spirituals work best."
John said, "I can sing."
I said, "No, you can't, John."
"Well, I play the guitar."
"So can I," said Big Jim. "We have two guitars."
I said, "This could not be any stupider."
John said, "Dave, you remember the words to 'Camel Holocaust'?"
"Ah, once again, you prove me wrong, John. — David Wong

Dave Wong Quotes By David Wong

I call it Dante's Syndrome," John said. I had never heard him call it any such thing.
"Meaning I think Dave and I gained the ability to peer into Hell. Only it turns out Hell is right
here, it's all through us and around us and in us like the microbes that swarm through your
lungs and guts and veins. Hey, look! An owl!"
We all looked. It was an owl, all right. — David Wong

Dave Wong Quotes By David Wong

We're talking about a tentacled flying lamp fucker, Dave. What are you prepared to call unlikely? — David Wong

Dave Wong Quotes By David Wong

Welcome to freakdom, Dave. It'll be time to start a Web site soon, where you'll type out everything in one huge paragraph. — David Wong

Dave Wong Quotes By David Wong

Dave? This is John."
"What are you-"
Alive?
"-in an ambulance or something?"
"Yes and no. Are you still at the police station?"
"Yeah. We were both-"
"Have I died yet? — David Wong

Dave Wong Quotes By David Wong

What's up. This is Dave, the one you saw in your hallway. He's not a psychotic killer or anything," he lied — David Wong

Dave Wong Quotes By David Wong

This is the breaking point in a human life, right here. This is waking up on an operating table to find aliens peering down at you, this is hearing the audible voice of God telling you the date the world will end. This is seeing a family of bigfoots in the forest and being without a camera.
Welcome to freakdom, Dave. It'll be time to start a website soon. — David Wong

Dave Wong Quotes By David Wong

I said to John, "You know that if you walked around the world, your hat would travel thirty-one feet farther than your shoes?" John said, "I dunno, Dave, but before we make a bomb I have to shave half the dog." I nodded. He got up, called to Molly and herded her into my bathroom. I wondered when the soy sauce would take effect. — David Wong

Dave Wong Quotes By David Wong

I tried to be as inconspicuous as possible as I lay the sausage against my ear. Abruptly, my cell phone went dead. A drop of grease dribbled into the dead center of my ear, creeping like a worm down onto my neck and below the collar of my shirt. A group of men and women in business suits walked by, swerving to avoid me. Across the street, a homeless-looking guy was staring at me, curious. Yep, this was pretty much rock bottom. As I was about to reach for a napkin and at least get my money's worth by eating the bratwurst while still hot, I heard it. Dave? Can you hear me? — David Wong