Quotes & Sayings About Conan

I can't wait for the Republican debates to start and there's literally 65 guys on one stage. — Conan O'Brien

We can't do these things in the force, Mr. Holmes," said he. "No wonder you get results that are beyond us. But some of these days you'll go too far, and you'll find yourself and your friend in trouble." "For England, home and beauty - eh, Watson? Martyrs on the altar of our country. — Arthur Conan Doyle

The prime minister of Ireland will be celebrating St. Patrick's Day at the White House. So finally the Secret Service agents will have a drinking buddy. — Conan O'Brien

Success is the freedom to do what you want, with whom you want, when you want, wherever you want. — Conan Stevens

Conan O'Brien has talked about how comedians try to emulate their heroes, fall short, and end up doing their own thing. Johnny Carson tried to be Jack Benny but ended up Johnny Carson. David Letterman tried to copy Johnny Carson but ended up David Letterman. And Conan O'Brien tried to be David Letterman but ended up Conan O'Brien. In O'Brien's words, "It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique." Thank goodness. — Austin Kleon

Even though the Olympics take place during Ramadan, some Muslim athletes said they will not fast during games. Then, after sampling the British food, they said, on second thought, fasting sounds good. — Conan O'Brien

A new report just came out that says President Obama has mentioned Jesus Christ in more speeches than President Bush did. Can you believe that? Still, neither has used the phrase 'Oh God, oh God,' more than President Clinton. — Conan O'Brien

THE RETURN OF SHERLOCK HOLMES — Arthur Conan Doyle

conscience swelled nightly — Arthur Conan Doyle

Yesterday the IRS announced that obese Americans are entitled to certain tax breaks. Apparently, under the new rules, you're allowed to claim two or more chins as dependents. — Conan O'Brien

I care not how humble your bookshelf may be, or how lonely the room which it adorns. Close the door of that room behind you, shut off with it all the cares of the outer world, plunge back into the soothing company of the great dead, and then you are through the magic portal into that fair land whither worry and vexation can follow you no more. You have left all that is vulgar and all that is sordid behind you. There stand your noble, silent comrades, waiting in their ranks. Pass your eye down their files. Choose your man. And then you have but to hold up your hand to him and away you go together into dreamland — Arthur Conan Doyle

A conjurer gets no credit once he has explained his trick; — Arthur Conan Doyle

His ignorance was as remarkable as his knowledge. — Arthur Conan Doyle

Sometimes I think that it is only the monstrous conceit of mankind which makes him think that all this stage was erected for him to strut upon. — Arthur Conan Doyle

My line of thoughts about dogs is analogous. A dog reflects the family life. Whoever saw a frisky dog in a gloomy family, or a sad dog in a happy one? Snarling people have snarling dogs, dangerous people have dangerous ones. And their passing moods may reflect the passing moods of others. — Arthur Conan Doyle

I never guess. It is a shocking habit destructive to the logical faculty. — Arthur Conan Doyle

Presidential campaign getting kind of ugly, did you hear about this? Yesterday, a 27-year-old woman came for to deny rumors that she had an affair with Democratic front-runner John Kerry. The woman added, 'I would never cheat on Bill Clinton.' — Conan O'Brien

His eyes kindled and a slight flush sprang into his thin cheeks. For an instant the veil had lifted upon his keen, intense nature, but for an instant only. When I glanced again his face had resumed that red-Indian composure which had made so many regard him as a machine rather than a man. — Arthur Conan Doyle

I have heard, Mr. Holmes, that you can see deeply into the manifold wickedness of the human heart. — Arthur Conan Doyle

It was one of my friend's most obvious weaknesses that he was impatient with less alert intelligences than his own. — Arthur Conan Doyle

Watson,' said he, 'if it should ever strike you that I am getting a little over-confident in my powers, or giving less pains to a case than it deserves, kindly whisper 'Norbury' in my ear, and I shall be infinitely obliged to you. — Arthur Conan Doyle

It may have been a comedy, or it may have been a tragedy. It cost one man his reason, it cost me a blood-letting, and it cost yet another man the penalties of the law. Yet there was certainly an element of comedy. Well, you shall judge for yourselves. — Arthur Conan Doyle

He was the best shot in India, and I expect that there are few better in London. Have you heard the name?'
'No, I have not.'
'Well, well, such is fame! — Arthur Conan Doyle

Make the matter even more terrible than the truth — Arthur Conan Doyle

Nothing could exceed his energy when the working fit was upon him: but now and again a reaction would seize him, and for days on end he would lie upon the sofa in the sitting- room, hardly uttering a word or moving a muscle from morning to night. On these occasions I have noticed such a dreamy, vacant expression in his eyes, that I might have suspected him of being addicted to the use of some narcotic, had not the temperance and cleanliness of his whole life forbidden such a notion. — Arthur Conan Doyle

Let me say right here, Mr. Holmes, that money is nothing to me in this case. You can burn it if it's any use in lighting you to the truth. This woman is innocent and this woman has to be cleared, and it's up to you to do it. Name your figure!
My professional charges are upon a fixed scale, I do not vary them, save when I remit them altogether. — Arthur Conan Doyle

A wolf was no less a wolf because a whim of chance caused him to run with the watch-dogs. — Robert E. Howard

The weak man becomes strong when he has nothing, for then only can he feel the wild, mad thrill of despair. — Arthur Conan Doyle

Yes, the reaction is already upon me. I shall be as limp as a rag for a week."
"Strange," said I, "how terms of what in another man I should call laziness alternate with your fits of splendid energy and vigor. — Arthur Conan Doyle

There is nothing like first-hand evidence. — Arthur Conan Doyle

No man burdens his mind with small matters unless he has some very good reason for doing so. — Arthur Conan Doyle

And meanwhile take my assurance that the clouds are lifting and that I have every hope that the light of truth is breaking through — Arthur Conan Doyle

Man, or at least criminal man, has lost all enterprise and originality. As to my own little practice, it seems to be degenerating into an agency for recovering lost lead pencils and giving advice to young ladies from boarding-schools. — Arthur Conan Doyle

That one word, my dear Watson, should have told me the whole story had I been the ideal reasoner which you are so fond of depicting. It was evidently a term of reproach."

-Sherlock Holmes- — Arthur Conan Doyle

Michele Bachmann said she wants her three daughters to learn to shoot a gun. Mostly so they can put her campaign out of its misery. — Conan O'Brien

A congressman sent a tweet that compared president Obama to Adolf Hitler. He has now apologized. It's not helping that he apologized to Hitler. — Conan O'Brien

Good heavens!" cried the Colonel, laughing, "do you mean to say all our sympathy was wasted and your fit an imposture?" "Speaking professionally, it was admirably done," cried I, looking in amazement at this man who was forever confounding me with some new phase of his astuteness. "It is an art which is often useful, — Arthur Conan Doyle

It is, of course, a trifle, but there is nothing so important as trifles. — Arthur Conan Doyle

Pinner. "'Thank you very much,' said he; 'I fear that I underrated the difficulty of the task. This list will be of very material assistance to me.' "'It took some time,' said I. — Arthur Conan Doyle

On Election Day, Ralph Nader will appear on the presidential ballot in only 45 states. Yeah, Nader said, this is really disappointing, I wanted to embarrass myself in all 50 states. That was the plan. — Conan O'Brien

Early on, they were timing my contract with an egg timer. — Conan O'Brien

Why on earth people who have something to say which is worth hearing should not take the slight trouble to learn how to make it heard is one of the strange mysteries of modern life. — Arthur Conan Doyle

Being an actor is a lot more involved than many people realize; there are hundreds of ways to play any character. Even for a stylized bad guy, there are 4 or 5 different personalities I can play off the top of my head without thinking - better and more experienced actors can do dozens or hundreds. — Conan Stevens

I followed you.'
I saw no one.'
That is what you may expect to see when I follow you. — Arthur Conan Doyle

This is serious, if Martha gets the maximum sentence on all counts, she could serve 20 years in prison. Of course, you have to take off time off for good behavior, which means 20 years in prison. — Conan O'Brien

THE ADVENTURE OF THE GOLDEN PINCE-NEZ — Arthur Conan Doyle

In shape they were like horrible toads, and moved in a succession of springs, but in size they were of an incredible bulk, larger than the largest elephant. We had never before seen them save at night, and indeed they are nocturnal animals save when disturbed in their lairs, as these had been. We now stood amazed at the sight, for their blotched and warty skins were of a curious fish-like iridescence, and the sunlight struck them with an ever-varying rainbow bloom as they moved. — Arthur Conan Doyle

I could not rest, Watson, I could not sit quiet in my chair, if I thought that such a man as Professor Moriarty were walking the streets of London unchallenged. — Arthur Conan Doyle

He [Professor Moriarty] is the Napoleon of crime, Watson. He is the organizer of half that is evil and of nearly all that is undetected in this great city. He is a genius, a philosopher, an abstract thinker. He has a brain of the first order. — Arthur Conan Doyle

Gone to the nearest public-house. That is the centre of country gossip. They would have told you every name, from the master to the scullery-maid. — Arthur Conan Doyle

Who are you, then?" "My name is Sherlock Holmes." "Good Lord!" "You have heard of me, I see. — Arthur Conan Doyle

The supreme gift of an artist is the knowledge of when to stop. — Arthur Conan Doyle

Is that Eduardo Lucas of Godolphin Street?" "Yes." "You will not see him." "Why not?" "He was murdered in his house last night." My friend has so often astonished me in the course of our adventures that it was with a sense of exultation that I realized how completely I had astonished him. — Arthur Conan Doyle

NBC executives say that if Donald Trump does run for president, they will not renew The Apprentice. So some good may come out of this. — Conan O'Brien

Leno, Conan. They are both really funny. They really know how to land one. — Jimmy Fallon

This is not the time for humbugs, Watson! — Arthur Conan Doyle

Texas is reportedly going to give college students the right to carry guns on campus. So I guess that next semester, every college student in Texas is getting straight A's. — Conan O'Brien

Commonplace," said Holmes, though I thought from his expression that he was pleased at my evident surprise and admiration. — Arthur Conan Doyle

Recognising, as I do, that you are the second highest expert in Europe
"
"Indeed, sir! May I inquire who has the honour to be the first?" Asked Holmes, with some asperity.
"To the man of precised, scientific mind the work of Monsieur Bertillon must always appeal strongly."
"Then had you not better consult him?"
"I said, sir, to the precisely scientific mind. But as a practical man of affairs it is acknowledged that you stand alone. I trust, sir, that I have not inadvertently
"
"Just a little," said Holmes. — Arthur Conan Doyle

Scientists have found a way to keep middle-aged female mice from going through menopause. Now they're working on a way to keep middle-aged male mice from buying expensive sports cars. — Conan O'Brien

Today Facebook went public, just as Myspace's last user went private. — Conan O'Brien

if a man wants friends be must go among strangers. It's — Arthur Conan Doyle

You know, Watson, I don't mind confessing to you that I have always had an idea that I would have made a highly efficient criminal.
Sherlock Holmes — Arthur Conan Doyle

During the Democratic presidential debate Howard Dean started off by apologizing to the crowd for having a cold. Then John Kerry apologized for once having a cold while serving his country in Vietnam. — Conan O'Brien

Over the weekend, Vladimir Putin scored eight goals during a hockey game. It happened just after he had the goalie executed. — Conan O'Brien

The approach to the offices of Girdlestone and Co. was not a very dignified one, nor would the uninitiated who traversed it form any conception of the commercial prosperity of the firm in question. — Arthur Conan Doyle

CBS news anchor Dan Rather has interviewed Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein. When asked what it was like to talk to a crazy man, Saddam said, 'It's not so bad.' — Conan O'Brien

you know a conjurer gets no credit when once he has explained his trick and if I show too much of my method of working, you will come to the conclusion that I am a very ordinary individual after all." -Sherlock Holmes — Arthur Conan Doyle

To begin at the beginning. — Arthur Conan Doyle

Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you watch a lot of Cartoon Network and drink mid-price Chardonnay at 11 in the morning. — Conan O'Brien

Yet birth, and lust, and illness, and death are changeless things, and when one of these harsh facts springs out upon a man at some sudden turn of the path of life, it dashes off for the moment his mask of civilization and gives a glimpse of the stranger and stronger face below. — Arthur Conan Doyle

And here it is that I miss my Watson. By cunning questions and ejaculations of wonder he could elevate my simple art, which is but systematized common sense, into a prodigy. When I tell my own story I have no such aid. — Arthur Conan Doyle

There is a soul-jealousy that can be as frantic as any body-jealousy. — Arthur Conan Doyle

As a rule, the more bizarre a thing is, the less mysterious it proves to be. — Arthur Conan Doyle

'Shrek 2' made over $120 million during its first week. In a related story, John Kerry asked Shrek to marry him. — Conan O'Brien

I thrilled now with a keener zest than I had ever enjoyed when we were the defenders of the law instead of its defiers. — Arthur Conan Doyle

Trump Entertainment Resorts declared Chapter 11 bankruptcy. Or as Donald Trump describes Chapter 11, "Back-to-back number ones!" — Conan O'Brien

Sure there are times when one cries with acidity,
'Where are the limits of human stupidity?'
Here is a critic who says as a platitude
That I am guilty because 'in gratitude
Sherlock, the sleuth-hound, with motives ulterior,
Sneers at Poe's Dupin as "very inferior".'
Have you not learned, my esteemed communicator,
That the created is not the creator?
As the creator I've praised to satiety
Poe's Monsieur Dupin, his skill and variety,
And have admitted that in my detective work
I owe to my model a deal of selective work.
But is it not on the verge of inanity
To put down to me my creation's crude vanity?
He, the created, would scoff and would sneer,
Where I, the creator, would bow and revere.
So please grip this fact with your cerebral tentacle:
The doll and its maker are never identical. — Arthur Conan Doyle

the right, and a pile of crumpled morning papers, evidently newly studied, near at hand. Beside the couch was a wooden chair, and on the angle of the back hung a very seedy and disreputable hard-felt hat, much the worse for wear, — Arthur Conan Doyle

Know, oh prince, that between the years when the oceans drank Atlantis and the gleaming cities, and the years of the rise of the Sons of Aryas, there was an Age undreamed of, when shining kingdoms lay spread across the world like blue mantles beneath the stars. — Robert E. Howard

There's a light in a woman's eyes that speaks louder than words. — Arthur Conan Doyle

Brain, character, soul - only as one sees more of life does one understand how distinct is each. — Arthur Conan Doyle

There are women in whom the love of a lover extinguishes all other loves, and I think that she must have been one. — Arthur Conan Doyle

Surely the game is hardly worth the candle. Why — Arthur Conan Doyle

Then, how do you know?" "I see it, I deduce it. How do I know that you have been getting yourself very wet lately, and that you have a most clumsy and careless servant girl?" "My dear Holmes," said I, "this is too much. You would certainly have been burned, had you lived a few centuries ago. — Arthur Conan Doyle

I could not wish anything better than to be associated with my friend in one of those singular adventures which were the normal condition of his existence. — Arthur Conan Doyle

There is nothing more deceptive than an obvious fact. — Arthur Conan Doyle

The campaign to put a woman on the $20 bill has narrowed the choices down to four finalists. The four finalists are Rosa Parks, Harriet Tubman, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Flo from the Progressive Insurance ads. — Conan O'Brien

A bank in Washington was robbed by two men in George W. Bush masks. Luckily, right afterwards two guys in President Obama masks came and bailed the bank out, so everything is fine. — Conan O'Brien

Of all ruins, that of a noble mind is the most deplorable. — Arthur Conan Doyle

Obama was heckled by someone who said, 'Don't forget about medical marijuana.' The Secret Service has narrowed the suspects down to everyone in L.A. — Conan O'Brien

Sir Walter, with his 61 years of life, although he never wrote a novel until he was over 40, had, fortunately for the world, a longer working career than most of his brethren. — Arthur Conan Doyle

According to some reports coming out of Washington today, President Obama said Kanye West is a 'jackass.' Not since 'yes, we can' has Obama found a slogan so many Americans can get behind. — Conan O'Brien

If the man who observes the myriad stars, and considers that they and their innumerable satellites move in their serene dignity through the heavens, each swinging clear of the other's orbit-if, I say, the man who sees this cannot realise the Creator's attributes without the help of the book of Job, then his view of things is beyond my understanding. — Arthur Conan Doyle

You have brought detection as near an exact science as it ever will be brought in this world. My companion flushed up with pleasure at my words, and the earnest way in which I uttered them. I had already observed that he was as sensitive to flattery on the score of his art as any girl could be of her beauty. — Arthur Conan Doyle

Hillary Clinton has reportedly accepted Barack Obama's offer to become secretary of state. That's what they're saying in the New York Times. Yeah, according to Bill Clinton, this is the first time in 20 years that Hillary has said 'yes.' — Conan O'Brien

Rick Perry said America's revolutionary war was fought in the 16th century. When told it was actually the 18th century, Perry apologized and said, 'I never said I was a geology major.' — Conan O'Brien

My friend, who loved above all things precision and concentration of thought, resented anything which distracted his attention from the matter in hand. And yet, without a harshness which was foreign to his nature, it was impossible to refuse to listen to the story of the young and beautiful woman — Arthur Conan Doyle

There is some good news for John McCain. According to the latest polls, which came out today, John McCain has started to open up a lead over Barack Obama. This is true. Yeah. The USA Today poll has McCain ahead by ten points. The 'CBS News' poll has the two tied. And the MSNBC poll says that Obama won the election last week. — Conan O'Brien

The ideal reasoner, he remarked, would, when he had once been shown a single fact in all its bearings, deduce from it not only all the chain of events which led up to it but also all the results which would follow from it. — Arthur Conan Doyle