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Best Stewart Lee Quotes & Sayings

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Top Best Stewart Lee Quotes

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Stewart Lee Beck

My partner and I were going to renew our vowels, but the consonants revolted. — Stewart Lee Beck

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Trenton Lee Stewart

The missing aren't missing, they're only departed,
All minds keep all thoughts - so like gold - closely guarded, — Trenton Lee Stewart

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Stewart Lee

I'm just confusing the thrill of being young with the notion that the era in which I was young was in any way especially creative or remarkable. — Stewart Lee

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Trenton Lee Stewart

The answer to this riddle has a hole in the middle,
And some have been known to fall in it.
In tennis it's nothing, but it can be received,
And sometimes a person may win it.
Though not seen or heard it may be perceived,
Like princes or bees it's in clover.
The answer to this riddle has a hole in the middle,
And without it one cannot start over. — Trenton Lee Stewart

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Trenton Lee Stewart

I was always interested in the possibility maybe of finding my way into a big adventure. — Trenton Lee Stewart

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Alexandra Bracken

Ugh." Cole rolled his eyes, gave a small laugh. "In a move straight out of Lee's playbook, I rolled over in bed this morning and hit the dresser. Already killing it this morning. — Alexandra Bracken

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Stewart Lee

In the Vatican square, they were selling lollipops. You could buy lollipops about that big with the face of Pope John Paul II on them. You could buy a Pope John Paul II's face lollipop. I bought about ten.
And I just thought ... In the light of his death a few months later, I wondered whether sales of those lollipops went up or whether they went down. Did good Catholics think, 'Ah, the Pope's just died. It would now seem inappropriate ... to lick a sugar effigy of his face.'
Or did they go, 'Ah, the Pope's just died. But what better way ... to commemorate his life than by licking a sugar effigy of his face? — Stewart Lee

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Stewart Lee

My grandad always said, "You should never judge a book by its cover." And it's for that reason that he lost his job as chair of the British Book Cover Awards panel. — Stewart Lee

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Trenton Lee Stewart

You must remember, family is often born of blood, but it doesn't depend on blood. Nor is it exclusive of friendship. Family members can be your best friends, you know. And best friends, whether or not they are related to you, can be your family. — Trenton Lee Stewart

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Trenton Lee Stewart

Mr. Harinton was real.
There were adults in the world who would actually make sacrifices for others - not just for their own families but for anyone who needed help.
Nicholas had always had the impression that families looked after one another, and he had come to understand that, on rare ocassions, children would do the same ... But this was different.
What Mr. Harinton was doing certainly helped Nicolas - but it also simply felt right to Nicholas. It made him want to be exactly like Mr. Harinton himself. — Trenton Lee Stewart

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Trenton Lee Stewart

May your adventures bring you closer together, even as they take you far away from home. — Trenton Lee Stewart

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Stewart Lee

In the past few months I've become religious. I've started to believe in god, creationism and intelligent design, and the reason that I now believe in god and creationism and intelligent design is because of Professor Richard Dawkins. Because when I look at something as complex and intricate and beautiful as Professor Richard Dawkins, I don't think that just could've evolved by chance. Professor Richard Dawkins was put there by god to test us, like fossils. And facts. — Stewart Lee

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Trenton Lee Stewart

'Is that really the best you can say? An average-looking boy? An awful lot of boys are average-looking, S.Q.!' And poor S.Q., he just kept arguing that 'this boy was especially average-looking.' " ~ Kate Wetherall, The Mysterious Benedict Society — Trenton Lee Stewart

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Stewart Lee

If political correctness has achieved one thing, it's that it has made the Conservative party cloak their inherent racism behind more creative language — Stewart Lee

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Trenton Lee Stewart

You must understand something, George. The world's leaders create catastrophes and resolve them
all at their own whimsy
every single day. It is how the world runs. Lacking anything else to believe in, common people need to believe in their leaders' abilities to save them. It's true! Their emotional well-being
and yes, their fate
depends on the intelligence and skill of those who manipulate the days' disasters. And it should go without saying that the one who succeeds in taking the reins of leadership
by whatever means
is the most intelligent and skillful, and therefore most qualified to lead. — Trenton Lee Stewart

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Stewart Lee

Did you slip in some cheese? Did it make you hate cheese, which you had previously loved? Why not sue a cheese-maker? Sue him for all the cheese he's got, drive him out of the cheese-making business!
Did you burn your face with an iron? Why not sue Prometheus, the god that invented fire? Or an Iron Age chieftain, for having the temerity to popularise the metal. — Stewart Lee

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Stewart Lee Allen

We all know how it went when Europe changed from a culture addicted to depressants to one high on stimulants [...] Within two hundred years of Europe's first cup, famine and the plague were historical footnotes. Governments became more democratic, slavery vanished, and the standards of living and literacy went through the roof. War became less frequent and more horrible. — Stewart Lee Allen

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Trenton Lee Stewart

... I see that something's are hard to do, but that you can't live with yourself if you don't do them. I see that the best way to help myself is to help the people I care about. The rest will sort itself out. It has to, right? — Trenton Lee Stewart

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Stewart Lee Beck

Is it a lucky break if you get run over by an ambulance? — Stewart Lee Beck

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Trenton Lee Stewart

It's not going to be over until we say so. — Trenton Lee Stewart

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Trenton Lee Stewart

Rules and school are tools for fools! I don't give two mules for rules. — Trenton Lee Stewart

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Trenton Lee Stewart

Every great thinker keeps a journal, you know. — Trenton Lee Stewart

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Trenton Lee Stewart

Daddy, will you take me to the mill, again? — Trenton Lee Stewart

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Stewart Lee Beck

I can't seem to recall if I've ever had amnesia before. — Stewart Lee Beck

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Trenton Lee Stewart

That summer morning in the Lower Downs began as usual for Reuben Pedley. He rose early to have breakfast with his mom before she left for work, a quiet breakfast because they were both still sleepy. Afterward, also as usual, he cleaned up their tiny kitchen while his mom moved faster and faster in her race against the clock (whose numerals she seemed quite unable to read before she'd had coffee and a shower). Then his mom was hugging him goodbye at the apartment door, where Reuben told her he loved her, which was true - and that she had no reason to worry about him, which was not. His — Trenton Lee Stewart

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Trenton Lee Stewart

Enter at the exit — Trenton Lee Stewart

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Trenton Lee Stewart

And when I do crave privacy, I have only to flip the "Closed" sign on my shop door until I'm feeling sociable again. Everyone should have such signs on their doors, don't you think? — Trenton Lee Stewart

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Trenton Lee Stewart

They stared out their window at night enough to know where the darkest shadows lay, and it was to the darkest shadows they kept. — Trenton Lee Stewart

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Trenton Lee Stewart

Oh dear,"cried Rhonda just then, for Mr. Benedict, awash in strong emotion, has gone to sleep.with a sudden loud snore he toppled forward into the attentive arms of Rhonda and Number Two, who eased him to the floor.
"What's wrong with him?" Constance asked.
"He has narcolepsy," said Kate.
"He steals a lot?"
"That's kleptomania," Sticky said. "Mr. Benedict sleeps a lot. — Trenton Lee Stewart

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Trenton Lee Stewart

The power itself comes from the fact that you can do something and people can't see you do it and what kind of responsibility do you have when you can do it. What kind of good things can you do or can you do good things from being invisible in this way? — Trenton Lee Stewart

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Trenton Lee Stewart

Nicholas Benedict did have an exceptional gift for knowing things (more exceptional, in fact, than most adults would have thought possible), and yet not even he could know that this next chapter was to be the most unusual-and most important-of his entire childhood. Indeed, the strange days that lay ahead would change him forever, though for now they had less substance than the mist through which he ran. — Trenton Lee Stewart

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Trenton Lee Stewart

The gym is always open, except when it's closed. — Trenton Lee Stewart

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Trenton Lee Stewart

Poor Kate," said Constance, "she's lost her marbles. — Trenton Lee Stewart

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Stewart Lee

I just think it's fortunate that Sir Isaac Newton didn't share the sense of humor of a member of the public, because had he done so, he would of been so amused by the simple effects of gravity, that he would of never gotten round making a comprehensive study of it's causes.
That's the punchline! 'a comprehensive study of it's courses'! I worked for that! Will you be telling this joke at work? I don't think so!
And yes, I am aware that I say this to you while hanging precariously of this art-deco balcony. And I do so deliberately in the hope that I will fall to my death, and that you will learn about the thin line between slap-stick and tragedy. — Stewart Lee

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Trenton Lee Stewart

Now listen, we need to be quiet as mice. No, quieter than that. As quiet as ... as ... "
"Dead mice?" Reynie suggested.
"Perfect," said Kate with an approving nod. "As quiet as dead mice. — Trenton Lee Stewart

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Trenton Lee Stewart

Au contraire..."
"What?" Constance demanded.
Curtain blinked.
~ The Perilous Journey — Trenton Lee Stewart

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Trenton Lee Stewart

Something about this made Reynie uneasy. Had he done so badly? Was this meant to test his courage? He did as he was told, closing his eyes and bracing himself as best he could.
"Why are you flinching?" the pencil woman asked.
"I don't know. I thought maybe you were going to slap me."
"Don't be ridiculous. I could slap you perfectly well with your eyes open. I'm only going to blindfold you. — Trenton Lee Stewart

Best Stewart Lee Quotes By Trenton Lee Stewart

But you have said it too often, Mr. Benedict!" said Mrs. Perumal in an imperious tone that was quite out of character. "And if you continue in this vein, I'm afraid we'll be compelled to cut our visit short. Surely there are other establishments that would host an entire troup of guests - indefinitely and without reward - and not feel obliged to apologize for it! — Trenton Lee Stewart