Bob's Your Uncle Quotes & Sayings

I climbed into Misery and called Uncle Bob. "We hooking up?"
"Why does everything out of your mouth make me sound incestuous?"
"Um, I wasn't aware that it did. Perhaps you have a guilty conscience."
"Charley."
"Is there something you need to get off your chest? Besides that skank I saw you with the other day? — Darynda Jones

When Uncle Bob (or Ted or Ray) promised to send a shooting star over the house to mark a young listener's birthday, the young listener, who had hung out the window for an hour without seeing the star, questioned not Uncle Bob (or Ted or Ray), but his own eyesight. — Vincent Canby

Does Uncle Bob have anything?"
"I heard he has an STD."
"I mean on the women."
"Oh, I have no idea if they have any STDs. — Darynda Jones

I had to promise to look him up if I was ever in the City of Angels." She winked to Uncle Bob. "He liked my voice." "Mom," Amber said, utterly appalled. "You used your feminine wiles on a man you don't even know." Cookie smiled. "That's what they're for, honey. Eat your salad. — Darynda Jones

Uncle Bob chuckled. "What the Hell Spawn of Satan are you wearing?"
What Ubie was so indelicately referring to was the outfit I'd changed into, carefully picking out my most comfortable black-on-black attire and meticulously applying black greasepaint to my face to complement a desert-at-midnight look. Naturally, I had to struggle through several costume changes as Garrett sat out in his leather-seated truck waiting for me. I sure hoped my time-consuming endeavor didn't annoy him. — Darynda Jones

Well, Betsy," he said, "your mother tells me that you are going to use Uncle Keith's trunk for a desk. That's fine. You need a desk. I've often noticed how much you like to write. The way you eat up those advertising tablets from the store! I never saw anything like it. I can't understand it though. I never write anything but checks myself. "
"Bob!" said Mrs. Ray. "You wrote the most wonderful letters to me before we were married. I still have them, a big bundle of them. Every time I clean house I read them over and cry."
"Cry, eh?" said Mr. Ray, grinning. "In spite of what your mother says, Betsy, if you have any talent for writing, it comes from family. Her brother Keith was mighty talented, and maybe you are too. Maybe you're going to be a writer."
Betsy was silent, agreeably abashed.
"But if you're going to be a writer," he went on, "you've got to read. Good books. Great books. The classics. — Maud Hart Lovelace

My uncle Bob sees the whole world in a fun-house mirror, TRUST NO ONE lipsticked luridly across its bowed face. — Karen Joy Fowler

Uncle Bob answered, his tone brusque. "What have you got?"
"Besides great boobs?" I asked.
"On the case."
He was so testy. — Darynda Jones

I started to put my phone back in my bag when Ozzy yelled out, his accent so thick, I was only half certain he said, "Where the foock are ya goin'?"
Uncle Bob jumped. I must've turned on my GPS.
"You have to tahn the foock around. You're in the middle of foockin' nowhere."
"What the hell is that?" Uncle Bob asked, almost swerving off the road.
"Sorry, it's Ozzy." I grabbed my phone and turned down the volume. "He's so demanding." I pushed a few buttons to turn off the app, then put the phone to my ear. "Sweet, buttermilk pancakes, Ozzy, you have to stop calling me. You're a married man!" I pretended to hang up, then rolled my eyes. "Rock stars. — Darynda Jones

Uncle Bob - "
"I could order you to."
"Well, you'd best be ordering your coffin at the same time."
"I mean it, Charley."
"I suggest a nice mahogany. — Darynda Jones

Oooh, if you have never been to Alaska, go there while it is still wild. My favorite uncle asked me if I wanted to go there, Uncle Sam. He said if you don't go, you're going to jail. That is how Uncle Sam asks you. — Bob Ross

And you went out," he said, his tone pleased.
I said through the bubbles of toothpaste, "Had to. I got a case."
"Want to tell me about it?"
After rinsing, I headed back that way, still looking over the file. "That's a negatory. But I'd like to keep that option open. You know, if I get in trouble."
"So, you'll be telling me all about it by tomorrow afternoon. Have you talked to your dad? — Darynda Jones

The good news is that there are things we can do right now to restore civility. But it starts with a personal choice to change bad habits - being more congenial, communicating better, anticipating concerns; the following are all ways to improve every aspect of life - personal relationships, friendships, families, bosses, and dealing with your crazy uncle (everyone has one - ours is called Uncle Bob). — Dana Perino

Coach Slader caught up followed closely by a trail of curious students all as surprised as I at this turn of events.Coach spoke in a delicate voice, like he didn't want to spook a dangerous animal.
"Jayden, what are you doing?"
"She needs medical attention." The guy didn't pause stride.
"Yes, but - "
"I'm taking her to the nurse."
"Okay, but - "
"She's too weak to walk."
I huffed. "I am not. Put me down."
In one swift movement the boy stopped, dumped me on my feet and stepped back. My knees buckled and before you could say "Bob's your uncle" he scooped me up again and kept walking. A chorus of giggles erupted behind us.
"See," he said.I put my arms around his neck and shut up. — A&E Kirk

Ridley nodded. 'She told me I couldn't ever tell General Harding or anybody else. Told me I wouldn't be safe.'
'Safe?' Uncle Bob stopped rocking and took the pipe from between his teeth. 'She started in talkin' 'bout you bein' safe, sir?'
Ridley nodded again, and that's when Uncle Bob grinned.
'Well, shoot ... you ain't lost her yet, sir. Not altogether, anyhow. Any female goes to talkin' 'bout you bein' safe ... hmmph. There still be somethin' left in her heart for ya. — Tamera Alexander

Garrett must have sensed I was awake. "Hey Detective," he said to Uncle Bob, who was now trudging across the grating toward us. "I think we're losing her. I have no choice but to perform mouth-to-mouth."
"Don't you dare," I said, my lids still in lockdown. — Darynda Jones

Did y'all arrest Uncle Bob's turkey? It was just criminal what he did to that bird, wasn't it? You — Kwame Alexander

I don't know; I haven't heard from Uncle Stuart since the day we drove out to Brooklyn together to talk to Mirav Mendelsohn. I miss him, in a way. He meant so much more to me than I could ever mean to him. You don't get too many people like that. Roy Belisle and Bob Santacroce and Stuart Plotz- any one of them could have been something that was almost everything, if things had worked out just a little differently. — Joshua Ferris

I was transformed. Into a vampire." He glanced quickly around the table, but was met with nothing but blank looks. At least, they weren't screaming. Or trying to stab him with the silverware.
"Are you sure, dear?" Dorotea asked.
"It's true," Maggie said. "Pierce and I are both vampires."
Silence descended around the table as everyone stopped eating. Pierce wondered when the screaming would begin.
"Ah, well." Dorotea shrugged. "Nobody's perfect."
"That's the truth," Aunt Betty muttered.
"Pass the potatoes," Uncle Bob said. — Kerrelyn Sparks

Australians are very unfair in this way. They spend half of any conversation insisting that the country's dangers are vastly overrated and that there's nothing to worry about, and the other half telling you how six months ago their Uncle Bob was driving to Mudgee when a tiger snake slid out from under the dashboard and bit him on the groin, but that it's okay now because he's off the life support machine and they've discovered he can communicate with eye blinks. — Bill Bryson

You're saying,' he said, weighing each word, 'that we should send Carrot away to be a duck among humans because Bjorn Stronginthearm is my uncle. — Terry Pratchett

dead guys?" "No," I said, watching Dad and Uncle Bob — Darynda Jones

He says when you're smoking a cigarette with someone, and you have a lighter, you should light their cigarette first. But if you have matches, you should light your cigarette first, so you breathe in the 'harmful sulfur' instead of them. He says it's the polite thing to do. He also says it's bad luck to have "three on a match." He heard that from his uncle who fought in Vietnam. Something about how three cigarettes was enough time for the enemy to know where you are. Bob says that when you're alone, and you light a cigarette, and the cigarette is only halfway lit that means someone is thinking about you. — Stephen Chbosky

Uncle fought in Vietnam and then he fought a war all by himself. — Bob Dylan

Where have you been?"
I stepped into my apartment and met Uncle Bob's glare with one of my own. "Out trying to pass myself off as a movie producer to get hot guys to sleep with me. Where have you been? — Darynda Jones