Burnham Quotes & Sayings

People might have said we were scaremongering. But here we are: the Competition Commission is intervening, for the first time, in the NHS, to block the sensible collaboration between two NHS hospitals. They can no longer deny it, it's absolutely clear. — Andy Burnham

The most drastic and usually the most effective remedy for fear is direct action. — William Burnham Woods

In truth, if it isn't to save your life when it's in imminent danger, someone yelling at you is just plain wrong. The same is true for ranting or bitching. The same goes double for anything even close to manhandling. — Cathy Burnham Martin

Your afraid of sharks?
Really?
They don't even have bones!
They have cartilage.
Are you afraid of ears too? — Bo Burnham

We never want to be taken for granted, but our partners should be able to expect our honest loyalty. That is a powerfully strong foundation block for a relationship. I want to meet the greatest expectations, without being the greatest fraud. — Cathy Burnham Martin

Societies that have condoned male cheating and condemned female cheating are simply male-dominated cultures. Cheating is cheating, no matter who is doing it. It's wrong. — Cathy Burnham Martin

For some comedians it feels so cool to be like: 'I'll say anything, man!'. I'm not quite there yet. — Bo Burnham

I'm interested in taboos for certain reasons. They can dramatise things and they're scary, and they're important to think about. I'm also wary about the fact that if you don't proceed with caution and understand what you're doing, you understand these things are realities that you're dealing with, they're real things. — Bo Burnham

I believe, firmly, that women are always right. Ah, I should actually rephrase that: I ... don't. — Bo Burnham

The urge is to create. The outcome belongs to God. — Sophy Burnham

I put a chameleon on a red dildo... He blushed — Bo Burnham

Some people think that it's okay to be downright nasty to people they love. It is not okay. Nasty is never called for, and it's certainly not sweet, useful, nor positive. — Cathy Burnham Martin

An ideologue - one who thinks ideologically - can't lose. He can't lose because his answer, his interpretation and his attitude have been determined in advance of the particular experience or observation. They are derived from the ideology, and not subject to the facts. — James Burnham

I was definitely not the kid that just wanted to be famous for no reason whatsoever and then happened to find comedy. Fame and all that stuff have always been slightly terrifying to me, and it makes me very anxious. — Bo Burnham

I masturbate 'cause I'm the only one whose standards are low enough to f-k me. — Bo Burnham

Then the challenge is, once you left brain it and build it, then when you're on stage you have to know it so well that you can get lost in it. I don't want to be onstage looking like a robot, I want to be at the end of the day very emotional and what feels like someone being up there rather than reciting things. That's always the challenge, to analyze and then somehow lose yourself in something you absolutely know backwards and forwards. And nothing's going to surprise you, but you have to be surprised by it and let it surprise you. — Bo Burnham

She was Mattie Tucker now, mother of three and a good forty pounds heavier, casting that burning eye over them all, reaching way back for a southern pleasantry that was more like a Halloween apple with a razor blade in it: 'Well, don't y'all make just the perfect family of four? — John Burnham Schwartz

Without hope, the need to punish is the one true religion. Blame must be fixed on some soul other than one's own. — John Burnham Schwartz

Twitter is a lot like crystal meth, because it's really fun to do and Oprah's on it. — Bo Burnham

I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost ... my virginity. — Bo Burnham

When I walk into a room, you'd think I was one of those long, straight Tetris pieces because everyone's just like, Oh great, you're here! We've been waiting for you to show up. — Bo Burnham

My whole family thinks I'm gay, I guess it's always been that way. Maybe it's 'cause of the way that I walk, Makes them think I like ... boys. — Bo Burnham

I misdirect the audience, so they have no idea where they are or who they're listening to. — Bo Burnham

People in today's world, whether Muslim or not, will not pay attention to Christians because we can explain our theology in crystal-clear terms. They will not esteem us because we give to charity or maintain a positive outlook on life. What will impress them is genuine love in our hearts. — Gracia Burnham

Was Einstein's theory good? Relatively. — Bo Burnham

I sat thinking. How it was she who'd mentioned love first. How she seemed to be waiting, the door still between us, for me to act. And I imagined that if I reached for her I would find her where she lay waiting in the water, and my fingers would glide over her bare wet skin until every inch of her, every crook and hollow, would become mine. I would vouch for her with my life. — John Burnham Schwartz

I'm bored way too easily. I'm staring at screens half the day. I need to be overstimulated. And how will that express itself artistically? — Bo Burnham

I just like to write and then perform. — Bo Burnham

Skip the urge to respond to a road rage invitation. I find that my days are far more smooth and pleasant when I don't give someone the leverage to annoy or stress me. Just smile, giggle to yourself, or wave "hi" with a wag of your pinky finger, if you must. But then the incident is over, and no stress or annoyance remains, at least not in my car. The self-centered driver has the negative attitude. Don't let someone else's poor behavior choices become contagious. — Cathy Burnham Martin

If you can think of all the times in your life, some of the happiest times were probably when you were laughing. And some of the worst times in your life you were being laughed at. — Bo Burnham

I don't consciously try to make things difficult as much as I try to make them a little different. I like all kinds of laughs. I tried to make a show that elicit groans, guffaws, chuckles, boos. — Bo Burnham

In comedy, falling means laughter. You can take something sacred and make it silly. The more sacred it is, the funnier it is. It has a bigger drop to fall. — Bo Burnham

There are heroes, and there are the rest of us. There comes a time when you just let go the ghost of the better person you might have been. — John Burnham Schwartz

Life is an open book.
Time is an oscillating fan.
I've had to learn to skim-read because
before I can read more than a few paragraphs,
That fucking airhead comes circling back,
blowing pages like a medieval prostitute.
The cool air feels nice, though.
Sometimes, when my head aches,
I let me eyes relax
and I enjoy the breeze as the words blur. — Bo Burnham

Women are like fingers and toes because they're easy to count on. — Bo Burnham

What's a pirate minus the ship? just a creative homeless guy — Bo Burnham

I think the love-hate is fundamental. Everyone hates reality television, and everyone's watching it. Everyone hates Facebook, and everyone is on it. — Bo Burnham

Had I not gone to Japan in 1986, had I stayed home and majored in English literature as I'd intended to do, I might indeed have become an investment banker, an outcome that perhaps would have proved a more severe blow to the health of the U.S. economy than to the history of the novel. — John Burnham Schwartz

I have a pretty good math mind, so I can see patterns, but I don't have a great ear. It's like a tragedy - I can see so much more natural musical ability in so many other people. — Bo Burnham

The average person has one Fallopian tube. — Bo Burnham

I saw a giraffe with a short neck
That was sad
Or a deer — Bo Burnham

In the two decades after I left, I waited for the end of Wall Street as I had known it. The outrageous bonuses, the endless parade of rogue traders, the scandal that sank Drexel Burnham, the scandal that destroyed John Gutfreund and finished off Salomon Brothers, the crisis following the collapse of my old boss John Meriwether's Long-Term Capital Management, the Internet bubble: Over and over again, the financial system was, in some narrow way, discredited. Yet the big Wall Street banks at the center of it just kept on growing, along with the sums of money that they doled out to twenty-six-year-olds to perform tasks of no obvious social utility. The rebellion by American youth against the money culture never happened. Why bother to overturn your parents' world when you can buy it and sell off the pieces? — Michael Lewis

That a child is not an event, alleged or otherwise, a mistake or accident or crime ... he is by definition more than this, sum rather than division, a living promissory note. — John Burnham Schwartz

All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls. — Bo Burnham

Poverty. Racism. Isn't it strange, only the homeless are begging for change? — Bo Burnham

Fireflies Hey, fireflies! Fly higher, guys! Fly high above this place. Till a sky rise is a wire's size. Then fly off into space. I catch stupid bugs in jars but you're not bugs you're baby stars! — Bo Burnham

We would not want the joy of physical and sexual intimacy to fade after years together. We need to also remember to keep our intellectual and emotional intimacy every bit as sacred. — Cathy Burnham Martin

Liars are highly unlikely to admit their lies, never mind apologize for the hurt they've caused. Liars don't genuinely apologize. Deceit has become their full-out lifestyle. They are centered on themselves with no thoughts of the consequences of their lies. In cowardly style, they tell more lies to try and cover their tracks. They are not good at admitting they actually have shortcomings. — Cathy Burnham Martin

People do complain about the way I act on stage ... They think on stage I act too arrogant, too self-obsessed, solecistic, self-contained, synonyms. — Bo Burnham

You guys like impressions? Why? — Bo Burnham

My career was exploding at the same time that social media itself was expanding. But when my online videos were taking off, I didn't think, 'Oh, great! I'm going to be able to parlay this into a career!' I just wanted to be a comedian. I just wanted to perform live. — Bo Burnham

I've found nothing but support and generosity from older comics. I think comedians are a lot nicer than the stigma is, at least from my experience. — Bo Burnham

My persona is most importantly just to communicate the material in a way that is most funny and meaningful in the moment. It's more like a character that's sculpted for whatever joke needs communicating at the moment. — Bo Burnham

I'm friends with a lot of comedians, but we don't talk about material. Most comedians I know don't watch a lot of other comedy. — Bo Burnham

Comedy should be a source of positivity. I don't want to bully people, and I don't want people to come to my show to feel terrible about something. So I'm actually very open to having a conversation about what I should or shouldn't say. — Bo Burnham

Remember that our sons and grandsons are going to do things that would stagger us. — Daniel Burnham

Past misdeeds must only serve as a reference point in calm conversation about lessons learned or actions that taught us to behave better. They should never be bantered about with sarcasm, anger, or nastiness. — Cathy Burnham Martin

Happy Thanksgiving! I broke into Best Buy and stole a copy of Pocahontas to celebrate. — Bo Burnham

Scuttle no small plans. They have no magic to stir single issue individuals into a group of people against everything. — Daniel Burnham

Art that's blind to the true landscape we inhabit - physical reality in the widest sense - is just absurdly, pathetically blinkered and myopic.
So while I'm sure that the individual works I've written have only succeeded to varying degrees, I'm still proud to have done something to nudge the center of gravity of contemporary SF some microscopic distance towards a genuine engagement with reality." -Greg Egan — Karen Burnham

Coincidence is God's way of performing miracles anonymously. — Sophy Burnham

It matters not which partner is bringing negativity into conversations and exchanges. Toxicity has no place at all between people who have promised to love each other. — Cathy Burnham Martin

Make no little plans; they have no magic to stir men's blood.
Daniel H. Burnham — Erik Larson

The only way to handle big business is to delegate, delegate, delegate. — Daniel Burnham

I was 12. Our, teacher made us write an autobiography and I realised that I wasn't very interesting. I began to make things up, and that's when I thought maybe I was a writer, or at least a fiction writer. — John Burnham Schwartz

I think comedy has a range, with multiple peaks in different areas. It's like trying to compare Beethoven and the Beatles. Sometimes I hear from people, 'I think you try too hard in your comedy.' And that's what I worry about. — Bo Burnham

I met Michael Milken for the first time with Oliver Stone at the Drexel Burnham offices in Los Angeles. — Michael Douglas

Love is all about ... whistles. — Bo Burnham

At once I feel that comedy is this amazing sort of transcendent thing, and I'm also open to the fact that maybe it's just an evolutionary hiccup, something that upright apes do in their free time. — Bo Burnham

Actively repeating a lie or denial does not make it true. — Cathy Burnham Martin

People give me money and I don't know why, my real collection plate is an empty cup held by a homeless guy. — Bo Burnham

There is no one force, no group, and no class that is the preserver of liberty. Liberty is preserved by those who are against the existing chief power. Oppositions which do not express genuine social forces are as trivial, in relation to entrenched power, as the old court jesters. — James Burnham

I have long admired the visceral storytelling and moral complexity of John Vaillant's brilliant non-fiction about humankind's tragically ambivalent relationship with the natural world. Now he brings his abundant literary gifts to a debut novel set in a very real borderland in which human beings are themselves treated like animals. The Jaguar's Children is a beautifully rendered lament for an imperiled culture and the brave lives that would preserve it. You should read it. — John Burnham Schwartz

As far as we can look back into history, the downfall of any nation can be traced from the moment that nation became timid about spending its best blood. — Frederick Russell Burnham

Maybe life on earth could be heaven, doesn't just the thought of it make it worth a try? — Bo Burnham

The burden of being intelligent and shy and young is that you will always know, cannot not know; have grown up in a fiction of perpetual responsibility, believing that whatever cracks in life you find must be your cracks, that anything at all can be your fault. — John Burnham Schwartz

Bombs The first bomb dropped unheard, unlike the loudly dropped second and third; then the final bomb dropped from the sky to the ground and the last-seen bomb made the last-heard sound. — Bo Burnham

Sometimes writer's block is no more than a signal that you have not done enough research. — Sophy Burnham

Certain experiences you never forget, no matter how old you become. — John Burnham Schwartz

I like to call everyone that I find slightly annoying a 'sociopath.' — Bo Burnham

Judge Jesus I said, "You can't judge me. Only Jesus can!" He said, "Well I can 'cause I'm a judge and 'cause you just killed a man. — Bo Burnham

Angels come in all sizes and shapes and colors, visible and invisible to the physical eye. But always you are changed from having seen one. — Sophy Burnham

In the distance, Bo saw a fairy. A fairy so beautiful that he felt proud of being called one in highschool. — Bo Burnham

A guest at a dinner party observed the strange expression on James Thurber's face. 'Don't be concerned,' said Thurber's wife. 'He's writing.' — Sophy Burnham

I'm very interested in trying to make comedy shows that are a bit bigger, more theatrical, more of a "show." Some people might say I'm trying too hard, but that's a compliment to me. I like to inject a bit of production value and flair to comedy, or at least to my little corner of comedy. — Bo Burnham

If your belief is hateful towards people, I couldn't respect that. — Bo Burnham

For a couple of years at the end of the 1970s, Dustin Hoffman was a fixture in our family. My father was his lawyer and friend. — John Burnham Schwartz

Women are like puzzles because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don't. — Bo Burnham

Poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no f-king sense make. — Bo Burnham

Life belongs to optimists. Pessimists are just viewers. Making it real, starts with our attitude. — Cathy Burnham Martin

Where do you put your attention? On fear or love? I wish the choice were made just once and not repeated every moment of the day. — Sophy Burnham

Mmmmmm
I like that thing you do with your tongue. What do you call it? Speaking? Yeah, I dig it — Bo Burnham

I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome. — Bo Burnham

Well, get this: you can't be sure. You'll never be sure. In my book, sure's for everyone who doesn't care enough. — John Burnham Schwartz

There's no backward and no forward, no day other than this. You fill your cart as you go, and that's that. — John Burnham Schwartz

Sully suffers from a stutter,
simple syllables will clutter,
stalling speeches up on beaches
like a sunken sailboat rudder.
Sully strains to say his phrases,
sickened by the sounds he raises,
strings of thoughts come out in knots,
he solves his sentences like mazes.
At night, he writes his thoughts instead
and sighs as they steadily rush from his head. — Bo Burnham

And two balls minus one, six titles at the tour de France. — Bo Burnham

I just try to do things on stage that I think the audience would enjoy. And I try to draw on and add to acts that I've enjoyed watching. — Bo Burnham

I think we need to develop a powerful dose of tolerance to understand each other's humanness. None of us is perfect. — Cathy Burnham Martin

Consensus is something you have if you cannot have agreement. — Forbes Burnham