Birthday Week Quotes & Sayings

Everyone over 50 should be issued every week with a wet fish in a plastic bag by the Post Office so that, whenever you see someone young and happy, you can hit them as hard as you can across the face. — Richard Griffiths

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, 'Happy Birthday. — Steven Wright

We just sent some footage to ABC Primetime, who is doing a segment that alleges to tell our side of the story, and in that, a week before she became ill, there's Eliza Jane at her friend's birthday party, blowing, over and over again, a party horn - the one with the long, curly thing that sticks out when you blow it and retracts when you breathe in - over and over and over again ... this child that, a few weeks later, would be said to have died of fatal pneumonia. — Christine Maggiore

You have no idea what you do to me," he said as he stood. "I could barely keep my hands off you last night, even after seeing what you'd been through this week. Even after knowing how wrecked you were when you told me. And I"m going to spend an eternity in hell for that dream I had about you on your birthday. But if I could call it up again, I'd spend it twice. — Michelle Hodkin

Actually in Hobbiton and Bywater every day in the year was somebody's birthday, so that every hobbit in those parts had a fair chance of at least one present at least once a week. But they never got tired of them. — J.R.R. Tolkien

I always knew that sooner or later there would come somebody like Woody Guthrie who could make a great song every week. Dylan certainly had a social agenda, but he was such a good poet that most of his attempts were head and shoulders above things that I and others were trying to do ... If I had an address, I'd send him a birthday card saying, 'keep on going.' — Pete Seeger

Wait, you clean my dildo?' I ask, slowly. 'Every week, I clean it with the polish.' 'With furniture polish?' 'Yes.' 'Jesus.' Sophie got me the dildo for my birthday present three years ago. I have never used it. No matter how little sex I get, I've never been able to get turned on by a piece of rubber. And thank God; I'd probably have died of toxic poisoning by now with half a gallon of Mr Sheen being wedged up my vagina. 'Katya, — Dawn O'Porter

Imagine my delight and awe when I discovered such a thing was a real genre - contemporary fantasy or urban fantasy. It was like having my birthday twice in one week and cookie dough for breakfast. — Maggie Stiefvater

Julie: And now you've added me to your messaging list. How times change. By the way I'm having a little get-together for my birthday next week and I was wondering if you would like to come.
Rosie: Who else is going?
Julie: Oh just some other kids that I used to scare the hell out of 20 years ago. We love to gather and reminisce about the days gone by.
Rosie: Seriously.
Julie: No, just a few friends, a few members of my family for a few drinks and a few nibbles for a few minutes to mark the occasion and then you can all leave me alone.
Ahern, Cecelia (2005-02-01). Love, Rosie (p. 330). Hachette Books. Kindle Edition. — Cecelia Ahern

This would be the worst birthday of his life. Vladimir's best friend Baobab was down in Florida covering his rent, doing unspeakable things with unmentionable people. Mother, roused by the meager achievements of Vladimir's first quarter-century, was officially on the warpath. And, in possibly the worst development yet, 1993 was the Year of the Girlfriend. A downcast, heavyset American girlfriend whose bright orange hair was strewn across his Alphabet City hovel as if cadre of Angora rabbits had visited. A girlfriend whose sickly-sweet incense and musky perfume coated Vladimir's unwashed skin, perhaps to remind him of what he could expect on this, the night of his birthday: Sex. Every week, once a week, they had to have sex, as both he and this large pale woman, this Challah, perceived that without weekly sex their relationship would fold up according to some unspecified law of relationships. — Gary Shteyngart

She felt an unexpected pang of homesickness (or was it some physical complaint?) and suddenly remembered that it was her mother's birthday today or tomorrow or sometime last week. — Stephen Wright

The grandmothers decided on William's eighth birthday that the time had come for the boy to learn the value of money. With this in mind, they allocated him one dollar a week as pocket money, but insisted that he keep an inventory accounting for every cent he spent. Grandmother Kane presented him with a green leather-bound ledger, at a cost of 95 cents, which she deducted from his first week's allowance. From then on the grandmothers divided the dollar up every Saturday morning. William could invest 50 cents, spend 20 cents, give 10 cents to charity and keep 20 cents in reserve. At the end of each quarter they would inspect the ledger and his written report on any unusual transactions. — Jeffrey Archer

Happy birthday to former First Lady Barbara Bush, who turned seventy-seven this week. Unfortunately, where her granddaughters helped blow out the candles on her cake, it exploded. — Craig Kilborn

When confronted with a birthday in a week I will remember that a book can be a really good present, too. — Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

I chose to wait to get my drivers license. Since I was working and I didn't have time, I got it like a week before my 18th birthday. — Michelle Trachtenberg

Consider ourselves fortunate."
Maldynado's jaw slackened. "How so?"
"Amaranthe's birthday is next week and, with our limited funds, I didn't think I'd be able to find her a gift."
"So, you're getting her ... dead bodies?"
"Perfect, don't you think?" Books smiled.
"Most women like jewelry and flowers."
"Do you honestly believe she would prefer jewelry over a mystery to solve?"
Maldynado jiggled the key fob thoughtfully, then nodded toward the bodies. "Can we say one is from me? — Lindsay Buroker

Gift cards?" Hi's complaining brought me back to the present. "Why not just hand me a note that says: I don't care enough to make an effort."
April 7. Hiram Stolowitski's sixteenth birthday.
"When exactly were we supposed to shop?" Shelton was scrolling Rex Gable emails on his laptop. "It's been a hectic week, bro."
"I bought you Assassin's Creed six weeks before your birthday," Hi shot back. "Waited in line all afternoon. The guy behind me smelled like fish tacos, but I stuck it out."
Ben clapped Hi's shoulder. "If it helps, I didn't remember to get you any gift. Tory and Shelton picked that up. I signed the card though. See? Ben. Right there."
"These are the memories that scar," Hi huffed. "I'm gonna be so complicated when I grow up. I'll probably film documentaries. — Kathy Reichs

I would only spend a week or two in the Philippines, most probably the week during my birthday because I am planning to give away Christmas gifts to the poor people of General Santos just like what I did last year. — Manny Pacquiao

The trouble is, we have up-close access to women who excel in each individual sphere. With social media and its carefully selected messaging, we see career women killing it, craft moms slaying it, chef moms nailing it, Christian leaders working it. We register their beautiful yards, homemade green chile enchiladas, themed birthday parties, eight-week Bible study series, chore charts, ab routines, "10 Tips for a Happy Marriage," career best practices, volunteer work, and Family Fun Night ideas. We make note of their achievements, cataloging their successes and observing their talents. Then we combine the best of everything we see, every woman we admire in every genre, and conclude: I should be all of that. It is certifiably insane. — Jen Hatmaker

My mother died of colon cancer one week after my eleventh birthday, and that fact has shaped my life. All that I have become and much that I have not become, I trace directly or indirectly to her death ... In my professional and personal life, I have lived with the awareness of death's imminence for more than half a century, and labored in its constant presence for all but the first decade of that time. — Sherwin B. Nuland

You could hollow out a big pumpkin and wear it on your head for the entire week of your birthday. This will allow you to get in touch with your Halloween emotions. — Jade Puget

For my birthday my husband learned to cook and is cooking one day a week for me. But he only likes to do fancy dishes. So we end up with weird, obscure things in the refrigerator. — Cheryl Hines

I figure if Doc is right about the time I have left,I should wrap up my adolescence in the next few days, get into my early productive stages about the third week of school, go through my midlife crisis during Martin Luther King Jr's birthday, redouble my efforts at productivity and think about my legacy, say, Easter, and start cashing in my 401(k)s a couple weeks before Memorial Day. — Chris Crutcher

I wasn't ready to be done. Emma's birthday was the next week. I was going to sit her on my knee and tell her about the time I went to Italy with Julia, long before we had kids. Long before we got married, for that matter. I saw a painting that looked just like Emma; the girl in the painting was a beautiful, regal queen. I wanted Emma to know she was a queen."
If ghosts could cry, Mr. Grumpy would be crying. He looked at Richard. "Do you think she knows she is a queen? — Clare Bohning

One week before my 17th birthday, I had a blind date with June Rose, a television actress on network soap operas, a model, and a regular on the popular Dick Clark's Saturday night 'American Bandstand' show from New York. We were married five years later, one week after my graduation from Columbia. — Robert C. Merton

When you're feeding the second coachload of tourists that day you aren't thinking about the birthday party for fifty next week. — Robin McKinley

If tonight wasn't going to be the night - one week after my eighteenth birthday, with a limo to ourselves and no curfew - when was? — I. W. Gregorio

I am trying to stop being mystified. Important to concentrate on good hard facts. But which facts? One week before mu eighteenth birthday, on August 8th, did Pakistani troops in civilian clothing cross the cease-fire line in Kashmir and infiltrate the Indian sector, or did they not? In Delhi, Prime Minister Shastri announced "massive infiltration ... to subvert the state:; but here is Zulfikar Ali Bhutto, Pakistan's Foreign Minister, with his riposte: "We categorically deny any involvement in the rising against tyranny by the indigenous people of Kashmir". — Salman Rushdie

It was the week before my sixteenth birthday when the boy fell out of the door.
Is that a good start? — Anthony Horowitz

I've realized is that every time you get something cool for your birthday or for Christmas, within a week it's being used against you. (We'll be taking this away until your English grade improves) — Jeff Kinney

The most important lesson Louise learned a week before her ninth birthday was the hardest one to keep in mind. Sometimes what sounded like a good plan wasn't. — Wen Spencer

Wyatt was, in fact, finding the Christian system suspect. Memory of his fourth birthday party still weighted in his mind. It had been planned cautiously by Aunt May, to the exact number of hats and favors and portions of cake. One guest, no friend to Wyatt (from a family "less fortunate than we are"), showed up with a staunchly party-bent brother. (Not only no friend: a week before he had challenged Wyatt through the fence behind the carriage barn with - Nyaa nyaa, suckinyerma's ti-it-ty ... ) Wyatt was taken to a dark corner, where he later reckoned all Good works were conceived, and told that it was the Christian thing to surrender his portion. So he entered his fifth year hatless among crepe-paper festoons, silent amid snapping crackers, empty of Christian love for the uninvited who asked him why he wasn't having any cake. — William Gaddis

Someone once I asked my son Cruz, 'When's your birthday?' and he told them, 'It's just after Fashion Week!' — Victoria Beckham